Note: laaaaaaaa, lalalalalalalalalalalalala! *pats Roy's ass*
Now, on w/ story!
The night came. But, since no one had a date, Peach wrote the names of all the adult and kid guys on little pieces of paper and put them in separate hats. The guys had to watch, and grinned and bore it as one by one, the girls picked their dates for the dance. Half of the girls wore looks of disappointment on their faces after drawing a slip of paper, but Zelda begged to differ. She looked at none of the guys who stood, watching helplessly, across the room and showed all the other girls and they all fell into a giggle-fit.
"That doesn't sound good," Falco pointed out, his face feathers paling.
Marth spat some profane Japanese through his fake grin as the girls continued to titter uncontrollably. Looking at him sideways, Roy muttered, "What was that about?"
"Nothing," Marth grunted angrily. Obviously, he was in a bad mood. "I could've gotten my own date!"
"It's our own fault that we all forgot. We probably don't even have dress clothes in those outfits that the hand dudes gave us," Fox told them, wondering which girl had picked him and hoping that Samus had.
Samus, across the room, eyed the name on the slip of paper. Grumbling about it NOT being Fox, she stormed to the wall and sulked. Maybe I'll have fun. At least there'll be drinks there. Samus encouraged herself, utterly depressed. Of course there will! After all, I AM the one writing this story! Everyone's gonna get really wasted and you know it! :)
*At the dance, in a ballroom somewhere in the mansion, all the girls are standing there, looking dumb, as they wait for their dates* The ballroom reflected the simple elegance in everyone, a pearly floor that mirrored everything, equally lustrous walls and ceilings, and gorgeous chandeliers. Swirling about in their beautiful gowns, the girls all admired each other. Samus's dress went over the best; it was a red ankle-length skirt with a separate matching top, but still a gown, don't get me wrong!
"I bet your date's gonna rip that off real fast!" Zel snickered, pointing at the belly-button length top.
Samus, remembering how meek her date seemed, just nodded a nervous "yeah."
*At the guys' lounge room, everyone is scrambling to get dressed* Roy stood at the mirror, his trusty hair gel in hand, and tried to tame his wild mop of red hair, screaming some slurred profanity every once in a while.
"Goddamn shit ass fuck buncha fuckin retarded shit I NEED A HAIRCUT!" Roy exploded furiously, flinging a futile comb that conked Captain Falcon on the head and knocked him out. *everyone stops what they're doing and stares at the hot ninth grader* "WHAT?!?!?!?!" *not wanting to be the brunt of any infuriated attack by the Bishounen, everyone goes back to combing and preening and dressing and washing and whatever*
Link, having finally taken his hat off, felt naked. He wore a stiff suit he'd found in a drawer of his bureau. It was a deep green and really cute on him. His younger self hid behind the same couch, feeling equally lacking without the adorable cap, wearing the same suit. Blinking at each other, they silently agreed that their hair wouldn't be put up the same, too.
Five minutes later, a bunch of starched-clothed guys marched grumpily up the stairs to wherever the ballroom was. Upon entrance, they noticed the girls all dancing w/ each other, which heh, made their 'soldiers' stand up, heh. Every one of the girls stopped immediately after spotting them, wearing sheepish looks on their powdered faces. Roy and Marth pulled up the rear, Roy's hair dripping w/ hair gel and Marth just in a bad mood.
An odd silence passed as the smashers waited for the hands to come out and start the dance. Finally, after about two minutes of staring and the occasional whisper or mutter, Master Hand and Crazy Hand floated out. A brief announcement and then the boys stood clueless as their dates came to them.
Samus slowly teetered to the drippy-haired Bishie known as Roy, nearly falling in her high heels around six times.
"Graceful ballerina," Roy mumbled sarcastically when she finally got there.
"Yeah, well... nice hair," Samus snorted back.
"This is the best I could do, considering the time squeeze."
Samus blinked at him. Scooting closer, she pulled the whole fake-yawn thing and wrapped her arm around his tiny shoulders. Then she pulled his head down and buried his face in her breasts as she slicked back his loose hair. "There!" Satisfied w/ her work, she released him from her death grip. Samus studied him. "Omigod! You look like a cute red-haired version of James Bond! Cool!"
"Thanks," Roy mumbled, not knowing what to think but suddenly very aware of how curvy and shapely and busty and hot Samus was. Noticing Roy's eyes all over her body, Samus took his chin and moved his head level to her face, where she knew he wouldn't look.
Roy, embarrassed at being caught by the very girl he was checking out, grinned guiltily and attempted to turn, Samus wouldn't let him. The hold on his chin was a clamp, and Roy was the unsuspecting table....heh heh heh....
"Let's get a drink," Samus suggested, freeing his chin from her hold w/ a "don't do it again" sort of glance.
"Yeah," Roy agreed nervously, watching everything but his date.
Jigglypuff's date wasn't going well :'(. Beside her, a very gelled-up cap less Y'Link sat, disgusted at his luck. "This sucks," they both muttered at the exact same nanosecond. Blinking, the realized a very cool song was playing: 50 Cent's "In the Club." The lyrics to it magically appeared in Jigg's head and she ran to the DJ, DJ CAHLAY(dat would be me), and stole a microphone.
"Go shorty, it's ya birthday/ We gonna party like it's ya birthday/ We gonna sip Bacardi like it's ya birthday... And you know we don't give a fuck cuz it's ya birthday!" Jigg sang, actually pretty well, and everyone clapped and yelled "GO JIGG!"
*DJ CAHLAY is not pleased* "Dammit Jigglypuff! This ain't a fuckin' karaoke party! Get a life!" DJ CAHLAY shrieked, kicking Jigg sharply up the ass and making her float into the air like the balloon she was. "Ah, yes. Sorry you had to see that. Now, help yourselves to free vodka over there."
*everyone rushes to the free vodka table, except for Roy and Samus, they were already there, Jean, and Marth and Anaxandra*
Marth felt honored to be in Anaxandra's presence, even though he was also exiled royalty. Absentmindedly he'd been mumbling things to her, and even though she could barely understand what he was saying half the time b/c of his English vocabulary breaking under the nervousness he felt and his accent gradually turning more Japanese by the second, she listened intently to what he told her about himself, Roy, and their companions. "So, uh, enough about ... me. Tell me about yourself," Marth insisted, cursing himself as he could barely understand the words he'd said, his accent returning like when he first learned English. Yes, Marth. We all fricken know it. ENGLISH SUCKS. There. I said it. There's too many rules that even I don't get, like I before E except after C. If I always followed that rule, I wouldn't have even GOTTEN into the seventh grade spelling bee! IMHO, the best language is Spanish. It's simple, makes sense, and even I can speak it. Kinda. ;)
The look of amusement the Princess wore on her face made Marth even more nervous. "The way you talk is changing. I'm going to assume that you suddenly forgot all of the English you know, correct?" Marth nodded. "Ah. It happens to Jean all the time. It's very entertaining to watch her search each corner of her mind for the English word, until someone tells her how it is pronounced."
Becoming less shy, Marth asked, "What's the deal with her? She never seems to smile."
Anaxandra grinned, melting Marth's heart of ice. "You remembered your English!" Anaxandra leaned closer to him, putting him back in the reverting-to-Japanese-and-forgetting-English-state he'd just come out of. "We should go somewhere else," Anaxandra told him, glancing briefly at Jean. Marth obeyed, strolling along beside her to a red couch across the ballroom from Jean. She dropped delicately down on it, Marth beside her, a little farther away than he realized until Anaxandra scooted closer.
"Jean," Anaxandra sighed. "Is the strongest woman I've ever met in my life..." She told Marth briefly of Jean's story: sex, drugs, lies, murders and prostitution. Anaxandra wrung her hands in her lap, knowing that the cause of all of the pain Jean had felt fell squarely on her own tiny shoulders.
Marth sat, speechless, and thought about going through a Hell like that and not immediately impaling himself. Anaxandra was right. Jean was an incredibly tough woman. "You're right!"
Anaxandra nodded, and joined Marth in his staring fixedly at Jean. With crossed arms and a face completely devoid of any emotion, she stood in line for the free vodka. In many ways she was like Marth, but with a hidden temper like Roy and an almost ominous presence. The vodka line shortened, and the tender to the table asked Jean what 'vodka' meant.
"It's Russian, right? So what does it mean?" the tender inquired.
Jean blinked. "No one cares. The word is not normally used in everyday vocabulary." Taking her plastic cup of vodka, Jean paced back to the table where her date, Bowser, sat, sucking down the miniscule cup of an alcoholic beverage of some sort.
Wiping away a tear, he complimented Jean. "I don't know how you did it. You are the most amazing person ever." Recently Jean had told him the story of how she had come to be a swordswoman.
"Thank you, Bowser. You need not cry for me; everyone else has done plenty of that," Jean thanked him, her eyes wishing to smile but her lips not allowing it. Bowser leaned over and hugged her. The auburn-haired swordswoman disappeared under the overgrown turtle's bulk, but she certainly hugged him back. The last thing she wanted to be on top of a miserable, twiggy eighteen-year-old w/o emotion was a bitch.
Far across the huge dance floor, MewTwo sat, drunk, next to his date Zelda. "If the balloon goes the rabbit dies and then so does the gerbil after the sock traps his air flow and the peacock shakes his ass oh yeah Roy has a nice ass don't you think I'm drunk," the psychic pokemon rambled to Zelda as he spun his cup of vodka around and around in circles w/ his mind powers. O_o
Zelda shrugged. "IdontknowbutyesIthinkRoysbuttisnice," Zelda answered, literally, in like three seconds. Seriously. o.o
*MewTwo glances sideways and laughs at her, then promptly passes out* Zelda stole his drink and practically inhaled it, then hammered down six more. Drunken, she noticed Link and Peach, also intoxicated, dancing closer than normal. By ten that night, everyone was smashed except for the kids, Anaxandra, Marth, Jean, and Roy. Kirby, being considered a kid and not even old enough to think about alcoholic beverages, laughed at Jigg as she rubbed her sore ass.
"Oh, dammit! That DJ was wearing metal boots, I swear it!" Jigg told Kirby, hugging him and whimpering quietly.
"No worries, sweets," Kirby comforted her. "Wait! I've got just the thing for you!" Kirby grinned devilishly as they ambled out of the ballroom and to Kirby's dorm.... hehehehehe.....
*everyone go O.O* *Y'Link immediately suspects Marth, as always* "I can't believe he set those two up. He was egging them on the whole time! I outta-" Y'Link spat, glaring.
Romani stopped him. "Don't worry about it! Jigglypuff and Kirby are two semi-mature creatures who can go where they want to go. And just because they headed off to Kirby's room doesn't mean they're gonna do anything!" Romani assured him, lovingly pushing a blade of blond hair off of his adorable face.
Nana walked by and whispered in Romani's huge ear, "Back off, slut. He's mine!" and proceeded to a door leading out of the huge ballroom. With flaming eyes, Romani tore after her as best she could w/ high heels and a dress on. As though nothing had happened, Nana crept out of the door. Once she was out of the sight of Y'Link, she fled from the red-haired elf, ripping off her heeled shoes to hurl the other Y'Link fan.
*everyone who is drunk starts doing some crazy shit* Samus suddenly shred her shirt and tossed its remnants on the floor. Grinning like a mad cow, she pinned Roy, her unsuspecting redheaded hottie of a date, to his chair and started to kiss him. Immediately he shoved her off, nearly puking from the terrible taste she'd forced on his tongue w/ her own.
"What the hell was that for?!" he nearly yelled, resisting the strong urge to dash out of the ballroom and down seven flights of stairs to his dorm.
Samus grinned, then barfed, then drank some more vodka, then wiped her mouth and attempted to French him once more. But, unlike the time before, he was prepared. He caught her as she dove at him and held her arms behind her bare back.
"Now, what was that for?" he inquired again, less angrily, but still angrily.
Samus wiggled about and threw up five times before she answered "I wanted to! *hic* You should let me! *hic**BARF**cough**spit**wipe**drink*"
Roy became disgusted w/ the intoxicated Samus, and wondered if he acted like that when he was drunk. Quietly he vowed never to do drugs again. "Okay, you need somewhere to stay for the night." Roy's mind churned and whirled as he thought of the available places there were. He knew her dorm wasn't free: Peach and Link had quietly snuck down there and Roy somehow knew that Link didn't want to hear Popo's bitching again like he did after his stay w/ Zelda.
Roy realized that she'd have to stay w/ him and Marth. Unhappily he picked up the drunken bounty hunter, cursing how heavy she was, and began to carry her down the first flight of stairs. She sucked at his neck, giving him an unpleasant hickey he didn't particularly want, but at least she wasn't trying to kiss him.
Finally, after he was absolutely sure that Samus was a vampire, he opened up the door to his dorm and set Samus on his bed, tearing her lips away from his neck. Rubbing his back that he'd just strained to its limits by carrying a girl three years older and at least forty pounds heavier than himself down seven flights of stairs, Roy plopped down on the other side of his bed and stripped down to his boxers. After waiting for Samus to fall asleep, which wasn't very easy b/c she kept trying to give him hickies where he didn't want hickies, Roy tucked the space traveler in and jumped inside Marth's bed, not even caring if Marth noticed or not.
Half of the smashers woke up in the ballroom, covered in their own (and, in some cases, others') vomit. They all had a bitch of a hangover, and found relief by punching Captain Falcon.
"NO!" The stupid idiot screamed as thirty pairs of fists zoomed at him at once.
Samus awoke to two lumps in the other bed and, assuming they were Peach and Link, tripped into the little personal bathroom. After a quick search through the cupboards and finding nothing but hair gel, combs, male shaving cream, and razors that weren't pink, Samus felt the urge to scream at Peach. Promiscuous little slut. Just because Link stayed w/ her last night doesn't mean he has to move in! Samus thought angrily, marching out to where "Link and Peach" were.
"Okay, Peach, This isn't funny!" One of the lumps grunted. "Now, tell me where you put my tampons!!! NOW!"
The lumps sat up to reveal Marth and Roy. "WHAT?" they asked at the same time. Samus blushed deeply and ran into the bathroom, locking the door. Marth looked at Roy. Roy looked at Marth.
"What's she doing here?" Marth inquired, staring at the bishie.
"Long story." Roy rolled his eyes and explained everything from Samus being there to all of the hickies on his chest and abs to the reason why he was in Marth's bed instead of his own.
Marth blinked as he soaked it all in. He was a wreck in the morning: tiaraless, with hair nearly as messy as his army general of a companion's. "Get her to come out. We're both in dire need of a shower."
Roy jumped up and strode, in his over-energetic way, to the door. "C'mon, Sam. I can explain everything."
"Start w/ me being topless!" Samus exclaimed furiously.
"You did that last night. You tore the fucking thing off so don't even start to suspect Marth or me!" Roy usually won arguments. Yup. A temper and a loud voice always helps, not that Roy's voice is loud. Just annoying and pitchy and girlish. I should know! =^_^=
"Yeah well could you do me a favor and go get my, errr, 'things' from Peach. She'll know what your talking about. Just tell her 'it's an apple problem.'"
"Apples? Ok, I.... guess...*O.o*" Roy answered, wondering what in the world apples would have to do w/ Samus's period. He would. Stupid guys are so ignorant, and apple is like a secret code between my friend and me. It gets us laughing pretty hard.... hehehehehe.
Roy trotted down the hallway, still puzzled by 'the apple problem.' At Peach's dorm he stopped, painfully aware of the pictures of the lovely ladies all over the wall. Before he could even knock, Peach pulled him in.
"So. You finally admit you've been attracted to me all along, and are here only to ask for a sexual favor! I can see right through you..." Peach accused him in an overly sensual tone, leaning in closer in a vain attempt to kiss him.
Roy pulled away. "No, dammit! Samus needs her fucking tampons, and she fucking made me go fucking get them, and she fucking told me to tell you that it was a motherfucking 'APPLE PROBLEM!!!!!!'" Roy exploded at her, relishing the work 'fuck.'
"Well sorry! Now, you notify her that next time she can get her own fucking tampons, and tell her I sent a shortcake, too!" Peach retorted, practically hurling them at him, along w/ a shortcake.
Angrily Roy made an exit, now wondering where Link had disappeared to when Peach pulled him inside in addition to 'the apple problem.' Along the way back to his dorm, he ran smack dab into Zelda. "Sorry," he grunted as he muscled past her.
"Wait," Zelda ordered him. Roy turned around, ignoring to urge to smash the shortcake on something. Flirtatiously Zelda examined the funny sight known as Roy: a skinny Redhead in nothing but his boxers, ridden w/ hickies and carrying a shortcake and some tampons. "Apple problem?"
"None- how'd you know that?!" Roy wondered irritably, wishing he could understand the twisted minds of women.
"It's a girl thing. What's w/ the hickies?"
"Nothing. They're just normal, embarrassing, hickies," Roy answered, regretting his agreement w/ Samus.
"And I suppose they just appeared like magic?"
"No! If you really care, last night Samus, in a drunken stupor, gave them to me against my will! Now she thinks it's my fault that all of this happened, so now she wants her stupid tampons and Peach just gave me fucking shortcake to give to her which is probably poisoned!" Roy turned on his heel and kept on rushing down the hall before anyone else could see him.
Zelda stared after him, dumbfounded, and stumbled back to her dorm. All she'd wanted to do was toy w/ him a little, both the hickies and the items in his hand helping, but he had to be in one of his rare but expressive bad moods.
At last Roy burst into the dorm to find Marth pressed up against the door, attempting to persuade Samus to come out. Roy held up the tampons.
"I've got your stuff, Sam. Peach also gave you a lovely shortcake! How wonderful!" Roy told the door sarcastically. The door opened enough for Samus to take Roy's gifts, then shut with a click and another snap told them it was locked.
The two teens dressed in silence, both mentally bitching about Samus hogging the bathroom. There was, of course, a public bathroom complete w/ showers, but no one found it useful. But, they didn't have a PMSing woman in their restroom.
Marth had to suggest it. "Maybe we could use those obsolete showers in the public bathroom."
Roy watched his friend and stopped pulling his pants up. "Sure, YOU have to be the one to suggest stuff. You could've shut up so I wouldn't feel so dumb in knowing that I was just about to say that. Good idea."
They trotted off, the fifteen-year-old redheaded army general, and the eighteen-year-old teal haired exiled prince, towels and the remainder of their clothes in hands.
"Hmm, what should we make them do today?" Master Hand asked the hand next to him in the bed, Crazy Hand.
"I don't care," Crazy Hand answered, caressing the back of the other hand. "As long as I'm w/ you..."
"You know I want to spend every waking second of my life w/ you, too, but the Smashers CAN NOT know!"
Crazy Hand drifted off the bed, insulted. "Fine. DON'T let them know. LET them live in heterosexual ignorance forever!"
"That's not true that they're all non-gay. We all know Captain Falcon is, but so are a few others," Master Hand informed him, his eyes- shit he has no eyes. GRRRRR! Dammit Shiggy why'd ya have to make a character so HARD to DESCRIBE!?!?!?!
"Like who?"
"Good question. We'll just watch them closer to find out."
Crazy Hand flitted around the room. "I need to make an announcement! You ALWAYS make all of them!"
Master Hand made a gesture toward the door w/ himself. Heh. "Go ahead."
Crazy Hand drifted through the halls, telling everyone that there would be an assembly in the room next to the ballroom: the theater. In his plan for their 'announcement,' there would include secret pictures and videos of the smashers in their most embarrassing/funny/hot moments on a HUGE screen, then an all-out feast. His announcement guffawed in the face of all of Master Hand's announcements.
Whistling, lightly, he opened the door to Marth's and Roy's dorm. Inside, a topless Samus searched through Marth's drawers for a shirt. "Damn you and your stupid over-organization!" She cursed him, unknowing of the oversized hand hovering just inside the door.
"Samus, why are you here? Were you invited?" Crazy Hand asked, nearly making the space hunter jump out of her skin.
"I don't know. I just woke up her and-"
"Why are you topless?"
"Roy said I took it off last night when I was wasted."
"Did they do anything to you?"
"I don't know!" Samus waved her arms around, exasperated.
"Hmm. I'll question them. Now, on a lighter topic, there is to be a secret announcement in the room next to the ballroom in around fourteen minutes. Err, do you want a shirt?"
"Yeah. And some pants!"
Exactly fourteen minutes later, The smashers all sat in theater seats, bored. Precisely two minutes after that, Crazy Hand finally dropped the ball that they would see a slide show/videos of themselves in their natural habitats, and then the feast.
"Beat that!" Crazy Hand challenged, pushing Master Hand behind stage.
"Oh, I will!" *Master Hand and Crazy Hand go off to their bedroom* Okay, I don't even want to think about how two big hands are gonna have sex. That's just weird!
The crew of the mansion, who no one ever seemed to see for some reason, manned the show.
*Hikki's "Colors" plays in the background as a particularly cute picture of all the smashers flashed on screen*
The next picture was of Fox and Falco winking at a sparsely dressed Crystal. A brief moment of laughter and the picture fleeted; another showed: Jean, Anaxandra, and Janine, at a table. Anaxandra appeared to be sort of half-dancing, Jean stared at her, her hair pinned back in a loose ponytail, and she was smiling! Everyone was amazed. Janine had her eyes crossed, tongue sticking out, and staring at her finger.
The next picture made many a guy VERY hard: Peach and Daisy walking in nothing but bikini bottoms, Daisy pointing at her larger bust and sticking her tongue out in a teasing fashion as Peach squinted jealously at her. Afterwards, Love Hina's "Watashi no Uta" ("My Song") played and two girls from Fire Emblem danced and sang to it, their moves and voices in almost eerie unison. In the end, one of them kissed the other, making the other spit and scream, in rabid Japanese (which was translated at the bottom of the screen) "Fucking bitch don't touch me!" Behind them, two redheaded teens, one Roy, and another older one, sat. The bigger one muttered, in Japanese, "I'm not even gonna ask. Five seconds ago they were friends, and now they're calling each other offensive names." "Like fucking bitch? You can say that now. Lin-chan just said it in town, where it's like illegal or something." Roy told his friend in Japanese. "Don't ever grow up, kid," The bigger one told Roy, getting up and mussing his already messy hair, then walking off. Roy ran at him angrily, and then another picture came onscreen.
Everyone laughed at it, for it was stupid. It was of Ness and his friend Jeff, playing tag, obviously. The next piccy came: Roy, Marth, and about fourteen more adorable guys all in a river, obviously nekkid and bathing (but to the girls' dismay, nothing showed but their upper halves :[ ), Roy and the same redhead seen before were fighting w/ some soap, Marth was practically drowning a green-haired elf, and some girls in the background were giggling at them.
Many more pictures showed, sorry you have to imagine them yourself :'( but this chappy is getting long...
Ah. So, lots of stuffs was revealed in this chappy. In the next chappy, I give you little sneak preview: Jigglypuff and Kirby mess up their lives FOREVER, Adult Malon lets her *true* feelings show, and Zelda tries desperately to flirt w/ Roy, who is tightening up a bit in his actions and attitude...