Chapter 10
Elves and Strip Clubs
Disclaimer- If you recognize it I definately own it. NOT !
A/N- don't own it and probably never will. Special thanks to my reviewers, especially nienna, you're the best. And King Matt. Thank you for your review. I don't think you're biased even though you're, like, my best friend. I'm sad to say that I think I'm starting to turn back to drama. I know. I want to cry too. (Aria slaps SG upside the head)
Aria: Will you get on with it. I have other writers to inspire.
SG (rubbing head): You call this inspiration ?
(Southerngirl runs off as Aria chases after her.)
SG: Please read and review. Pralines to everyone who reviews.
Tina's POV
"How many bottles have we gone through," I slurred out.
"Six. No, seven. No...nine," Boromir hiccuped.
Mandy slid off her barstool, recovered, then gave up. She fell down on the floor. I think she gave up on her precious dignity for the time being. "My head is going to hate me tomorrow."
"My stomach already does," Matt groaned.
"Waffle House," I cried out, scaring everyone at the bar.
Betsy paled then facepalmed. "No. No greasy food."
"Greasy food's the best."
"Taco Bell," Mandy offered from her seat on the floor.
"Ugh," I grimmaced. "No ! No Mexican food. I want breakfast. I know ! We'll stay in the penthouse tonight."
"Good plan," Matt called out before he laid his head on the bar.
I looked around for something. The bartender noticed this and sat another bottle of Jack in front of us. "Thanks, but not what I'm lookin' for. Where are my boys ?"
"We're right here but we're hardly boys," Boromir snorted, finally helping Mandy back onto her barstool.
"Not you. I know where you two are. I mean my other boys."
"Tina," a voice whispered in my ear.
I screamed before spinning on my barstool too quickly. I fell over into the waiting arms of Faber. "Don't ever do that to me again. EVER !"
"We found the elves. You had better come with me."
"What about Gimli and the hobbits ?"
"Haven't found the hobbits yet. We took Gimli to the penthouse about half an hour ago. Now come on."
Faber pulled me out of the bar and the others staggered slowly behind us. Faber led us up the street to a bar that the rest of my band were standing in front of. The windows were completely covered in pictures of naked women. "Your elves should be comin' out any second," Steven said, practically holding me up because I was laughing so hard.
"What is so funny, Tina," Aragorn asked while Steven kept trying to straighten me up.
"Prim and proper elves and strippers," I managed to get out in between fits of laughter.
Aragorn and Boromir got yet another set of priceless looks on their faces. In confusion they both asked ",Strippers ?"
"Yes," Betsy stated (quite professionally), stepping forward ",men and women who take off their clothes for money."
Loud voices from the club drew our attention back to the doors. I could hear El Snobbo himself yelling the loudest. "Unhand me this instant. I am Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlorien. Protector of the Lady of the Light, Galadriel herself. No common man has ever laid hand on me without losing it."
"Sure buddy," the bouncer replied as he shoved Haldir, none too gently, out of the club doors ",and I'm Bilbo."
Bouncer one disappeared as bouncer two pushed Legolas out of the club. "Don't come back."
Steven gave up on holding my thin, but squirmy, frame upright. I fell onto the brick covered street still laughing uncontrollably while gasping out ",Elves...strippers....boobs...
elves...eunichs !"
"I am no eunich," Legolas stated, quite offended. "As for Haldir I cannot speak."
I stopped laughing long enough to look up at Legolas. The small smirk that rested on his lips was enough. I cracked up again. Joel picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. That shut me up. Fast. "Ugh, don't feel so great now."
"Don't worry." Joel chuckled as he playfully smacked my rear. "You'll be able to pass out in about ten minutes."
"Did you just slap my ass."
"Uhm," now Joel sounded nervous ",yes."
"You are so gonna get hurt."
Ninna's POV
I awoke to absolute silence. Blessed silence. Maybe Pippin had fainted from lack of oxygen. Then I heard something. A humming noise that became a ratteling noise that became a banging noise that finally became a BOOM noise. My eyes shot open and I sprang to my feet along with the other three hobbits. I began to wig out in more ways than one until I realized it was just Pippin. A Pippin who was surrounded by what suspiciously looked like pieces of my parent's entertainment center. Pippin grinned broadly (ignoring the destruction he caused) while singing ",I know something you don't know."
Now I was mad. My parents were going to kill me. I stomped over to my phone and dialed while screaming ",Who cares. I'm callin' Tina."
Matt's POV
My head was ringing. Then it stopped. Then it rang again. That's funny. It sounded just like Tina's cell phone. "Matt," Betsy whispered ",your pants're ringin'."
"Why would my pants be ringin'. I don't remember Levi's bein' able to ring."
"Maybe they're remindin' you to go pee," Mandy sighed, leaning on Boromir. "Mmmmmm, comfy. Go nite-nite now."
I reached into my front pockets on a hunch and pulled out Tina's cell phone. How the hell did I end up with it ? "Hello. Tina's phone. He who rocks answering."
"Tell Tina to come get her damn hobbits."
"Uhm," the person on the other end sounded mad. "Who's this ?"
"Nienna," she yelled.
"Oh. Hold on." Tina was looking at me from her spot over Joel's shoulder. "Uhm, its Nienna. She wants you to come get the hobbits."
"Tell her I can't drive. Tell Nienna to call them a cab and sent them to the Mariott. We're in the penthouse. I'll pay her back tomorrow."
"Okay." I turned my attention back to the cell phone ",Nienna ?"
"I heard her."
Then Nienna slammed her phone down. I stared at the phone for a second ",One of these days I'm gonna quit answering you."
Mandy's POV
Cuddely arm. I could go to sleep right now if I wasn't busy doing something else. What was I doing ? Oh, right. Walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. Trip. Let Boromir catch me. Say thank you while batting my oh-so-pretty eyelashes. Get pissed when Boromir asks if I have something in my eye. Continue walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. Oh, lookie. We're at the hotel.
Tina's POV
The desk clerk handed me the penthouse keycard without a single word. I smiled as big as I dared since my stomach had taken up residence in my throat. "We'll be expectin' four little people soon. Be a dear and help them with the elevator. TO THE ELEVATORS !"
Once in the elevator I began to push on the area right above Joel's kidneys while making running water noises. "Stop, Tina."
"No. Hoover dam. Swimming pools. Dripping faucets. Bubbling, swirling water. Jacuzzis...."
By the time the elevator doors opened on the top floor Joel was bouncing from foot to foot. He put me down so I could open the only door on the floor. I purposely kept putting the key card in wrong as Joel's face kept getting redder. "Give it here," Joel finally screamed, opening the door.
Joel ran in, disappearing, to go relieve himself. The rest of us walked in a bit slower as we turned on the lights as we went. I staggered over to the phone where the room service menu awaited me. I dialed down to the kitchen. "Hello."
"Hi. Penthouse here. We would like to order room service."
"Go ahead with your order."
"A dozen double cheeseburgers with the works. Six chili cheese fries. Six plain fries. Six large orders of onion rings. Four london broils, medium-rare with green beans and sauteed mushrooms. A whole Boston cream pie, pecan pie and chocolate decadence cake. Also bring up every bottle of whiskey and beer you can find."
I hung up the phone and waited patiently. Within a few minutes the requested alcohol began to arrive and that's when things got fuzzy.
Nest time...I mean...Next time: Chapter 11- The ring does what ?
The hobbits rejoin the others. The ring of power seems to do things a little differently in this time. And a mystery guest reveals how the fellowship ended up in Louisiana to begin with.
Elves and Strip Clubs
Disclaimer- If you recognize it I definately own it. NOT !
A/N- don't own it and probably never will. Special thanks to my reviewers, especially nienna, you're the best. And King Matt. Thank you for your review. I don't think you're biased even though you're, like, my best friend. I'm sad to say that I think I'm starting to turn back to drama. I know. I want to cry too. (Aria slaps SG upside the head)
Aria: Will you get on with it. I have other writers to inspire.
SG (rubbing head): You call this inspiration ?
(Southerngirl runs off as Aria chases after her.)
SG: Please read and review. Pralines to everyone who reviews.
Tina's POV
"How many bottles have we gone through," I slurred out.
"Six. No, seven. No...nine," Boromir hiccuped.
Mandy slid off her barstool, recovered, then gave up. She fell down on the floor. I think she gave up on her precious dignity for the time being. "My head is going to hate me tomorrow."
"My stomach already does," Matt groaned.
"Waffle House," I cried out, scaring everyone at the bar.
Betsy paled then facepalmed. "No. No greasy food."
"Greasy food's the best."
"Taco Bell," Mandy offered from her seat on the floor.
"Ugh," I grimmaced. "No ! No Mexican food. I want breakfast. I know ! We'll stay in the penthouse tonight."
"Good plan," Matt called out before he laid his head on the bar.
I looked around for something. The bartender noticed this and sat another bottle of Jack in front of us. "Thanks, but not what I'm lookin' for. Where are my boys ?"
"We're right here but we're hardly boys," Boromir snorted, finally helping Mandy back onto her barstool.
"Not you. I know where you two are. I mean my other boys."
"Tina," a voice whispered in my ear.
I screamed before spinning on my barstool too quickly. I fell over into the waiting arms of Faber. "Don't ever do that to me again. EVER !"
"We found the elves. You had better come with me."
"What about Gimli and the hobbits ?"
"Haven't found the hobbits yet. We took Gimli to the penthouse about half an hour ago. Now come on."
Faber pulled me out of the bar and the others staggered slowly behind us. Faber led us up the street to a bar that the rest of my band were standing in front of. The windows were completely covered in pictures of naked women. "Your elves should be comin' out any second," Steven said, practically holding me up because I was laughing so hard.
"What is so funny, Tina," Aragorn asked while Steven kept trying to straighten me up.
"Prim and proper elves and strippers," I managed to get out in between fits of laughter.
Aragorn and Boromir got yet another set of priceless looks on their faces. In confusion they both asked ",Strippers ?"
"Yes," Betsy stated (quite professionally), stepping forward ",men and women who take off their clothes for money."
Loud voices from the club drew our attention back to the doors. I could hear El Snobbo himself yelling the loudest. "Unhand me this instant. I am Haldir, Marchwarden of Lothlorien. Protector of the Lady of the Light, Galadriel herself. No common man has ever laid hand on me without losing it."
"Sure buddy," the bouncer replied as he shoved Haldir, none too gently, out of the club doors ",and I'm Bilbo."
Bouncer one disappeared as bouncer two pushed Legolas out of the club. "Don't come back."
Steven gave up on holding my thin, but squirmy, frame upright. I fell onto the brick covered street still laughing uncontrollably while gasping out ",Elves...strippers....boobs...
elves...eunichs !"
"I am no eunich," Legolas stated, quite offended. "As for Haldir I cannot speak."
I stopped laughing long enough to look up at Legolas. The small smirk that rested on his lips was enough. I cracked up again. Joel picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. That shut me up. Fast. "Ugh, don't feel so great now."
"Don't worry." Joel chuckled as he playfully smacked my rear. "You'll be able to pass out in about ten minutes."
"Did you just slap my ass."
"Uhm," now Joel sounded nervous ",yes."
"You are so gonna get hurt."
Ninna's POV
I awoke to absolute silence. Blessed silence. Maybe Pippin had fainted from lack of oxygen. Then I heard something. A humming noise that became a ratteling noise that became a banging noise that finally became a BOOM noise. My eyes shot open and I sprang to my feet along with the other three hobbits. I began to wig out in more ways than one until I realized it was just Pippin. A Pippin who was surrounded by what suspiciously looked like pieces of my parent's entertainment center. Pippin grinned broadly (ignoring the destruction he caused) while singing ",I know something you don't know."
Now I was mad. My parents were going to kill me. I stomped over to my phone and dialed while screaming ",Who cares. I'm callin' Tina."
Matt's POV
My head was ringing. Then it stopped. Then it rang again. That's funny. It sounded just like Tina's cell phone. "Matt," Betsy whispered ",your pants're ringin'."
"Why would my pants be ringin'. I don't remember Levi's bein' able to ring."
"Maybe they're remindin' you to go pee," Mandy sighed, leaning on Boromir. "Mmmmmm, comfy. Go nite-nite now."
I reached into my front pockets on a hunch and pulled out Tina's cell phone. How the hell did I end up with it ? "Hello. Tina's phone. He who rocks answering."
"Tell Tina to come get her damn hobbits."
"Uhm," the person on the other end sounded mad. "Who's this ?"
"Nienna," she yelled.
"Oh. Hold on." Tina was looking at me from her spot over Joel's shoulder. "Uhm, its Nienna. She wants you to come get the hobbits."
"Tell her I can't drive. Tell Nienna to call them a cab and sent them to the Mariott. We're in the penthouse. I'll pay her back tomorrow."
"Okay." I turned my attention back to the cell phone ",Nienna ?"
"I heard her."
Then Nienna slammed her phone down. I stared at the phone for a second ",One of these days I'm gonna quit answering you."
Mandy's POV
Cuddely arm. I could go to sleep right now if I wasn't busy doing something else. What was I doing ? Oh, right. Walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. Trip. Let Boromir catch me. Say thank you while batting my oh-so-pretty eyelashes. Get pissed when Boromir asks if I have something in my eye. Continue walking. Left. Right. Left. Right. Oh, lookie. We're at the hotel.
Tina's POV
The desk clerk handed me the penthouse keycard without a single word. I smiled as big as I dared since my stomach had taken up residence in my throat. "We'll be expectin' four little people soon. Be a dear and help them with the elevator. TO THE ELEVATORS !"
Once in the elevator I began to push on the area right above Joel's kidneys while making running water noises. "Stop, Tina."
"No. Hoover dam. Swimming pools. Dripping faucets. Bubbling, swirling water. Jacuzzis...."
By the time the elevator doors opened on the top floor Joel was bouncing from foot to foot. He put me down so I could open the only door on the floor. I purposely kept putting the key card in wrong as Joel's face kept getting redder. "Give it here," Joel finally screamed, opening the door.
Joel ran in, disappearing, to go relieve himself. The rest of us walked in a bit slower as we turned on the lights as we went. I staggered over to the phone where the room service menu awaited me. I dialed down to the kitchen. "Hello."
"Hi. Penthouse here. We would like to order room service."
"Go ahead with your order."
"A dozen double cheeseburgers with the works. Six chili cheese fries. Six plain fries. Six large orders of onion rings. Four london broils, medium-rare with green beans and sauteed mushrooms. A whole Boston cream pie, pecan pie and chocolate decadence cake. Also bring up every bottle of whiskey and beer you can find."
I hung up the phone and waited patiently. Within a few minutes the requested alcohol began to arrive and that's when things got fuzzy.
Nest time...I mean...Next time: Chapter 11- The ring does what ?
The hobbits rejoin the others. The ring of power seems to do things a little differently in this time. And a mystery guest reveals how the fellowship ended up in Louisiana to begin with.