CHAPTER TWELVE
~Dealing with Loss~
Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
AN: Sorry it took so long. I had a major case of writer's block. I'll try to make it go faster from now on but I can't promise anything.
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It had been about two months since Spike's return. Since then Joyce had been through surgery and released with a clean bill of health. Glory still made no appearances to be known of although her little hobbit minions had been seen upon occasion. Buffy gave Ben a call after the surgery was successful and they went for coffee to celebrate. They were just friends. It was nothing serious and this was because Buffy still loved Spike. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop. Now he was back and this made everything that much worse.
Buffy had run into Spike on occasion while out on patrol. Most of the time conversation was attempted but it always ended in tears, Buffy's tears.
One night after a heated encounter with Spike Buffy stormed home. She ran into the house and slammed the door.
"Mom? Are you home? Mom? Dawnie?" Buffy stepped further into the house and looked into the dining room. She looked up the stairs and called again. "Mom?" Buffy turned her attention to the living room where she saw her mom lying on the couch. "Mom? Whatcha doing? Mom? Mom? Mommy?"
Spike suddenly burst into the house out of breath from chasing Buffy home.
"Buffy we have to talk. We..." He broke off when he saw Buffy staring at the body of her dead mother. "Oh my God. Buffy call the ambulance. Arg, never mind I'll do it." Spike rushed to the phone and dialled straight away. He gave the operator the needed information and she dispatched a car immediately. "Buffy, luv, come sit down in here." He instructed pulling her into the kitchen.
"What? No I have to stay with her. She'll get lonely. I have to help her. She needs my help. I have to save her." Buffy pulled away and ran back to sit by her mother's body. "I have to make a call." Buffy said numbly.
"What's that pet? Right we should call your Watcher. Her should know." Spike picked up the phone again and dialled Giles' house. He explained everything to him. Giles left his house straight away and arrived within ten minutes.
"Buffy, pet. We need to get you out of here. The ambulance will be here soon." Spike said pulling her out of the room. Buffy pulled herself away from him, hurling back to her mother's body.
"I can't leave her! Don't make me leave her. She needs me. I have to fight it. I can do this." Buffy cried with tear-filled eyes.
"Buffy," Giles began, "We should get you away from the body. We need to tell Dawn. Where is she right now?" He questioned.
"Dawn? She needs to know. But I can't leave her. I can't leave the body!" Buffy quickly brought her hands to her mouth. Tears fell freely from her eyes at the realization that her mother was actually gone. "Oh my God." Buffy tried to stand and back away from the body but her legs gave out on her. Spike was there in an instant to keep her from hitting the coffee table behind her.
Spike lifted Buffy into his arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom while Giles remained downstairs and waited for the ambulance and Dawn. Spike removed the covers on her bed and lay her in it. Buffy continued to cry until she felt Spike's arms let her go. She lay in her bed staring at him, the man she loved more than anything. The man she lost as well. She couldn't take any more loss in her life. She was feeling numb inside; she needed to feel...something.
"Spike..."
"Shhh pet, I know. I'm so sorry." Spike tried to hush her. He brushed his hand over her cheek using his fingertips to remove any tears still remaining there. Buffy leaned her head into his touch, a touch she'd almost forgotten.
"Spike. I need you." She whispered. "More than I've ever needed anything before I need you now. I need to feel you, feel you inside me."
Buffy luv..."
"Shhh..." Buffy silenced him with her fingers on his lips, which were quickly replaced by her own lips. She kissed him with a hungry passion. Spike returned that passion as the two began their love making for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Buffy reached her climax screaming Spike's name. Spike tried to quiet her remembering that her Watcher was just downstairs probably talking to the EMS people. This anticipation of being heard or caught made it that much more heightened for Spike that his climax was reached with a roar and his face morphing into 'game face'. Buffy was startled by this change but just lay there reaching up to feel the ridges of her lovers face. Uncomfortable with this, Spike removed his game face and himself from the bed.
"What are you doing?" Buffy sat up in her bed pulling her sheet to her chest.
"Gettin' dressed, so should you. Bit's gonna be home soon and we have things to take care of." Spike turned from her and put on his clothes that were scattered around the room.
"So that's it? Just one more roll in the hay with the Slayer and you leave again? Classic Spike!"
"This wasn't for me! It was for you! This shouldn't have even happened at all. I can't handle it. I have too many other things to worry about. My soul may not be tortured but this may sure break it."
"What?" Buffy quietly questioned.
"Nothin'. Forget anything that I said. We have to go, your Watcher's waitin'."
"He can wait Spike! Why didn't you tell me? You've been back for months now and didn't say a word about it. So you know what this means?"
"It means Angel's not the only vampire that can send Glory home." Spike interjected.
"It means...what? No! This is why you have it? So you could die in Angel's place? What about me? What about us? You don't want me that much that you would give your life to send Glory back? This can't be happening."
"Pet..."
"Don't 'pet' me! Tell me Spike, why?"
"You still love him, I know you do. I could see it in your eyes that night. Now you don't have to worry. I'll be gone and the two of you can be together. You don't have to worry about sacrificing your precious Angel now." Spike scoffed.
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound? Yes I love Angel, of course I do. He was my first love."
"It's bad enough that I was thinking it, but you don't have to rub it in!"
"Will you listen to me? I wasn't finished. Dammit Spike! I love you! Yes I love Angel but it doesn't compare to how much I love you. Spike I was upset that night because I don't want to kill Angel again. I can't go through that again. Of course I love him. But nowhere near as much as I love you. Spike you have my entire heart and soul, Angel only had a piece."
"Buffy I..."
"No Spike. No more." She moved over to him placing her hands on either side of his face. "I love you, and only you. I will always love you, and now you've gone and done this."
"I did it for you! It was what you wanted. I didn't want to get close to you because I didn't want to lose you again. Buffy I love you so much." He began kissing her face and pulled her to him. He quickly pulled away remembering everything going on downstairs.
"Pet, as much as I love having you in my arms again, we do have things to take care of. Bit should be home and Giles is waitin' downstairs with your...um, with..."
"It's okay, you can say her name Spike. I can deal now. I have to, for Dawnie's sake. But you're right I do need to go down there and take care of everything." Buffy got up and put some fresh clothes on and headed for the door. "Are you coming?" She asked glancing back.
"Luv, maybe we should go separately."
"Spike. I love you. I don't care about the soul. I mean I do but we'll find another way. I want to be with you, forever."
"You sure pet?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Buffy replied grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "Come on, let's go. I need to call the gang. There's so much to take care of. I'm going to need you there with me. Are you in?"
"I'd do anything for you luv. Err, Buffy?" Buffy turned to face Spike. "I'm sorry pet. This never should have happened. Your mum was a good lady. I always liked her."
"She felt the same way about you." She replied with glassy eyes. She sniffed her tears away and opened the door. "Let's go."
Slayer and Vampire exited the room together, hand in hand.
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Two weeks after the funeral Buffy received a phone call. It was Cordelia. She explained to Buffy that she had a vision about her, Angel and Spike, "...and some bimbo with a really bad dye job. I told Angel about the vision already and as soon as I mentioned Spike he was out the door. I wanted to call and give you a heads up on everything. He should be there in an hour or so."
"Thanks Cordy."
"So what's the deal with Spike? I thought he was bad, you know with the 'grrr'?"
"He is, well not anymore. He...he has a soul now." Buffy spilled.
"Wow. So Angel's not the only brooding one anymore. You've got one too huh? So what he just helps you out or what?"
"Yes and no. He helps but he's also around more than that." Buffy tried to avoid the honest answer.
"More? So he lives there? He...Oh. My. God. You're with him! You and Spike. God what's with you and the un-dead? Ick." Cordy suddenly took a second to gasp. "Angel doesn't know does he?"
"No. I didn't have any reason to tell him. Why?"
"Well, he might be under the 'tiny' impression that Spike is the threat in the vision." Cordy quickly stated. "But other than that, no reason."
"Cordy...never mind. Look I'm gonna wait for Angel and try to keep him from Spike 'til I tell him about us. I'll call you if and when something happens."
"Okay. Tell Angel to check in when he gets there. Later." Cordy hung up the phone.
"What am I going to do?" Buffy sighed, replacing the receiver.
~Dealing with Loss~
Disclaimer: See previous chapters.
AN: Sorry it took so long. I had a major case of writer's block. I'll try to make it go faster from now on but I can't promise anything.
****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****
It had been about two months since Spike's return. Since then Joyce had been through surgery and released with a clean bill of health. Glory still made no appearances to be known of although her little hobbit minions had been seen upon occasion. Buffy gave Ben a call after the surgery was successful and they went for coffee to celebrate. They were just friends. It was nothing serious and this was because Buffy still loved Spike. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop. Now he was back and this made everything that much worse.
Buffy had run into Spike on occasion while out on patrol. Most of the time conversation was attempted but it always ended in tears, Buffy's tears.
One night after a heated encounter with Spike Buffy stormed home. She ran into the house and slammed the door.
"Mom? Are you home? Mom? Dawnie?" Buffy stepped further into the house and looked into the dining room. She looked up the stairs and called again. "Mom?" Buffy turned her attention to the living room where she saw her mom lying on the couch. "Mom? Whatcha doing? Mom? Mom? Mommy?"
Spike suddenly burst into the house out of breath from chasing Buffy home.
"Buffy we have to talk. We..." He broke off when he saw Buffy staring at the body of her dead mother. "Oh my God. Buffy call the ambulance. Arg, never mind I'll do it." Spike rushed to the phone and dialled straight away. He gave the operator the needed information and she dispatched a car immediately. "Buffy, luv, come sit down in here." He instructed pulling her into the kitchen.
"What? No I have to stay with her. She'll get lonely. I have to help her. She needs my help. I have to save her." Buffy pulled away and ran back to sit by her mother's body. "I have to make a call." Buffy said numbly.
"What's that pet? Right we should call your Watcher. Her should know." Spike picked up the phone again and dialled Giles' house. He explained everything to him. Giles left his house straight away and arrived within ten minutes.
"Buffy, pet. We need to get you out of here. The ambulance will be here soon." Spike said pulling her out of the room. Buffy pulled herself away from him, hurling back to her mother's body.
"I can't leave her! Don't make me leave her. She needs me. I have to fight it. I can do this." Buffy cried with tear-filled eyes.
"Buffy," Giles began, "We should get you away from the body. We need to tell Dawn. Where is she right now?" He questioned.
"Dawn? She needs to know. But I can't leave her. I can't leave the body!" Buffy quickly brought her hands to her mouth. Tears fell freely from her eyes at the realization that her mother was actually gone. "Oh my God." Buffy tried to stand and back away from the body but her legs gave out on her. Spike was there in an instant to keep her from hitting the coffee table behind her.
Spike lifted Buffy into his arms and carried her upstairs to her bedroom while Giles remained downstairs and waited for the ambulance and Dawn. Spike removed the covers on her bed and lay her in it. Buffy continued to cry until she felt Spike's arms let her go. She lay in her bed staring at him, the man she loved more than anything. The man she lost as well. She couldn't take any more loss in her life. She was feeling numb inside; she needed to feel...something.
"Spike..."
"Shhh pet, I know. I'm so sorry." Spike tried to hush her. He brushed his hand over her cheek using his fingertips to remove any tears still remaining there. Buffy leaned her head into his touch, a touch she'd almost forgotten.
"Spike. I need you." She whispered. "More than I've ever needed anything before I need you now. I need to feel you, feel you inside me."
Buffy luv..."
"Shhh..." Buffy silenced him with her fingers on his lips, which were quickly replaced by her own lips. She kissed him with a hungry passion. Spike returned that passion as the two began their love making for the first time in what seemed like forever.
Buffy reached her climax screaming Spike's name. Spike tried to quiet her remembering that her Watcher was just downstairs probably talking to the EMS people. This anticipation of being heard or caught made it that much more heightened for Spike that his climax was reached with a roar and his face morphing into 'game face'. Buffy was startled by this change but just lay there reaching up to feel the ridges of her lovers face. Uncomfortable with this, Spike removed his game face and himself from the bed.
"What are you doing?" Buffy sat up in her bed pulling her sheet to her chest.
"Gettin' dressed, so should you. Bit's gonna be home soon and we have things to take care of." Spike turned from her and put on his clothes that were scattered around the room.
"So that's it? Just one more roll in the hay with the Slayer and you leave again? Classic Spike!"
"This wasn't for me! It was for you! This shouldn't have even happened at all. I can't handle it. I have too many other things to worry about. My soul may not be tortured but this may sure break it."
"What?" Buffy quietly questioned.
"Nothin'. Forget anything that I said. We have to go, your Watcher's waitin'."
"He can wait Spike! Why didn't you tell me? You've been back for months now and didn't say a word about it. So you know what this means?"
"It means Angel's not the only vampire that can send Glory home." Spike interjected.
"It means...what? No! This is why you have it? So you could die in Angel's place? What about me? What about us? You don't want me that much that you would give your life to send Glory back? This can't be happening."
"Pet..."
"Don't 'pet' me! Tell me Spike, why?"
"You still love him, I know you do. I could see it in your eyes that night. Now you don't have to worry. I'll be gone and the two of you can be together. You don't have to worry about sacrificing your precious Angel now." Spike scoffed.
"Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound? Yes I love Angel, of course I do. He was my first love."
"It's bad enough that I was thinking it, but you don't have to rub it in!"
"Will you listen to me? I wasn't finished. Dammit Spike! I love you! Yes I love Angel but it doesn't compare to how much I love you. Spike I was upset that night because I don't want to kill Angel again. I can't go through that again. Of course I love him. But nowhere near as much as I love you. Spike you have my entire heart and soul, Angel only had a piece."
"Buffy I..."
"No Spike. No more." She moved over to him placing her hands on either side of his face. "I love you, and only you. I will always love you, and now you've gone and done this."
"I did it for you! It was what you wanted. I didn't want to get close to you because I didn't want to lose you again. Buffy I love you so much." He began kissing her face and pulled her to him. He quickly pulled away remembering everything going on downstairs.
"Pet, as much as I love having you in my arms again, we do have things to take care of. Bit should be home and Giles is waitin' downstairs with your...um, with..."
"It's okay, you can say her name Spike. I can deal now. I have to, for Dawnie's sake. But you're right I do need to go down there and take care of everything." Buffy got up and put some fresh clothes on and headed for the door. "Are you coming?" She asked glancing back.
"Luv, maybe we should go separately."
"Spike. I love you. I don't care about the soul. I mean I do but we'll find another way. I want to be with you, forever."
"You sure pet?"
"I've never been more sure of anything in my life." Buffy replied grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "Come on, let's go. I need to call the gang. There's so much to take care of. I'm going to need you there with me. Are you in?"
"I'd do anything for you luv. Err, Buffy?" Buffy turned to face Spike. "I'm sorry pet. This never should have happened. Your mum was a good lady. I always liked her."
"She felt the same way about you." She replied with glassy eyes. She sniffed her tears away and opened the door. "Let's go."
Slayer and Vampire exited the room together, hand in hand.
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Two weeks after the funeral Buffy received a phone call. It was Cordelia. She explained to Buffy that she had a vision about her, Angel and Spike, "...and some bimbo with a really bad dye job. I told Angel about the vision already and as soon as I mentioned Spike he was out the door. I wanted to call and give you a heads up on everything. He should be there in an hour or so."
"Thanks Cordy."
"So what's the deal with Spike? I thought he was bad, you know with the 'grrr'?"
"He is, well not anymore. He...he has a soul now." Buffy spilled.
"Wow. So Angel's not the only brooding one anymore. You've got one too huh? So what he just helps you out or what?"
"Yes and no. He helps but he's also around more than that." Buffy tried to avoid the honest answer.
"More? So he lives there? He...Oh. My. God. You're with him! You and Spike. God what's with you and the un-dead? Ick." Cordy suddenly took a second to gasp. "Angel doesn't know does he?"
"No. I didn't have any reason to tell him. Why?"
"Well, he might be under the 'tiny' impression that Spike is the threat in the vision." Cordy quickly stated. "But other than that, no reason."
"Cordy...never mind. Look I'm gonna wait for Angel and try to keep him from Spike 'til I tell him about us. I'll call you if and when something happens."
"Okay. Tell Angel to check in when he gets there. Later." Cordy hung up the phone.
"What am I going to do?" Buffy sighed, replacing the receiver.