Title: The (Fairy) Godfather
Author: Antidisestablishmentarianist / Kitty-kitty
Disclaimer: Not mine. All characters belong to JK Rowling, Warner Bros.
Scholastic, Bloomsbury and Raincoat books.
Rating: PG for cross-dressing poor Severus.
Author Notes: This was written on paper before it got put on computer so it might be a bit... disjointed (I'm not used to writing on paper) In case anyone's forgotten, this started with the bet between Minerva and Severus that Severus couldn't use his l337 Fairy Godmothering 5 --5 to make a couple of Ron and Hermione. Thank you to; Uozumi! (I luff you, Tango!) Cat (promise not to do that again… you're scary when you sing…) On-A-Rainy-Day (Ahh, see, you're paying attention!) Krenya (but I like slash pout) Angie (a contrast between the two! I want my cake AND to eat it – um… wow, that sounded wrong) CastusAlbusCor (… if that was a flame, then… YAY! You know you're a proper writer when you get yer first flame! If it wasn't… then… thank you!) Forever Tainted (Really? Would you prefer Luna in a leather catsuit?) Michelle Denise (… Nuuu, nu Rupert/Daniel! Rupert's too good for Daniel! He should be mine!)
Chapter Seven
"Oh ye of little faith"
"Really?" asked Severus in mock-surprise. "It will be hard to mark all that - now, if I were you I'd have given them all 20 page projects due for Monday - actually, that's what I've done to my class..." he pretended to ignore the look of utter outrage she threw him.
It has been two days since the unfortunate victim, Ron Weasley, had been struck dumb and paralyzed from the knees down. During this time, both Godmothers had been biding their time - any confrontations were small and usually ended up with Luna having twice the amount of Potions homework she'd started with - however...
Severus had had quite enough of time biding in general and had broken the unspoken cease-story-fire that day by shoving Malfoy into Myrtle's bathroom and putting five different locks over the door while the corridor was still deserted. He felt sure he was supposed to feel guilty, and yet, he had a glowing feeling of accomplishment. He was one step closer to making sure Luna wouldn't end the story by turning everyone into rabbits, fish or kittens.
And speaking of kittens...
What did Granger love more than Weasley and Potter? What was it that had stared so malevolently at him from her arms in the hallways? Severus eyed the foul tempered orange furball currently rubbing up against Minerva's shins and leaned down. "Here, Crookshanks! Here, kitty kitty kitty!"
"Leave him alone, Severus, he's all right," said Minerva crossly, scratching the cat's matted furred back. Crookshanks turned his squashed face towards Severus with an expression of smug feline satisfaction.
"I'm sorry, Minerva," said Severus airily, "I didn't realize I was interrupting your quality time with your boyfriend."
She promptly bundled the cat (now less smug and much more like the aggravated little flea-ball he actually was) up into her arms and dumped him into Severus's lap. The creature's claws immediately sunk in, and dug alarmingly further at the howl of pain this elicited from the Potions Master.
"Serve you right," said Minerva curtly. "Whatever you're planning to do with that poor sweetheart of a cat, I'm sure you've gotten what you deserve."
Severus picked up the cat by the scruff, (it did not look very impressed) and frowned at it. There were, he was aware, quite a few animals linked with the subject of … certain activities (authors note: USE YOUR IMAGINATION, people. I'm not sure whether I'm allowed mention the certain activity, so… come on!) … rabbits, yes indeed, he could see a vague similarity. But looking at Crookshanks, a tomcat with such a squashed face that it made Pansy Parkinson look more like Malfoy, he just couldn't see the association.
"Mrowl," it said, scowling at him.
"You won't be saying that in a minute," Severus replied. He made to rise to his feet, still holding the orange coloured bag of fur awkwardly by the scruff… when the cat, in a way that seemed very much on purpose, repeated itself much more slowly.
"Mrrrooowwwlll," it said dangerously.
"Is that a threat, half-crossed kneazle?" Severus asked, feeling somehow that this cat was threatening his authority.
"Mmmrrrooowwwlll," yowled the cat, revealing quite a few sharp claws and teeth.
"Just you wait," he told the cat. Minerva was looking at him now with a quite quizzical expression (Severus assumed it was probably because he looked an idiot, arguing with a cat. In fact, it was because she was wondering how long it would take before he realized that when he'd pulled Crookshanks from his lap, the cat had taken with it a sizeable amount of robes.)
"Severus," she said patiently, "Crookshanks won't mean you any harm if you just hold him properly."
Severus looked down. If the cat attacked him, not only was it far from his throat but by the scruff it could be held at arms length. "I prefer my way. Come, Crookshanks, you're going to help your mistress. Mwahahahah! MWAHAH – AHA! - … oh, merlin, I'm going to be the evil one, aren't I?"
Minerva nodded.