(Disclaimer- Do I really need to tell you that anyone from Lord of the Rings isn't mine. Well, it isn't. I just borrowed them and returned them in almost working condition.)
(A/N- Guess what ? Dun dun dun. Its a long chapter. Sorry it took so long to update but I have these things called kids and a cold and a job because I have to make money to buy the kids useless things like toys [actually most of the toys are for me. yea ! Teen Titan action figures]. So I guess I should say that Nienna-yavetil inspired me for part of this one with the Wal-Mart scene in So Far, So Good. Well, here it goes. Oh, and if anyone has any input in who should get together in this one let me know when you review. And please, please on hands and knees review)
Chapter 5
Hyper Hobbits Make Great Alarm Clocks
Do any of you know what its like taking a whole bunch of guys shopping ? Its like taking on a rabid dog. Now throw in the fact that these guys have no idea what a zipper is and one overly hyper hobbit. That is pure hell on earth.
We went to Old Navy first to get the hobbits some clothes. Each of us took a hobbit. Mandy took Frodo. Betsy took Sam. Matt took Merry. I, unfortunately, had the spastic Pippin. I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. I randomly grabbed some clothes and drug Pippin to the nearest fitting room. I threw the clothes into the room and gently (Mandy: You threw him !) (cough), ahem, gently pushed him in saying ",Try those on."
"I want some more of that drink those girls gave me," Pippin wailed.
"Expresso ?" I sighed ",Fine, after we get everyone clothes."
Of course I was lying but Pippin didn't have to know that. "Expresso ! Expresso ! Expresso," Pippin chanted, throwing his clothes over the fitting room door. I heard him shifting around pulling on clothes as my friends escorted their own charges into seperate changing rooms. Then I noticed there were no more sounds coming from Pippin ",Uhm, Lady Tina?"
"Yes, fool of a, I mean, Pippin ?"
"How do you fasten this clothing ?"
I growled in frustration. I flung open the door only to slam it closed again immediately. "Aaaahhhh ! My eyes ! I'm blind."
The six men we weren't shopping for came charging into the fitting area, reaching for weapons but remembering they had left them in the bus. Aragorn was the first to speak ",Lady Tina, what happened ?"
I threw myself into his chest, clutching his tunic in my hands ",Oh ! It was horrible ! Pippin ! Clothes ! No pants. Hobbits have little---no mustn't think about that ! Have you people never heard of underwear !?" I sniffed as Aragorn patted my shoulder timidly. I looked up at him, making a foul face ",You need a shower. We'll deal with that later. Go help Pippin!"
I opened the fitting room door and shoved Aragorn inside before quickly closing it again. I started to walk away when I heard Aragorn yelling ",For Valor's sake Pippin quit jumping about and put your pants on."
After about twenty more minutes of waiting and deciding to find Gimli some clothes at Old Navy as well I finally completed the purchases for the hobbits and dwarf. The register beeped happily as it took up a good portion of my credit limit. I left the store sniffing sadly ",Four hundred dollars to dress five midgets. And we still have two elves, three men and a grocery store to go."
"Don't forget the expresso," Pippin called happily.
"No, mustn't forget the expresso. The evil expresso," I grumbled, leading the way into Structure. So here's how the rest of the mall expedition went: $700 in Structure, $300 in Dillards, $200 in Hot Topic, $150 in a random spa (the last two for myself of course), and an argument with my friends while in the process of racking up a grocery bill that would take me a year to pay off.
"They should stay with you," Mandy growled, a very dangerous look on her face.
"Why me," I yelled ",my apartment is the size of your room !"
Betsy pushed Mandy out of the way and into a display before she herself yelled ",Because you mom's on vacation."
People were starting to stare. People always stare at us. After all we were a strange bunch in a Wal-Mart Supercenter (well, stranger than most). Matt was turning in circles frantically looking for something as Mandy pulled herself out of the destroyed chip display. "Fine, they'll stay with me," I grumbled, pouting.
Mandy and Betsy smiled triumphantly. "The guys are gone again," Matt stated matter-of-factly while still turning in circles.
"Great ! At least there's no starbucks here," I huffed with a shudder. "Matt you take toys. I'll take electronics. Betsy you take clothes. Mandy you take food and the cart."
"Why do I get the food section and the cart ?"
"Because you're already here and we're not and you can get the rest of the food."
"Oh, okay."
By the time Mandy figured out that my reason made no sense we were already gone.
Mandy's POV
So I got stuck with the rest of the grocery shopping. (Mandy: By the way, evil, evil authoress for not letting me tell my side before. Southern Girl: Mrph mmm muph reph mehf. Mandy: What ? Oh, you didn't know until I knocked you out and tied you up ? blushes Sorry. Southern Girl: Gerf orf wfe iff. Mandy: What ? Get on with it ? Fine. Fine. Pushy bi--- Southern Girl: Lafague. Mandy: Shut up.)
Anyway, I continued shopping. Bread. Bagels. Muffins. OJ. Oooooo, cheesecake. I finished up in the frozen/bread section and turned out of the aisle. (Southern Girl: This is boring. Mandy: It gets better. I think. pause Hey ! How did you get untied ?) No sooner had I turned out of the aisle I was hit from behind. I looked down to see Pippin on the ground with pizza stuck to his face and a plate in his lap. "Mandy ! Fancy meeting you here. Did you know they give away free food here ?"
I looked up to see a very angry samples lady running towards us. I picked up Pippin and tossed him into the cart, taking off running. "Peregrin Took, what did you do ?"
"Why does everyone ask me that ? The lady asked if I wanted to try something called pizza. So I took the plate to try it."
"You're only suppose to take one."
"One ? How am I suppose to know if I like it if I can only have one ?"
I turned sharply onto the beer aisle nearly running Boromir and Gimli over. They were staring very intently at a six pack of long necks. "Beer," I moaned, nearly drooling.
"Beer," the three asked.
"Yeah." Blank stares all around. "You know ? Ale."
A light of recognition. I loaded as many cases into the cart as I could. We then set off to find the others.
Betsy's POV
I had searched the clothing section two times. Two times ! What guy willing goes to look for clothes ? Especially a member of the fellowship. I'm sure they have more important things on their minds. So do I. Like how this was a complete waste of time. Oooooo, magazines. Hey, is that Legolas ? I walked over and of course he saw me coming. "Lady Betsy..."
"Betsy."
"Pardon ?"
"Drop the lady. My name is just Betsy."
"Betsy, this man looks like me." He was holding up some random teeny bopper magazine with Orlando Bloom on the cover. "Is he an elf ?"
"Do you see pointy ears ?"
"Well...no."
"So that means...."
"He is not an elf."
Matt's POV
I was cutting through jewelry to get to toys when I heard a loud crash. I ran to the noise to see Sam and Frodo in a pink Barbie jeep. They had crashed into a shelf. "Sam, I do not know how Lady Tina manages to do it. And in a much bigger one."
"I suppose these things are not for us hobbit folk, Mister Frodo," Sam sighed, struggling to get out of the tiny passenger's seat.
"I guess not. Though it was fun for a time."
When they had both gotten out of the jeep I walked over to them. "Now what are you two up to."
"Nothing," was Sam's reply ",nothing at all, Mister Matt. What's this now."
Sam ran over to the action figure aisle stopping in front of the LOTR figures. "What is it, Sam," Frodo asked as he walked over to him.
"It is a tiny carving of you Mister Frodo. And Strider. And Gimli. And Gandalf. And..."
I cut in, trying not to laugh ",Everyone."
Frodo's eyebrows puckered as he stated quite seriously ",I think I should like to purchase a few of these carvings."
Tina's POV
(Tina: Yea ! Back to me ! Finally ! Southern Girl: Attention hungry are we ? Tina: Youngest child. Southern Girl: That explains a lot. Tina: smiles Yeah. pause Hey !)
I skidded to a halt in electronics, my mouth falling open. Gandalf was staring at the cordless phones. Merry was zombified in front of the TVs. Haldir was in the CD section looking quite snobby doing nothing. Aragorn was playing Return of the King. (Southern Girl: Figures. Tina: Hey ! I'm just a character here not the writer.)
I walked over to Aragorn since he was in danger of being taken over by the dreaded boyfriend stealer. He looked down at me smiling which I of course returned. Then I frowned, seriously in thought ",There's something I need to tell you. I know its important."
"Well...what is it ?"
"I can't remember. Its about someone. Ah, well, I'm sure I'll remember it eventually."
Aragorn returned to his game. I watched him for a moment, my fingers twitching like I was playing the game (its also a girlfriend stealer). "Lady Tina, are there many men named Aragorn here in your land ?"
"No, just you."
"But the man that I am controlling is named Aragorn."
Crap ! How do I explain this one ? Luckily I didn't have to. Haldir let out a bloodcurdling (aka girly) scream. We ran over, joining Merry and Gandalf, to the music section. Haldir was staring at a pair of headphones in horror. "Those things attacked me. They released a most horrific sound."
"Can we leave now," Mandy called, she looked highly annoyed. She must've found Pippin first.
I looked over to the rest of the group surrounding an overflowing shopping cart. "Yes, I'm suddenly very tired."
We checked out, charging a whopping $800 to one of my credit cards. Once home Mandy and I made dinner for everyone then figured out the sleeping arrangements. I got the couch (the horror !) while my three best friends go to go home to their own beds. After they left and the fellowship retired for the night I collapsed onto the couch for some much need rest.
I groggily came out of my slumber feeling like I had just fallen asleep. What had woke me up ? I slowly opened my eyes to see another pair of eyes staring down at me. "Aaaaahhhhh,"
I screamed as another voice did. I shot up accidentally head-butting the intruder of my personal space. I narrowed my eyes at the figure, trying very hard to suddenly mutate and have night vision. I finally gave up, flicking on the table lamp. I stared at the curly haired hobbit, sprawled on my living room floor , showing the signs of the beginning of a nice shiner. "Peregrin Took, why are you not asleep ?"
"Why does everyone use my full name when I'm in trouble ?"
"Why aren't you asleep Pippin ?"
"Sleep ? What is this sleep you speak of ?"
"Great ! You're still high on expresso."
The rest of the fellowship then chose to join us, weapons drawn. "Lady Tina," Frodo yawned, then snapped awake, looking at my forehead ",how did you injure yourself ?"
I felt the huge knot on my forehead while pointing at Pippin but soon found myself cowering in fear as a scream ripped through the air outside of the apartment. The front door with all of its locks suddenly didn't seem like enough protection from the outside world. Maybe I could buy something in the way of six inch thick solid steel. I wonder if they could install it tomorrow ? "Gollum," Sam hissed, his eyes narrowing at one of the windows.
"That's it," I cried out in triumph looking at Aragorn. "That's what I had to tell you."
"A little late but now we know," Gandalf sighed. "Aragorn and I will keep watch for the rest of the night. Lady Tina..."
"Just Tina, please."
"Tina, you may join the hobbits so we will not disturb you."
"I think I'd feel safer with the elves but okay."
And with that we went back to bed but I didn't dare go back to sleep. After all there was an overly hyper hobbit on the loose.
(A/N- This chapter is finally finished. I was at Best Buy a few days ago wishing I had enough money to buy the collector's set of TTT when I found something that caused me to roll on the ground I was laughing so hard. They have a movie called Lord of the Strings. Its about these four Throbbits (they are girls) who have to take the dreaded thong of power and destroy it in the fires of Mount Party Pooper. I'm not lying this really exists. I swear. Anyway for a preview of our next chappie:
Chapter 6
Band Practice and French Quarter Debauchery
Tina has band practice. Will she make it ? And the fellowship is taken by the four friends to the French Quarter. Will they have heart attacks from all of the indecency ?
(A/N- Guess what ? Dun dun dun. Its a long chapter. Sorry it took so long to update but I have these things called kids and a cold and a job because I have to make money to buy the kids useless things like toys [actually most of the toys are for me. yea ! Teen Titan action figures]. So I guess I should say that Nienna-yavetil inspired me for part of this one with the Wal-Mart scene in So Far, So Good. Well, here it goes. Oh, and if anyone has any input in who should get together in this one let me know when you review. And please, please on hands and knees review)
Chapter 5
Hyper Hobbits Make Great Alarm Clocks
Do any of you know what its like taking a whole bunch of guys shopping ? Its like taking on a rabid dog. Now throw in the fact that these guys have no idea what a zipper is and one overly hyper hobbit. That is pure hell on earth.
We went to Old Navy first to get the hobbits some clothes. Each of us took a hobbit. Mandy took Frodo. Betsy took Sam. Matt took Merry. I, unfortunately, had the spastic Pippin. I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. I randomly grabbed some clothes and drug Pippin to the nearest fitting room. I threw the clothes into the room and gently (Mandy: You threw him !) (cough), ahem, gently pushed him in saying ",Try those on."
"I want some more of that drink those girls gave me," Pippin wailed.
"Expresso ?" I sighed ",Fine, after we get everyone clothes."
Of course I was lying but Pippin didn't have to know that. "Expresso ! Expresso ! Expresso," Pippin chanted, throwing his clothes over the fitting room door. I heard him shifting around pulling on clothes as my friends escorted their own charges into seperate changing rooms. Then I noticed there were no more sounds coming from Pippin ",Uhm, Lady Tina?"
"Yes, fool of a, I mean, Pippin ?"
"How do you fasten this clothing ?"
I growled in frustration. I flung open the door only to slam it closed again immediately. "Aaaahhhh ! My eyes ! I'm blind."
The six men we weren't shopping for came charging into the fitting area, reaching for weapons but remembering they had left them in the bus. Aragorn was the first to speak ",Lady Tina, what happened ?"
I threw myself into his chest, clutching his tunic in my hands ",Oh ! It was horrible ! Pippin ! Clothes ! No pants. Hobbits have little---no mustn't think about that ! Have you people never heard of underwear !?" I sniffed as Aragorn patted my shoulder timidly. I looked up at him, making a foul face ",You need a shower. We'll deal with that later. Go help Pippin!"
I opened the fitting room door and shoved Aragorn inside before quickly closing it again. I started to walk away when I heard Aragorn yelling ",For Valor's sake Pippin quit jumping about and put your pants on."
After about twenty more minutes of waiting and deciding to find Gimli some clothes at Old Navy as well I finally completed the purchases for the hobbits and dwarf. The register beeped happily as it took up a good portion of my credit limit. I left the store sniffing sadly ",Four hundred dollars to dress five midgets. And we still have two elves, three men and a grocery store to go."
"Don't forget the expresso," Pippin called happily.
"No, mustn't forget the expresso. The evil expresso," I grumbled, leading the way into Structure. So here's how the rest of the mall expedition went: $700 in Structure, $300 in Dillards, $200 in Hot Topic, $150 in a random spa (the last two for myself of course), and an argument with my friends while in the process of racking up a grocery bill that would take me a year to pay off.
"They should stay with you," Mandy growled, a very dangerous look on her face.
"Why me," I yelled ",my apartment is the size of your room !"
Betsy pushed Mandy out of the way and into a display before she herself yelled ",Because you mom's on vacation."
People were starting to stare. People always stare at us. After all we were a strange bunch in a Wal-Mart Supercenter (well, stranger than most). Matt was turning in circles frantically looking for something as Mandy pulled herself out of the destroyed chip display. "Fine, they'll stay with me," I grumbled, pouting.
Mandy and Betsy smiled triumphantly. "The guys are gone again," Matt stated matter-of-factly while still turning in circles.
"Great ! At least there's no starbucks here," I huffed with a shudder. "Matt you take toys. I'll take electronics. Betsy you take clothes. Mandy you take food and the cart."
"Why do I get the food section and the cart ?"
"Because you're already here and we're not and you can get the rest of the food."
"Oh, okay."
By the time Mandy figured out that my reason made no sense we were already gone.
Mandy's POV
So I got stuck with the rest of the grocery shopping. (Mandy: By the way, evil, evil authoress for not letting me tell my side before. Southern Girl: Mrph mmm muph reph mehf. Mandy: What ? Oh, you didn't know until I knocked you out and tied you up ? blushes Sorry. Southern Girl: Gerf orf wfe iff. Mandy: What ? Get on with it ? Fine. Fine. Pushy bi--- Southern Girl: Lafague. Mandy: Shut up.)
Anyway, I continued shopping. Bread. Bagels. Muffins. OJ. Oooooo, cheesecake. I finished up in the frozen/bread section and turned out of the aisle. (Southern Girl: This is boring. Mandy: It gets better. I think. pause Hey ! How did you get untied ?) No sooner had I turned out of the aisle I was hit from behind. I looked down to see Pippin on the ground with pizza stuck to his face and a plate in his lap. "Mandy ! Fancy meeting you here. Did you know they give away free food here ?"
I looked up to see a very angry samples lady running towards us. I picked up Pippin and tossed him into the cart, taking off running. "Peregrin Took, what did you do ?"
"Why does everyone ask me that ? The lady asked if I wanted to try something called pizza. So I took the plate to try it."
"You're only suppose to take one."
"One ? How am I suppose to know if I like it if I can only have one ?"
I turned sharply onto the beer aisle nearly running Boromir and Gimli over. They were staring very intently at a six pack of long necks. "Beer," I moaned, nearly drooling.
"Beer," the three asked.
"Yeah." Blank stares all around. "You know ? Ale."
A light of recognition. I loaded as many cases into the cart as I could. We then set off to find the others.
Betsy's POV
I had searched the clothing section two times. Two times ! What guy willing goes to look for clothes ? Especially a member of the fellowship. I'm sure they have more important things on their minds. So do I. Like how this was a complete waste of time. Oooooo, magazines. Hey, is that Legolas ? I walked over and of course he saw me coming. "Lady Betsy..."
"Betsy."
"Pardon ?"
"Drop the lady. My name is just Betsy."
"Betsy, this man looks like me." He was holding up some random teeny bopper magazine with Orlando Bloom on the cover. "Is he an elf ?"
"Do you see pointy ears ?"
"Well...no."
"So that means...."
"He is not an elf."
Matt's POV
I was cutting through jewelry to get to toys when I heard a loud crash. I ran to the noise to see Sam and Frodo in a pink Barbie jeep. They had crashed into a shelf. "Sam, I do not know how Lady Tina manages to do it. And in a much bigger one."
"I suppose these things are not for us hobbit folk, Mister Frodo," Sam sighed, struggling to get out of the tiny passenger's seat.
"I guess not. Though it was fun for a time."
When they had both gotten out of the jeep I walked over to them. "Now what are you two up to."
"Nothing," was Sam's reply ",nothing at all, Mister Matt. What's this now."
Sam ran over to the action figure aisle stopping in front of the LOTR figures. "What is it, Sam," Frodo asked as he walked over to him.
"It is a tiny carving of you Mister Frodo. And Strider. And Gimli. And Gandalf. And..."
I cut in, trying not to laugh ",Everyone."
Frodo's eyebrows puckered as he stated quite seriously ",I think I should like to purchase a few of these carvings."
Tina's POV
(Tina: Yea ! Back to me ! Finally ! Southern Girl: Attention hungry are we ? Tina: Youngest child. Southern Girl: That explains a lot. Tina: smiles Yeah. pause Hey !)
I skidded to a halt in electronics, my mouth falling open. Gandalf was staring at the cordless phones. Merry was zombified in front of the TVs. Haldir was in the CD section looking quite snobby doing nothing. Aragorn was playing Return of the King. (Southern Girl: Figures. Tina: Hey ! I'm just a character here not the writer.)
I walked over to Aragorn since he was in danger of being taken over by the dreaded boyfriend stealer. He looked down at me smiling which I of course returned. Then I frowned, seriously in thought ",There's something I need to tell you. I know its important."
"Well...what is it ?"
"I can't remember. Its about someone. Ah, well, I'm sure I'll remember it eventually."
Aragorn returned to his game. I watched him for a moment, my fingers twitching like I was playing the game (its also a girlfriend stealer). "Lady Tina, are there many men named Aragorn here in your land ?"
"No, just you."
"But the man that I am controlling is named Aragorn."
Crap ! How do I explain this one ? Luckily I didn't have to. Haldir let out a bloodcurdling (aka girly) scream. We ran over, joining Merry and Gandalf, to the music section. Haldir was staring at a pair of headphones in horror. "Those things attacked me. They released a most horrific sound."
"Can we leave now," Mandy called, she looked highly annoyed. She must've found Pippin first.
I looked over to the rest of the group surrounding an overflowing shopping cart. "Yes, I'm suddenly very tired."
We checked out, charging a whopping $800 to one of my credit cards. Once home Mandy and I made dinner for everyone then figured out the sleeping arrangements. I got the couch (the horror !) while my three best friends go to go home to their own beds. After they left and the fellowship retired for the night I collapsed onto the couch for some much need rest.
I groggily came out of my slumber feeling like I had just fallen asleep. What had woke me up ? I slowly opened my eyes to see another pair of eyes staring down at me. "Aaaaahhhhh,"
I screamed as another voice did. I shot up accidentally head-butting the intruder of my personal space. I narrowed my eyes at the figure, trying very hard to suddenly mutate and have night vision. I finally gave up, flicking on the table lamp. I stared at the curly haired hobbit, sprawled on my living room floor , showing the signs of the beginning of a nice shiner. "Peregrin Took, why are you not asleep ?"
"Why does everyone use my full name when I'm in trouble ?"
"Why aren't you asleep Pippin ?"
"Sleep ? What is this sleep you speak of ?"
"Great ! You're still high on expresso."
The rest of the fellowship then chose to join us, weapons drawn. "Lady Tina," Frodo yawned, then snapped awake, looking at my forehead ",how did you injure yourself ?"
I felt the huge knot on my forehead while pointing at Pippin but soon found myself cowering in fear as a scream ripped through the air outside of the apartment. The front door with all of its locks suddenly didn't seem like enough protection from the outside world. Maybe I could buy something in the way of six inch thick solid steel. I wonder if they could install it tomorrow ? "Gollum," Sam hissed, his eyes narrowing at one of the windows.
"That's it," I cried out in triumph looking at Aragorn. "That's what I had to tell you."
"A little late but now we know," Gandalf sighed. "Aragorn and I will keep watch for the rest of the night. Lady Tina..."
"Just Tina, please."
"Tina, you may join the hobbits so we will not disturb you."
"I think I'd feel safer with the elves but okay."
And with that we went back to bed but I didn't dare go back to sleep. After all there was an overly hyper hobbit on the loose.
(A/N- This chapter is finally finished. I was at Best Buy a few days ago wishing I had enough money to buy the collector's set of TTT when I found something that caused me to roll on the ground I was laughing so hard. They have a movie called Lord of the Strings. Its about these four Throbbits (they are girls) who have to take the dreaded thong of power and destroy it in the fires of Mount Party Pooper. I'm not lying this really exists. I swear. Anyway for a preview of our next chappie:
Chapter 6
Band Practice and French Quarter Debauchery
Tina has band practice. Will she make it ? And the fellowship is taken by the four friends to the French Quarter. Will they have heart attacks from all of the indecency ?