Written for Gary Thunder, author of The Other Swordsman, by Kegger007. I do not own Tobias, he is Gary Thunder's character, nor the General, nor Lasako, nor the cast of Inuyasha. The Song is Mad World, a cover of a Tears for Fears song off the Donnie Darko Soundtrack. I recommend it, it's hauntingly good. This takes place inside Tobias' head during the 59th chapter. Enjoy!

Tobias sat awake, as he did every night, while the campfire slowly burned in the middle of the clearing. Its dim glow cast haunting shadows across the forest, twisting everyday objects horribly until they became monstrous looking.

No more monstrous than I am.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, Worn out faces

His eyes fell across the sleeping forms of his present companions. Miroku, the stalwart monk who had been cursed with an enormous weapon, the Air Rip, that was more harmful to him than others. Beside him lay Sango, the demon- huntress who, like Miroku, had led a tough life in the past, her father destroyed before her own eyes.

I lost an entire kingdom.

Then he noticed Inuyasha and Kagome laying together by the fire. The former was holding her in a protective embrace while the latter snuggled her face into his chest. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying but Inuyasha had finally calmed her down, as only a mate could. She promptly fell asleep, everyone else assuming it was from exhaustion, but Tobias knew better.

I couldn't even help her when she came to me. I just pushed her away.

Bright and early for the daily races
Going nowhere, Going nowhere

They had gotten an early nights rest so as to be ready to move at the crack of dawn. The General was always one or two steps ahead of them, taunting them or hurting them. Every day brought with it the possibility for a new hope, yet none surfaced. They awoke, traveled the forests, plains, mountains, towns of the Feudal Era, searching for a new answer, a new way to defeat the General. It had been fruitless, and now with the Bone Eaters Well destroyed, they couldn't move to the Modern Era to resupply, or to at least give Kagome a chance to rest. They had been chasing the General for months and had succeeded only in witnessing destruction.

It's always the same. No matter how I try, it's always the same.

Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, No expression

They were all emotionally torn up inside, though none of them showed it, save Kagome. It was always like this, through the centuries Tobias had plenty of time to witness the same sequence of events, only with different people. They tried to hide it for his sake, but on the inside they were being ripped apart by the strain and stress. All of the death and pain could be seen taking its toll on the group. He once noticed Sango with tears in the corners of her eyes, refusing to fall, but tears just the same. Miroku could often be seen praying to whatever god he held in high esteem, shaking slightly with nervous feelings and dread for what was to come. Inuyasha, like Tobias it seemed, wore a mask of apathy towards the majority of the destruction. He stood in front of Kagome as a wall to protect her from the evil that threatened to overwhelm them, but cracks could be seen appearing in his facade. If not for Kagome's sake he would have already taken on the General head on, and lost.

I can't even beat him. It's a wonder I'm still alive.

Hide my head I want to drown my sorrows
No tomorrow, No tomorrow

He glanced down to his lap at the gun sitting in the crook of his crossed legs. It's black, chrome surface beckoned to him, begging him to make use of its trigger. It was so simple really; to end all of his problems. He wouldn't have to face them anymore, hear their cries, hear their lamentations. In the simple movement of a finger, he could end his pain, his millennia old trek of despair and sorrow.

So why can't I do it!

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
These dreams in which I'm dying, Are the best I've ever had

[The General stood in the courtyard outside of a once-proud castle, which was now utterly destroyed by furious battle. He was bleeding heavily and was covered in burns, but he was nothing next to the boy next to him. Tobias lay face-up in the scorched grass. He was covered in blood. He still clutched his sword tightly in one hand, but could barely muster the strength to draw breath. The General leaned upon his sword, which glittered blue in the fading daylight.

"You're pathetic, boy," he muttered in his pronounced British accent. There was, for once, emotion in his words. "You got lucky today, but you know I'll always be the stronger one." He shifted uncomfortably. "I'm not gonna kill you now, boy. I want you to suffer." He spat at Tobias. "When I find you again, you just remember that I'm gonna kill you in as slowly and painfully a way as I can think of."

Tobias remained silent. He didn't have the energy to speak. "All those years, in your miserable father's court, waiting for the old fool to die so I could take over...I've had plenty of time to think of ways to kill you. Don't you worry." He painfully stood up, and began limping away. "Remember that, boy," he called out as he slowly walked away.]

He had remembered the heat, remembered the stench of death that permeated the air, cloying his nostrils with its scent. It returned to him in dreams and haunted him in memories. It was always the same. The General let him live. Let him live. It was almost a slap in the face, as if the General knew the hardships that Tobias would have to face in his future. Sure the General had lost a wife, before his own eyes even, but had he lost his family more than once? Tobias had witnessed the destruction of his entire family and kingdom, and then when he gained new friends, he watched the General destroy them. And again. And again. And again. It always happened the same way, never once had someone besides Tobias escaped the General's grasp.

Is this my punishment? My slow death?

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very

Tobias felt like he was coming apart at the seams. He could only take so much pain, fear, and sorrow. The scenario played over and over in his mind. He would meet friends, the General would arrive, and soon he'd be on his own again, leaving a field of corpses behind. He wondered why he continued on, why he found new friends. It couldn't be that he was lonely; he'd been that way for many centuries. He continued to meet new people only to have the General take them away. Most recently he'd met Lasako, yet she had rarely seen him, and now wouldn't with the well's destruction.

Gods Lasako, I've abandoned you too.

Mad World

Tears slipped between Tobias' fingers, coating the gun with their sorrow.

Mad World

Tobias reached into his pocket, pulling out some bullets, and began to load them into the chamber.

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday

And then there had been Kagome's child, gods how could he forget that. A candle snuffed out before it could even bring light into the world. How Kagome could still move on he didn't know, though it tore him to shreds to witness her pain over the loss of her unborn child. It had affected them all. They had all banded together in mourning, sharing in the pain of Kagome and Inuyasha, and while it may have brought them together as a group, it only served to sear Tobias inside. All he had to do to reopen old wounds was to look at Kagome's sad face, and imagine what would have been without him around.

The General would never have bothered them had I not been around.

And they feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, Sit and listen

They had paid attention to him in the beginning. They had followed him into this fools errand wholeheartedly. He gained their trust; they believed in him and his quest. They trusted him. That trust came at a high price. Now their lives were most certainly forfeit. Once the General caught up to them at some point, there would be little that Tobias or Inuyasha could do to defeat him. He wasn't worried about himself or Inuyasha, for they had lived long already, nor was he worried about Miroku and Sango; living in the feudal carried with it the threat of death. No, he feared for poor Kagome, a girl still in her teens who hadn't even left home to start her own life, having it forfeit for her through his own foolish quest.

I doomed her by simply talking to her.

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, No one knew me

So he put forth a mask to keep everyone else happy, to keep their hopes alive. He always hinted at ways to defeat the General; after all, why was he still chasing a goal if he couldn't defeat it? He showed them the good life in the Modern Era when he first met them, which helped him gain their trust. To them he was an invincible force, a man who couldn't die. They knew him as a man with a magical sword, one capable of utilizing his fiery heart as a weapon, throwing off huge elemental attacks. They knew his curiously strong armour and ability to hold his liquor, his strange sense of humour and large fortune.

But they don't 'know' me.

Hello teacher tell me whats my lesson
Look right through me, Look right through me

They saw him as able to be carefree, but he'd been taught the cold, harsh reality of life by the General himself: people die, so don't get close to them. The General saw through his show of bravado. He knew the past all too well. He saw Tobias as a scared little boy from the kingdom of Alarion, and he was right. Inside the shell of armour lay a boy who never got to fully live out his childhood, being thrust into the cold world at a young age. He was just a whimpering, scared, sniveling, small child, who had been given a big sword and an even bigger task, one he hadn't been prepared for.

And now that my time is at hand, I've turned my back on it.

And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying, Are the best I've ever had

He chuckled sadly to himself. If he had met these people without the threat of the General hanging over him, he would have gladly accepted their friendship and lived a happier life. He dreamed he had died and gone to heaven, meeting them in the afterlife and living with them in a large, rebuilt, more modern version of Alarion, ruling with his father and his brother, Marcus. He dreamt of the General's sword protruding out of his chest, his arms and legs severed, himself in unbelievable pain. But he was happy. He was happy to be dying because he knew he'd see all his old friends, his father, his brother, and even Lasako eventually.

The General has the right idea. I should die.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it's a very very

He couldn't really explain his situation to another. They wouldn't understand. Even Kagome, with all that had happened in her life, would not understand. Despite the dangers they each faced, they were all much too sheltered. Tobias knew better, he knew how cold and harsh the world was. He knew the joy of living one moment and the pain coursing through the next.

What is the point of it all?

Mad World

He reached into his lap and placed his cold, sweating fingers around the gun's handle.

I have to end the cycle, no more pain.

Mad World

He cocked the hammer back on the gun, locking a bullet in the chamber.

Father, Marcus, I'm sorry.

Enlarging your world

A large crack echoed across the forest, the gunshot scaring birds, who winged into the sky as the sun awakened on the horizon, ready to shine its vermilion glow upon the world, a beautiful array of colours cascading through the clouds.

Mad World