Note: if it isn't pounded into your brain already, I dun own these pplz. bleh.
and Roy is still hotter than everyone in SSBM combined and multiplied by a ga-zillion.
Now, on with chappy uhm, *counts on fingers* oh yeah, FIVE!! whoa, 5 already!
The merciless sun beamed through the window at the Bishounen Roy. Grumbling, he remembered the events of the night before, which had included some fighting, pot smoking, drinking, and a little make out session with Peach(hubba hubba!). Roy blushed to himself at the last one, for it happened accidentally: he'd been drunk, high, and bruised, saw Princess Peach, mistook her for her for Zel, and grabbed her. She happily kissed back for some unknown reason, and by the time Roy had heard the news that it was Link who'd gotten lucky with Zel, he was devastated.
Marth slept in the other bed, sucking his thumb and cradling his beloved bong. Roy nearly burst out laughing at the sight of him and gingerly took the bong from Marth's hands. Running a comb through his unkempt hair, he dashed out of the room and into the kitchen.
On the counter laid a person. Roy rubbed the sleep from his eyes and realized the person was Zel, half dressed and still sleeping. Gaping, he examined her from four feet away, afraid that if he touched her she'd surely wake up and accuse him of looking at her revealed private parts. A few minutes later Marth sprinted into the kitchen.
"Roy you mother-f, where the fuck is my bong?!" he asked angrily.
"Shhhhh!" Roy shushed, pointing at the nearly nude girl on the counter.
"Ha-cha-cha!" Marth whistled, stepping closer to Zel. "What a babe Zel is! Check out these-"
"Marth! You're gonna wake her up!" Roy muttered urgently. "I heard that she's a really light sleeper!"
"Yeah but look at this babe!" Marth leaned over her and inhaled deeply. Zel grunted and moved in her sleep. "You're just paranoid. You even told me you'd like to see her naked, so don't lie to me."
Melting under the heat of what was happening, Roy continued to go about his business. Ignoring the nekkid Zel and his pothead buddy, he reached over Zel and into the cereal cupboard, pulling out some rice crispies and pouring them into a bowl on the table. Marth helped himself to some cocoa puffs and ate with Roy in silence.
"We should probably take Zel back to her room before everyone wakes up and sees her like that," Roy suggested, breaking the unbearable silence.
"Mmmm," Marth agreed through a mouthful of cocoa puffs.
"Okay, so how will we do it?"
"Well, I think we could carry her; she doesn't look too heavy..."
"But what would we do if she woke up? 'Yeah, Zel, Marth and I just found you in the kitchen and decided to take you back to your room; that's cool, right?'"
"Heh. But that's pretty much all we can do... unless..."
"Are you saying we should wake her up?"
Marth nodded. "Yeaaaahhh......."
Falco caught sight of Fox in the long hallway. "There you are, you fiend!! I'll get you yet!! or my name isn't Mr. Bad!!! Hahahahaha!!"
"You vish!! I vill vanquish you or my name isn't Dr. Good!!" Fox laughed back.
"Ok Fox, this is gay. Let's go eat; I'm hungry," Falco suggested, rubbing his blue stomach.
"Oui. I myself have a huge pit in my stomach."
Fox and Falco strolled down the hall and on the way were joined by Y'Link and Popo.
"So you guys were hungry, too?" Y'Link asked, his eyes looking almost Japanese from hunger pains.
"Yes," Falco answered curtly, annoyed by the scrawny twelve-year-old.
"Well sorry I asked," Y'Link grumbled sarcastically.
"No need to be, kid. Falco iz alvayz in a bad mood," Fox assured him.
"YAY!! My savior the kitchen door!!" Popo exclaimed, running to the door and hugging it happily. "Where have you been all my life?!"
"Don't come in!" Marth's voice commanded.
"Why?" Y'Link sneered. "We've got to eat, too!"
"Listen you little- hey! Roy what the fuck?!"
"Sorry," Roy's voice mumbled. "I need your shirt."
"What? Why MY shirt? Zel can wear either one and wouldn't know the difference; she IS blond you know."
"Didn't you notice I'm only wearing my boxers? God, I sometimes think your hair color is blond instead of blue!"
"YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!"
"Hey, shhhhhh!! Zel will wake up!"
"We WANT her to wake up!"
"Not until she gets some clothes on!"
"WHAT?!" all the smashers outside the kitchen chorused, oblivious of what was happening behind the closed door.
"Nothing, I didn't say anything!" Roy told them as he slid Marth's shirt over Zel's head.
"You let me in there now or I'll shoot the door down!!" Falco threatened, drawing his gun.
"Ok, ok! you can come in," Marth agreed as the door opened. "But just you and Fox. Those two are too young."
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm hungry, Goddammit!!" Popo cried, pounding the door.
"What did you two do to Prinzess Zelda?" Fox inquired, bewildered-like.
"Nothing! We just found her here," Roy told them honestly.
"Sure," Falco scoffed.
Y'Link's eyes narrowed more, becoming Chinese eyes. "They CAN'T hold me from my breakfast!" He backed up and charged at the door. The attempt to break it down proved futile, as Marth had locked the door and, even if he hadn't, Y'Link could never bust down a solid metal door with his slight body. Grumbling cuss words, he stumbled to his feet, pressed his elfish ear on the door, and listened.
Minutes later, the door opened violently and Y'Link flew ten feet. Zel stood in the frame of the door. Gasping, she dashed over to Y'Link.
"Sorry, Sweetie!! Please don't hold anything against me, please!" Zel pleaded, holding him to her bosom. To Y'Link she was acting uncanny, a way she never acted. He shrugged at Popo, who stared at the paranoid Zel. She kissed his head and helped him up. "Sweetie, you aren't hurt, right?"
"No..." Y'Link answered.
"Good, good." Zel's face relaxed and became the very definition of calm.
"What happened in the kitchen?" Popo inquired curiously.
"Well. I uh, fell asleep on the counter-"
"Why?" Y'Link asked.
"I needed to get some stuff... and, because I was tired, I fell asleep-"
"What did you need to get and why were you tired?" Popo asked.
"I, uhhh, needed to get some um, uh..."
"...stuff that we are too young to know about," Y'Link finished with a grin.
"How did you...?"
"Believe me, Zel, we understand," Popo explained slyly, patting her arm. "You should go get out of Marth's smelly shirt."
Meanwhile, the rest of the smashers discovered it was breakfast time (yes, nine already :P) and walked to the door.
"You see, JP, it's nicknames that you need. JP. I like it, don't you JP?" Nana lightheartedly inquired to Jigglypuff, who disliked the JP name.
"I don't like it. find a different one," she commanded Nana, threatening to sing.
"Fine. How about like, puff...?"
The Pokèmon fluffed up in anger and punched Nana in the leg with all the strength she could muster. Nana only laughed.
"Just like, joshing you."
Having arrived at the kitchen, the girls and the remainder of the boys marched in a semi-orderly fashion to the waiting cereal boxes and plates of bacon and eggs, for the pickier smashers, on the table.
Roy and Marth grinned innocently as Falco and Fox wore disgusted looks on their faces, knowing just what had gone on five minutes before. Approaching them, Peach asked the question they knew SOMEONE would ask, "why the nervous looks?"
"Nervous? Naw, we're just, ummm, just..." Roy stuttered, but Zel appeared from nowhere and saved him.
"Hungry. You're just hungry," she finished, winking at Roy and making him squirm with excitement. And... from the corner, I watch the whole thing, and now I think I'll Marth say this and wreck Roy's dreams of ever gettin' some of Zel's Princess pu tang:
"We saw you nekkid," Marth, under MY command, blurted. "Hey, what? That's mean!! *cries*"
Raising an eyebrow, I command Zel to bitch-slap Marth. She does, and shakes her hand in pain.
"NOW SLAP ROY!!!" I command from the corner.
"Yes... as you please my omni powerful master," Zel drones in the robot-taken-over-in-movies voice. Behaving like a good girl, she raised a hand and beat Roy several times with it. Cackling, a figure rushes by (dat would be *moi*) and forces other smashers to do stuff they don't want to do, like:
Samus passionately makes out with Captain Falcon, Roy licks and kisses DK's feet, Peach does something (hint: messy and "oral") to Link, Kirby gives Bowser a spit bath, Mario and Luigi shave their mustaches off, and several others are sent to different rooms for other stuff... (you know you know what I mean- dancing takes space!) and soon all of them have a reason to hate me.... or so they think.....blah-haha!!
Later that evening, everyone sat around in the lounge room for the first time.
"Ohhh, if I ever get my hands on that girl I'll kill her, I swear I will!!" Samus vowed, wiping her lips, still disgusted at the kitchen incident. The girl, heh, me, rushes from a dark corner.
"(in a beefed-up and mighty voice) You will obey me or all of you will die!! Now, does anyone here want to die?" *crickets chirp* "I thought as much. This fic is the only reason any of you are here, so pretend to like it, Goddammit, or you'll pay the price." *me disappear*
Peach, terrified, spoke quietly to Zel. "Get this, I had to give Link a bj!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!" *all eyes turn to Peach* "It was soooooo nasty!!" *Peach shudders at the remembrance*
Zel shook her head. "I had to have sex with Marth! How seriously fucked up is that?"
"Oooooh, was it fun?" Peach asked in her teasing voice.
"Yes, I loved every second of it, from the screams to the panting to the springs squeaking," Zel answered sarcastically, rolling her eyes.
Gasping, Peach sprang up and screamed, "THAT'S TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!"
A smile crawled onto Zel's elfish face. "Then I suppose you wouldn't want to know how big his tool is...?"
Nana rocked back and forth, traumatized from having to play chess w/ Ness. Closing her eyes, she breathed in... and out... She at least had a very small support group: Y'Link, Jigglypuff, and Popo, but couldn't shake the stupidity she felt. "I... am... soo...dumb....." On the floor next to her on either side sat Y'Link and Popo, but Jigglypuff relaxed in her long hair that hung down her back now that she was wearing jeans and a tank top, singing a soothing song that had made Nana fall asleep twice. Turning to Y'Link, she inquired what he'd been doomed to do.
Eyes turned Chinese, he described the scarring incident of dirty dancing with Pichu. Nana immediately rolled on the floor, laughing her ass off as she pictured Elf Boy dancing with the hyperactive Pokèmon.
"That is SO funny," Nana gasped, holding onto Y'Link's neck to help herself up. Once sitting upright again, she thought of them dancing in a ballroom and fell down across Y'Link's lap. "Hey, what about ballroom dancing? BWAHUMWABWAMWA!!! BALLROOM DANCING!!!"
Y'Link found nothing about it funny, but tried to roll with it. "With gowns?" he asked the hysterical girl in his lap.
"GOWNS!!!" Nana pounded the floor and gasped for air and Y'Link himself chuckled a little.
"And high heels!" Popo suggested. Soon all of the three of the twelve-year-olds guffawed and rolled about the floor, each panting for more air. *all the adults go o_O*
DK confessed that Roy was a very good foot-licker, and that he suddenly felt like being a homo. *Bowser scoots closer as Gannondorf slides further away*
Marth, while his experience was not meant to be enjoyed, admitted to Roy that he loved each second of it. In vivid detail he described to his hot, eager friend the events that went on, making the redhead envious and a little... hard (yes, even the most adorable, nice-assed person in the world has that happen to them. Roy is soo hot...).
"Erm, pardon me for a second," Roy said and rushed off to the guy's bathroom. Ness, also making his way to the bathroom, got knocked over and Captain Falcon tripped over him and fell out the window.
"SHIT!" Crazy Hand yelled and used his magic powers to fix the window. "That's the fifth guy to fall out of that window this month!"
Roy, once inside the bathroom, rushed into a stall. Seconds later he heard the door open. It was Ness muttering to himself and digging some things out of his little backpack. Roy disregarded him and got back to his "business."
"Oh, I'm sorry, you weren't talking to ME where you? Well guess what- you just bumped into the wrong bitch, hon," Ness told the mirror. Roy peeked through the crack in the stall and saw Ness strutting around the bathroom in a wig, high heels, and a form-fitting dress. Roy snorted with laughter at the little drag queen. "Who's there? HI-YA!!" Ness kicked in the door of Roy's stall. It opened, and they blinked at each other, Roy was caught jacking off (if anyone was too much of a BAKAMONO to figure that out..) and Ness was caught cross-dressing. "Okay, I saw nothing, if you saw nothing, deal?" Ness compromised.
"Yeah," Roy agreed quick-like, slamming the stall door.
*end of chappy*
Oh, that was long -.- well, do you think it was too long, cuz I personally do. *sigh* *dreams about Roy* ahhh, I'm obsessed- but he's just so damned cute you just wanna________.... uh... n/m. heh. fill in the blank!!
please make suggestions; I'm running out of ideas! Well until next chappy, SO LONG!! *disappears in a cloud*