Author: SavingRain
Rating: R
Summary: After Naraku's death, Kagura tries to find her place in the world.
Author's Notes: As usual, italics denote thoughts/flashbacks.
"You know, I didn't really want you two, so just go out in that little room there and bring me something to drink. Then go get killed somewhere," Kagura waved her hand dismissively at Akina and Gin, who immediatly slipped out the door to do as they were told.
I need a drink, a good, stiff drink...
She glanced over at the bed and sighed, wishing that Azumamaro were there.
A drinking partner would be nice right about now...
Kagura fell back and strecthed herself out across her bed, lifting her arms over her head. She played with her fan for a while before her ears registered the return of Gin and Akina, woh promptly put her sake down and disappeared back into the night. Kagura would have been pleased with that, if not for the fact that a certain youkai lord had followed them on their way in.
Sesshoumaru stood at the foot of her bed for a few minutes before he promptly retrieved the sake and turned back towards the door. Kagura furrowed her brow.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" she sat up a bit so that she could see his shadowy figure in the doorway.
Sesshoumaru simply handed the flask over to Akina and Gin, who stood beyond view and promptly accepted it.
"You will speak outright to me," his eyes narrowed slightly, and Kagura thought she saw a dim light in them.
A buzzing feeling swept through her body and she sat up on her thighs, gripping the fabric of her kimono.
"Will I?"
She was as cool as ever.
If only I could see him...
Kagura had not given much thought to how good she'd gotten at reading Sesshoumaru. The slight tense of his back, the lean of his head--she could easily tell when his temper was driving him and he was beyond the point of negotiation. In the thick darkness she could barely discern his face.
Just when I need to know what he is thinking...
"Are you attempting to read me?"
The question shocked her, causing her to sit back and re-organize her thoughts.
"I always am." She blurted out, proud of the edge that had seeped into her voice. He had caught her off guard, but he certainly wasn't in control.
Sesshoumaru's jaw clenched. Kagura felt a shiver run through her spine.
Something in the room had changed; a splintering tension had developed between the two of them, cutting off her thoughts and leaving her exposed to the more experienced daiyoukai.
"I was told something interesting the other day," Kagura flexed her fan, thankful for the familiar comfort it offered her.
If he doesn't want me to wait for the right moment, I have no problem throwing this in his face now...
Kagura leaned forward, forcing a smile. She was sure that if she couldn't see him the dark, it didn't mean that he couldn't see her. She clicked her tongue and fanned herself, wishing for the sake she had been robbed of.
"It seems you have something that you were hiding from me?"
His eyes narrowed even further.
"Hiding?"
The contempt in his voice was clear. Kagura could feel his anger, radiating off of him and cutting into her skin.
The foolish shyness she felt earlier was gone. She was no longer affected by her peurile emotions and silly whims. The feelings that filled her now were a mix of anger and fear, and suddenly she wasn't sure why she had begun this line of conversation in the first place, or if she even had. Her face felt hot, and she wanted to leave the room.
Real fear struck her.
He'll kill me...
Kagura couldn't help but to ask.
I wouldn't be me if I didn't.
She cocked one eyebrow and tilted her chin up haughtily.
"Just how much of a man are you anyway?"
He seemed to be unusually angered by this remark, and Kagura felt the vibration of a low growl. Her stomach turned just slightly.
"Aren't you going to answer me?" Kagura moved off of the bed, edging close to the window in her room in case she needed to throw herself out of it. Treading on dangerous ground was an understatement.
"Are you afraid, Kagura?"
She stiffened at the amusement in his voice.
I could swear he's making fun of me...
"Of course not."
He seemed to be focusing on the window, and Kagura knew his thoughts mirrored her own.
"I would kill you before you made the attempt."
The statement chilled her.
"Is that a threat?"
He didn't answer, he simply remained standing in the doorway, observing her with the same restrained amusement. Kagura stared into the darkness for a few minutes, willing herself to think but finding the task very difficult. She knew his eyes were boring into her skin, seeing through her petty disguises.
"You have a harem!" The words came out of her so quickly, Kagura barely realized she was saying them. The instant they left her mouth, she regretted forming them in her head.
Sesshoumaru moved to the side, coming into the room and pulling the door closed behind him. Kagura twitched slightly, wondering if she should fly out of the window before he was any closer to her.
"I see."
His voice was as bland as usual, and he seemed unimpressed with the accusation as he rounded the bed. Kagura watched as he sat down on the edge of it, revealing the disinterested expression that lay on his face.
He actually looks annoyed...
"Why would I hide a harem?"
His voice was laden with the authority that she was accustomed to associating with him.
"How the fuck should I know?" Kagura turned an angry glare on him. "Why didn't you tell me you had this huge palace--or whatever the hell it is--or underlings besides that toad, or virginal female serving girls to wait on you whenever you liked?"
Kagura folded her arms and sneered.
"I'll tell you why--because you're a male, and you knew that I wouldn't rely on you if I knew!"
"Why would I assume that?"
Kagura's mouth flew open again, but she quickly stopped herself from going any further in her rant. Anything more than what she said might prove incriminating. To compensate for this, she settled on cursing the youkai lord, his demon heritage, and demanding to know why he, and every other male in existence felt the need to augment their male prowess with willing, idiotic females.
Sesshoumaru listened to her for about three minutes before he cut her off.
"Silence."
"Don't tell me to--"
He glared at her.
"My personal affairs are none of your concern," he stood and Kagura felt him move against her so that she was pressed against the wall.
In a very short time, her back was against wood and her head was tilted upwards so that she wouldn't be smothered against his chest. Kagura turned her face to the side and felt his hot breath on her cheek.
"I have better things to do then spend my time organizing something so base as a harem. If I have need of a female, I will take her."
Kagura held her breath as he moved away from her, taking some of the animosity between them with him. She closed her eyes slightly and felt sweat beading on her brow.
I was scared...I was actually scared...
She narrowed her eyes at him.
"Like me?"
Sesshoumaru turned around, regarding her out of the corner of his eye.
"Yes."
Suddenly I don't feel so well...
"You bastard," she muttered, and promptly sank back against the wall. Her fingers were digging into the wood and she was losing control of herself. Her mind swam.
"You seem surprised," Sesshoumaru's voice lowered slightly. "Did you think you meant something more?"
Ass hole, son of a bitch, bastard, bastard, bastard, BASTARD!
Kagura brought her fan up, ready to bring forth an attack. She saw Sesshoumaru move to the side, no doubt ready to parry it. She wondered if her pride was worth her death. She had no doubt that Sesshoumaru was wondering the same thing. Would she throw away her life for her own twisted sense of honor?
Exercising every ounce of self control she posessed, Kagura snapped her fan shut and threw it on the bed, determined not to use it.
"Huh...so you do have some sense."
Kagura exhaled a shaky breath.
"Apparently," she crossed her arms over her chest again, furious at the ease she had felt with him earlier.
The room went quiet again and the buzzing returned. Kagura wished Sesshoumaru would find his way out of her room so that she could make preparations to leave. However, he was conveniently standing in her path, between the door and the bed--and she couldn't help but think it was intentional.
"So you used me?" she asked, trying to sound as dry and casual as usual.
"I seem to recall you enjoying it."
Kagura snorted.
"Not the first few times," she smirked as he shifted slightly. "It felt like you were poking me."
He made a sound of disbelief and she rolled her eyes, completely caught unawares by the sudden feeling of mirth that overtook her.
"...You were always eager." He countered.
"Are you sure you weren't imagining things?" Kagura found herself moving towards the bed and sat down on it, gazing up at him with an annoying smile on her face.
"Yes." Sesshoumaru regarded her icily, obviously set in his opinion.
"This isn't an ego, thing, is it?"
He didn't answer her.
"Sesshoumaru," she listened to the silence again before continuing on. "I don't appreciate being used, whether it was ten years ago or 60. If you do it again, I won't hold myself back."
He inclined his head slightly.
"I wouldn't expect you to."
"Good..." Kagura walked over to the bed and leaned against it, ready to throw herself back onto the sheets. "You can get out now."
He didn't say anything, he simply stood there.
Probably just to spite me...
"Do not direct me."
Kagura threw her hands over her face in mock concern.
"Are you done pissing on your territory now?"
"Kagura."
She balled her fists against her sides.
"Tomorrow, you will patrol your territory."
"The fuck I will--"
"You have no choice in the matter." He slid the door open and took one step forward, pausing before he entered the hall. "You are no longer welcome here."
Kagura's eyes narrowed, and she found herself staring into the back of Sesshoumaru's skull. Her breathing quickened.
"Why?"
Sesshoumaru began to push the door closed, and she jumped to feet and pressed herself between him and the door. He lifted an eyebrow at her, obviously annoyed.
"Dammit, tell me. Did I hurt your pride that much?"
"This has nothing to do with you."
"Oh?"
After staring at her for a few minutes, Sesshoumaru easily reached forward to take hold of her arm. Before Kagura could figure out what he was doing, he lifted her and tossed her out of the way. The physical extraction had not caused her any injury, but her pride was definately hurt. This time Sesshoumaru didn't grace her with an obnoxious smirk.
"It is your duty. You have made demands and now you must enforce them." He furrowed his brow slightly. "It is no longer in my interest to keep you here."
Livid, Kagura rose to her feet again. She charged forward and stopped short of his imposing figure.
"I was only here for a day." She placed both hands on her hips and leaned forward with an ugly sneer on her face. "Do you really think we're finished here, or are you just finding a convenient excuse to get rid of me?"
Annoyed, and more than a little frustrated, Sesshoumaru set his jaw and glared down at her.
"I am beginning to think it is the latter."
Kagura returned his icy stare.
"I can't believe I forgot what an asshole you are--first you threaten me, and now you throw me out--"
"Kagura, if you are so eager to stay--"
"I'm not!"
"Then get out." Sesshoumaru turned his back on her and shut the door behind him.
Furious and shaking, Kagura grabbed hold of the door and slid it open. She stood in the darkness waiting for her courage to come back to her. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she could feel her throat tightening with anger. With stern resolve, she stepped out into the hallway and yelled:
"Don't you dare order me around!"
Sesshoumaru did not hear her. He had long-since returned to his chambers.
Trying her best to maintain her composure, Kagura stomped back into her temporary chambers and slammed the door shut.
He drives me crazy...
She brought her hands to her face and combed them through her hair.
Why does he have so much control over how I feel?
Even when she had been forced to serve Naraku, she had felt some kind of connection to him. Kagura had been attracted to his power, and intrigued by the possibility that he could be the one to end Naraku's life. Inuyasha and the miko that her Creator feared had been the ones to deal the final blow--but Sesshoumaru had played a vital role in her own survival. She had always believed that in exchange for her unsolicited help, he had been the one to leave the jar that contained her heart intact.
Without him I would never have been able to attain my true freedom...
She didn't bother to remember the pain that his rejections had caused her. Kagura wasn't foolish enough to think of Sesshoumaru as some magnanimous being of power, willing to separate heaven and earth for her sake.
But there were times when I thought very highly of him--I felt so much--esteem--for his sake, that I allowed myself to believe that he had come to save me...
She sat down on her bed and began to remove her kimono, running her fingers over the soft silk. One hand traveled up to her neck and landed on her face, carressing the spot where he had breathed on her.
Sesshoumaru...
She smirked. He was always so close, and yet so far away.
Even when he was inside of me, I could never really feel near to him. He tore me apart with his words, he scrutinized my every word and stripped everything I had away...he made me experience feelings and emotions that I never thought were possible...
When Sesshoumaru demanded her respect and asserted his dominance, Kagura did not feel fear alone.
There was something more...
'Something more,' the same thoughts plagued Sesshoumaru's mind as he reflected on Kagura's accusation and the ensuing argument. What was this thing that existed between them? He had brought Kagura back with him with the intention of cementing his influence in the northern territories. With Daisetsu gone, he could eliminate all possibilities of future threats. Of course, this was only if he had someone who was strong enough to head the challenge, yet pliant enough to bend to his will. Azumamaro and Kagura's foolishness had unwittingly paved the way for his own success. He was free to expand his realm beyond the wilderness and into the the rich outposts of the Black Valleys. He was free to do all of this without bloody conflict and a loss to his own forces.
However, Kagura was becoming a much different creature than he had anticipated. He had been wrong about her. It was true that she was still just as willful and unbiddable as she had been when they parted, but she was hardly the eager-to-please female of the past. Back then, she had stood against him with her own will, but always with a nagging in the back of her mind. She had a falter in her step; she had inclined her head politely to him too many times and envied his beauty and power to the point of physical desire. Her haughty attitude and presumptions had allowed him free-reign over her body, and she had given into him with the eager curiousity of a sharp-tongued virgin.
Now she resisted his orders and balked at his advice. She was even hesitant with her body, and appeared to abhor any close space with him. At first it had amused him--but this recent curiousity over rumors of a "harem" had caused him to lose all sense of congeniality.
The change of air between them and Kagura's comfortable sense of superiority gave birth to the evil wit that often nipped at the heels of Sesshoumaru's patience and baited his body into coming near hers. When he was with her, he not only felt the need to remind her of his higher social status, but his physical superiority as well.
Without a reminder, she would surely forget.
He narrowed his eyes slightly and glared into the dark. It would be hours until sunrise, and he wasn't sure that he would be able to sleep.
His mind would not let him rest.