Not Far Enough - Sam's POV
I hear the music end and I sigh in relief. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be, not the actual dance steps, they were easy enough, it was performing the dance in front of everyone, knowing the back story of the dance, and also how obvious it makes our feelings for each other.
I look at Jack and see he is looking over the crowd, judging their response to our dance, but I don't think we have a problem as most of them looked shocked that we completed the dare, and I can't stop a smile from forming at our success.
Jack looks at me with mild amusement, as if cannot quite work out why they are all shocked, so I just shrug at him 'enjoy it', and continue to smile.
"So have we won the bet?" Jack asks, after the silence starts to get uncomfortable.
I see the people who gave the bet smile and nod, while those who did not know about it look confused as they slowly catch up to why I just did a rather 'close' dance with my CO.
I watch as they turn to others, asking them, and watch with some amusement as they are filled in with the back story.
About a week ago, while organising the party here in the Gate room, Major Farad and some others made a bet that me and Jack wouldn't perform the dance from the end of 'Dirty Dancing', I wasn't too keen, but Jack looked so keen to do it that I found myself saying yes, taking some comfort in the fact that I had learnt the dance years ago while at a drama and dance session.
"We tried to stay as true to the film as possible," Jack continues and I am slightly worried about what he is going to say.
"We felt that there were some parts we were unable to do, but we went with the film as far as we could." I release the breath I was holding, as that was discreet enough to not cause any problems.
"Not far enough!" That however, is not, and I look out into the crowd to see who yelled, spotting Major Farad immediately looking far too smug.
What he said normally wouldn't have been a problem, except most of the SGC has seen 'Dirty Dancing' so understand that he is referring to them kissing, and I have to admit that there were occasions when I was tempted, or that I know Jack was, but the other would always make sure that no boundaries were crossed.
Jack turns to me silently asking who it was, and I gaze straight at Farad, knowing that Jack will follow my gaze and see who I see.
"Major Farad," Jack says with a smirk, causing that worried feeling to return. "Would you and Lt Stacey like to come up and show us how far you think myself and Major Carter should have gone?"
I wince unconsciously, that may have been taking it too far, as Lt Stacey is one of my friends, and I know that she takes the rumours about her and Farad quite personally, where as I have learnt to shrug them off without a thought, often finding them quite humorous.
"Well?" I realise that he is not going to let this drop, but push it until serious damage is caused to all concerned.
"No Sir," taking my chance I put a hand on Jack's shoulder, he turns to me and I silently plead with him to stop. He nods, and I smile back, telling him without words that I understand he wants to continue this, and that I know he is only stopping because I asked him.
Jack turns back to Farad and gives him the look normally reserved only for Gou'ald or Kinsey, and I have to admit that I do feel slightly sorry for Farad, as he is going to spend the next few hours terrified about what will happen.
Jack storms off the stage, and I turn to tell them to put the music on. I watch with sorrow as he barges past Daniel. It's strange, because on the surface Jack seems to have no emotions, but underneath I know he feels as much, maybe more than others, and I know that this situation between him and me is affecting him quite badly.
I try to join in the party, chatting with Janet about Cassie, but my mind is far away, worried about Jack, so as soon as I can, I make my excuses and head off to try and find him.
I don't know where I am heading but eventually find myself outside the locker room. Opening the door I step inside, immediately spotting him sat on the bench. I don't bother to announce my entrance as I know he knows I'm here, instead I move over and sit down beside him.
We sit in silence as I wait for him to say something, but after about five minutes I realise that I am going to have to start so I carefully place my hand on his shoulder in what I hope is a comforting gesture; instead he shrugs it off and turns to face me.
"Why are you here?" he spits out, and I realise that he is still angry.
"I was worried about you," I reply, trying to sound comforting.
"Why?"
"You took Major Farad's comment very personally, he's terrified about what you are going to do, and he meant it as joke." I know it's a lame thing to say, but on any other day it would have gotten a smile out of him, but not today.
"He was trying to embarrass us in front of everyone, and has fuelled enough rumours about us to keep the base occupied for the next couple of years!"
"We have dealt with our fair share of rumours before."
"This one's different."
"How?" I ask, knowing as I say it that I won't like the answer.
"Because it's true." I know I am staring at him shocked, but I cannot help it, he has just admitted that he has feelings for me.
"Don't tell me you didn't feel it," he carries on, sounding defensive.
I look down at my hands, trying to decide what to do, and in the end decide upon the truth.
"I felt it."
"Don't tell me you have never thought about kissing me," he moves closer, and I jump up and move towards the wall, needing to put distance between him and me.
"What it would feel like," I can't look at him, not because I don't want to, but because I'm scared of what I will see if I do.
"What it would taste like."
He touches me on the shoulder causing me to jump, as I hadn't realised he had moved behind me. I slowly turn round and look him in the eye, seeing only want and desire. He takes my face in his hands and moves closer.
"Tell me to stop," I know that he is giving me the chance to say no, but he was right, I do want, need to know what it feels like; so making my decision I look him straight in the eye and smile, and taking that as a yes, he moves his lips until they touch mine.
It starts out slowly, but then he deepens it, and I know that Jack wants it to carry on to where it would inevitably lead, but I'm not sure, I wanted to see what it is like, but I'm not sure I'm ready for anything more, so I pull away, and look at his confused face, knowing that I am about to destroy him.
"Stop," I whisper, trying to put into that word everything I'm trying to say, my vision being blurred by tears, but I see him continue to look confused for a few seconds until it hits him, and he looks as if I have physically punched him.
"I'm sorry," I say, trying to explain, "but my job, it means a lot to me, and I can't risk it, not yet, maybe one day, but for now…I'm sorry."
I move towards him, to try and dim the pain but he walks away, and sits down on the bench staring at me with eyes that are so empty they will haunt my dreams for months.
I wince as I realise what I must be putting him through, but I turn and leave the locker room, only just making it out of the door before I break down, screaming at the pain I've caused, the rules that do not allow us to be together, and the fact I've just lost a very good friend as well as a potential lover.
Eventually I run out of tears, and get up, and decide to go back to the party even though I know I must look awful, Janet will be there to tell me I did the right thing.
Walking into the Gate room everyone turns to look at me, and a hear a few gasps from the crowd, and I smile at how ridiculous I must look. Janet and my dad share a look, and I assume they are trying to work out which of them should try to work out this mess I've got my self into. Janet apparently wins as she moves over to me and silently guides me towards one of the makeshift tables that have been put up.
"You look awful," she says smiling, but I can see the concern in her eyes. I look around the room and see that most people are dancing, and that no one is close enough to here us, so I tell Janet what happened.
"You did the right thing."
"I thought you might say that."
"He'll understand, eventually." I look up, and notice that she is looking straight past me, so turning round I follow her gaze, straight to Jack, who looks as if he is trying to get rid of Daniel, and I notice the coat in his hand.
He looks me straight in the eye, and I know that my eyes tell him how much this is hurting me, but he doesn't react, instead he just walks straight out of the room, and I turn back to Janet.
"Eventually might be too late."