Attention: X-Men Evolution characters and GI Joe characters, don't own 'em! Just a bit of madness that popped into my head during vacation. Have fun with it! I did…
Cuddle Me
Lance slowly breathed in and out. He was having a peaceful dream about being with Kitty. He kissed her soft lips as he drew her close to him. Her lips and hair were soft as well as the feel of her scales.
Scales?
Lance groggily opened his eyes. Xi lay next to him with big yellow eyes blinking. "Hello."
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHGGG!" Lance leapt out of his bed as if a nest of cobras were in it. "XI! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BED?"
"I didn't want to be alone. I had a bad dream," Xi blinked.
"WELL I'M HAVING A NIGHTMARE RIGHT NOW!" Lance screamed. "Oh please tell me I didn't…"
"Kiss me?" Xi asked. One look told him all.
"I did, didn't I?" Lance groaned. "WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU STOP ME?"
"You looked and sounded so happy," Xi shrugged. "Besides it was nice being cuddled."
"I AM GOING TO DIE!" Lance screamed as he ran out of the room to the bathroom as fast as he could. "Unclean…unclean…" He turned on the light, grabbed the mouthwash and chugged it down. He gargled as long as he could then spat it out. He grabbed his toothbrush and heaped nearly all the toothpaste he could on it. He brushed vigorously. "Bad Lance…" He mumbled as he brushed his tongue. "Bad! Bad Lance!"
"What the hell is going on here?" Pietro zipped in. "Lance as much as I'd love for you to start practicing better oral hygiene…"
"Bad! Bad! Unclean!" Lance moaned as he kept brushing and washed it out with mouthwash. "AAGGGGHHHH!"
"What's going on?" Fred walked in rubbing his eyes.
"Lance is flipping out," Pietro told him.
"So what else is new?" Arcade shuffled in. "What set him off this time?"
"Aggghhh!" Lance groaned as he gargled some more. "I need more mouthwash! More mouthwash!"
"Why? What did you do?" Pietro asked.
"I can't tell you!" Lance cried out. "It's too horrible! Agggh!"
"What? What happened?" Fred asked. "What's too horrible?"
"Why the hell don't we have more mouthwash?" Lance fumbled in the medicine cabinet for more.
"What the hell is all the racket?" Low Light walked in. He had been on night patrol and was still dressed.
"Sounds like the lobby at Grand Central Station," Roadblock was in his nightclothes as well. "I really need a vacation."
"Oh god! Oh god! Oh god!" Lance whined.
"My sentiments exactly," Low Light groaned.
Cover Girl and Wanda walked down wearing their nightgowns and bathrobes. "We could hear you all through the house," Cover Girl said.
"What's going on?" Wanda asked.
"Lance is flipping out," Fred told them.
"AGGGHH!" Lance screamed as he gave up on finding the mouthwash. "WHY DON'T WE HAVE MORE MOUTHWASH?"
"We can see that but why?" Low Light asked. "Avalanche answer me!"
"I can't!" Lance screamed. "It's too horrible!"
"No it isn't," Xi walked in. "I had a bad dream and scooted into Lance's bed. He was having a dream about Kitty and he kissed me for a bit."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Lance screamed in agony.
"Oh man," Fred winced.
"That explains it," Pietro remarked. "Hold on Lance." He zipped out then back in with some mouthwash. "I always keep extra for emergencies."
"WELL THIS QUALIFIES!" Lance screamed before he took it.
"See I told you dating Kitty was hazardous to your health," Fred pointed out.
"The real hazard is what I'm gonna to do you Xi!" Lance spat out the mouthwash. "Why the hell didn't you ask Toad if you wanted to…I mean he's the one you share a room with."
"He isn't there," Xi said matter of factly.
"Neither's Althea," Wanda said. "She's not in her room. I checked."
"OH MY GOD!" Cover Girl shouted. "TOAD! WAVEDANCER! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TWO!"
"Oh way to go Cover Girl," Althea came out holding a bawling Barney in her arms. "We just got them to sleep and now you an Lance the Loud over here woke them up!"
"Yeah we thought we could take it easy when Lance didn't get 'em up but nooooo…" Todd came out the same door with a crying Claudius. "Thanks for nothing!"
Everyone else in the house was awake by now and coming out of their rooms. "Why do I even bother to try and sleep around here?" Roadblock groaned.
"Why is everybody screaming?" Spyder grumbled as she rubbed her eyes.
"In case you haven't noticed it's the basic form of communication in this house," Angelica came out of her room as well.
"What is going on here?" Lina groaned. "I've heard freeways that were quieter."
"Why weren't you two in your rooms?" Cover Girl asked them.
"We're watching the babies," Althea looked at them. "They're a little colicky. What did you think we would be doing at this time of night?"
"Especially that Shipwreck has been on a bender," Todd remarked.
"Where is he?" Cover Girl asked. "Downstairs?"
"Not exactly…" Althea sighed.
"Please don't tell me it's where I think it is…" Low Light moaned.
#######################################################################
"Of course it's at the Institute," Low Light had teleported over there with the other Misfits. "Where else would that drunken sailor go?"
"TRINITY! NO MEANS NO!" Jamie screamed as he and his clones ran through the halls.
"And of course Trinity followed along," Cover Girl sighed. The sound of thunder and lightning could be heard. "That's our sailor boy!"
"What is it with you Misfits?" Scott stormed up to them wearing his pajamas. "Is it your life's mission to drive us crazy? Well guess what? MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!"
"What did those lunatics do?" Roadblock sighed. "As if I didn't have any clue."
"Oh nothing much," Scott folded his arms. "Just wreck our house, keep us all up and generally make a huge mess!"
"But how did they wreck the house, keep you up and what kind of mess did they make?" Low Light asked. "That's the Sixty Four dollar question."
"Well for starters Shipwreck showed up plastered and started to serenade Storm," Jean sighed as she walked up to them. "Of course he had to have the Mass Device teleport him right inside her room."
"Of course," Roadblock shrugged.
"On top of her bed," Jean continued.
"Oh boy…" Roadblock winced.
"While Storm was sleeping in it," Jean went on.
"Oh dear…" Roadblock closed his eyes and held the bridge of his nose. "Please tell me he was wearing clothes."
"If your definition of wearing clothes includes just a loincloth and his sailor hat," Jean said. "Yes he was."
"YEOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" They heard Shipwreck screaming.
"Okay so that's Shipwreck pretty much taken care of," Low Light sighed. "What did Trinity do?"
"HELP ME! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEBODY HELP ME!" A herd of Jamies ran by screaming.
"Besides that," Low Light said casually.
"They set off a huge shaving cream bomb in Kitty's room," Jean told her.
"Well that's surprising," Lance blinked.
"Yeah," Arcade said. "Usually you're their favorite target Jean."
"Well the girls explained that I was too easy," Jean said. It looked like Pietro was about to say something. "Say one word Maximoff, one stupid comment and I will throw you out on the lawn through the window!"
"So they went after Kitty for variety huh?" Angelica asked.
"Pretty much yeah," Scott sighed.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T HAVE A GUN?" Kitty shouted upstairs. "I WANT A GUN! FORGE MAKE ME A GUN SO I CAN BLAST THOSE LITTLE WITCHES TO KINGDOM COME! NOBODY MESSES WITH MY OUTFITS AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! NOBODY!"
"Just out of curiosity," Althea asked. "Was there any blue dye in the shaving cream bomb as well?"
"THERE YOU ARE!" Kitty shouted. "COME BACK HERE! I'M GONNA RIP YOU ALL INTO PIECES!"
"No," Scott shook his head. "It was green."
"Oh," Althea nodded. "That will do it."
"DIE YOU SPAWN OF HELL!" Tabitha could be heard screaming. Several time bombs could be heard going off. "DIE!"
"Did I mention they also hit Tabitha's room as well?" Jean asked.
"BURN! BURN!" Amara could be screaming. "BURN DEMONS BURN!"
"Amara is Tabitha's roommate isn't she?" Pietro asked.
"Uh huh," Scott sighed. "Of course compared to the racket The Blind Master and Spirit made when they showed up it's pretty mild."
"Spirit and the Blind Master are here too?" Lance asked.
"Yeah come to think of it I didn't see them back home when Lance woke us all up," Fred remarked. "What are they doing here?"
"Getting plastered what else would they be doing here?" Scott snapped at them. "They got Thunderbird and Beast singing stupid songs all night!"
"Oh dear…" Lina blinked. "They didn't cause too much trouble did they?"
They could hear the four men singing. "Immanuel Kant was a real pissant who was very rarely stable! Heidigger, Heidigger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table! David Hume could out consume Wilhem Fredrich Hegel! And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Shlegel…"
"Oh no," Xavier said sarcastically as he wheeled up to them wearing his pajamas and bathrobe. "I just love being awoken in the middle of the night to Monty Python songs!"
"Just what do you plan to do about this?" Jean asked the Misfits.
"Only one thing we can do," Fred shrugged. "Get something to eat."
"Yeah I'll go with that," Pietro agreed.
"Sounds good to me," Low Light sighed.
"WHAT?" Scott shouted.
"I'm not getting in the line of fire between Trinity, Magma, Shadowcat and Boom Boom," Roadblock told them. "That's the surest way to doom!"
"YEWOWWW! COME ON STORM GIVE ME A BREAK ALREADY! NOT LIKE THAT!"
"Yeah and it sounds like Storm's handling Shipwreck better than we ever could," Low Light said.
"I do not believe this," Xavier moaned.
"Neither do I," Kurt said. He and Todd were in the corner playing cards now. "I could have sworn I had some threes."
"You two are playing cards?" Scott asked.
"It's not like we can get any sleep in this joint," Todd remarked.
"How did they…?" Jean blinked. "Never mind, it's too early or too late to think rationally."
"When you deal with the Misfits rationality goes out the window and off to the train station on a one way first class ticket to nowhere," Scott pointed out.
"Yes Socrates himself is particularly missed…" Two more voices joined the singing. "A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed…"
"I didn't know Forge and Angel liked Monty Python," Lance commented.
"COME ON STORMY! YOU KNOW YOU WANNA…" Shipwreck began. "YEOWW!"
"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU LUNATIC!" Ororo screamed.
"Technically it's my house…" Xavier moaned. "Not that anybody cares or anything…"
"It's a nice house," Fred remarked. Something exploded in the background and some plaster fell from the ceiling. "Okay it's falling apart a little…"
"But it's still nice," Arcade said. "It's got a pool and a big computer that you all hog…"
"And good cookies," Xi walked up munching on a bag of Chips Ahoy.
"Where did you get that?" Lance asked in horror.
"Promised not to tell. I wanted a snack," Xi said innocently. He held up the cookie bag. "Cookie?"
"Don't you think you've scarred me for life already tonight?" Lance groaned.
"What did he do?" Scott asked.
"You don't want to know," Lance glared at Xi. "Trust me on this!"
"Would you like a hug?" Xi blinked at Scott.
"WHO GAVE XI COOKIES?" Scott shouted looking around.
"Okay that's it," Xavier put his hands to his temple. "Logan I need you…WHEN DID JINX GET HERE? OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD NEVER MIND!"
"Well as long as I'm here maybe I'll go visit Kitty," Lance bounded away.
"And I might as well videotape the latest fight he gets into with Tin Grin," Pietro grinned.
"Why not?" Wanda shrugged. "There's nothing on TV anyway."
"This is a nightmare," Scott held his head. "That's it, I'm dreaming and this is a nightmare. Oh god please let this be a nightmare."
"Scott needs a hug," Xi hugged Scott tightly.
"I REPEAT, WHO GAVE XI THE COOKIES?" Scott screamed. "WHOEVER IT IS, IS A DEAD MAN!"
"Hello Holiday Inn?" Xavier picked up a phone. "Do you have any rooms available for the night?"