Disclaimer: We do not own, quite obviously, Inuyasha, or we would publish this and get money for it instead of posting it for free here. We also do not own the Limpopo River, Lake Titicaca, Super Mario, the Hammer Bros., 1UP mushrooms, Huggies Pull-Ups, any of Laura Ingalls Wilder's works, any Buddhist chants, or any Dharma School Buddhist songs, Bananas in Pajamas, Shonen Sunday. VIZ, Nintendo, Pikachu, Toad, Yoshi, Princess Zelda, Princess Peach, Link, Bowser, Koopa, Parakoopa, Donkey Kong, Jigglypuff, Moblins, 7-Eleven, WinDex, Garth NIx and the theory of Astarael's voice pulling you into death, Pokemon, Stonehenge, Abhorsen, Kanto, Star Trek, MIDIs, Alice in Wonderland, Charter Magic, Pokemon the Movie 2000 and its 'legend', and of course, even though it says she did at the end, Rumiko Takahashi most definitely did NOT write this story.
A few weeks had passed. Inuyasha and Koga were happily married, or happily as they could every be. It was the night of the new moon. Inuyasha was safe being protected by Koga and all. Unfortunately for Naraku, he was lying in bed with a sleeping Kikyo. Naraku had transformed into a bubbling mass of demon parts. He had no control over it, and stayed like that all night. Kikyo rolled over onto him a few times too.
But when he woke up in the morning, there was a wet spot where he had lain. As he threw the sheets off himself and Kikyo, his wife glanced over at his side of the bed. It was wet.
"Naraku... did you?" Kikyo questioned
"Um... yeah, it WAS the night of the new moon..."
"The cycle of the moon has nothing to do with it! No matter what, you're supposed to be a responsible adult!!!! All demons have to be house trained at an early age!!" Kikyo started whacking him with the wet sheets. Whackity, whackity, whack!!! "NOW... I... HAVE... TO...TRAIN... YOU... TOO!!! What kind of father figure are you trying to be?!!"
"Ch... children?" Naraku stuttered.
"Yeah! How else are we going to re-establish my family line? If we don't, Kagome will never be born!!!"
" Ya mean.. I'm related to...that...girl?"
"Duh." Kikyo glared at Naraku. "How come you never call her your great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, granddaughter?"
"...?" Naraku suddenly wished Kagura was here instead of Kikyo. She hated him, but at least then he wouldn't have to have children.
Meanwhile, back with Kanna and Kagura, they had been following the Limpopo River, and had somehow been transported to South American's Lake Titicaca.
"What an interesting name..." Kanna said. "but at least it's actually something. Unlike me, nothingness. That's all. Nothing."
"Kanna, are you listening?" Kagura scolded her older sister. "I have to get back and continue knitting! I'm making baby boots, mittens, and hats for when Naraku and Kikyo get children."
As they looked around, they found that they were surrounded by an abundance of mushrooms. There were pink ones, blue ones, and even green ones that said "1UP".
Then a queer midget popped out of a tube and picked a mushroom. He ate it, and suddenly became huge! Then all the orange mushroom turned into fireflowers!
"Umm..." Kagura was speechless.
"..." so was Kanna. Then again, she has been obsessing over her being nothingness again, so she said nothing anyway.
They continued on, deciding that the little man who turned into a big man was none of their business. Unfortunately, the man couldn't be ignored that easily. Kanna and Kagura came across to THINGS that threw dangerous hammers everywhere. "Aaahh!!" the little man who turned into a big man screamed when he was hit by a hammer. Then he fell and was gone.
"Grr. Those things must be dangerous." Kagura mused. "Must be some kind of turtle/metal demon. They must be disposed of. They're in our way."
"Yes." Kanna answered quietly.
Kanna and Kagura prepared for a battle that was to be, interesting, at the least.
During Kanna and Kagura's interesting little quest, Inuyasha and Koga were cleaning up their little forest cottage they had bought. Aww, how sweet.
Even though it needed a lot of work, Koga and Inuyasha didn't care. It was something they could do together. Then they would have a quaint house to come home to after their honeymoon in Bora Bora. Naraku and Kikyo had gotten a house too. But they weren't getting along very well. Naraku had created a HUGE illusion castle so that they could live wherever they wanted by simply moving the castle.
Anyway, Kikyo was still going on about how she had to "potty-train" Naraku, and had even bought him some Huggies Pull-Ups.
"Hey Miroku! Want a lemon?" Sango asked.
Miroku jerked. He had just been just reading various dirty, lil' fanfictions on Kagome's laptop, and thought Sango had found out. Did he detect a hint of disdain?
"I, ah, I'm meditating!"
"Oh." Sango seemed a little sad. "I-I have some bananas too... they're from Safeway, not Naraku."
"Sango?" Could this be the only non-yaoi fluff in this story? "Oh wait, yes. I'm meditating! Namu Amida Butsu, Namu Amida Butsu... er... ju seige? Rai san mon... san butsu ge... um... when we see the golden sun...
"Hey," Naraku's Banana 1 said to Banana 2. " Can monks be crazy?"
"Dunno." answered Banana 2. "He rejected bananas. The horror!"
"Will you two cut it out?!" Sango shouted. "I'm trying to write in a loving moment here!"
"Oh, you're writing?!" Jakotsu wailed. "You denied me a happy a life with Inuyasha, and Sesshomaru. Now Miroku too?"
"N-No!! I was... writing... love scenes about me and Miroku... only... wait!! That came out wrong! I... didn't write anything! Nothing at all!" Sango smiled unconvincingly. And randomly shoved things in a blender. Added ice, and gave a cup to Jakotsu and Miroku with a crazy straw and a drink umbrella. She called it her Jakotsu Banana Smoothie Surprise.
Jakotsu gladly took Sango's creation. He was glad someone thought him important enough to have something named after him. But he was also sad, because now Inuyasha, Koga, Miroku, AND Naraku were now taken. He hoped that the Jakotsu Banana Smoothie Surprise had some alcohol in it. At least some zest.
"Fuujin no mai!" one fwip of Kagura's fan and the hammer brothers were disposed of. "Hm... we need to renew Shonen Sunday/VIZ's peace treaty with Nintendo about the northern border." Kagura muttered. Along with the odd little plumber man, the Hammer Brothers, an electric rodent, a mushroom man, a green dinosaur, turtle things- some with wings, princesses, green clad heroes with swords, ugly turtle/dinosaur things, a large monkey with a tie, a pink floaty vacuum thing, and some pic guys with spears, there was a new "Nintendo of the Feudal Era" headquarters being put up.
"Umm, get out of here you morons?" that even sounded lame to her. "Um... go home."
Kanna sucked them all into her mirror.
"Thanks Kanna-chan."
"Yes, but the mirror is heavy now. Let's go get snacks."
"SNACKS?" Sango, Jakotsu, Shippo, Sesshomaru (back from the dead), and Naraku (escapee from Kikyo's house-training) inquired. "We have-
" Bananas.:
"Smoothies."
"Cheez-Its."
"Lemony zest."
"MORE bananas!"
"Um..." Kanna backed away, they were really scaring her now. "Um..."
Then by a miracle of nature, they all disappeared in a poof of illogicalness.
In Bora Bora, Inuyasha and Koga were having a wonderful time. The had met some Subrosians that were inhabiting the place, and the odd creatures from ZeldaLand had graciously offered to teach Koga and Inuyasha how to dance.
The two of them decided that would be fun and after watching a few rounds of dancing they decided to join in. Things were about to get rough...
Back to the Limpopo River (they had managed to retrace their steps from Lake Titicaca back to their previous locale)....
"I think I'm gonna die..." Kagura groaned. They had been walking for three days now, and still couldn't find anything useful. All of the sudden, they came across a 7-Eleven. On the window was a sign reading, "Tired of looking for something? Snacks available."
"That looks mighty fishy..." Kagura sighed.
The door opened, and a burly man stepped out. "If you need any more drugged mushroom cure, just ring me up! If I'm not in solitary confinement, the 'ol tropical asylum should put ya through!"
"That IS mighty fishy." Kagura sighed again..
"I like fish. Especially carp." Kanna commented.
"Okay. Let's see if they have any of what we're looking for."
Kanna and Kagura walked along the aisles and aisles of the store, looking for a drugged mushroom cure. It was amazing how many aisles the store had. There was also stuff on small carts in the middle of some of the walkways.
It was going to take forever to find the drugged mushroom cure.
After hours of searching, Kanna and Kagura had looked at everything from teddy bears, to soap, to the largest bottle of sakŽ in the world. Kagura debated over whether to get it for Naraku, but Kikyo would be furious so she decided not to.
Finally, a gift from above granted their wish. Quite literally, since it fell from the top shelf and hit Kanna on the head. She sank to the ground, mirror slipping out of her hands and shattering into a zillion pieces. Her eyed flashed blue (plot reasons) and a single, crystal tear dripped onto the package.
"Kanna, are you alright? You're crying?" Kagura knelt near her sister. This was a big thing because Kanna was nothingness; she was denied the emotions and will to shed tears.
Kanna hiccuped, and suddenly a vale of tears sprung from her eyes, shaking as she sobbed uncontrollably. Tears of happiness. She could feel her heart beating in her chest, not Naraku's hands. Her servitude toward him had ended. "My heart...has returned." she whispered, looking up, her eyes sparkling with new tears.
"Heart...?" Kagura was happy too but she couldn't help but feel a pang of jealousy. SHE had wanted freedom, wished for it. Yet Kanna had done nothing, and it had come to her. She picked up the box that had fallen. It was a six-pack of trial-size WinDex. And hand in hand, the two sisters left.
"Bob, cleanup in aisle 5 There's a bunch of broken glass." A 7-Eleven staffer shouted to his co-worker.
"Yeah yeah. I'm getting to it...later." he quietly snickered. He was going to be on break in two minutes, and broken glass took longer than two minutes to clean up. Why work over time when someone else could clean it up?
it seems that Bob got lucky that day. Instead the man who had the shift after him, Fred, had to clean up. Unfortunately for Fred, he was there all alone to clean up in Aisle 5. He was getting spooked too. There were horrible wails and moans emitting from the aisle, (it seems Kanna's mirror still had souls in it.) The man, Fred, bent over the broken glass to see if it came from one of the store's mirrors. If it had, someone had broken the "you break it, you buy it" rule.
Fred looked into the mirror, and suddenly a white, misty, substance began to creep from his mouth. His soul. Fred's body fell over, lifeless, soulless. So, Kanna's mirror did still work. Fred's last thought was, " Wonder what Bob's going to think of this..."
"Welcome home children!" Kikyo waved to them from the kitchen. A puff of steam enveloped her as she lifted the cover of the rice-cooker.
Kagura suppressed a shudder. That just sounded soooo wrong. "We brought some WinDex."
"Oh? That's great! I'll add it to the rice!" Evidently, Kikyo had absolutely no idea of what WinDex was.
Like a normal family, Naraku, Kikyo, Kagura, and Kanna were having dinner.
"Hm... this rice seems a little... off..." Naraku commented. All of the sudden, in a flash of sparkles, Naraku became normal. Kikyo died though, because she ate WinDex.
"Ku ku ku... Kagura, Kanna... let's go kill Inuyasha." Naraku laughed evilly.
Kanna shook her head. "No..."
"Kanna! I command you!"
"No.." Kanna felt for the border between life and death, and a sorrowful, high-pitched tune echoed throughout the house. Kanna and Naraku slipped peacefully into death from the call. Now, only Kagura remained captivated by the steady pulse in her chest.
"Kanna..." Kagura clutched her sister's lifeless body to herself and prayed for her sister's happiness in the afterlife.
Then she went over to Naraku and wrenched his body open, internal organs, spilling onto the floor. She grabbed his heart and tore it free in her hands, blood splattering everywhere. "Feel my pain you bastard."
"Ooh! Koga dear! Our cute, little cottage is almost finished! All we have to do is clean the windows!!" Inuyasha squealed. (can you imagine him squealing?)
" yay! Luckily, I bought a two pack of WinDex." Koga squealed equally as enthusiastic.
Pretty soon, Koga and Inuyasha were on opposite sides of the cottage cleaning windows. According to Koga, splitting up would save time now, so they would have more time together later.
But the two lovebirds just could not stay away from each other. The WinDex bottles were perfect for spraying each other with.
squirt
"Koga! That tickles!" Inuyasha said.
squirt
"Inuyasha! Hee hee!"
squirt
squirt
squirt
Yes. A Windex battle had started.
Thirty minutes later, when the Windex was all gone from the bottle, and it covered Inuyasha and Koga. They were on the floor licking themselves clean.
poof!
"Hey! You! Dog-turd!" Koga yelled suddenly.
Whoops. They had turned back to normal.
"Aww. Shut up wolf boy! What are we doing all covered in Windex in the middle of the woods by ourselves?"
A moment of silence ensued as the two recalled their previous actions.
" I did that-" they pointed at one another. "With you?! I'M GOING TO SLAUGHTER YOU!"'
And so they fought. And the little house in the big woods caught on fire. And the family who now inhabited the cottage fled. Laura Ingalls Wilder would need to find another little house, on the prairie this time, though.
" You took away my virginity!" Koga snarled, lunging at Inuyasha with his teeth bared.
"Same to you, and wait- virginity?" Inuyasha eyed Koga skeptically. "Ok, you've officially creeped me out."
The two decided that they would run away and pretend that none of their relationship had ever happened. Ever- and if anyone brought up the topic of the two, well, they would lying in their graves before they knew what had hit them.
"We bring you sorrowful tidings. The Abhorsen's second cousin on her father's, nephew's side once removed, next door neighbors, little sister's, first grade cousin's grandfather is dead." a clean-clothed invisible man bowed low to Jaken, stand-in ruler of the western domains.
" Uh... too bad for him? What's your point?" Jaken replied soberly. He had yet to retrieve Rin.
" So, were is Lord Sesshomaru?" Jaken said in his annoying little voice.
" Didn't you understand? The Abhorsen's second cousin on her father's, nephew's side once removed, next door neighbors, little sister's, first grade cousin's grandfather is DEAD. D-E-D, dead."
A tear dropped to the ground. Jaken sighed. "How sad." After a moment of silence, Jaken said, "Oh well. He ain't gettin' any deader! C'mon boys, let's remodel!"
The Charter sending in a cream-colored habit looked on in a daze.
" I always thought this ol' castle was too 'Chinese'"!
"Um..." the man said. "I couldn't call this Chinese decor. More Ainu, with a lot of Yayoi. This castle is very old- a relic of out culture!"
" I was thinking of a more 'European' look. We could have an Irish castle theme, and our very own Stonehenge! Or better yet, snitch the real one!" Jaken laughed maniacally.
" The Celts were the ones with the Stonhenge 'legend' I believe..."
"Wait! But first I must get Rin so she can do most of the work! Good thing I put a locator chip on her!" Jaken said as he whipped out his GPS system.
"Hmm. Located somewhere in a place called Kanto, around Route 2."
Pushing another button a teleporter appeared out of nowhere. (it probably teleported)" Now THAT is class!" Jaken giggled.Then, he pushed yet another button and the Star Trek theme song started playing. It was a MIDI, though! "Beam Rin up, Scotty!"
Pop! Rin appeared. Well, Jaken thought it was Rin, since a little, red ball with a button was there. "Now, how do you open this? Maybe this will work!"
Wham, wham, wham! "Isn't it supposed to light up?" Wham, wham! Wham!
"Okay, I'm getting annoyed!!" Jaken yelled hotly. "Here, you! Charter thing! Open this!"
" Yes, Master, Jaken." and the Charter sending pressed the button.
"Wobbuffet!"
Jaken and the man would have been more surprised, had not another unexpected guest barged in.
"Yo."
"Uh... you remind me of someone... who are you?" Jaken quavered, staring up at the demon.
Red eyes gleamed maliciously at the toady demon, as he stalked towards Jaken.
" Rumors told that Lord Sesshomaru passed away in these lands, and so you lay in wait for me, correct?
" Huh? You have no claim to Saigoku- I- "
" Are you saying Inuyasha has no claim to his family's territory?"
"N-No. But you aren't Inu-"
The demon opened his hand, revealing the Shikon Jewel, evil, energy whirling around it.
"Inuyasha! Die! This is my land! Sesshomaru disowned you as his brother!"
"Hey!" Inuyasha grabbed Jaken skeptically. "Don't matter to me. You still hafta do what i say."
"Y-Yes milord!" Jaken bowed in reverence.
"Darn. i was so close to being Lord Jaken of the Western Lands too. Now, I must serve this ungrateful, rude, half-breed boy." Jaken said aloud.
"Why you!"
Ka-tonk! Jaken saw many cuckoos running around his head.
" Fifteen second 'til the end of the world." the rabbit from Alice in Wonderland popped up in Lord Sessho- no Lord Jaken... no! Not even that? Lord... Inuyasha? Of the Western Lands.
"14."
"Shit. I was finally climbing to power." Youkai Inuyasha muttered.
"13."
" I see thirteen cuckoos around my head!!" Jaken squealed.
"12."
"I wonder how the world will end?" the Charter sending asked.
"11."
"The chosen one must come! Lest the earth shall turn to ash!" Jaken sniveled.
"10."
"The chosen one changed his name from Ash to Bob. It says here in the PokŽmon Times." Youkai Inuyasha pointed out.
"9."
"Why is everyone counting down? Is it New Years?" Kagome had escaped from her tropical asylum.
"8."
"I'll get the fireworks!" the sending dude volunteered.
"7."
" If it really is the end of the world, I really do love you Inuyasha!" the obvious person sobbed.
""6."
"I love you too Koga."
" "5."
"Okay, not so obvious person." Banana Rum sighed.
"4."
"Ooh! I just love New Years!" the clueless Kagome yelled.
"3."
"I've got the fireworks! I hope you like purple, 'cause that's the only color they have besides banana yellow, and i don't like yellow."
"2."
"the cuckoos around my head are dying! Maybe I'll have one for dinner!" Jaken exclaimed.
"1."
"What a LAME ending." Banana Rum sighed once again.
As a giant eraser came down and engulfed the world in nothingness (even Kanna), Kagome screamed,
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"
As the first pages and world of this story floated down into the fireplace of someone's home, Rumiko Takahashi threw in the rest of this story too. "Somehow, I didn't think my characters were themselves today. I don't think this will be the 370th chapter for 'Inuyasha: The End of Hakudoushi."
-Fin