Chapter Eleven ~It Was All A Dream~

Disclaimer: I own Nothing. Joss Owns all.

Spoilers: See previous Chapters

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Buffy ran home from Spike's crypt. She was crying the whole way home. She wasn't too sure whether they were happy or sad tears; Spike's letter gave her such mixed emotions. All she should concentrate on was the fact that he still loved her and he found another way to send Glory back, and...he would be back soon! Spike was coming home. Buffy reached her home out of breath. She opened the door and rushed inside. Giles sprang and began to panic.

"Buffy! What's wrong? Is it Glory? Your mother? What is it?" Giles said in total panic mode.

"No. None of the above. It's this." She handed him the letter from Spike. Giles read the letter and removed his glasses looking at Buffy.

"Well this is good, right?" He asked, searching Buffy's face for re- assurance.

"Of course it's good Giles! He's coming back and he still loves me!" Buffy beamed.

"But what about the part where Spike has found a way to send Glory back, without using Angel?"

"Well of course that's good too, but Giles! Spike is coming home!" Buffy flopped down on the couch grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her.

"Yes well, perhaps he'll arrive soon then so we can be let in on what he knows. Now that you are home I am going to head to my house. I shall see you in the morning to take you to the hospital." Giles said putting on his jacket. He turned and headed out the door while Buffy remained on the couch with a large smile on her face.

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The Scoobies went to the hospital in the morning to see Joyce. When they arrived, Joyce had a sad face on, but a smile crossed her face when she saw everyone.

"Mom!" Dawn exclaimed as she rushed to her mother. She pounced on Joyce as soon as she reached her. "How are you feeling? I was so scared when you didn't come home last night!"

"Hi baby. I missed you too, but if you don't let go I might be in here for broken ribs as well." Joyce said trying to pry her daughter off of her. "Well it looks like the whole gang is here. Hi guys."

The Scoobies all said their 'hello's' to Joyce and decided it was time to leave Buffy to talk with her mother alone.

"So what's the what lady?" Buffy said sitting in the chair next to her mother's bed.

"The what? There is no what?"

"Liar. You had worried mom face when we walked in here. What's going on?"

"I met with the doctors this morning when the CAT scan and the other tests came back. The tumour is a little further along than they thought. It's bigger."

Okay. So that just means a little bit bigger surgery right? No problem." Buffy stated trying to hide the panic in her body.

"Right. Buffy there's a chance that the surgery could have complications, even after the process is complete." Joyce said looking down.

"What are you saying? That you don't even want to try? Mom you have a brain tumour! If you don't remove it you could die! If you get it removed, there's only a chance right?"

"Buffy I'm still having the surgery. I just need you to know, just in case."

"Mom. You're going to be fine. There is no 'just in case' here. I know it. Are you going to tell Dawn?" Buffy asked in a very child-like voice.

"I don't want to worry her with that. She has enough to deal with being a Higher Being and all. She doesn't need to know."

"Check. Only a need-to-know basis."

"So what did I miss last night?" Joyce inquired.

"This." Buffy pulled the letter from Spike out of her pocket and showed it to her mother. Joyce read it and handed it back to her daughter.

"This is good news right? There's another way to send Glory back?"

"Why does everyone focus on that part? Spike is coming back Mom! And he still loves me!" Buffy declared gleefully.

"I know. I'm just teasing. So do we have any idea what it is that he has found out?"

"No. But it has to be good. Anything is better than the present solution." Buffy stated.

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"Something's different about you. I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something very different about you." Clem stated staring as Spike who was watching TV. He'd missed three weeks of Passions and had to catch up on the storylines.

"Nothing different 'bout me mate. 'm still the same ol' Spike, just carrying around some extra baggage is all. Now shhh, Passions is on."

"I don't know how you can watch that junk. It rots your mind you know?"

"Yeah well it takes me away from my own problems for a while so please shut your trap." Spike glared at his loose-skinned friend.

"You know I could just leave and then you'd have perfect silence," Clem offered.

"Oh Bollocks! You can't leave mate. You need to be here if and when Buffy comes back..." Spike was interrupted by the crypt door bursting open.

"Look like she already is back." Buffy glared at Spike.

"Well this look like my cue to leave. Later Spike. Bye Slayer." Clem scurried past Buffy and out the door closing it behind him.

Buffy stood in front of the door for what seemed like forever to Spike before she actually found her voice.

"So you're back?" Spike nodded. "Since when?" Spike opened his mouth to answer but Buffy cut him off. "Since yesterday. You were even here to see my little scene, weren't you?" Spike just nodded. "So are you just going to stand there nodding? Or are you going to explain things to me? Explain why you had to send this" she said pulling out the letter. "Instead of just telling me!"

"I..."

"And I don't want any bullshit excuses. I don't need anymore lies right now. I want the truth. I think I deserve it."

"Bloody Hell! Shut up Woman! I'll explain if you stop talking for on minute!" Spike shouted to her. Buffy stood with her mouth open, shocked that he would even talk to her that way.

"I didn't want you to know I was here yet because I still had something things to deal with. I didn't want to see you because I knew with one look you would melt my heart and I would take you back in my arms and never let you go."

"And that would be a bad thing?" Buffy's eyes welled up with tears, her legs gave out again and she fell to the floor.

Spike rushed to her side to make sure she wasn't hurt. When he reached her, he reached out hi hand to her but quickly pulled it back as if he was burned. He stood and backed away.

"Why did you even bother coming back if you don't want to be with me?" Buffy cried. "I'm so lost without you Spike. I can't breathe without you. Don't you understand you are my soul?" Spike's head snapped up at her last word.

"What did you say?"

"My soul. I can't live without you. If you haven't come back to be with me, you should just leave again. You shouldn't have come back. I would rather live with false hope that to have you come back and then leave again." With this she got up and started beating on his chest with her tiny fists. "I hate you! I hate what you do to me. I hate how you make me feel!" She pounded at him until she grew too tired to.

Spike grabbed her and pulled her close to him. He held her to him and lifted her into his arms. He brought her to the couch that sat in front of the TV. They sat there forever. Buffy managed to fall asleep crying in Spike's arms. Spike stayed awake adoring the woman that lay in his arms. He watched her for hours and from time to time he would smooth her hair or kiss her forehead.

Hours later... Buffy was half awake and feeling cold. She opened her eyes partially to see Spike looking at her. His hand was still smoothing out her hair. She snuggled closer to him into his chest.

"Mmm...I had the worst dream that you left me."

"Uh pet, it wasn't a dream."

Buffy jolted up and jumped out of Spike's arms.

"What? What's going on?"

"Don't you remember luv? You fell asleep in my arms."

"What are you...? It wasn't a dream! You're back! But last night you made it seem like you didn't' want to be with me. Now you are all snugly with me?"

"It's not that pet." Spike replied standing and walking to the other side of the crypt.

"Then what is it?" Buffy demanded. "Tell me Spike. No more secrets and lies. I've had enough."

"I can't. I can't be with you. For the sake of both our hearts, I can't." Spike said quietly.

Buffy sat back down in the chair and looked at the floor of the crypt. After a few moments she looked up at Spike with tear-filled eyes. Spike could feel his unbeating heart break at the sight before him.

"Why?" Buffy managed to release from her lips in a whisper.

"I can't pet. I can't tell you just now. I promise when the time comes I'll tell you everything. I swear luv. You have to trust me." Spike said softly making his way in front of her and kneeling down.

"I did trust you and you ran away with my heart. How can I trust you again? I need you right now, more than ever. I need you so badly. Spike, I need you. I need you. I need you." Buffy kept up this mantra as she moved towards Spike. She grabbed his face and began kissing him with aggressive passion. Spike gave in briefly but began to pull away.

"Pet...pet...we need to stop." Spike stood up and moved away from Buffy.

"What's wrong? Don't you want me anymore? You wrote in your letter that you still love me." Buffy began pulling at her clothes and getting fidgety. "What's wrong with me? Why don't you want me? Why doesn't anybody want me?"

"Listen pet," Spike said grabbing her hands and holding them in his. "This has nothing to do with you. You have to believe me. It's me. I can't be with you right now because of ME."

"I can't be here. I can't hear this. I have to get Dawn she's alone and probably worried. Mom's not home. I should go to the hospital. I need to see her. I have to go." Buffy got up to leave.

"Pet...who's in the hospital? What's wrong? Tell me, please." Spike reached to grab Buffy's arm.

"Get away from me!" Buffy yelled pulling her arm away. "If I can't be with you, I don't want to be near you. Don't come around me. I mean it." With that Buffy stormed out of the crypt and off to her house, leaving Spike alone and heart broken.

A/N: The next chapter will be up soon. Probably in the next two weeks, it's partly written right now. But four chapters up in less than 2 weeks! Pretty good! Later peeps! ~AJ~