I DON'T OWN THIS!
Chapter 7: The Return.
I ran down to the edge of the forest, where there were still delicately beautiful trees, and where the light of the setting sun still filtered through the leaves, settling gently all over me like a thousand butterflies, fluttering their wings and trying to reassure me with their presence. It didn't work. I lay on my back glaring up at the darkening sky. Images of Parvati and Lavender flashed teasingly through my confused mind. I had been surprised at my lack of anger when finding Parvati and Lavender together. I could still hear their secretive giggling, echoing in my ears. This mixed with the image of their shocked guilty faces; Parvati's flushed features and her big shocked eyes. Confusion gave way in my overcrowded mind. I felt a rush of regret for everything I had had with Parvati, waves of humiliation passed over me, I felt as if I was slowly being suffocated. Yet still no anger appeared.
Whilst pondering on my mixture of emotions I heard a loud snap and crack. It sounded like a gunshot, awakening me from my state of drowsiness. Immediately I sat up and pulled my wand from my robes.
Silence.
Feeling braver, as slowly and as quietly as I could, I stood up.
"Lumos" I whispered.
Golden light flooded the peaceful hollow. Another snap of a branch, I turned. Someone stumbled out of the trees, in to the glow of light eminating from my wand.
I froze. I couldn't move, it seemed he couldn't either, we both stood caught in the light of my wand, now trembling violently in my clammy grip.
"No" I breathed. "Its not possible, y.... you....you're............dead." I took a deep shuddering breath before uttering the fatal word. I felt icy cold. My breathing became laboured, I fought the idea to turn and run.
"That's what I thought" He gave me a grim smile.
He stared out at me through a fringe of dark grotty hair, he was deathly pale. Streaks of dried blood painted his body. His ragged robes hung limply from his wizened body. His eyes were the only part of him that held any emotion. They looked like giant whirlpools, black, and glittering dangerously.
We stood transfixed with the sight of each other. Neither able to move let alone utter a single word.
"Harry" He managed to finally rasp out.
Not needing an exclamation, all of our words had been portrayed in silent acknowledgement. I ran and threw myself into his arms. I could feel how weak he was, his ribs dug in to me as I tried to hug him, terrified of his fragility.
"Dumbledore" I finally gasped out. All thoughts of Lavender and Parvati forgotten.
He managed a weak smile and nod, before he passed out in my arms. I didn't need a lightening charm to carry him. I clung to his skeletal frame as I made my way back to the safety of Hogwarts.
"Need to find Dumbeldore" I chanted in a mantra, needing to focus my mind to stop me from breaking down.
Entering the great doors, I staggered, up the few steps that led me to its safe haven. It was the end of dinner, pupils started to drift from the great hall, talking and chattering.
I pushed past them; Sirius was shaking uncontrollably, cast in to a nightmare. He clung to my robes, moaning. I staggered towards the hall, the weight of Sirius's, nightmares dragging me down. The laughter stopped as I came in to view.
"It's ok, you're going to be ok, shhh, don't worry go back to sleep." I spoke quietly to Sirius, in the deathly hush that followed, everyone could hear the quiet words being gently spoken in a soothing manner.
I suddenly realised what I must look like, Sirius pale, bloodied limp body dark bruised eyes, open unseeing as he tossed and clung to me flung in to an endless nightmare.
Still muttering in an attempt to comfort Sirius I walked though towards the great halls doors. The few people who had filtered from the hall separated leaving a path for me to stagger through.
On entering the hall. I nearly collapsed at the relief of seeing Dumbledore. The whole hall turned and looked at me their eyes in shocked disbelief. Gasps and cries echoed through the hall, Dumbeldore's eyes shrouded, drew me to him. I sought comfort. Sirius had started to whimper and shriek in pain. I stopped and stroked his head, he was bathed in sweat his eyes were rolling. I spoke soothing him. I could feel people's horrified faces following me down the hall
I raised my eyes from Sirius's contorted features, my eyes glazed. I met Malfoy's gaze; he looked at me, not once taking his eyes from my face. Emotions seemed to be playing transparently through his eyes. As I drew nearer, a whisper of
"Its Sirius Black, that's not Sirius Black, yes its Sirius Black." The whisper rose to cries of terror.
It seems even the Ministry's official recognition of his innocence hadn't convinced some.
Reaching the great table, Dumbledore looked like he had seen a ghost, his expression vanished quickly in one movement he swept down to my side, relieving me of Sirius's writhing body. He checked Sirius's pulse, and then glanced at me, a small hidden smile, played on his lips. I looked in to his eyes finding the reassurance I sought.
I turned and faced the audience of captive listeners. "Yes, it's Sirius black. My Godfather. A good man. A free man, an innocent man. An alive man...."
Everyone listened in Silence, as I slowly, in pain relived the memories of my meeting of Sirius in the shrieking shack. I told of Peter Pettigrew. Of how he had escaped, only to meet another kind of imprisonment, how he'd fallen through the veil then come back to me. And how Sirius WAS a free man.
"Anyone who contradicts Harry here, feel free to speak now."
I looked at Malfoy, I watched his eyes flicker from, me to Sirius. I watched his lips form a secretive smile. I nodded my appreciation, but was still utterly dumbfounded.
Having Malfoy's trust, even as my worst enemy meant a lot to me. Even if his father was in Azkaban, and there was nothing he could do to hurt Sirius or me I needed his response.
My eyes were wrenched from Malfoy's by Sirius's blood curdling shriek, Dumbeldore still held me him firmly, Sirius fell silent, I could feel the whole hall watch my response. He spluttered, and awoke, sucking in huge gasps of air, Dumbeldore helped him to his unsteady feet.
"Harry, Harry where are you? Oh Harry!"
"Don't worry I have you, come on" I looked at Dumbeldore, beseechingly.
"Hospital wing, you take him, I need to stay here and hold up the riot. Meet me in my study in 15 minutes we need to talk. We can talk to Sirius later." He whispered a twinkle in his eyes.
I smiled gratefully.
"Come on Sirius, you're going to have to lean on me"
I supported his weak frame, as we staggered from the hall. It took a long time, to walk from the Great hall, all eyes upon us; Dumbeldore had started to talk, to the audience, of students. Unhearing, I focused on getting Sirius to the hospital wing. Sirius limped feebly, it seemed to last for hours. Sirius groaned,
"Come on, we're nearly there, come on, come on Sirius, I'm here for you, you're never going to go again. I'm never going to leave you, come on, a few more steps."
Sirius groaned again, we stopped so he could regain his breath, he gasped, sucking in huge mouthfuls of air. He was trembling again.
Suddenly, I felt someone come and take Sirius' feeble weight, holding up the limp side of his unsupported body. I glanced over to see who had broken the silent ranks of the student body, to come and help a convicted murderer. Silver eyes, held my gaze. I had no energy left to even talk, he understood.
"It's okay Potter" He muttered quietly he smiled and rolled his eyes,
"Come on, let's get going" he talked comfortingly to both me and Sirius who was slipping in and out of consciousness.
I sat in Dumbledore's study; I felt numb, inside and out. Malfoy had accompanied me, and was now sitting with me, in companionable silence. Only broken by his soft breathing.
"I heard about, Parvati, sorry." He flushed slightly. I glanced over at him, taking in his flushed cheekbones.
"Thanks" I muttered.
"Are you upset about it? Because if you err, ever want to talk." He refused to meet my eyes. Realising how hard that must have been for him to say, I smiled.
"Not really, I'm just glad she's, happy. Lavender will make a much better girlfriend than I ever made as a boyfriend." I smiled, finding this situation strangely amusing. Discussing my love life with Malfoy I scoffed to myself.
My smile was wiped from my face however, by the entrance of Dumbeldore, he looked worried and his brow was creased with wrinkles.
"Mister Malfoy, would you kindly excuse us for a moment?"
With one last fleeting glance at Harry, Malfoy left the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.
"Sir, is he alright? I tried to explain to Madam Pomfrey but she made me leave before I could get a word in edgeways."
"Don't worry Harry, she's given Sirius a dreamless sleeping draught to stop his attack of nightmares. She seemed quite keen to be able to help Sirius. She always was fond of him as a boy. His nightmares are quite severe; he will need to be monitored. Madame Pomfrey will check tomorrow for any signs of anything wrong with him, but for now all he needs is sleep. When I went to see him Harry he wanted me to tell you that he came back to find you."
There was a pause, as we both dwelled on things, I think our thoughts were probably very similar, both concern about the welfare of the man we both cared about so much.
"Now Harry, I need you to tell me everything you know." Dumbledore snapped back to attention, fixing me with a stern look.
It didn't take long for me to tell Dumbledore, of my meeting with Sirius. Dumbledore sat at his desk, a far away look in his eyes. Once I finished with telling him everything I knew, I sat and waited for an acknowledgement of my presence, but still Dumbledore's eyes seemed to be searching for an explanation.
"Sir?"
Dumbledore snapped from his reverie. He smiled ruefully, before asking in a tone, that sounded as if he were in complete awe.
"How on earth did he escape the veil? Once you have fallen in there, there is no escape. I don't understand. First Azkaban, and now this." He smiled at me, his twinkle returning to his eyes.
"You have an incredibly lucky Godfather you know that don't you Harry? Now go and get some rest and I'll talk with you and Sirius in the morning. How on earth? " Dumbeldore had fallen back in to his musings.
Harry crept quietly from the room, to his surprise, he found Malfoy waiting by the stone gargoyle.
"What are you doing still here?"
"I just.... wanted to check to see of you were okay" He stammered in a rush.
"I'm fine." I turned and started to walk away.
"Where are you going?"
I raised an eyebrow why did he care anyway? "To see Sirius."
"Look I'm sorry for the way I've been lately."
Again I stopped. This time I turned and faced him. "You're apologising to me Malfoy? Since when do Malfoys apologise?" I could see the humiliation creeping up his neck in twisting blossoms of a delicate pink.
"Look I'm sorry as well. Let's just forget it, okay?" With that I turned and walked away, leaving Malfoy alone in the corridor, staring after me forlornly. However when I got to the corner he was gone.
Sirius was fast asleep, a small smile curling the corner of his mouth. Madame Pomfrey had cleaned him up; discarding his bloodied ripped clothing in exchange for her starchy hospital pyjamas. I sat and watched the rise and fall of Sirius's chest as he breathed deeply, relaxed.
I woke up next to Sirius he was awake, stretching and yawning; Madame Pomfrey had opened the curtains letting light stream in on her awakening patients. Groggily I sat up and picked my glasses up from where they had fallen. Putting them on Sirius's face came in to focus. I yawned, and Sirius smiled weakly.
"I thought it had been a dream, that I had been rescued by you" He smiled and ruffled my already untidy hair.
"How did you sleep?"
"Like a log, the first night's sleep in a long time." He smiled hungrily.
"When's breakfast?" he inquired wolfishly.
I laughed.
Then, remembering the night before, the smile slowly faded from my face. I felt my eyes widen. Sensing my sudden tension Sirius looked worried; I explained about how Dumbeldore was going to come and question him, about how on earth he escaped from that veiled archway. Sirius lost his smile. His face, shrouded in to darkness, his eyes turned black. Sensing his aggravation, I reassured him,
"Don't worry, you don't have to talk about Sirius, I..." Sirius interrupted me.
"...No, Harry, I want to talk about it, I need to get it off my chest, then maybe then, these nightmares will stop. I've felt as if I've been trapped in a never-ending ghoulish dream that wasn't ever going to stop, until yesterday when you saved me Harry. You..." He started shivering.
"Ssshhhh don't worry. You have been there for me when I've needed you, I want to return the favour." I said earnestly.
"Madame Pomfrey will be back any minute, go and get some breakfast, I'll talk to Dumbledore, I want you to be with me when I have to relive this hell." He smiled weakly and closed his eyes. I knew it would take more than one night's sound sleep and a chat with Dumbledore to make him well again. He'd been through more than I cared to think about.
Entering the great, hall, I felt rather than heard the hushed whispers reverberating around the giant room and washing over me like a great tidal wave. Ignoring them I took my usual seat at the Gryffindor table. They chattered, and laughed, almost as if they were trying to fill the void of silence. I looked up, Paravti and Lavender were engrossed with each other whispering and giggling. I felt sick.
Dean finally spoke up, "Umm, Harry how is he?" I noted how he almost stage whispered this. Everyone turned to stare.
Looking up at him, holding his gaze, I replied, my voice was firm, even though I could feel myself trembling with nausea inside.
"He's fine."
I suddenly was hit by a wave of anxiety, and paranoia. How could I sit down here and eat, while Sirius was lying alone upstairs in a hospital bed? I didn't want to loose him again. He'd only just come back to me. I hadn't even told him how I feel. No I couldn't sit down here, feeling like a caged animal at a zoo.
Abruptly I stood up, everyone's eyes following me
"Harry where are you going? You've only just got here!"
"Where am I going? Anywhere but here." I snapped at Ginny, who was honestly only concerned for me. I saw the hurt in her eyes. But I ignored it, and stalked from the hall.
I walked, and walked, I felt as if I were in a daydream. I finally ended up outside, breathing heavily; I leant against one of the huge trees shading the south tower. My knees collapsed and I sunk surrounded by mammoth roots and grass. I rested my arms on my knees, before sinking my head in to my trembling arms. I sat, staring out over the lake. It was black; it mirrored the blue sky, and swirling clouds. It reminded me of the way Sirius had clung to my arms during his nightmarish fits. His eyes reflecting his terror.
I heard movement from behind me, uninterested as to who it could be I ignored the crackling of twigs under cautious foot.
"Harry.... Harry I know you're here.... I just came to tell you..." Malfoy rounded the corner meeting my cold stare.
"What?"
"I saw you leave the hall, Dumbledore wants you to meet him and Sirius in his office... now."
I let out the hiss of breath I had been holding in. Malfoy extended a hand. Stretching out, I let him pull me from my collapsed state.
"Thanks... look Malfoy, I'm sorry about the other night, okay? I wasn't in the mood to talk, I suppose I was still in a state of shock."
He smiled, at me. I felt my stomach jolt. This time I didn't blame it on nausea.
We walked up to the castle in silence, contemplating our own private thoughts. On reaching the steps where we needed to part, Malfoy stopped and put out a hand and stroked my cheek, I didn't flinch away as I would have expected myself to do. Instead I didn't move. I stood staring, transfixed into his silver speckled eyes. His hand lingered at my chin before dropping back to his side.
"You'll be fine" He whispered before turning and walking away with out a backward glance.
I wanted to call out his name and say, "Will I?" Instead I turned and walked away.
"I remember it all so clearly, falling backwards in to darkness and insufferable coldness taking over my body, slowly chilling me to the bone. It was like being trapped in a never-ending nightmare, unable to wake up. I remember at first, everything happened gradually, reliving the worst moments of my life. I would walk around in blinding darkness for what seemed like years. The hands of trapped spirits brushing against me. Clawing at my clothing and face.
"I remember hearing the screams of some other trapped individuals, they would reverberate around the great void in which I was trapped leaving me shaking with uncontrollable terror.
"At first I thought I would be able to fight it, but it got worse and worse. It enveloped me causing me to believe I had gone mad. My mind was left blank; I was eventually unable to think, I could feel my body slowly dying, yet my mind stayed alive, alert".
Sirius shivered.
"Sirius what was in these nightmares you had? " Dumbeldore asked gently.
He took a deep breath before continuing.
"I would see dementors, sucking the souls from vulnerable children; they would...laugh, I never even saw a dementor laugh in Azkaban, it is truly horrible. Fathers and Mothers, screaming, crying sacrificing themselves to save their loved ones. I would watch My loved ones, being tortured, by the crutacius curse, twitching, eyes rolling, their features contorted in pain.
"Everywhere I turned I would see death, destruction, chaos. Families being torn apart. Their shrieks mingling with the laughter of dementors. These images would replay in my mind; continuously throughout the time I was there.
"That was only half of what I saw, as I said I would go back in time to relive the worst possible moments of my life. James and Lily's death, 12 years in Azkaban...I felt depressed, I wanted to die, but I couldn't. How could I? There was nothing there. Except, for space, just space, and empty space."
Dumbledore glanced at me; I was bathed in sweat, shaking. My eyes were huge and had turned a dark green. Sirius was calm, his voice wasn't trembling, and he seemed empty of any emotion
"In attempt to escape my madness I would concentrate on filling myself with the happiest memories I possessed. Sirius smiled ruefully. I remember one of my favourite memories was you Harry, your face when I asked you if you wanted to come and live with me, that happy Christmas at Grimmauld Place and so many other little things like that.
"I would focus on these memories until they filled the empty shell in which I lived. They made me feel human again. They kept me from the madness that was eating me from with in. Eventually my memories would take the form of you Harry. I would be able to see you. Stuck in those dark dismal times of despair, you were a guardian to me. At first I was so sure you were a hallucination but as time wore on and I was trapped with ghoulish nightmares slowly taking me to pieces you became almost real.
"I would talk to you to keep the madness that was swallowing me up at bay. You in effect saved me Harry. I knew at anytime I would be able to think of you, see you, you were a part of me in there, Harry. I knew I hadn't left you, that you were always with me. Eventually you took the form of my happiest memories. Instead of dwelling on random thoughts, I would just think of you.
"Somedays it was as if James was with me, smiling down at me reassuring me by your presence.
"One of the days, it's a hazy memory, but I can vaguely recall it. You took me, led me. This might sound so odd to your ears, but my hallucinations were very severe. But you led me for what seemed like hours but for all I knew it could have been mere minutes that passed. You led me to a... a curtain that drew open at your touch. In this empty void I suddenly realised I must have at last lost my mind. But, I took the chance. The last thing I remember was your smiling face before I blacked out.
"I awoke, cold, hungry, and alone days later. I was lying under a huge canopy of trees.
"That was where you found me Harry I had no idea where I was. I had only just awoken and I was stunned out of recognition by the fact I was alive. On seeing you Harry, I thought I was still dreaming until you reacted!"
I felt paralysed, I was unable to move, let alone speak. Suddenly I shivered, this small act seemed to wake me from my conscious state of shock.
"Dumbeldore, I don't understand! How can this happen?"
Dumbeldore had been resting his head in his hands, his blue eyes deep in oblivious thought.
"I think I understand, let me try and explain. When your parents, died, as you know your Mother left a protective charm, to shield you from Voldemort. Well, when Sirius was appointed your Godfather, I believe your parents also cast a very powerful spell over the two of you, effectively binding you to one another. If anything was to happen to them, this spell would come in to action, it would ensure that Sirius and yourself would always be able to find each other."
"So, you mean to say, I went into that Archway to find him?" I stuttered glancing at Sirius.
"No Harry, that was just a part of you, part of you that is always bound to Sirius, and vice versa." Dumbeldore smiled.
I looked over at Sirius, who seemed deep in thought,
"Sirius...Sirius?"
"Huh, wha...? Oh sorry, Harry." Sirius growled.
"Are you okay? I mean this must have been really hard for you."
"Not just for me Harry but for you too. Well now we have this all cleared up, would you mind if I went and got some sleep?" Sirius smiled.
Dumbeldore chuckled lightly and let us leave.
After guiding Sirius to the hospital wing, and ensuring he was asleep, I started slowly on the way back to the great hall. Lunch would be in 5 minutes, having missed dinner the night before I was ravenous.
I arrived at the great hall, already it was half full, Dumbeldore was seated at the Great table, he smiled at me reassuringly. Taking my place between Neville and Ginny. Ignoring the stares and whispers I started to eat. Glancing up I looked directly in to silver tainted eyes. Looking sideways at Crabbe and Goyle, checking they were paying no attention. I watched Malfoy subtly flick his wand, and mutter something under his breath.
Seconds later a piece of folded parchment appeared in my lap,
Potter, Meet me outside the great hall after lunch. Malfoy.
Looking up I could see Malfoy had finished eating. Standing up I quietly exited the hall. I could tell by not even turning that Malfoy was following me.
Outside the hall I turned to face him. "...You wanted to see me?"
With out a warning, Malfoy pulled me in to a breath-taking kiss, I could feel a familiar tingling sensation, start at the pit of my stomach. Pushing me in to a shadowed corner, I let out a mingled moan.
Malfoy drew away and looked in to my eyes. His gaze was searching, taking in my features, my dishevelled hair, glazed eyes and heated cheekbones.
"...Did you just kiss me Malfoy?" I murmured. It was his turn to flush, his features turning crimson.
"...Oh God I'm so sorry, Harry, I thought you felt it too..." He took a step backwards and fled.
For a moment, I wanted to rush after him and tell him that I had felt it, so badly. Instead I just let him run away. I didn't know what to do. I knew for a fact that I couldn't possibly have felt "it", whatever "it" was. I just knew, I couldn't...
Author's Notes:
They kissed! But I'm not that nice, honestly. I'm not going to let them get into a relationship already! Pfft, Harry is so deep in denial, it's amazing. Let the friendship commence...
My last chapter was a little rushed, so that's why there were no author's notes and no warnings about the return of sirius (I hope that's not too clichéd, it should work quite well) or this kiss. Or no breaks between paragraphs, so sorry about that.