(A/N- You people should know I love ya since I'm typing this with a sprained wrist. So blame the cursed appendage for any typos. Also I have another LOtR story its under the general crossover section and its called Misplaced. Please check it out. Thank you Nienna-yavetil for reviewing I'm glad you thought it was funny. Now on with the story.)
Chapter 2
People, Cars, Cities, Oh My !
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CAR !!"
The two men lowered their weapons, looking at one another confused. "Haldir," one asked.
"Legolas," the other questioned.
The one named Legolas spoke to Haldir in their language ",Manke naa lye ?" (Where are we?)
"Amin n'sinta. Mani naa car ?" (I don't know. What is a car ?)
"Hello," I called, waving to them. "Foreign language is not my thing."
"We apologize my lady," Legolas replied bowing low. "But we do not know where we are. This land seems strange. Is this your kingdom ?"
Haldir's voice practically exploded from his mouth ",What is a car ?"
"And what kind of crack have you been smoking ?" They both looked blankly at me. Obviously no sense of humor or they are completely serious. "Wait ! You're serious ?"
"I assure you we are quite serious, Edan."
Ooookaaay ! Haldir is a complete snobby jerk. I looked to Legolas who in turn shot Haldir a dirty look. "Watch how you speak to the mortal Haldir." That somehow didn't sound any better. "Now, my lady, where in Middle Earth are we ?"
"Middle Earth ?" I burst out laughing, my head choosing now to remind me it was still there and in pain. "Oh ! OW ! Sorry. We're in Zachary, Louisiana. Its on Earth. And last time I checked Middle Earth didn't exist."
"Are you," Haldir began cautiously ",the ruler of this...Zachary ?"
"In my own mind. Now my turn. Who are you ?"
"I am Prince Legolas of Mirkwood and this is Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlorien." I lifted an eyebrow questioningly. "We are wood elves. And who might you be ?"
Maybe I should call Bellview now since these guys are obviously nuts and should not be in possession of sharp, pointy objects. "I'm Valentina Baker but you can call me Tina."
Haldir looked down his not at me as he once again asked ",What is a car ?"
In all of the confusion I had forgotten all about my poor abused compact car. POS Mathilda may be but she was better than my other one: a VW minibus. Mathilda was easier to find a parking space for. And she didn't eat that much gas compared to the bohemoth. "A car, my car is currently what you're standing on. GET OFF ! GET OFF !"
The elves fell off of the car in an ungraceful heap from the impact of my voice. "Oh, my flippin' mom is gonna flippin' kill me. Ya straight jacket morons killed her ! Now I'm stuck drivin' the bus until sh's fixed."
"It is alive," Haldir questioned, tapping on the dented metal.
"Well, no," I began but my cell phone rang. I once again ignored the arrows pointed at my throat. "Hello ? Thank you for calling the people who have tragically lost their cars support group. How many in your party ?"
"Why are you not here yet," Matt screamed. I could hear someone banging around Matt's house quite loudly.
"Were you not listening. My car was murdered. What's going on ?"
"I'm being held hostage in my bathroom. Get your ass over here."
"Just out of curiosity are they dressed like King Arthur ?"
"Well, they have swords."
"Some of your friends are at my friend's house," I told Haldir and Legolas. "I'll beam right over Matt." I hung up the cell phone but it rang again and yet again two arrows were pointed at me. "Taco Bell. Will you two put those damn things down !"
"Tina," it was Mandy now ",my house has been emptied of food."
"I didn't know you could eat that much."
"It wasn't me you moron. These four midgets broke in and ate it all."
This was becoming a very, very strange day, indeed. And that has got to be the understatement of the year.
"Okay, Munch, I believe that four little people broke in and ate all of your food."
I was being sarcastic of course. Well, I was until Haldir and Legolas looked at one another then Legolas exclaimed ",The hobbits !"
That was the same thing that thing had yelled before it beat my car up. (sniff) My poor car. "Who was that ?"
"Friends of the wee fold I believe. They say they're wood elves."
"Tina hurry up and get over here."
"I can't. Matt's being held at sword point at his house."
"Fine ! I'll come to you. NO ! Don't touch that ! I'm gonna kill you !"
This time Mandy hung up on me. I looked to Haldir and Legolas who were still standing next to my car. "Okay, come one. We've go to get my other car and go save Matt."
Walking back to my apartment I called my friend Lonnie who just happens to be the savior of all saviors by working at an auto body shop. I calmly lied through my teeth and explained how a runaway tree had attacked my car before running back into the forest. He said he would take care of it. See why he's a savior ? The phone rang again. I was glad to see the elves didn't feel the need to try to kill me for answering it. This time it was my friend Betsy. "I have a dwarf hacking my house to pieces and a wizard threatening to turn me into a frog if I don't send them back to this place called Middle Earth."
"Hey, guys, are you missing a dwarf and a wizard ?" Both nodded so fast I thought their brains were going to fall out. "Find a way to get 'em to my apartment."
After a few minutes of coaxing the elves into the bus and convincing the bus it needed to start I drove the three of us to Matt's house. I walked into the house without knocking (as I always do) with Legolas and Haldir behind me. I saw a flash of metal then heard a clank. I looked up. Legolas held his sword against another, pretty much saving my life. In thanks I passed out.
Next- Chapter 3: All Hail King Matt ?
Now please treat me to a review or two.
Chapter 2
People, Cars, Cities, Oh My !
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CAR !!"
The two men lowered their weapons, looking at one another confused. "Haldir," one asked.
"Legolas," the other questioned.
The one named Legolas spoke to Haldir in their language ",Manke naa lye ?" (Where are we?)
"Amin n'sinta. Mani naa car ?" (I don't know. What is a car ?)
"Hello," I called, waving to them. "Foreign language is not my thing."
"We apologize my lady," Legolas replied bowing low. "But we do not know where we are. This land seems strange. Is this your kingdom ?"
Haldir's voice practically exploded from his mouth ",What is a car ?"
"And what kind of crack have you been smoking ?" They both looked blankly at me. Obviously no sense of humor or they are completely serious. "Wait ! You're serious ?"
"I assure you we are quite serious, Edan."
Ooookaaay ! Haldir is a complete snobby jerk. I looked to Legolas who in turn shot Haldir a dirty look. "Watch how you speak to the mortal Haldir." That somehow didn't sound any better. "Now, my lady, where in Middle Earth are we ?"
"Middle Earth ?" I burst out laughing, my head choosing now to remind me it was still there and in pain. "Oh ! OW ! Sorry. We're in Zachary, Louisiana. Its on Earth. And last time I checked Middle Earth didn't exist."
"Are you," Haldir began cautiously ",the ruler of this...Zachary ?"
"In my own mind. Now my turn. Who are you ?"
"I am Prince Legolas of Mirkwood and this is Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlorien." I lifted an eyebrow questioningly. "We are wood elves. And who might you be ?"
Maybe I should call Bellview now since these guys are obviously nuts and should not be in possession of sharp, pointy objects. "I'm Valentina Baker but you can call me Tina."
Haldir looked down his not at me as he once again asked ",What is a car ?"
In all of the confusion I had forgotten all about my poor abused compact car. POS Mathilda may be but she was better than my other one: a VW minibus. Mathilda was easier to find a parking space for. And she didn't eat that much gas compared to the bohemoth. "A car, my car is currently what you're standing on. GET OFF ! GET OFF !"
The elves fell off of the car in an ungraceful heap from the impact of my voice. "Oh, my flippin' mom is gonna flippin' kill me. Ya straight jacket morons killed her ! Now I'm stuck drivin' the bus until sh's fixed."
"It is alive," Haldir questioned, tapping on the dented metal.
"Well, no," I began but my cell phone rang. I once again ignored the arrows pointed at my throat. "Hello ? Thank you for calling the people who have tragically lost their cars support group. How many in your party ?"
"Why are you not here yet," Matt screamed. I could hear someone banging around Matt's house quite loudly.
"Were you not listening. My car was murdered. What's going on ?"
"I'm being held hostage in my bathroom. Get your ass over here."
"Just out of curiosity are they dressed like King Arthur ?"
"Well, they have swords."
"Some of your friends are at my friend's house," I told Haldir and Legolas. "I'll beam right over Matt." I hung up the cell phone but it rang again and yet again two arrows were pointed at me. "Taco Bell. Will you two put those damn things down !"
"Tina," it was Mandy now ",my house has been emptied of food."
"I didn't know you could eat that much."
"It wasn't me you moron. These four midgets broke in and ate it all."
This was becoming a very, very strange day, indeed. And that has got to be the understatement of the year.
"Okay, Munch, I believe that four little people broke in and ate all of your food."
I was being sarcastic of course. Well, I was until Haldir and Legolas looked at one another then Legolas exclaimed ",The hobbits !"
That was the same thing that thing had yelled before it beat my car up. (sniff) My poor car. "Who was that ?"
"Friends of the wee fold I believe. They say they're wood elves."
"Tina hurry up and get over here."
"I can't. Matt's being held at sword point at his house."
"Fine ! I'll come to you. NO ! Don't touch that ! I'm gonna kill you !"
This time Mandy hung up on me. I looked to Haldir and Legolas who were still standing next to my car. "Okay, come one. We've go to get my other car and go save Matt."
Walking back to my apartment I called my friend Lonnie who just happens to be the savior of all saviors by working at an auto body shop. I calmly lied through my teeth and explained how a runaway tree had attacked my car before running back into the forest. He said he would take care of it. See why he's a savior ? The phone rang again. I was glad to see the elves didn't feel the need to try to kill me for answering it. This time it was my friend Betsy. "I have a dwarf hacking my house to pieces and a wizard threatening to turn me into a frog if I don't send them back to this place called Middle Earth."
"Hey, guys, are you missing a dwarf and a wizard ?" Both nodded so fast I thought their brains were going to fall out. "Find a way to get 'em to my apartment."
After a few minutes of coaxing the elves into the bus and convincing the bus it needed to start I drove the three of us to Matt's house. I walked into the house without knocking (as I always do) with Legolas and Haldir behind me. I saw a flash of metal then heard a clank. I looked up. Legolas held his sword against another, pretty much saving my life. In thanks I passed out.
Next- Chapter 3: All Hail King Matt ?
Now please treat me to a review or two.