Title: Not Far Enough
Author: Secret Art
E-mail:
Rating: PG
Category: angst, romance
Pairings: Sam/Jack
Spoilers: none
Summary: One comment can change everything.
Feedback: can only make me better
Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author.
Author's note: It would help you to understand what was going on if you have seen the film 'Dirty Dancing' but if you haven't, the dance they are referring to is one at the end between the two main characters, and it involves a lot of sexual tension, and one specific point where the audience is convinced they are going to kiss, but they don't, and another moment where they do actually kiss; I'm not sure if that made any sense but hopefully it will help you understand what they are talking about, and if it doesn't it is only one line so shouldn't ruin your understanding of the story.
This is a story in four parts, with each part giving a different character's POV (point of view) of the events.
Not Far Enough - Jack's POV
The music finishes and I turn towards the crowd, noticing with some amusement their shocked faces.
Some members of the SGC had bet me and Sam that we wouldn't perform the dance from the end of the film 'Dirty Dancing' at the party that had been put on tonight in the gate room.
But after a long discussion, which lasted the whole of two minutes, we decided that not only did we have nothing to loose by doing it, but it also sounded quite fun, as it turned out Sam already knew some of the routine.
Looking back over their shocked faces, I turn to Sam, and she shrugs that she has no idea what is going on, but the smile on her face shows me how much she enjoyed what we just did.
Feeling the need to banish the silence, I start talking.
"So have we won the bet?" I ask, noticing with some relief the smiles on the faces of those who gave us the dare, but also the confusion on the faces of those who have only just realised why I just did a very shall I say intimate dance with my second in command.
"We tried to stay as true to the film as possible," I continue, "but we felt that there were some parts we were unable to do, but we went with the film as far as we could."
"Not far enough!" Someone in the crowd yells, causing some murmurs of agreement and some shocked gasps. Looking round the room I can see that most of them understand what they were referring too, they thought we should have kissed like they did at the end of the film, and as much as I wanted to, as much as I want to, I knew that we couldn't during rehearsals, and that we certainly couldn't in front of the whole SGC, General Hammond and Jacob Carter, even though I have to admit that there were times at the part where everyone thinks we are going to kiss that I was tempted to kiss her, but I'd look into her eyes and know that she understood, that she had had the same thoughts and I wouldn't.
I look at Sam, and silently ask who yelled that comment, and following her gaze I see Major Farad, and it makes sense. Major Farad is one of the cockiest men in the SGC, and I am fairly certain the dare was his idea, as he is just the type to do something that stupid.
"Major Farad," I say with a smirk, noticing his worried expression with some glee, "would you and Lt Stacey like to come up and show us how far you think myself and Major Carter should have gone?" I ask, knowing that this will probably cause chaos but not really caring, as Major Farad has the same problem as me, as his second in command Lt Stacey is also a woman, so there are rumours about them, just as there are rumours about me and Sam.
He just stares back at me, and I feel my anger rising, as this man knows first hand the rumours me and Sam have to endure, yet takes pleasure in making them worse.
"Well?" I demand.
"No Sir," he finally replies, but I can still feel the anger, the need to get this man back for the rumours he has almost certainly caused with his remark.
I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I turn to see Sam, her eyes silently pleading with me to let it go, to leave now before any more damage is caused.
I nod at her silent request, and she smiles, before I turn and give Major Farad a look that tells him this is definitely not over, and smile at his panicked face before I turn and storm off the stage.
I barely hear Sam call for the music to be put back on, as I am intent only on getting away from all this, all the people, all the reminders of why me and Sam cannot be together. Daniel tries to stop me, to talk with me, but I brush right past him, sorry Daniel but I just don't think you would want to talk to me in my present mood.
I end up sat on a bench in the locker room, wallowing in self pity.
About half an hour later, I hear someone open the door, and I don't even bother to move, as I know it's Sam, I always know when Sam comes into a room, it's like I sense her, and I know she knows I know she's here, as she doesn't say anything, she just sits down beside me.
We sit there in the silence for about five minutes, before she moves her hand onto my shoulder. I don't know why but that one movement sets me off and I shrug off her hand before turning to her.
"Why are you here?" I almost spit out, knowing that I shouldn't be angry at her but unable to stop myself.
"I was worried about you."
"Why?"
"You took Major Farad's comment very personally, he's terrified about what you are going to do, and he meant it as joke." She is trying to calm me down, but it just makes me angrier.
"He was trying to embarrass us in front of everyone, and has fuelled enough rumours about us to keep the base occupied for the next couple of years!"
"We have dealt with our fair share of rumours before."
"This one's different."
"How?"
"Because it's true." She is looking at me in shock now, because I basically just admitted that I wanted, I want to kiss her.
"Don't tell me you didn't feel it," I say, suddenly feeling the need to defend myself.
"I felt it," She replies looking down at her hands, and I can hear the fear in her voice, and I realise that she is scared of where this is all leading.
"Don't tell me you have never thought about kissing me," I move closer to her, and she gets up, moves over to the wall, not looking at me.
"What it would feel like," I know I am being cruel, almost taunting her, but I can't help it, I have wanted to kiss her for so long.
"What it would taste like." I am right behind her now, and I touch her shoulders, causing her to turn round. She looks me straight in the eyes, and I can see the fear, the tears threatening to spill, but all I am interested in the want, the need that is mixed in with the fear, it makes me bolder, more sure of what I am about to do.
I take hold of her face gently in my hands, and move my lips closer to hers.
"Tell me to stop," I say, giving her the chance to stop me now.
She just looks me straight in the eye, smiles weakly, and I move my lips until they are touching hers.
It starts out as a chaste kiss, but deepens until I am sure that if we don't stop now, this is going to go way further than kissing, and I want it too, I really do.
But Sam pulls away, and I look at her in confusion, silently asking why she stopped.
"Stop," she says weakly, and I can hear her voice breaking, see the tears pouring down her face, and it takes me a few seconds to understand what she means; but when it does it feels like a punch in the stomach. She doesn't just want to stop now, she wants this non relationship to stay just that, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, not yet anyway.
"I'm sorry," she carries on, "but my job, it means a lot to me, and I can't risk it, not yet, maybe one day, but for now…I'm sorry."
I understand why she is doing this, know that she is trying to make it better by saying that she wants us to be in a relationship, but doesn't want to risk her job, but I still feel empty, like I can't breathe. I have imagined hundreds of different ways we would express our feelings for each other, but this…this was definitely not one of them.
She tries to move closer to me, to comfort me, but I walk away. I sit on the bench, and stare at her with blank eyes.
She winces, almost as if I have physically punched her, before turning and walking out of the locker room. I hear her break down outside the door, hear her cries of pain, of unfairness, and know that I should probably be crying too, but I can't., I can't feel anything, all I feel is emptiness.
Eventually I hear the sobs quieten, and the sound of her footsteps heading back to the party.
I just sit there, not moving, not feeling, until I realise that they will be expecting me at the party.
I get up, go to my locker, grab my coat and my keys, and head up to the gate room, to say goodbye, after that…after that I have no idea.
I walk into the gate room, and immediately spot Daniel, who walks over warily, as if he expects me to still be angry. I give a weak smile, and he visibly relaxes, although he still looks slightly wary.
"You've missed most of the party."
"I know."
"You leaving?" he asks, pointing to my coat.
"Yeah."
He nods, before glancing to the corner of the room. Following his gaze I see Sam and Janet sat at one of the make shift tables that were put up for the party, and Sam turns to look straight at us, and her eyes look just how mine should, broken.
Looking back at Daniel, he looks me straight in the eye, almost as if it will tell him what he wants to know, but I just look straight back at him; and he shakes his head, knowing that I am not going to give him the answers he seeks, before moving so I can get to the door.
I walk out, knowing that nothing is ever going to be the same again, that the whole SGC will be different tomorrow, as I am sure that I have just started some interesting rumours that I will find out about, assuming that I come back.