(A/N- I know. I know. I haven't updated this in ages. I had writer's block. I saw Dom on I Love the 90s on VH1 and he still looks hot. Anyway on with the show.)

Disclaimer- Don't own it and never will unless I win the lottery and for the Tolkein estate to sell.

The Ring Does What ?!?

Sunlight was bearing down on my face demanding that I wake up. I cautiously cracked one eye open and was quite surprised when searing pain didn't rip through my head. Well, now that I knew I didn't have a hangover I didn't want to wake up. My bed was warm, soft and currently breathing. BREATHING !!! I think I fell out of the bed before I even opened my eyes a second time. I made sure I was looking down when I did finally get the courage to open them. I snapped my eyes shut again when I realized I was as naked as the day I was born. I peeked down again and, yep, not a stitch there. Well, this is embarrassing. I heard someone laughing lightly above me on the bed. "Don't be the jerk. Anyone but Le Snob. Please, if there's someone up there who likes me, don't let it be him."

"The compliments continually roll off of your tongue do they not ?"

And somewhere in the cosmos a deity laughed. I looked up to see Haldir looking down at me with that typical Haldir look. My eyes wandered over his bare chest then down to where the blanket blocked my view. I jumped up, grabbing the blanket, screaming at the top of my lungs ",Ahhhhhhhhhh, Mary Sue germs ! Faber ?!"

"What ?"

"I need steel wool. I have Mary Sue germs ! Hafta get 'em off."

"I'll be back," Faber yelled from the other side of the door.

Haldir's POV

Well, that is not the reaction I was expecting.

Tina's POV

I ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me, as I tried to regain some of my composure. I don't remember a single thing after all of the alcohol was delivered. Alcohol is now my worst enemy. I mean it was bad enough that it gave me hangovers but now this ? I am never drinking again. And I mean it this time. Once I had sufficiently calmed down I looked around the room only to find a garden gnome staring back at me. Where had that come from ? "Where'd the gnome come from ?"

"You insisted that we go get the hobbits even though I had told you numerous times that they were already here," Haldir began to explain. "You left and I decided to join you. Along the way you saw that hideous thing and would not leave the the yard until you could take it with you. I digressed and you brought it back with you and left it in the bathroom."

"Who the hell is he calling hideous," a new voice asked.

I turned to look at the knome but staring back at me was a very real, very alive gnome. I could have sworn he was ceramic not even ten seconds ago. "Uhm, did you say something ? 'Cause I coulda sworn you weren't real."

The gnome rolled his eyes and huffed in what I think was frustration or anger. You really can't tell with gnomes. "Out of all of the people I have enlightened you are by far the dimmest bulb of the bunch."

"Hey ! I resent that. I'm not dim. Burned out sometimes, yes. But I'm not stupid. I just have a selective memory."

"I would like to see how far knowing everything about X-Men comics gets you. I'm sure you'll land some exec job with that."

Now I was getting pissed. Having my friends tell me I was having blonde moments was one thing but to have an inanimate object tell me I was stupid and going no where was something else entirely. I leaned down a mere inch from his face and growled ",We are on the top floor and I have no reservation about dropping you from the balcony."

The gnome actually looked frightened for a moment before the little bastard bit my nose. I yelped and pulled back, gingerly rubbing my nose. "Now, if you are quite through with your useless threats can I get to the point of why I'm here. You didn't decide to steal me by accident you know."

"Hurry up. I have icky Haldir germs to scour off."

"Like I was saying I have come to enlighten you about your current situation." I gave him what I thought was my best clueless look to which he sighed. "You mean to tell me you haven't even thought about why the Fellowship showed up here ?"

"I thought it was divine intervention. Or some higher power's way of driving me insane."

"When I get done here I'm telling my boss to give me a raise. I don't get paid enough for this. Anyway, the Fellowship didn't just happen to drop in accidentally or even with the help of some god or goddess. It seems your little dwarf friend, Gimli, did something Celeborn didn't like. A certain something with Galadriel. So, as an act of revenge Celeborn cast a spell. The spell was only suppose to send Gimli here but it got a little out of control and sent the entire Fellowship here along with other random people."

Okay, its sinking in. Gimli and Galadriel. Ewwwww.....and other random people are here too ? "What do you mean by other people ?"

"I mean Haldir isn't the only one who is completely out of place. Other non-Fellowship members just happen to have been deposited with other friends of yours. So, that's what you need to tell Gandalf if you ever make it back home. Now, can you help me down ? I have other clueless people to help."

Wordlessly I sat him down onto the bathroom tile. Then in a little poof of sparkles and confetti he disappeared. "GIMLI!!!!!!!!"

I stormed out of the bathroom, passing by a shocked Haldir, and into the living area to confront the midget. He looked up at me from the video game he and Aragorn were play. "What is it, lass ?"

"What did you do with Galadriel ? And don't lie to me because someone told me you did something with her."

"How did you find out about that ?"

"Not important. Just tell me."

"Can't. I will not expose the fair Lady in that manner."

"Ewwww. Dude that is not only gross but against the laws of nature. You can tell everyone that they owe you a world of thanks because you're the reason everyone ended up here. Celeborn found out and cast a spell." Gimli looked up at me speechless. "Mandy, why don't you guys take everyone out sight seeing. I now have to go scrub my brain to get this image out of it."

When Mandy didn't answer I looked around the room only to find that she wasn't there but there was a confused Matt looking at me. "Tina, why're you wearing a blanket ?"

"I'll figure that out in a second. Where's Mandy ?"

Matt pointed to the other bedroom that was closed off. "Great. Matt order up some breakfast and then get these guys outta here for the day. I don't care what you do just keep them away from a few hours."

I went back into my bedroom where Haldir was still in bed this time covered with a sheet. I slammed the door closed behind me. "What has you so upset this time, my lady ?"

I growled in anger. I hate that snob. Why does he have to act like he's better than everybody. "What happened last night ? How the hell did I end up in bed with you ? I must've been really messed up."

"You grabbed a bottle of whiskey as soon as all of the alcohol was brought up. You turned on some music and a song by a band you called the Rasmus was playing. Everyone except for myself and Legolas began to dance. I thought you would pick Legolas since all women want Legolas but you picked me."

Okay, now starting to feel kind of bad here. I looked up to Haldir and the bad feeling immediately went away. He was smirking. Jerk. Haldir continued to explain the events of last night ",Then we ended up in here. I must admit I had no idea you were so flexible."

"Forget last night. Pretend it never happened. And nothing of the sort will ever happen again. Now, I have to go wash all of my skin off."

When I was sure that all Mary Sue germs had been washed off, which was like two hours, I dressed and went back into the penthouse's main room. I wasn't alone like I had hoped. Merry and Pippin were eating the remnants of breakfast. Sam and Frodo had continued to play the video game that Aragorn and Gimli were playing. "I thought you guys went with everyone else."

"No. I personally have no desire to venture out into that city again," Sam answered.

I personally didn't blame them. I wanted to leave and never come back. After last night I'd had enough of New Orleans. Then an idea struck me. I was always curious about this when I'd read the books. "Hey, Frodo, you still have the ring, right ?"

"Yes, Tina."

"Could I, like, see it ? Just for a second and then I'll give it back. Promise."

Frodo dropped his controller and walked over to the balcony doors where I was standing. He handed me the ring. I put it on and nothing happened. "You sure this is the ring ?"

"Quite sure."

"Did you break it or something ?"

"No, I did not damage it."

My stomach began to churn. I suddenly didn't feel so hot. Maybe it had to do with the inhuman amounts of whiskey I consumed last night. I opened up the balcony doors so that I could get some fresh air. It didn't help. I walked out onto the balcony still feeling like I was going to release the contents of my stomach. I opened my mouth to say something but a tremendously loud burp was released instead along with a five foot flame. Now, I had turned into a dragon. I closed my mouth and turned to see Frodo staring at me with his mouth agape. I turned and released another burp along with the flame. This time the other hobbits joined Frodo. I took off the ring and handed it back to Frodo. My stomach immediately began to feel better. "That is just too weird."

The hobbits could only nod as Frodo placed the ring back on its chain before placing it around his neck once more. I looked down to the street below. People were running. People were screaming. Actually, it didn't sound like screaming since we were so far up. There were ugly looking things chasing after people. "Hey, guys, what are those ?"

The four hobbits joined me on the balcony following my gaze. Then they appropriately began to freak out. "Orcs," all of them screamed.

"Oh, orcs. So nice they could finally come join us." The hobbits looked at me like I had lost my mind. "Do you guys wanna get outta here now ?"

We ran from the room as fast as our legs could take us. Now our only problem was how do we find the others ?

Next Time- Uruk-hai, Orcs and Wargs-OH MY !

The dark side has come to earth in search of the ring. Tina vows to kill Celeborn if she ever meets him. Everyone swears that they'll never go to New Orleans again. Will they be safe at SLU when Tina and her friends have to start school again. And more characters show up at the college.

(A/N-Sorry if this wasn't as funny or if it just sucked. I've been really busy with work lately. And remember please read and review. A date with the fellowship member of your choice if you do.)