Just a quick five-minute thing here folks...notice how the beginnings of the Animorphs books are the same thing recycled? I decided to give them all some (;-)) new material...

Jake's Alternate Beginning

My name is Jake. Just Jake. No last name. Or at least none that I can tell you. See there are these creatures called Yeerks that would kill not only me, but all my family and friends if they got the chance. So I can't tell you anything.

What do you mean I'm paranoid?

I'm not paranoid! You're the paranoid one! Yeah, you!

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THE VOICES ARE TALKING TO ME!!!

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Marco's Alternate Beginning

Hi, I'm Marco. Just Marco. But you can call me "funny guy" Marco if you like. 'Cause that's what I am. A funny guy. Geddit?

Heheheh...funny guy Marco. Now that's funny. I even crack myself up sometimes.

Yup...funny guy Marco.

Me is funny.

Funny is me.

Wonder why I haven't got any good lines yet?

Hmm...

Oh my god! I just realised! K.A.Applegate used up all my best jokes in The Suspicion with the Helmacrons!

NOOOO!

{crouches on floor and rocks back and forth while sucking thumb} Losing – identity...No – longer – the funny one...{bursts into tears}...

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Rachel's Alternate Beginning

My name is Rachel. I can't tell you anything else. I wish I could, but there's too much at risk...

Some people call me psychotic, or violence mad. I say LET'S BURN SINGLE MOTHERS that's unfair. Sure I like to DIE INFERIOR SCUM hold my own in a I SAID DIE DIPWADS fight, but that doesn't mean I'm DIE DIE DIEEE insane or anything. And okay, I tend to go for HEHEHEH BLOODBLOODBLOOD big, powerful morphs, and maybe ALL BOW DOWN AND WORSHIP ME AS YOUR GODDESS the nice big weapons too, but it's OR ELSE all for a good cause.

THE YEERKS WERE GOING TO OBLITERATE THE MALL FOR GOD'S SAKE!
WHAT ELSE CAN A VIOLENT SCHIZOPHRENIC LIKE ME DO?

Gees, some people should just stop judging me on first appearances. I'm not all that bad YES I AM AND ANYONE WHO SAYS DIFFERENT SHOULD DIE really.

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Tobias' Alternate Beginning

My name is Tobias. And, unlike the other Animorphs. I can tell you anything you want to know. My address? Easy. I live in an area of forest by a meadow, in a tree.

No, I'm NOT a homeless bum. I'm a red-tailed hawk.

Okay, you can stop laughing now.

No really, I mean it. Please stop laughing.

I said stop laughing! It's not funny! It's really a touchingly sad story! :-'(

FINE! Laugh at me! That's EXACTLY what they all used to do to me in high school! I don't need your mockery! {bursts into tears} {flies back to his tree to sulk and doesn't come back for the rest of the book).

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Ax's Alternate Beginning

Hello. My name is Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthil. I am an Andalite – {sees book} PAPER! MY FAVOURITE! {munches contentedly on book and not only forgets to write the beginning, but also wastes weeks of Ms K.A.Applegate's time and effort}

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Cassie's Alternate Beginning

This Beginning Has Been Replaced By A Letter From Cassie's Lawyers

From our client, Miss Cassie ----,

It has just recently come to the attention of our client that books are made from wood, which allegedly comes from trees.

To support our client's cause and save some trees, we would request that you re-write the 60-book contract. Our client now refuses to appear in any book longer than ten pages and must within said pages save some cute and furry animal from death/extinction/public humiliation.

We await your reply.

(K.A.Applegate then refused Cassie's request, at which point she pulled out of the books. K.A. Applegate was forced to leave the series at the 54th book, and had to keep the crappy cliffhanger ending. That's my belief anyway. Stupid hippie Cassie.)