Interlude One, Uno, Une, Neo, whatever
SouthernGirl: Hello everyone ! This is just a little bit of randomness to explain a few things in the story.
Boromir (looks confused): How can it be random if it explains something ?
SG: I have orcs on speed dial.
Boromir: ....
SG: Now on to the things all college students must do before graduating and having to be a grown-up (aka: the real world).
Frodo: Couldn't this also be applied to high school too ?
SG: Some of it I guess.
Sam (joining Frodo, Boromir and SG): What about middle school ?
SG (a funny look on face): No, too young. Now on with the program presented by me and the Fellowship.
(Everyone joins SG except Gandalf.)
Gandalf (far away): I'm not doing this.
SG (shrugging): Fine. You're due for a dream sequence in Misplaced anyway.
Gandalf (muttering): Nothing worse that a power hungry author unless its the angst ridden teens they create.
SG (yelling): I heard that.
Haldir: Can we get on with this ? I have my own appearances to make.
SG (sigh): Just go.
(Haldir leaves with Gandalf.)
SG (looking at the fellowship): Who's first ?
Aragorn: I believe I am. (clears throat and continues to speak in a kingly voice) Get tattooed and pierced or both.
SG: YES ! Rage against conformity while secretly joining its ranks. But please, please, I can't stress this enough, please do us body modifiers a big favor. Don't get anything tattooed on you that is: a) smaller than a silver dollar unless it is a part of a bigger piece and b) a campy cartoon character that you picked out on a whim. And as far as piercings go do not get that cutesy little nostril piercing its annoying and completely defeats the purpose of getting a piercing. NEXT !
Boromir: Join a band.
SG: I was in a band once. For all of five minutes until I realized there is no such thing as instant fame. That only happens in the movies.
Merry: Or on the OC. NEXT !
SG: Hey ! That's my line.
Merry: Sorry.
SG: Its okay. NEXT !
Gimli (smiling happily): This I could definately get behind. Party like every day is the last.
SG: Now here's the disclaimer. (turns serious) Since I am a parent now it has become one of my many duties as an adult to say the following things. I do not nor have I ever endorsed underage drinking or other illegal activities. And if you do drink don't drive. Call a cab. There ! Mature moment over. You can all let it out.
(Everyone bursts out laughing.)
SG (wiping eyes, still laughing): Wooo ! NEXT !
Sam (frowning): This one is just dumb. (SG glares. Sam looks uncomfortable) Rot your brain with television.
SG: Forget that term paper on the mating habits of the soft shell crab. Turn on generation Y's babysitter. Watch millions of acts of violence and sex. Absorb thousand of hours of useless information. Look at the wonders it did for Pippin.
Pippin (staring blankly and drooling): Umpa lumpa. I'll take Quinten Terrantino for a thousand. I'll use a lifeline. Rubber ducky you're the one....
SG: NEXT !
Frodo (confused): Fall in love...a lot.
SG: Fall in love. Get your heart broken. Repeat. (pause) And repeat. (pause) And repeat. Continue repeating until you become completely jaded towards anyone and everyone including your one true love. Then spend angst ridden days and nightmare filled nights together. Reproduce. Continue the cycle. Ain't love grand ? NEXT !
Legolas (covering ears): No need to yell. Anyway, get a credit card.
SG: Credit cards. Plural. Who needs a house or a car in the future ? Step one look at credit cards in wonder. Step two check your credit limit. Step three buy useless things to your heart's content. Step four forget to pay the bills with your non-existent paycheck. Step five when credit companies start calling wanting their money shift the blame onto them for giving an immature child said credity cards. Its the American way. NEXT !
Merry: Make friends with fictitional people.
SG: Nothing says mid-term nervous breakdown like a conversation with a bunch of characters from a best selling trilogy.
Fellowship (offended): HEY !
SG: And finally....
Pippin: Change your major.
SG: All parents want their kids to be doctors or lawyers. Follow the tradition of all the youth before you and change your major to something guaranteed to never get you a job. Such as Latin or philosophy. Follow this guide and you're guaranteed to have many argument filled holidays for an eternity. I should know because not only am I the founder....
Pippin (drooling again, completely zombified): What is she's also a client, Alex ?
(A/N: Seriously though, don't drink and drive. It's against the law.)
SouthernGirl: Hello everyone ! This is just a little bit of randomness to explain a few things in the story.
Boromir (looks confused): How can it be random if it explains something ?
SG: I have orcs on speed dial.
Boromir: ....
SG: Now on to the things all college students must do before graduating and having to be a grown-up (aka: the real world).
Frodo: Couldn't this also be applied to high school too ?
SG: Some of it I guess.
Sam (joining Frodo, Boromir and SG): What about middle school ?
SG (a funny look on face): No, too young. Now on with the program presented by me and the Fellowship.
(Everyone joins SG except Gandalf.)
Gandalf (far away): I'm not doing this.
SG (shrugging): Fine. You're due for a dream sequence in Misplaced anyway.
Gandalf (muttering): Nothing worse that a power hungry author unless its the angst ridden teens they create.
SG (yelling): I heard that.
Haldir: Can we get on with this ? I have my own appearances to make.
SG (sigh): Just go.
(Haldir leaves with Gandalf.)
SG (looking at the fellowship): Who's first ?
Aragorn: I believe I am. (clears throat and continues to speak in a kingly voice) Get tattooed and pierced or both.
SG: YES ! Rage against conformity while secretly joining its ranks. But please, please, I can't stress this enough, please do us body modifiers a big favor. Don't get anything tattooed on you that is: a) smaller than a silver dollar unless it is a part of a bigger piece and b) a campy cartoon character that you picked out on a whim. And as far as piercings go do not get that cutesy little nostril piercing its annoying and completely defeats the purpose of getting a piercing. NEXT !
Boromir: Join a band.
SG: I was in a band once. For all of five minutes until I realized there is no such thing as instant fame. That only happens in the movies.
Merry: Or on the OC. NEXT !
SG: Hey ! That's my line.
Merry: Sorry.
SG: Its okay. NEXT !
Gimli (smiling happily): This I could definately get behind. Party like every day is the last.
SG: Now here's the disclaimer. (turns serious) Since I am a parent now it has become one of my many duties as an adult to say the following things. I do not nor have I ever endorsed underage drinking or other illegal activities. And if you do drink don't drive. Call a cab. There ! Mature moment over. You can all let it out.
(Everyone bursts out laughing.)
SG (wiping eyes, still laughing): Wooo ! NEXT !
Sam (frowning): This one is just dumb. (SG glares. Sam looks uncomfortable) Rot your brain with television.
SG: Forget that term paper on the mating habits of the soft shell crab. Turn on generation Y's babysitter. Watch millions of acts of violence and sex. Absorb thousand of hours of useless information. Look at the wonders it did for Pippin.
Pippin (staring blankly and drooling): Umpa lumpa. I'll take Quinten Terrantino for a thousand. I'll use a lifeline. Rubber ducky you're the one....
SG: NEXT !
Frodo (confused): Fall in love...a lot.
SG: Fall in love. Get your heart broken. Repeat. (pause) And repeat. (pause) And repeat. Continue repeating until you become completely jaded towards anyone and everyone including your one true love. Then spend angst ridden days and nightmare filled nights together. Reproduce. Continue the cycle. Ain't love grand ? NEXT !
Legolas (covering ears): No need to yell. Anyway, get a credit card.
SG: Credit cards. Plural. Who needs a house or a car in the future ? Step one look at credit cards in wonder. Step two check your credit limit. Step three buy useless things to your heart's content. Step four forget to pay the bills with your non-existent paycheck. Step five when credit companies start calling wanting their money shift the blame onto them for giving an immature child said credity cards. Its the American way. NEXT !
Merry: Make friends with fictitional people.
SG: Nothing says mid-term nervous breakdown like a conversation with a bunch of characters from a best selling trilogy.
Fellowship (offended): HEY !
SG: And finally....
Pippin: Change your major.
SG: All parents want their kids to be doctors or lawyers. Follow the tradition of all the youth before you and change your major to something guaranteed to never get you a job. Such as Latin or philosophy. Follow this guide and you're guaranteed to have many argument filled holidays for an eternity. I should know because not only am I the founder....
Pippin (drooling again, completely zombified): What is she's also a client, Alex ?
(A/N: Seriously though, don't drink and drive. It's against the law.)