Author: SavingRain
Rating: R
Summary: After Naraku's death, Kagura tries to find her place in the world.
Author's Notes: This chapter may get a little confusing, I'm using italics again to denote Kagura's thoughts and as she narrates the past.
"One, two, three," Rin stopped before Jaken and ceremoniously lifted three fingers in the air, indicating that she had won yet another game between them.
She seemed so proud for someone who had accomplished so little in her life...
Sesshoumaru walked smoothly into the main hall of his residence, pausing as the great crowd parted to allow him passage. The youkai reverently lowered themselves to his feet, indicating their respect.
"Sesshoumaru-sama loves Rin." She looked up at me, not bothering to ask.
It was strange that I allowed her such freedom. The question and the game were as same as anything that she had done in the past. It didn't seem to matter that she was an aged woman, wrinkled and sore from life. Rin's happiness had never faded, even in the midsts of her death.
Contentment filled Sesshoumaru. Despite the recent unrest surrounding him and Kagura's bitter sniping at Jaken, he found himself feeling more relaxed than he had in some time.
He watched as Kagura barged past him to brusquely tell two servants that the "Lord of the Northern Lands" needed a bath. He reminded himself to correct her, she should be called the Lady of the Northern Lands, not a lord. Of course, the way she speaks and acts, it will be a wonder if anyone notices the difference.
The two lesser youkai she had berated into serving her hesitated for a moment, shifting their eyes to their lord as they stood on bended knee. Sesshoumaru lowered his head slightly in consent and watched with slight satisfaction as they dissipated down the hallway.
Kagura looked irritated.
"I finally have power," she stretched her arms over head and leaned back against the wall in the most un-lady like pose possible. "And your damned servants couldn't be bothered with doing my bidding."
Sesshoumaru didn't bother to answer her. It was glaringly obvious why they did not, they were his servants.
My servants...
Suddenly he found his irritation returning at the idea of her ordering them around.
Perhaps it is time that I reminded her of her place...
He fixed his gaze on her to look her over again, searching for any other signs of imbecillic behavior. Instead he found a whistful expression as she watched the bustle of servants as they moved through the wide halls.
Deciding that his curiousity needed to be satisfied more than anything else at the moment, Sesshoumaru ventured into what could possibly be a dangerous conversation.
"What?" He asked.
Kagura looked back at him lazily, tucking her hands into her sleeves and slowly walking around him. She made a clicking sound in her throat, indicating that she had no desire to answer him but felt compelled to out of obligation.
"It's nothing, really." She felt him come closer to her as she led him further down the hall and entered one of his many libraries. "I was just thinking of how much Azumamaro would have liked this."
Fuck...I knew this was a bad idea, why did I even mention him?
She could feel the tension rising in the room as Sesshoumaru distanced himself from her to look out a window. When she turned around to regard him he was glaring at the sunset, caught in one of his many sessions of ponderance.
Kagura felt the heat rising in her cheeks as a sudden discomfort hit her: she wasn't angry at Sesshoumaru, even though she wanted to be. He was ignoring her again, and usually that was justification for her to throw a fit. It occurred to her that his earlier comments regarding her childish behavior had caused her to hold her tongue. Kagura was holding back; she was considering what she should say, whether or not she should say it, and why in the world she suddenly felt very embarrassed and out of place.
His feelings are of no concern to me...
Kagura frowned at that.
Does Sesshoumaru even have feelings? Besides anger, all he ever does is--
"Kagura."
His voice breaking the silence was like a breath of fresh air. The feelings of embarrassment and discomfort washed away, and she no longer felt like the cause of animosity between them. Kagura was quickly learning that while reign over Sesshoumaru's emotions was amusing at times, moments like these were hardly a cause for celebration.
Especially when she had no where to run in order to escape them.
"You must push him from your mind." Sesshoumaru flexed his arms slightly, resting one hand on the hilt of Toukijin and the other on the window sill.
Kagura's eyes widened.
"Huh?" She found herself walking forward to meet his side, despite the raging instinct urging her to get away.
He stiffened slightly.
"If the memory of that youkai is too difficult for you to stomach, then you must push him from your mind."
He didn't turn to regard her, which Kagura was for once incredibly thankful for. She had a strong feeling that she didn't want to see his face.
"Eh--and why should I do that?" She tried to sound casual, but the question sounded forced and broken to her own ears.
Sesshoumaru's own words were steady and carried a distinct strength that only he posessed. He was well versed in the art of diplomacy, and with Kagura seething with unbridled emotions behind him, he had to direct himself with practiced ease.
"The Northern Lands require great influence and a strong hand to posess."
Kagura's fear was immediatly gone.
"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"
Sesshoumaru heard her fan spread out and looked back at her, more at ease now that her usual anger permeated the air. He stepped away from the window and out towards the hallway.
Kagura's mouth flew open to yell after him again, but the youkai lord casually slid the door open to reveal two servant girls waiting for Kagura outside. They both held long robes and towels, and fidgeted uncomfortably. Inwardly, he sneered at the idea that they had heard Kagura bark at him in such an offensive matter.
I must school her out of that annoying habit...
He looked back at her angry expression and frowned.
Suddenly, the idea of tempering her emotional reactions didn't seem possible.
"Your bath is ready." He nodded at the girls, who bowed even lower as he swept by them to attend to his own business. Kagura glared at his back.
Sneaky asshole...
She narrowed her eyes slightly.
Heh--I never thought that you would dare to fall into this habit again. You are just as controlling as you were when you first allowed me to travel with you.
An image of the stoic youkai lord flickered in her mind, characteristically calm and composed. His eyes moved slowly over her and narrowed as he scrutinized the fan clutched firmly in her hand.
"Why do you feel that a weapon is necessary?"
What a question to ask--back then I thought he was just being an annoying, over-bearing asshole. Since we had been working together all he had done was question my actions, my motives, even my common sense.
Why on earth did I ever put up with him?
"I've always used it," I circled around him because I didn't trust him. I expected him to lash out at me; I had no idea that he was genuinely curious.
"If you are going to travel with me, then you will leave that behind."
Kagura's brow lowered in curiousity.
Was he testing me then?
I argued with him for quite some time on the matter, but he never thought it worth his while to explain to me why it was necessary for me to go on defenseless.
Then the training started...
Kagura sighed and flexed her wrists, stretching her arms out and folding them behind her back.
"So? Who are you two?" She asked, not particularly caring but feeling the need to assert her authority after being so thoroughly dismissed.
The two girls immediatly began fidgeting, intent on evading the question and pretending that they hadn't been spoken to.
Kagura chuckled, enjoying the reaction to her presence.
I suppose power isn't all that bad...
She walked by them, meaning to repeat Sesshoumaru's earlier actions, but stopped short when she realized that she had no idea where the baths were kept.
Sensing her distress, the more daring of the two vassals spoke up.
"This way, miss."
Kagura turned around and saw the two girls meekly shuffling down the hallway. She couldn't tell exactly what kind of demons they were, but guessed from the similar appearance to Sesshoumaru that they must be dogs. It made sense, why wouldn't the most powerful dog in the land have lesser dogs under his direction?
They led her into a room with thick, double doors and Kagura found herself in an antechamber, cut off from the baths by two beautifully decorated sliding doors. The serving girls knelt at the foot of the doors and waited for Kagura to remove her robes and untie her hair so that they could hand over her sponges and bath oils. Kagura had been waited on before during Azumamaro's campaigns, but somehow this situation seemed glaringly different.
She tried to ignore her discomfort as she undid her sash and tossed it in their general direction. It wasn't as if she had a problem being naked, she simply felt exposed after her last argument with Sesshoumaru. He had reminded her--yet again--of her inferior status. Even with his respect for her, he had little regard for the discomfort she felt at being the lesser partner in their so-called "relationship". relationship.
"But are we even in a relationship anymore?" Kagura didn't care that the servants could hear her.
It had been a while since she had heard her own voice, with the confidence and pride that she was accustomed to hearing. The servants flinched at the bit of information they had just been privy to. Learning about a lord's personal life could lead to oppurtunities for status climbers. Even a paranoid serving girl wasn't going to pass up the chance to glean information about her handsome benefactor.
I remember running into a few coniving young women a decade ago, each intent on creating a place for themselves in the Western Empire.
Kagura leaned into the doorway and placed her hand on the edge of the wall, testing the temperature of the room and eyeing the thick darkness that lay ahead. Her eyes were slow to adjust to the choking darkness.
It's like a burial chamber in here...
"Kagura-sama, is there something wrong?"
The bird-like voice of the first serving girl broke Kagura's string of thoughts.
Some how, she found herself thankful for the distraction. An uncomfortable feeling of dread had been weighing on her only moments before. Kagura was vaguely aware of the compromising position she was in now.
I can lie to Sesshoumaru and everyone else, but I can't lie to myself.
She straightened her back perceptibly and leaned harder against the wall.
Becoming the ruler of the Northern Lands was not something that I had planned.
"Nothing is wrong," Kagura muttered. She waved her left hand in front of her face, attempting to stave off the dark. "It is simply--dark in here."
"Ah!" Kagura winced as the other serving girl, who was louder than before, stood and clapped her hands together. She bowed reverently and disappeared from the room, returning the next minute with candles in hand. "Please, allow me to make you more comfortable, Kagura-sama!"
Kagura stared at her, not sure whether she should snap her in two for being so annoying, or accept her offer. Before she could nod her approval, the other girl pushed a beautiful silken robe in her direction, urging her to clothe herself.
"Please, make yourself comfortable!" She bowed and Kagura accepted the robe, noting the smooth interior of it absent-mindedly.
However, it did not take away the irritation of being fawned over.
They're acting like I give a shit about either of them--
Kagura instantly felt the feeling of irritation decrease. She breathed in deeply and allowed one of the girls to lead her into another room. Once she was seated on the floor, she was greeted with hot tea and several cushions to lay down on.
They think Sesshoumaru and I...
An evil gleam lit Kagura's eyes.
"Hey," she casually lifted the tea to her lips and drank, enjoying the tension that instantly became apparent in the room.
The two serving girls were suddenly at her feet, kneeling and vying for attention.
And I thought I had power before...
"How can we serve you, Kagura-sama?"
The bird voice again.
Kagura's eyes flicked on the small form, who was still willing and eager to serve. Despite her superior's apparent irritation.
"What's your name?"
The girl brightened instantly at having been recognized.
"Akina!" The girl treated Kagura with a smile.
Kagura narrowed her eyes at her.
Akina--huh--she's pretty. The name suits her.
Her eyes narrowed even further.
What's Sesshoumaru doing with girls like this as his personal servants?
"Kagura-sama?" The girl chirped.
Kagura scowled at her.
"Shut up. Did I ask you anything?"
A shudder swept through the room. Kagura smiled.
That will teach her...
"You have eyes for Sesshoumaru, huh?" She asked.
The girl's cheeks suddenly flushed and she sat back, shocked.
The other girl had gone noticebly silent, and Kagura saw that her hands were trembling to hold the tea pot.
Kagura watched for a while, feeling strangely victorious.
"It's alright," she smoothly sat her tea down and stretched, pretending to be a complete expert in conversations of love and relationships.
She looked back at the girl.
Damn, she looks ready to wet herself right here...
"I told you it's fine!" She repeated, and leaned forward to look both of the young women in the eyes. "What I said earlier, about us..."
"Kagura-sama, forgive us, we didn't hear anything!" The other girl was talking now, covering for Akina's sudden bought of shyness.
Kagura closed her eyes in irritation.
"Who the hell are you?" She snapped.
Silence again.
Kagura raised one eyebrow, showing interest.
"Answer."
"Gin."
I'll keep my eyes on her for a while, to let her feel my power...
Gin flinched.
Kagura smiled confidently.
"Don't speak unless you are spoken to." She folded her arms and sat back, appearing to be entirely comfortable.
"Hai." Gin slumped back down, bowing her head to the floor.
"Anyway," Kagura tapped the top of the teapot, signaling that she wanted her cup filled again. Akina promptly rushed to obey her. "I wanted to tell you that Sesshoumaru and I aren't affilliated in that matter." Akina brightened again, which annoyed Kagura beyond end. She tried to maintain her composure and rested one hand on her knee. "The fact is, Sesshoumaru doesn't like just any girl..."
Akina lifted her head slightly. Gin followed.
"Do you understand?" Kagura rolled her tongue around in her mouth, tasting the strong flavor of the tea. "I know you two like him..."
The girls lowered their heads again.
"But you see, there have been many women who have liked Sesshoumaru," Kagura bit her lip.
At this point she wasn't sure why she started this conversation, or where she was going, but she certainly couldn't stop now.
"I used to travel with him, along the frontier of the Western Lands, and we ran into plenty of women who wanted to move in and make themselves the next 'Lady of the Western Lands'," Kagura made a face. "The fact is, he just isn't interested in romance or cheap thrills--"
Gin stiffened.
If Kagura wasn't so nervous and on edge herself, she wouldn't have noticed. Her eyes picked up the involuntary reaction and her curiousity instantly peaked.
"Gin." Kagura felt her throat suddenly go dry.
The girl jerked forward and lifted her head. Her eyes looked wet and she was flushing brilliantly. Kagura glanced sideways at Akina and saw that she wasn't moving at all.
Sesshoumaru, you bastard, you've been indulging yourself with common house maids?!
"Why are you shaking?" Kagura choked out.
Her voice came out smaller than she expected, and she balled her hands against her knees.
"G-Gomen Nasai, Kagura-sama," Gin turned away, shielding her face. "It is only that, Sesshoumaru-sama keeps a harem at Paektu."
If Kagura wasn't so shocked, she would have reached across the table and killed Gin then and there.
She stared at the small, shaking figure for a while, and then she laughed.
That's rediculous!
Gin didn't respond, and Kagura swiftly stood, planting her hands on her hips.
That asshole is about as personal as a piece of wood. He'd never do anything so base like keeping a harem!
"Kagura." Sesshoumaru's voice broke the tension in the room, and the two servants bowed deeply, ducking out of the room and back into the baths.
Kagura watched them go, relishing the feeling of crushing their girlish dreams.
"What do you want?" She turned away from him, ready to follow Gin and Akina out the door.
"You will speak with me," Sesshoumaru commanded. He didn't bother to move to intercept her, he simply stared at the back of her head.
"Oh?" Kagura placed one hand over her hip and cast him a sideways glance.
He's not the type to ever casually be with anyone that way...
Sesshoumaru narrowed his eyes slightly.
"Take your bath, it can wait."
Kagura nodded and left the room, too amused by Gin's exclamation about Sesshoumaru's personal life to give much thought to her own uncertain circumstances. When she entered the antechamber again, the two young girls were kneeling on the floor, looking as if they had never moved at all. Kagura gave them her new robe and stepped into the smaller, darker room. She groped her way down into the bath. Smooth, warm, panels of stone greeted her skin as she slid into the water. She sighed and allowed all of her muscles to relax.
The baths consisted of several bowl shaped holes in the ground, covered in tile and edged out in stone. The ceilings were low and the water that filled each bathing crevice was so hot that steam clouded the already darkened room. Kagura could see large candles flickering at the other end of the bath, and smell the stinging incense that flowed in from other baths meters away. Each area was secluded by ornately decorated paper screens, which Kagura was certain hid spies and peeping perverts.
She tensed her back muscles and tried to allow her mind to wander.
Sesshoumaru would hardly allow just anyone to enter into his palace--I'm certain he wouldn't approve of anyone spying on me now either...
Kagura snorted.
If he even cares enough to approve, that is...
As the thoughts slipped away, she yawned, ducked her head under the water, and pulled herself back up. Now that she had become acustomed to the atmosphere, it began to grow on her.
A harem...
She turned the thought over in her mind.
Sesshoumaru isn't what you would call an "affectionate" man...
Memories of her nights with Azumamaro flooded back to her, and she smirked slightly.
No, he certainly wasn't like Azumamaro was. Azumamaro would stop in the middle of a battle just to kiss me, or send his men away because he wanted us to spend the day alone. It didn't matter where we were, or what was going on...
"Teh," Kagura let her head loll back against the edge of the bath and sighed. "Sesshoumaru would never just do that with anyone."
But what if he does?
Anger flared inside of her.
He would be just another stupid, predictable male!
Kagura squeezed her eyes shut and sighed.
That just isn't possible.
She lay in the darkness, trying to relax and forget her troubles.
Sesshoumaru doesn't deserve to be on my mind right now.
After about half an hour, a sound caught her attention.
It was the muffled voices of Akina and Gin as they murmured something between themselves, and then a familiar, deep, throaty one. Kagura immediatly stiffened.
He wouldn't...
Then she heard the door slam shut as the two girls hastily made their way out of the antechamber and left her alone, in the dark, with nothing between her and Sesshoumaru but a thin partition.
She sank down further in the water. He had seen her naked before, they had engaged in activities before that were beyond that of the normal apprentice/mentor relationship, several times Kagura recalled. However, those previous experiences did nothing to dispell the distinct discomfort that she was experiencing at this very moment.
She was too angry at him to be seen naked. He hadn't earned the right.
Silence.
"I would like to have a word with you."
Kagura was thankful for the dark and the barrier between them. She had a feeling her flushed face was from more than the rising steam.
"Like hell you do, get the fuck out of here!"
There was silence again.
"I have seen you naked before." Sesshoumaru made what could have been a laugh, but Kagura was too befuddled to know for sure. "I have done certain acts in the past with your person that make this present shyness of yours peurile."
Kagura bit her lip. This was quickly becoming the worse few days in the history of her existence, coming in a close second to the night she found out Naraku was keeping her heart in a jar.
"Do you plan on doing them again?" She choked out.
As soon as the words were out of her mouth she had slapped her hands over her face.
Honestly, I'm acting like some stupid village girl!
More silence.
"No," Sesshoumaru shifted slightly and Kagura heard him come closer to the partition. "Not presently."
She nearly slipped and hit her head on the side of the bath.
"Just one damned minute," Kagura seethed with righteous indignation. "I'm not just going to roll over and--"
"You did in the past."
Forgetting her earlier reservations, Kagura quickly stood and lifted herself out of the pool, fighting off the wave of nauseating dizziness that hit her.
"Pervert!" She spat. "I--that was over ten years ago and--"
She paused. Straining her back and catching her breath, she sat down on her heels and eased herself back into the water.
"You're only trying to get a rise out of me." The revelation struck her rather hard.
The idea of Sesshoumaru actually being forward about their past sexual trysts had been too much for her. She honestly would have preferred to forget them...
"Kagura," his voice was even and low, carrying his usual tone of seriousness. "I have no intention of engaging in any such activities in the future."
Well, you could atleast try to feel bad about it, you sorry bastard...
"I don't care about that," she tried to brush her concerns off as her mind traveled back to their earlier confrontation.
Sesshoumaru had receded back into his silence again, obviously content to wait until Kagura found her way out of the bath. The Wind User cleared her throat.
"I seem to recall a certain ascinine comment from earlier...something about, 'The Northern Lands require great influence and a strong hand to posess' or some other nonsense. I never did find out what that meant."
"Oh?"
"So, is that some crack about how a female can't take care of herself, or about how I can't do anything without getting too emotional?"
Sesshoumaru allowed an evil smile to slip past his lips.
"I believe that has already been made evident."
Kagura bristled at his words.
"If you are going to rule the Northern Lands," Sesshoumaru paused and listened to as she leaned back, relaxing herself in the warmth of the bath. "You cannot afford to simply kill at random. You must learn restraint."
"I do have restraint," Kagura bit back. "I haven't reached through that screen and tried to separate you from your favorite part now, have I?"
Sesshoumaru made a sound of disgust.
"If you are referring to my arm--"
"Which of course, I am not." Kagura found herself holding back laughter as Sesshoumaru growled.
"Finish your bath." He snapped, and promptly stepped out of the room.
Kagura sighed as that familiar feeling of victory overwhelmed her.
Atleast he knows when to back down...good boy.
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Author's Notes: Hope you enjoyed that...it took forever to write up. Thank you to everyone for the reviews!