Fettered Ties
Author: Loke
Email: abandoned-by-sanity@pixelcherry.com
Rating: R (for later elements)
Summary:
Feedback: loved and appreciated as always! It helps to know what you guys think, good or bad. Just be gentle, that's all I ask, lol.
Disclaimer: Sadly, and despite my many pleas, I still own noting associated with "General Hospital". I know. . . .sucks to be me.
(A/N) And here we are with chapter two. Just a couple things I want to clear up. Okay, issue one: The tense. I have no freaking idea how the last chapter ended up in present tense, but it did. Sorry about that for those who were bothered by it (myself included). Anyway, this chapter is all past tense. Now I know this may be confusing, and I apologize for switching gears like this, but I just could not keep writing in present tense, it was getting on my last nerve.
Issue two: Jason. Be prepared, he is not the cuddly Enforcer we all remember in this. He is doing the one thing that the Jason we know would never do; he's putting up a front. See, the "new Jason" is sort of crap. Inside --and I think you'll see-- he's pretty basically the same. A little off, but that was my intention. He's damaged, and in more than just the traditional sense. So, please be patient with him. I realize he's OOC, that's the whole point.
Okay, well, that's it for now, enjoy, and don't be afraid to let me know what you think, make suggestions, anything at all. Oh, and I'm sorry if this chap feels a little weak, my inspiration kinda keeled over this past couple weeks, even the stuff I've been writing for SIB is really getting on my nerves.
Reviewers:
Thanks about a million times to everyone who reviewed (Marian/Bushlaboo, Megan, stephie1974, Shamira, GirlFearless, A)!! You guys rock, big time!!
And in response to the question that I received: A, I totally get where you're coming from about Nikolas. When I first started writing this, I was like "Wait a sec, would Nik really just let her do this?" But then, as I started to watch the NikE story unfold on the actual show and I got to see just how deep his love for Emily runs, and I realized that maybe he would. I mean think about it this way: Emily would have been so wracked with grief. She lost Courtney, her sister-in-law and essentially one of her dearest friends, and her brother just split town without a word. The girl is going through some major separation issues. Then the threat of Faith starts to loom even nearer and something in Emily sorta panics and snaps (and we know Emily's impulsiveness can most definitely lead her to do foolish things). She pledges her life to the business out of sheer desperation. She believes whole-heartedly that Jason is coming home, and she does not want to see Faith take what belongs to him. Nikolas sees this desperation and while you can be totally sure he wasn't exactly happy with it, he loves her above all else, and that love allowed him to make this giant concession, however reluctant it was. He took a hit here and I'm not flying blind to that fact. Nikolas has lost a lot because of Emily's choice, his unborn child namely, as well as normalcy-which we all know he strives for. So, trust me when I say that the story is far from over and more will be said about Nikolas feelings in future chapter (from the Prince himself even). Anyway, I hope that helped and thank you so, so much for reviewing. :o) I hope you continue with the story, and please, feel free to ask me anything you like. Thank you! ~Loke.
~#~
Chapter Two: "grin and bear it"
~#~
It was times like those, just after leaving her, feeling as if I'd only managed to break her even more, that I wondered if coming home was really the right thing for me to do. I mean, what was I really doing there, huh? I wasn't in power; I wasn't even a low man on the pole anymore. I sure as hell wasn't doing anything constructive. I wasn't being the brother, the savior my sister wanted-no, needed, me to be. I was no better than a shadow, a bad memory screwing with her life all over again.
Sighing angrily, I ran an absent hand through my hair and for the first time since I left Emily's penthouse, I looked around-really looked around. Somehow, I had found myself at the docks; my feet were perched over the pier's edge, the tips of my boots staring back at me over the icy water. Inside-deep inside, I felt like laughing. This was how out of sorts my visits with Em always left me, not knowing which was up or even if I was walking straight into freezing water during the dead of winter.
Brilliant, Morgan. How bout you finish the job-tilt yourself in and be done with it. Anything's gotta be better than this. . . .
That malicious little voice in my head had been gaining steady speed since my return. The volume seemed to be kicking it up a notch, too. Both thoroughly annoying points.
I didn't back away at once. I just kinda stayed there, teetering, letting all those stupid feelings, memories wash over me. It was always the same thing after seeing her. I'd try to get her to stop, to take it easy, and then she'd get angry, downright scary with me, and then I'd leave, feeling a bit like how Charlie Brown must've felt all those time Lucy pulled that football out from under him and he ended up flat on his back: like I should have known better. Oh, come on, don't look so surprised. Yeah, I'm a grown man who likes comics. So, sue me. They're good for emptying out your head, for forgetting. You read them and can get lost in the nonsense of it. You don't have to think. . . . don't have to feel.
Sure as hell wish I had one with me now. . . .
Shaking my head, I gave a small shudder as I let my gaze sweep the lake's surface and hover over the doomful presence that was Spoon Island. God, that thing stuck out like a sore thumb, even at night, marring the pristine horizon with the sharply jutting turrets and climbs of Wydemere's roof like gothic swords thrust menacingly into the moonlit sky. The whole place exuded this dark fury, wholly unsettling and, well, just. . . . creepy, really. But it wasn't always like that, all gloomy and threatening; I got to find that little fact out first hand, thanks to Emily, actually.
It was the night of her wedding to Cassadine and the snow was thick on the ground, frost clung to everything. I remembered feeling like time had frozen or something. I mean, there wasn't a breath of wind, and every branch, every little leaf, was sheathed in a layer of crystal ice. Emily, Courtney, and Elizabeth (yeah, go figures, huh?) were upstairs in her rooms, putting the finishing touches on her. Cassadine and the Spencer kid were off somewhere doing that brotherly bonding crap, I guess. They had invited me, but. . . . come off it. Me, trail after those two knuckleheads like I belonged? No thank you. . . .
So, instead, I found myself outside in one of the gardens, gazing out at the waterfront longingly and feeling totally uncomfortable in the constricting jacket and tie Emily and Courtney picked out for me. Damn monkey suit. . . .
~
"Are you planning on making a break for it?"
The angelically humorous voice floated through the air and I turned away from the crashing waves below, greeted by the stunning image of my wife.
Courtney smiled at me, that bright and overwhelming smile so full of warmth and love it made me feel like I could do anything and come out okay. That's what her love did for me. Cliché as it sounded, it made me feel invincible.
Beaming at me she did a small turn in the snow, the hem of her flowing dress twisting around her ankles. She looked like a goddess, a goddess wrapped in the most incredible shade of green I had even seen. Her bright blonde hair cascaded around her in soft waves; the moonlight playing against it gave her this otherworldly look. Like she was angel dressed in shimmering silk.
My breath wouldn't come. I'm going to suffocate, that's what I remembered thinking. Right here, in the snow, I'm going to die. . . . happy. "I. . . . you. . . ." My mouth went to form the words but apparently not being able to breathe also hindered one's ability to churn out recognizable speech.
She laughed and -if possible-grinned even wider. "So, I take that to mean you like. . . .?" she asked, her eyes sparkling like stars with that distinct mix of innocence, mischievousness, and utter obliviousness that drove me wild. She was absolutely perfect, and she had no idea.
"Like?" I asked, my body moving toward her all on its own. "Oh, its way past like. . . ."
She rolled her eyes and let out little giggle as I advanced on her like a predator. Smiling like the cat that just caught the canary, I snaked a careful arm around her waist and pulled her flush up against me. "You look beautiful," I whispered into her ear, pleased to find my breath against her cheek still brought that faint pink tinge to her face. "Absolutely beautiful."
Batting her eyelids, she tugged playfully at my tie, a smirk ghosting over her painted lips. "You're not so bad yourself, Morgan."
~
See? That was why I couldn't afford to think, because it always led me back there. . . . back to where I didn't want to be because I could never be there again. God, just being back in town was like dangling a T-bone steak in front of a starving man only to rip it away at the last second. I was teasing myself with things that had no chance of ever happening.
And my presence was doing the same thing to my sister.
Yeah, don't think I didn't pick up on the desperation in her voice, the silent plea in her eyes. I saw all of it, every single glimmer of unshed tears, and every quiver her lip made when she thought no one was looking. And I hated myself for not being able to give her what she wanted more than anything in the world, to be set free.
Dropping my gaze and narrowing it upon the tops of my shoes again, I let the wind push me forward. Not enough to fall in the icy currents below, but enough to remind why I was there in the first place. My sister hated me for leaving her and despised me for refusing to take back the Business. But why exactly was it my job to set her free, huh? Why was it up to me to take the reins again, why? I only left. I never held a gun to her head. I never made her drag her family through this mess. I never asked her to take my place. . . . even if I knew exactly why she did.
A strange wave of shame mixed with guilt attacked me and I slipped my eyes closed. Emily loved me. She loved me with such purity and such all encompassing loyalty that she would have done anything-anything-for me. I had but to ask, and even that was just a formality.
And worst of all, I think part of me knew that.
Maybe that was why I took off like I did, without so much as a glance back or a spare thought as to what would become of the Morgan Empire. Maybe-just maybe-somewhere deep inside, I knew she'd handle it, just like she took care of everything else after Courtney died. Maybe I was just tired of being the one who looked after everything, maybe I just wanted someone else to do it so I could just rest, just be. Maybe I just wanted to breathe. . . .
But, please believe me when I say that if I had known just how far Emily would take things, where she would end up. . . .
Sobered by the thought, I rock backwards on my heels. There isn't a part of me, embittered or not, that ever would have placed my sister at the forefront of all this, ever. Six years down the road, it didn't matter; my first instinct would always be to protect her, to save her.
I loved her the same way she loved me. There wasn't anything I wouldn't do, but this. . . . Being here turned everything around, threw it all back in my face. I was just so damned confused that I had no idea what was the right thing to do. I could handle one meeting. That much I could take. But any more than that. . . .? I shuddered at the thought. I couldn't dive back into the Life; it was all too fresh for that. It would feel too much like being trapped in some reoccurring nightmare, waiting for the world to go to hell again. But what was I supposed to do, huh? Emily wouldn't let me take her place -not that I was too keen on the prospect to begin with-- and she straight up refused to back down. Was I just supposed to leave her to the wolves? Was I just supposed to abandon her all over again and let her face the woman who took so much from all of us all by herself? But did I even dare risk what going in with her would signify to everyone involved?
Goddamn-it, I had no clue what to do, except that either way I would end up completely and utterly fu--
"Uncle Jason!" The joyful little cry pierced my thoughts mid-expletive and I wheeled around just in time to be blindsided by a ridiculously happy dark-haired boy who was smiling a smile identical to my sister's.
"Demetri," I said, stepping quickly away from the piers edge and wrapping the little bugger up in a bear hug. He really was a great little kid, so damn well adjusted. Imagine that. "What are you doing out here, buddy? Where did your guards. . . .?" My questioned died in my throat when I saw a group of suited men looking intimidating at the dock's far end, their attentions split between the boy in front of me and something behind them.
He sniffled a bit and itched at his reddened nose with a mittened hand. "Daddy and I just went to go see Uncle Lucky and Aunty Lulu. Did you know Lulu's getting married?" He wrinkled his nose and dropped his voice a bit, his cherubic face all of a sudden looking grave. "Daddy is really, really mad at her," he said in a whisper. "Uncle Lucky is too. Mommy says Daddy's being a prude." Inquisitive brown eyes clamped on mine with the sort of innocent intensity that only a child can pull off. "Uncle Jason, what's a prude?"
"Your daddy seems to be a pretty close fit, little guy," I laughed, ruffling his hair and actually allowing myself to crack a smile. Funny how kids can make you forget damn near everything, huh? Handy things to have around, kids. "I think your mommy may be on to something there, buddy."
It was then that I noticed another dark-haired figure looming behind the boy, wearing Demetri's same eyes and nose. "Nikolas." The greeting was simple and stiff. There was a time when things were easier between us, never friendly by any means, but. . . . workable. Apparently we didn't even have those strained bonds to fall back on, but then I can't say I really blamed him for where the last six years landed us. That was me.
"Jason." he nodded and managed a ghost of a smile. I honestly didn't even expect that much, but something told me the little guy I had attached to my side had more to do with it than anything else. "What brings you to the docks this late," he asked. The coldness in his voice wasn't lost on me. Why should it have been? He nearly killed me the first time he saw me again, this was just in keeping with the new way of things between us. "Not thinking of deserting Emily again are we?"
Now, see, I realized that was aimed to sting. But my absence found me a different man, a more mature and -most importantly-a tired man, one who didn't have energy enough to take the bait, not after the row I just had with Emily. "No," I said simply, making sure to keep myself calm. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Nikolas was always more annoying that upsetting, really. "I just came from her actually."
"Ahh. . . ." He crossed his arms over his chest and his face became a thoughtful frown. "I take it that means you tried to. . . . dissuade her from attending tonight's meeting?" It was odd, you know, being on the outside of the bubble like that, looking at someone -who wasn't me- and knowing he had more clout in this town than I did. I didn't think I'd ever get used to that.
"I still don't think it's a good idea for her to walk into that so soon after. . . ." I caught myself as I felt a pair of curious brown eyes latch onto my face. I shouldn't have brought that up in front of the kid. According to Emily he didn't deal with the attempt on her life very well. He still had nightmares, bad ones. Those nightmares would probably follow him well into adult hood, if he managed to shake them at all. Seeing your mother nearly killed right in front of your eyes, and in such a graphic way. . . .? That sort of thing has a way staying with you, whether you like it or not. Suddenly I felt another one of those spikes of guilt attack me. Who knew leaving all those years ago would ripple out like this, reaching so far as to have an impact on an innocent little boy like Demetri? It made me wonder how many other lives my flight from PC affected. . . . ended.
"Well, then perhaps you should accompany her," he suggested serenely, his eyebrows betraying his voice and pulling together into something dangerously resembling a glare.
"Not you too," I sighed, shaking my head lightly. And there I was thinking he didn't want me anywhere near Emily. . . . "I though you of all people would hate the idea of--"
"Look, Jason," he interrupted, holding up a gloved hand. "I assure you, the last thing I want is for you to find your way back into her life. There is no love lost between us so I won't pretend as much, but for some unknown reason my wife still feels tied to you, safe with you. I believe she would take great comfort in having you with her tonight." God, I could almost hear the snicker in his voice. I would have been surprised if I hadn't known the true intent behind his words. "Surely you could manage this one thing for her, Jason. It is a rather small favor to ask, don't you think, in comparison to what you owe her?"
He motioned for Demetri to come to him and my suddenly free hands balled into fists at my sides. Why couldn't these people just respect that I didn't know if wanted any part of this yet? Was it really that hard to grasp? I may have offered, but only under the pretense that she wouldn't accept. Yes, wrong of me, I know. Regardless, this wasn't my problem anymore. . . . "I'm not her lieutenant, Nikolas, Johnny is," I snapped, loosing a touch of that new control I loved so much. "Why not send him?"
Nikolas laughed then, small and bitter. "Johnny is loyal, to a fault even, but he is also entirely too reckless where Emily is concerned. He can't be trusted to control himself when faced with Faith or Alcazar. As it is, I've had to practically threaten him in order to ensure his restraint when dealing with them. His thirst for revenge borders on the unhealthy. You are far better suited for this, Jason." That frown of his morphed into a cruel, mocking smile. Did I mention how much I hated the Cassadines? Excluding Emily, of course. She never was a Cassadine, not truly. She was a Morgan. That much I could still hold onto. "We all know you won't let a silly thing avenging your sister get the better of your impassiveness, now, will you?"
My jaw clenched viciously. Maybe I had judged a little too early on the whole 'Nikolas-was-never-upsetting' thing. I stared at him, turning on a bit of the 'old Jason', with that ice cold glare I used to throw at people like Nikolas, people I really didn't like. To his credit, the Prince held my stare quite valiantly, pouring just as much contempt into it as I was. I didn't like being pushed, he didn't like -or was to- being defied. It seemed 'Mr. Royalty' grew into his new station in life quite nicely. It looked like being a 'Mob other half' agreed with him, just that much more power for him to wield. And we all knew how much the Cassadines loved power.
"Think it over, Jason," he said coldly, breaking eye contact for moment to smile reassuringly down at little Demetri, who, to his credit, seemed to be taking the encounter in stride. "Who knows, maybe you could actually do right by your sister for a change."
Holding his son's hand tightly, Nikolas walked past me and up the dock stairs, his four massive guard dogs following obediently behind. The last one stopped as he passed and looked at me. It took a second to register the face.
"Max," I said, holding out my hand to an old friend and willing some of my anger to ebb away.
"Jason." Now this greeting was decidedly warmer, but, there was still a hint of apprehension. He was, after all, loyal to my sister, and in all their eyes, I was someone who had wronged her. The absolute last person who ever should have done that. "It's good to see you, Sir."
"Easy on the 'Sir', Max." The title brought back too many memories of things used to be, a road I wasn't altogether interested in venturing down again. "I'm not Boss anymore, you don't answer to me."
The other man shrugged his shoulders and pocketed his hands. It really was quite cold out now, mid-February and all. "Nikolas does have a point, though," he said tentatively. "It would be good to have you in-house again, back in the mix"
My eyebrows rose disbelievingly. What conversation had he been listening to? "Is that what he said?" I asked, swiveling to look back at the stairway "'Cause I think I caught something a little different."
"Nikolas is just looking out for his wife, Jason," he said, his voice a little firm, the apprehension from before growing into defense. I didn't hold it against him, it was his job. "You of all people know how family loyalty works. He may not be fond of the idea, but he recognizes the necessity, the greater good it represents."
"Necessity," I asked, smiling a bit. Hey, I'm not made of stone. It felt good to be wanted, even if this was the last thing I felt like being wanted for. "You guys really think my coming back is necessary?"
The guard loosened a bit, and, bearing his own semi-smile, said: "Why not? Somebody needs to bust Johnny down to size. Ever since he made Lieutenant he's been a real pain in the ass, you know. . . . the cocky bastard." He laughed, shaking his head, and I knew it's all in jest. Johnny couldn't have been that way if he tried, too many years of making caring after what other people loved his life. A second or two of silence passed and Max's face suddenly grew serious, thoughtful even. "Emily, she, uh. . . . she's got a tough night ahead of her, Jason. She could do with a friendly face."
"You sure you got the right guy for that, Max?" It was true. Our last visit wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy. My going would only hurt her; only give her ideas she couldn't have.
"Just think on it," he said, inclining his head before resuming on his way. "I'll see you around, Jason."
I nodded as he turned away. "Yeah. . . . around."
Max disappeared up the stairs and around the corner. And then it was just me again, just me and my guilt. We were getting to be quite a pair, the two of us. Funny how something you're not supposed to be able to experience can feel so crappy.
Sighing, I turned my attention to the freezing water of the lake again; let my eyes get lost in the dark water's rolling currents.
Going it alone to the meeting was never an option, not truly. That's why I offered and that's why she didn't accept. No one but a Boss's Lieutenant or Enforcer could go in as a substitute, and I was neither. Me sauntering in there all by lonesome could've set the whole freaking city on fire. Faith would have lost her mind thinking that I was back at the helm. If I went without Emily that night it would have set before Faith and Alcazar what they would've undoubtedly perceived as the beginnings of a strike against them
It would've lead to war. It would've opened the floodgates on both sides and whether I liked or not, all hell would've broken loose, again.
Only, I would not have been able to walk away from it this time. I would've been in it waist-fucking-deep and without a chance in Hell of getting out clean.
But even if I was just to accompany my sister, things still could've gotten ugly, very ugly. With Faith there was no way to be sure of any one reaction. She had already proven -twice-- just how completely insane she was. I would've been going only to lend support, and might've ended up putting Emily in even more danger than she already was.
In every single sense of the word, I was trapped, and she knew it. Son of a bitch, they all did. . . .
Goddamn-it, I did not want to do any of this. . . .
Unbidden, Nikolas' words ripped through my mind like a jet engine. '. . . .Who knows, maybe you could actually do right by your sister for a change. . . .'
But if I didn't do this, she'd be alone. How could I do that to her again?
Settling my gloved hands into my pockets, I backed away from the pier's edge and started out for the warehouse. The meeting would start in a little over an hour.
Max was right; I did remember how family loyalty worked. And I may not have liked any of it, but I couldn't let her down again. I'd already done too much of that.
~#~
TBC. . . .
Hope you liked it, sorry if you didn't. . . . I'll try to do better next time! ~Loke
Next Chapter: Nikolas POV. Family time with the Cassadines (Emily/Nik/Demetri), a little young love, and a slight case of feuding ideas. . . . or was that ideals?