A/N: I would like to thank all of my wonderful reviewers; this chapter is for all of you.

Ascetic

Chapter 3:

My wrist still hurt. I couldn't get to the point of opening my eyes; there was no point to wake up. What was I suppose to do? Go on living while I was still nothing? I slowly opened them, everything was still a bit blurry and I guess that almost dying would do that to me. I looked around the room slowly. I looked up to see a man hanging on a cross. I guess that I was in Race's church. A man dressed in black walked over to me, frowning.

"So, you finally decided to wake up? You know, I just barely managed to convince Anthony to go eat something. He's been sitting by your side for nearly two days now." He put on a forced smile.

"Why would he want to? I'm nothing. I lied to him, I don't deserve to live." I said, for the first time I was willing to admit it, I didn't want to live anymore. I had lied to the one person I loved... Wait, where'd that come from, love, I didn't even realize it before, I guess that I've just been to selfish to try to figure out why Race cared about me, and why lying to him hurt so much.

"Anthony really seems to care about you, even if you can't say the same thing about yourself." He quickly lost his fake smile as he helped me sit up. "My name is Father Kenson. Would you like to tell me why you had cut yourself?"

I stared at him blankly; I didn't want to explain myself to anyone, especially not someone that believed in drinking another person's blood. "I don't think I want to, where's Race?"

"I just told you he went to go eat something about five minutes ago, if you'd like I could see if Sister Anne would be willing to take you to him."

I shook my head, "I can find him by myself and I don't need anyone's help."

I tried to stand up, but my knees gave out on me. Father Kenson reached down to help me up, "You lost a lot of blood."

I placed my hands on the ground and began to force myself up, but I couldn't feel my wrist. I quickly sat down again and looked at my left wrist carefully. It was all pale, and a tight piece of cloth was tied slightly below my elbow. "What's wrong with my arm?"

Father Kenson looked to the ground, "We couldn't stop the bleeding with direct pressure, the doctor had to use a tourniquet."

I looked to my limp arm, "Is it going to be okay, I mean I can't feel it."

Father Kenson looked at me with some pity in his eyes, "I'll go find the doctor, he should be able to answer all of your questions."

I looked at him in fear. I'd never needed a doctor for my bleeding before; it had always bled for a few minutes then stopped. Father Kenson walked away from me shaking his head. I stayed sitting on the ground staring at my dead arm. I was still sitting there when Race returned to the room.

He quickly ran over and hugged me tightly. I could feel my shoulder get moist, Race was crying. "Race, I'm sorry."

I joined him in crying. It was the first time I'd cried in as long as I can remember.

Race tighten his grip, "It's okay, Alan. Just don't do it ever again okay?"

He was still crying. "Race, I..." I stopped. I couldn't say it; I guess that it was because I was afraid that I'd only hurt him again.

Race moved his head from my shoulder and looked at me, "You what Spot?"

'I love you' I thought bitterly, but I couldn't say it from my fear of him getting hurt. "I'm afraid." I mumbled.

Race reached his thumb to my face and whipped away my tears as he forced a smile, "It's going to be okay, Spot. I'm sure that the doctor will be able to help you."

I blushed a bit at our contact before swallowing my pride, "I'm not afraid of what's going to happen to me, Race. I'm afraid that I might hurt you; I don't want to see you cry Race. Never again, because..." I stopped.

Race's eyes searched my silently before I leaned in and placed my lips to his. I kissed him softly before pulling back from him a bit, still afraid that I was moving too fast, that I'd chase him off. But it was my first kiss, not that I'd ever tell anyone else that because everyone thinks that I'm a womanizer, but I've never really kissed anyone, at least not like that.

Race's lips moved into a smile, a real smile.

I smiled back as I looked at the ground blushing, "Because I love you, Higgins."

Race's smile grew as he leaned forward to kiss me. But our lips never met, he quickly stopped and looked up to the door. A man had just walked in, I guess that he was the doctor because Race walked over to him and started to whisper to him.

They talked for about half an hour before they both walked over to me. Race was crying again.

"What's wrong, Race?" I asked as Race put an arm around me and helped me back onto the pew. Race looked to the doctor, who took a deep breath. "What's wrong, Doctor, what's going to happen to me?"

"Alan, I'm afraid that..." He stopped he was unable to finish his sentence.

"Am I going to die, Doc?" I asked quickly, it was the only thing that my mind could come up with for his silence and Race's tears.

The doctor forced a laugh, "No, you will be fine, but I'm afraid your arm won't be able to say the same thing."

My hand quickly went over to my left wrist and held it. "Why not doctor?"

"You lost too much blood, I'm afraid we have to remove it, or... Or we might lose you too. You see you still have some glass stuck in your arm, and we can't remove all of it."

I nodded as I looked to Race. I promptly forced a smile, "I guess I get a new selling angle right, Higgins?"

Race laughed a little, "Yeah, but I don't think anyone will try to copy you."

I smirked, "And maybe Jack will have a chance at an even fight now that I won't have both arms."

The doctor smiled down at me, "I'll see you in the morning, Alan."

I nodded and he walked away. Race quickly grabbed my right hand and held it tight, "Spot?"

"What?" I asked looking into his beautiful brown eyes.

"I love you too." Race said blushing. I smiled as we kissed again.

Now with Race in my arms, I have to think that maybe I'm not nothing anymore. We stopped kissing and I looked at him again, "Thanks."

He smiled at me again as our lips met again.

A/N: Wow, I really like that chapter, well there's only one more chapter left, so I guess that will be up once I get back from camp next week. I hope you like it, and please review.

Spot!Muse: WOW! I'm so sissy now... How dare you make me sissy?

Race!Muse: Would you rather be sissy or dead?

Spot!Muse: Good point...

Well, now it's time for shout-outs:

Obsessed with Aaron Lohr- But Ani, dear, if Spot did die, he wouldn't be able to make the same mistake again either... Didn't you ever think of that? Well, I'm happy that you at least felt sorry for Race.

Saturday- Nope, sorry to disappoint ya, but nothing horrible has happened to me... Lately at least. Hehe, I kinda liked the broken glass part, but I guess that it was a bit much, because it did make it so I had to bump up the rating. Well, look, it hasn't been a long wait this time. Well, thanks for the review.

Rannoch- I will not make it more graphic! How dare you accuse me of such a thing? Well, Spot is an ass, and not the donkey kind. Hehe, I think everyone wants to kick Spot right now (mostly because he's down and he can't fight back) Well, I hope that JacktheKnife!Muse continues to behave. Thanks for the review Doll-face.

Liams Kitten- Wow, you really kept grabbing your wrist, that's weird. Well, I think that you did smell some slash... But you know how can I not make this slash when it's just calling my name like that. Well, I don't think Spot was lucky enough to kill himself with a piece of glass... PLEASE! SAVE THE COW! IT'S NOT ITS FAULT THAT I'M LAZY!!! Well, thanks for the review.

SpecsGlasses- It's fantastic? Wow, that makes me feel special... Well, I'm glad that you liked it. Does the '...' at the end of "I hope you update it soon..." Mean that you're going to update yours soon? Incase you can't tell I want you to. Well, thanks for the review.