I do not own Gimli, or anything from the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
The Secret Diary of Gimli, son of Gloin
Day one
Argh. Stupid elf.
Day one (again)
Rivendell, a place I've always wanted to visit, if only for a holiday, mines of Moria can be quite dark sometimes. Even if Rivendell is full of poncy Elves.
Day two
Boromir already wants the Ring. There's two things he wants, Ring and Aragorn. I can see it already.
Day four
Ug.
Day five
Legolas, son of Thranduil? They don't even begin with the same letter! That's not right, not right at all. Not like Gimli, son of Gloin, or maybe even Aragorn, son of Arathorn, but Gimli of Gloin sounds better. Thranduil? Pffft.
Day seven
I think Boromir is a pervert, he always wants the hobbits be stay together. Hobbit porn! Hobbit porn!
Day eleven
We shouldn't climb the mountain, my legs are too short for mountain-climbing. And if we go through the mines I'll be able to get some sunblock from cousin Balin, I knew I'd forget something.
Day twelve
I think I'm losing my Dwarvilinity. Boromir thinks Aragorn is very masculine, not Dwarviline, he doesn't like Dwarviline, that's Dwarvish that is. Now Boromir's rolling about on the floor with Merry and Pippin, what is Middle-Earth coming to?
Day twelve (again)
Aragorn's beginning to piss me off now, he's always the superior one, 'oh yes, I'm eighty whatever and I'm Man and I'm son of Arathorn, one of the Dunedain, blah blah blah.' Never heard of you pal. The only reason he's not up his own ass is because Boromir's already up it.
Day thirteen
Or, I think to myself, as we stroll up Caradhras, what about cross-breeding? Half Elf half Dwarf, or half Wizard half Orc? Half Hobbit half Ent? And then in later generations there could be quarter Orc, quarter Hobbit, quarter Elf, quarter Ent. Personally, I wouldn't like breeding with a tree though.
Day thirteen (again)
Ah ha! Frodo says we should go through the mines of Moria. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Gandalf!
Day fifteen
Thought it was a while since we got a Christmas card from the Moria folks. They're dead.
Day sixteen
If there's one person in the Fellowship holding us up it is Aragorn. It took him nearly three hours to perfect his 'just got out of bed' look this morning, not helped by the fact that there's no mirrors or light in Moria. But he refused to go on without having his rugged and manly look sorted out. But, he does look quite rugged and manly, which is turning Boromir on, I can see it. So we might be held up for some time while they do their man things.
Day eighteen
When spending so much time with the same sex, the thoughts begin to cross one's mind are, naturally, homosexual ones. I wonder what any of the others think?
Day nineteen
Alright, alright. Maybe the mine idea wasn't the greatest I've ever had, not like the cross-breeding one.
Day twenty one
Gandalf fell off Khazad-dum. More of a hindrance than a help, now we've got to stop for a cry on the mountain-side. Everyone knows he turns up in the next movie.
Day twenty five
Met Haldir, taking us to Lord Celeborn and Galadriel, Lady of Light, in Caras Galadhon, wonder who she is.
Day twenty five (again)
So maybe I haven't got the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox, so what?
Day twenty six
If I cross-bred myself with Galadriel I would have made the perfect being. Golden hair, sparkly eyes, just what a dwarf looks for.
Day twenty nine
Aragorn says we must leave Caras Galadhon, what a bastard. I don't think she likes Legolas anymore, ever since he took a bath in her 'mirror' she's been really touchy towards him.
Day thirty
Boromir is gay. I think the games for encouragement he plays are just covering up for illicit spanking games. I will not be part of this, pervertion!
Day thirty two
Lembas? Elvish waybread? Could fill the stomachs of a full grown man, I don't think so! I've eaten six so far, that's even beating Pippin, (he's still on four.)
Day thirty two (again)
Maybe Lembas bread wasn't the best thing to eat. Argh. Some Dwarvishness coming back! I feel inspired!
Day thirty two (again)
Three hairs from her golden head. I'd rather have the daggers she gave the Hobbits. Now when we're attacked by Orcs, or worse, Uruk-hai, I can wave her hair at them, and they will magically recoil in pain!
Day thirty five
Sailing down the river Legolas is braiding my hair, if we hadn't been in the same boat, for fear of drowning, I would have shoved Horn of Gondor right up his. . . Horn of Gondor? What's that doing in our boat?
Day thirty six
Of course, Boromir is sharing a boat with Frodo and Merry, for reasons unknown (cough cough.) Wonder how he got the long stick? Mmmm, Galadriel. . .
Day thirty seven
Aragorn says these are the statues of the Argonath. They are very tall.
Day thirty nine
Frodo and Sam have wandered off, Boromir's dead, Gandalf's in Shadow, wherever that may be, and Merry and Pippin have been kidnapped! Not looking too bright, is it? Fancy a cup of tea?
The Secret Diary of Gimli, son of Gloin
Day one
Argh. Stupid elf.
Day one (again)
Rivendell, a place I've always wanted to visit, if only for a holiday, mines of Moria can be quite dark sometimes. Even if Rivendell is full of poncy Elves.
Day two
Boromir already wants the Ring. There's two things he wants, Ring and Aragorn. I can see it already.
Day four
Ug.
Day five
Legolas, son of Thranduil? They don't even begin with the same letter! That's not right, not right at all. Not like Gimli, son of Gloin, or maybe even Aragorn, son of Arathorn, but Gimli of Gloin sounds better. Thranduil? Pffft.
Day seven
I think Boromir is a pervert, he always wants the hobbits be stay together. Hobbit porn! Hobbit porn!
Day eleven
We shouldn't climb the mountain, my legs are too short for mountain-climbing. And if we go through the mines I'll be able to get some sunblock from cousin Balin, I knew I'd forget something.
Day twelve
I think I'm losing my Dwarvilinity. Boromir thinks Aragorn is very masculine, not Dwarviline, he doesn't like Dwarviline, that's Dwarvish that is. Now Boromir's rolling about on the floor with Merry and Pippin, what is Middle-Earth coming to?
Day twelve (again)
Aragorn's beginning to piss me off now, he's always the superior one, 'oh yes, I'm eighty whatever and I'm Man and I'm son of Arathorn, one of the Dunedain, blah blah blah.' Never heard of you pal. The only reason he's not up his own ass is because Boromir's already up it.
Day thirteen
Or, I think to myself, as we stroll up Caradhras, what about cross-breeding? Half Elf half Dwarf, or half Wizard half Orc? Half Hobbit half Ent? And then in later generations there could be quarter Orc, quarter Hobbit, quarter Elf, quarter Ent. Personally, I wouldn't like breeding with a tree though.
Day thirteen (again)
Ah ha! Frodo says we should go through the mines of Moria. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it, Gandalf!
Day fifteen
Thought it was a while since we got a Christmas card from the Moria folks. They're dead.
Day sixteen
If there's one person in the Fellowship holding us up it is Aragorn. It took him nearly three hours to perfect his 'just got out of bed' look this morning, not helped by the fact that there's no mirrors or light in Moria. But he refused to go on without having his rugged and manly look sorted out. But, he does look quite rugged and manly, which is turning Boromir on, I can see it. So we might be held up for some time while they do their man things.
Day eighteen
When spending so much time with the same sex, the thoughts begin to cross one's mind are, naturally, homosexual ones. I wonder what any of the others think?
Day nineteen
Alright, alright. Maybe the mine idea wasn't the greatest I've ever had, not like the cross-breeding one.
Day twenty one
Gandalf fell off Khazad-dum. More of a hindrance than a help, now we've got to stop for a cry on the mountain-side. Everyone knows he turns up in the next movie.
Day twenty five
Met Haldir, taking us to Lord Celeborn and Galadriel, Lady of Light, in Caras Galadhon, wonder who she is.
Day twenty five (again)
So maybe I haven't got the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox, so what?
Day twenty six
If I cross-bred myself with Galadriel I would have made the perfect being. Golden hair, sparkly eyes, just what a dwarf looks for.
Day twenty nine
Aragorn says we must leave Caras Galadhon, what a bastard. I don't think she likes Legolas anymore, ever since he took a bath in her 'mirror' she's been really touchy towards him.
Day thirty
Boromir is gay. I think the games for encouragement he plays are just covering up for illicit spanking games. I will not be part of this, pervertion!
Day thirty two
Lembas? Elvish waybread? Could fill the stomachs of a full grown man, I don't think so! I've eaten six so far, that's even beating Pippin, (he's still on four.)
Day thirty two (again)
Maybe Lembas bread wasn't the best thing to eat. Argh. Some Dwarvishness coming back! I feel inspired!
Day thirty two (again)
Three hairs from her golden head. I'd rather have the daggers she gave the Hobbits. Now when we're attacked by Orcs, or worse, Uruk-hai, I can wave her hair at them, and they will magically recoil in pain!
Day thirty five
Sailing down the river Legolas is braiding my hair, if we hadn't been in the same boat, for fear of drowning, I would have shoved Horn of Gondor right up his. . . Horn of Gondor? What's that doing in our boat?
Day thirty six
Of course, Boromir is sharing a boat with Frodo and Merry, for reasons unknown (cough cough.) Wonder how he got the long stick? Mmmm, Galadriel. . .
Day thirty seven
Aragorn says these are the statues of the Argonath. They are very tall.
Day thirty nine
Frodo and Sam have wandered off, Boromir's dead, Gandalf's in Shadow, wherever that may be, and Merry and Pippin have been kidnapped! Not looking too bright, is it? Fancy a cup of tea?