A/N- I would like to thank Tongue in Cheek Scribe, Blue Jedi Hobbit (a.k.a. LadyoftheLlamas), Nienna Yavetil, and all of my other reviewers for...well, reviewing. Now here is the next chapter. And I apologize if its short because I'm writing off of the top of my head.
Disclaimer- I own nothing. I especially don't own Britney Spears nor do I want to.
Crates and a Fishy Smell
The warehouse was quite comfy if truth be told. It had some luxuries which made it quite habitable. There was a break room which contained the usual snack machines along with a decent sized television that for some reason received cable channels. In one of the offices there was a computer with internet access. There was even a shower. Granted it was a shower that was meant to was off chemicals so it only spewed out cold water. But, hey, beggars can't be choosers. One question did come to mind though. Why was there a chemical shower in a seafood warehouse ? No matter how comfortable this place may be something just didn't feel quite right about it.
I sat atop one of the mysterious crates Indian style trying to bore a hole into the wood with my eyes. When that didn't work I tried willing my brain to create X-Ray vision for me. I let out a frustrated sigh when a sharp pain went through the back of my head. I looked around the room but no one was there. The others had decided to either go eat or to fight over the TV or both. My eyes continued to wander around the massive space before resting on one of Gimli's axes. I looked back down to the crate then back to the ax with an arched eyebrow. A few moments later I stood before the crate with my weapon firmly in hand.
"What are ye doing with my ax, Lassie ?"
"Oh, nothing, Gimli," I replied as I swung the blade into the wood where it firmly embedded itself. I yanked on the handle but the damn thing wouldn't budge.
"Ach, leave this to someone who knows what they are doing." Gimli walked over and managed to remove the ax with one good pull. He looked up at me with his bushy eyebrows raised ",Now what are you trying to do ? I do not need you destroying a good weapon."
"I wanted to see what's inside."
"Why ?"
"Because I'm curious and I want to see if curiosity really killed the cat."
Gimli mumbled something under his breath that I could swear was an insult or two in dwarvish as Legolas walked down the stairs to join us. "What are you two doing," he asked. Everyone seems to ask me that lately.
"The lass wishes to see what is in the crates so that she can kill a cat."
"That is not what I said. I said I wanted to see if curiosity really killed the cat. Jeez, get it right."
Legolas took Gimli's ax from him with much protest before burying the handle into one of the cracks in the wood. Legolas moved the handle back and forth until the front of the crate fell down with a loud crash releasing a lot of brick shaped packages on top of it. Aragorn who at some point in time had decided to join us cut open one of the packages with a knife. White powder spilled over the cut. Yep, the cat's dead. Stiff as a board. Not going to be curious anymore.
"What a strange substance," Aragorn mumbled as he went to stick his finger in the package.
I grabbed his hand ",No. Don't touch. Put it all back in and seal the crate back up."
"But, milady, tis only a powder."
"Its much more than that. Joel, Faber, get down here."
Instead of just Joel and Faber everyone decided to run down the stairs. "What's wrong," Joel asked.
"You picked out a drug warehouse," I screamed.
"A what ?"
"Drug warehouse."
"Who," Faber asked.
"You two."
"Did what," they both asked innocently.
"Picked out a drug warehouse. Jeez, out of all of the places to hide out you had to pick the one that could send us to jail for twenty years."
After some arguments we managed to get all of the drugs back in the crate and sealed it back up as best we could. Well, now the chemical shower was explained. But we were not allowed a moment of peace after that. The dock began to shake and a battle chant could be heard beyond the doors. Everyone grabbed a weapon of some sort. I personally stuck with the shotgun and grabbed a bow with some arrows. I looked over at Haldir ",You gonna teach me how to actually hit something with this ?"
"There are plenty of targets just outside."
"Everyone on the roof," Aragorn called.
Gandalf, Celeborn and Elrond began to follow us but I stopped them ",You three stay down here in one of the rooms. Keep trying to get Celeborn to remember the spell. Beat the shit out of him if it helps any."
I took off back up the stairs to the roof where I stopped only feet from the edge. As far as the eye could see there were Orcs. Gimli was bouncing from foot to foot in excitement ",Throw me down. I could take out the whole lot single handedly."
"I'm sure you could, Gimli," I answered. "But I'm starting to like you and I think I would be sad if you got hurt."
Gimli blushed a bit but he calmed down all the same. Legolas stood to the other side of Gimli with Aragorn on his other side. Haldir stood to my left with the others to his left. I sat the shotgun down and readied the bow. "Just find a target, Tina. But do not fire unless they are advancing upon us."
I did as he said and I didn't have to wait long. The orcs began to march forward. I released the arrow and it actually found a target. Haldir, Legolas and Aragorn released arrows of their own which found their own targets. Gimli threw one of his many axes and it buried itself deep into an orcs head. I laughed and called out over the clammor ",Khazad ai-menu !"
Gimli began laughing as everyone looked at me in shock. "What ? I can't know anything ? Well, check this out. U bagronk push-dug !"
The orcs began yelling back at me while Aragorn yelled over the noise ",What did you just say ?"
"First time, the dwarves are upon you. Last thing, to the cesspool dung filth. I said it in orcish." Again everyone gave me screwed up looks ",I can speak many languages. Mostly insults though so it doesn't really come in handy."
"What about elvish," Haldir asked.
"No, can't say that I know it," I replied with a smirk, letting another arrow fly.
The orcs for some reason weren't fighting back. I soon found out why. Pop music began to play loudly from inside the warehouse. Moments later Toxic by Britney Spears blasted through hidden speakers. The orcs screamed in pain before covering their ears and retreating.
"Well," Nienna sighed ",that was interesting."
"Tell me about it."
Next chapter- I wanna go home
Next to last chapter guys. Celeborn finally finds out what he did. The Fellowship are ready to high tail it out of there. Something happens between Haldir and Tina. And what happens when this spell goes wrong too.
Disclaimer- I own nothing. I especially don't own Britney Spears nor do I want to.
Crates and a Fishy Smell
The warehouse was quite comfy if truth be told. It had some luxuries which made it quite habitable. There was a break room which contained the usual snack machines along with a decent sized television that for some reason received cable channels. In one of the offices there was a computer with internet access. There was even a shower. Granted it was a shower that was meant to was off chemicals so it only spewed out cold water. But, hey, beggars can't be choosers. One question did come to mind though. Why was there a chemical shower in a seafood warehouse ? No matter how comfortable this place may be something just didn't feel quite right about it.
I sat atop one of the mysterious crates Indian style trying to bore a hole into the wood with my eyes. When that didn't work I tried willing my brain to create X-Ray vision for me. I let out a frustrated sigh when a sharp pain went through the back of my head. I looked around the room but no one was there. The others had decided to either go eat or to fight over the TV or both. My eyes continued to wander around the massive space before resting on one of Gimli's axes. I looked back down to the crate then back to the ax with an arched eyebrow. A few moments later I stood before the crate with my weapon firmly in hand.
"What are ye doing with my ax, Lassie ?"
"Oh, nothing, Gimli," I replied as I swung the blade into the wood where it firmly embedded itself. I yanked on the handle but the damn thing wouldn't budge.
"Ach, leave this to someone who knows what they are doing." Gimli walked over and managed to remove the ax with one good pull. He looked up at me with his bushy eyebrows raised ",Now what are you trying to do ? I do not need you destroying a good weapon."
"I wanted to see what's inside."
"Why ?"
"Because I'm curious and I want to see if curiosity really killed the cat."
Gimli mumbled something under his breath that I could swear was an insult or two in dwarvish as Legolas walked down the stairs to join us. "What are you two doing," he asked. Everyone seems to ask me that lately.
"The lass wishes to see what is in the crates so that she can kill a cat."
"That is not what I said. I said I wanted to see if curiosity really killed the cat. Jeez, get it right."
Legolas took Gimli's ax from him with much protest before burying the handle into one of the cracks in the wood. Legolas moved the handle back and forth until the front of the crate fell down with a loud crash releasing a lot of brick shaped packages on top of it. Aragorn who at some point in time had decided to join us cut open one of the packages with a knife. White powder spilled over the cut. Yep, the cat's dead. Stiff as a board. Not going to be curious anymore.
"What a strange substance," Aragorn mumbled as he went to stick his finger in the package.
I grabbed his hand ",No. Don't touch. Put it all back in and seal the crate back up."
"But, milady, tis only a powder."
"Its much more than that. Joel, Faber, get down here."
Instead of just Joel and Faber everyone decided to run down the stairs. "What's wrong," Joel asked.
"You picked out a drug warehouse," I screamed.
"A what ?"
"Drug warehouse."
"Who," Faber asked.
"You two."
"Did what," they both asked innocently.
"Picked out a drug warehouse. Jeez, out of all of the places to hide out you had to pick the one that could send us to jail for twenty years."
After some arguments we managed to get all of the drugs back in the crate and sealed it back up as best we could. Well, now the chemical shower was explained. But we were not allowed a moment of peace after that. The dock began to shake and a battle chant could be heard beyond the doors. Everyone grabbed a weapon of some sort. I personally stuck with the shotgun and grabbed a bow with some arrows. I looked over at Haldir ",You gonna teach me how to actually hit something with this ?"
"There are plenty of targets just outside."
"Everyone on the roof," Aragorn called.
Gandalf, Celeborn and Elrond began to follow us but I stopped them ",You three stay down here in one of the rooms. Keep trying to get Celeborn to remember the spell. Beat the shit out of him if it helps any."
I took off back up the stairs to the roof where I stopped only feet from the edge. As far as the eye could see there were Orcs. Gimli was bouncing from foot to foot in excitement ",Throw me down. I could take out the whole lot single handedly."
"I'm sure you could, Gimli," I answered. "But I'm starting to like you and I think I would be sad if you got hurt."
Gimli blushed a bit but he calmed down all the same. Legolas stood to the other side of Gimli with Aragorn on his other side. Haldir stood to my left with the others to his left. I sat the shotgun down and readied the bow. "Just find a target, Tina. But do not fire unless they are advancing upon us."
I did as he said and I didn't have to wait long. The orcs began to march forward. I released the arrow and it actually found a target. Haldir, Legolas and Aragorn released arrows of their own which found their own targets. Gimli threw one of his many axes and it buried itself deep into an orcs head. I laughed and called out over the clammor ",Khazad ai-menu !"
Gimli began laughing as everyone looked at me in shock. "What ? I can't know anything ? Well, check this out. U bagronk push-dug !"
The orcs began yelling back at me while Aragorn yelled over the noise ",What did you just say ?"
"First time, the dwarves are upon you. Last thing, to the cesspool dung filth. I said it in orcish." Again everyone gave me screwed up looks ",I can speak many languages. Mostly insults though so it doesn't really come in handy."
"What about elvish," Haldir asked.
"No, can't say that I know it," I replied with a smirk, letting another arrow fly.
The orcs for some reason weren't fighting back. I soon found out why. Pop music began to play loudly from inside the warehouse. Moments later Toxic by Britney Spears blasted through hidden speakers. The orcs screamed in pain before covering their ears and retreating.
"Well," Nienna sighed ",that was interesting."
"Tell me about it."
Next chapter- I wanna go home
Next to last chapter guys. Celeborn finally finds out what he did. The Fellowship are ready to high tail it out of there. Something happens between Haldir and Tina. And what happens when this spell goes wrong too.