Note: This chappy is full of even more swears, more explicit sexual content, and drug use than preceding chappies. It isn't my fault; it all started yesterday after playing Soul Caliber II for 5 hours w/ the language in Japanese (shinindorewa! 死人何れわ！), then eating, then playing SSBM w/ the language in Japanese, then watching Law and Order: SVU where Alex got shot and had to pretend she was dead b/c the murderer was angry at her b/c she said he killed his g/f b/c she said he was bad in bed, then listening to Ayumi Hamasaki until my ears rang, then waking up 30 minutes after I went to sleep to a pissed off dad, then going to school and insulting all of the little cookie-ruining seventh graders, then playing Soul Caliber II until I saw double and finally, eating rainbow-colored animal crackers. What does that have to do w/ anything?? You'll see. Someone will do something for 5 hours, then they will eat rainbow-colored animal crackers and shoot someone b/c she insulted their sex skills?
Maybe. Now, if ya don't like sex, drugs and swears, WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN READING THIS STORY? And if ya don't like sex w/ ALL the details, (or, as many as I'm brave enough to write... I'm sheepish...) get ya fragile ass outta here.
Now, on w/ story!!! =^_^=
The grumbled disgust at the breakfast sushi stopped abruptly. The smashers all dropped their chopsticks. Captain Falcon stopped whimpering over his useless arm. You could hear a microscopic parasite on Bowser's skin sneeze, the room was so quiet.
"Yup. We've collaborated w/ some people from many miles away, who are also making a game. They agreed to let their fighters visit here for 2 days. And, since the weather is bad and most likely will stay bad, why not this day? They are all waiting in the closet."
Everyone wondered exactly how many people could fit in Master and Crazy Hand's closet. From the closet, muffled voices, cussing in both Japanese and English, rose louder and louder.
"Uh, if we leave them in there any longer, won't they bust the door down?" Crazy Hand wondered. Agreeing, Master Hand turned the doorknob, miniscule to his huge fingers, unleashing a flood of people and creatures, both male and female, onto the floor.
The smashers all stood up so that they could see who was among those on the floor. 6 girls, all of which were scarcely dressed, and 16 guys, all w/ hair from hell, were regaining their composure. A brown-haired girl stood up first and turned towards the smashers.
"Konnichi wa. Atashi wa Taki. Hello. I am Taki," she introduced herself in both Japanese and English, bowing respectfully. The smashers, most unaware of what to do, all bowed back. "...to, anata desu ka...? And, you would be...?"
Another girl got up. She looked similar to Impa, w/o the weird ears and with a British accent. "Taki, they can speak English! Were is your mind?! I also wish to discuss an issue I had, in that bloody cramped closet. Your ass, as well as Talim's, was IN MY FACE! You two could wear PANTS once in a while?!?!" She held up another girl by one short black pigtail, a fragile Indian girl weighing obviously no more than 45 kilograms and sparsely dressed.
"Cut it out, Ivy!" a guy w/ black hair approached her from behind and choked her, forcing her to drop the Indian girl. They got in a viscous fistfight, until the two hands subdued them.
"No fighting! Now, we'll lead all of you to the main lounge room so that you can get acquainted," Master Hand told them. W/ that, he led all of the smashers and their visitors to the main lounge room.
The visitors all looked around the room, in awe.
"We had to stay in a crack house!" a man w/ an afro complained. "That isn't fair!"
"Shut up, Mitsurigi. We are here now, we may as well enjoy it!" a guy in a lot of armor w/ a big sword said.
The smashers followed the visitors in. Link looked around for someone w/ which he might find common ground. To his shock and awe, across the room he saw himself staring at him. Y'Link had also caught a glimpse of the other Link, and had begun to approach the other equally shocked version of himself.
They got there and just stared. Y'Link looked up at both of his older versions and, confused, scratched his head. The badass-looking visitor Link made no attempt to talk, so the SSBM Link started a conversation.
"So, uh, hi, I guess," Link started.
The visitor Link just stared more. A passing girl from SC2, Xianghua, muttered to Link, "He never says anything. I don't think he can speak English. Or Japanese. Or Chinese for that matter."
"Then he must speak HYLIAN!"
Link started a brand new conversation in his native language. Y'Link joined in. The visitor Link was immediately communicating w/ him, in fast Hylian. Xianghua wore a simply surprised look on her face.
"Wow. You got him to talk!"
*meanwhile, across the room, Roy and Tamil, the Indian girl, have struck up a conversation*
They had a LOT in common: They were both 15 years old, they could both kick some serious ass, they were both skinny, they could both speak Japanese, the list just goes on and on.
"...I went on an alone quest, I was afraid. You see, I don't like fighting, especially w/ Ivy. She will rip me into pieces! I fear her, Roy. I fear her," Talim admitted as Roy listened intently to what she was saying.
"Why does Ivy not like you?" Roy asked, noticing that Talim's eyes shifted from him to Ivy quite often.
"I don't know. She says I am weak, that I shouldn't fight or someone will mangle me into a million pieces, and that will be her. I don't know what I did to make her hate me so much, but I really wish that she wouldn't make my stay at the 'crack house,' as Mitsurigi calls it, so bad."
"Well, why don't you just go kick her ass until her nose bleeds buttermilk? That seems like it would smarten her up."
"I have tried. Many times I have kicked her ass into her eyeballs, but that only makes her hate me worse than she did. I don't think there is anything I can do."
"Then you should go see the very good problem solver, Kameline. She always knows what to do. Or so Jigglypuff told me." So, Roy and Talim walked across the main lounge room, taking a shy glance at the other when he or she wasn't looking. Finally they reached Kammie, who was consulting Kilik about his woman difficulties.
"...I mean, Xianghua isn't the only woman that you can feel close to! Women aren't your enemies. Some girls may say you are a dweeb, but there is no doubt that one girl out there does feel differently. Whatever is driving girls away from you isn't your looks, or your manners. You need to believe in yourself," Kammie concluded, tightening her grip on his shoulder. Grinning, she shook his shoulder fiercely. "Got that?"
"Yes, thank you, Kameline," Kilik thanked her as he bowed to kiss her hand w/ a newfound confidence.
The two teenagers that had been eavesdropping watched Kammie's expression as the rod-wielding hottie ambled off to find a girl to impress. She beamed after him, most likely thinking about getting into his pants later. Then, she noticed Roy and Talim standing there. "What is it you wanted to ask me about?"
Kilik searched for a girl. Just a girl. Any girl. He spotted a spikey-haired blond woman, whom he estimated to not be much older than himself.
Not sure if she spoke Japanese or English, he stopped in front of her. She snapped out of her kind of trance.
"Hi... is there a way I can help you?" she asked in a very high-pitched voice.
Kilik stood up straight. "No. I was just wondering if you needed some company."
"Well, I suppose I could use someone to talk to... and Link isn't anywhere around..."
"Link?? You know that freak? He never talks to me, or anyone! Why would he want to talk to you?"
"YOU know Link?! How? What? Is that even possible?"
"I don't know..."
"Link stays here. And he talks to everyone. How would...?"
"He stays w/ us, in our crackhouse."
Peach looked up at the ex-serial murderer. "That's weird. Do you want to meet our Link, who actually talks??"
Kilik shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"
They walked over to where the 3 Links were conversing. By the time they'd stopped a meter away from the small group, they realized that none of them were speaking English. Peach cleared her throat, and all 3 of them turned to her.
"Hey." Link glanced at Kilik. "Who's your new friend?"
"Uhhh... What's your name?"
"Kilik." He held out his hand to indicate that his big red stick wasn't dangerous. Y'Link pushed forward and shook it vigorously.
"Hi." he stared up at Kilik, grinning widely.
The last Link stayed silent. He only stared at Peach. The other Link turned around and said something to him in Hylian, and Peach heard her name. The SC2 Link nodded.
"Um, Link.... what'd you say to him?" Peach wanted to know.
"I told him that you are my girlfriend, Peach," Link answered, glancing briefly at Kilik, who was deep in conversation w/ Y'Link.
"Sooo, this is what I don't get, Y'Link. How can you and your older self, plus another one of you, be in the same room at the same time?"
"Good question. It is an explanation beyond myself, for I, too, have wondered somewhat tirelessly."
"Jeez, for just a kid you've got quite a vocabulary to your name," Kilik commented.
"It's nothing. You should see how well my friend Saria talks!"
"Well," Peach sighed. "Kilik and I are off now. Goodbye, Link," -Peach jumped up to kiss her b/f's cheek- "Link," -she held out her hand for him to shake it, which he did- "And Y'Link," -she pinched his little adorable chubby cheeks as he tried to squirm away- "Until next time... uh, Link, how do you say 'goodbye' in Hylian?"
"Yadotsi." Y'Link answered.
"Yes. Yadotsi." Peach flounced off w/ Kilik.
Over by the window, Lizardman and Bowser were making out. Yoshimitsu and Captain Falcon watched, getting turned on.
Bowser stopped kissing Lizardman for a second. "Would you like to go find a room?"
"DAMN STRAIGHT!!" Lizardman answered, skipping down the hallway w/ Bowser.
Several of the smashers saw him leave. They found it really uninteresting, but then again they thought, if they can do it, why can't we?
So, the Hands whipped out alcohol, to bring the Smashers "closer."
Everyone rushed over to the free alcohol table and all of the drinks were gone in like 2 seconds, so the Hands just kept on filling the table more and more.
Xinaghua teetered a lot, so she leaned on the nearest person: Zelda.
"Hey. What's ya name, Elfie Ears?" she wondered, staring drunkenly into Zelda's also drunken face.
"Zelda. Yours?"
"Xianghua. Call me Zha."
"Okay, Zha. Hey, have you ever played Asshole?"
"No, what is it?"
"A drinking game. But we need more people in order to play it right." *Zelda stands up on a chair and uses Zha's hand to steady herself* "Hey, everybody! Do ya wanna play Asshole?!?!?! Come on!!"
*everyone cheers*
*five minutes later, everyone is sitting around in a circle except for Roy and Talim, who hate drugs*
Master Hands started. He pulled a name out of the hat. "Okay. Yunsung, drink a Coors Light w/o stopping for air!"
Yunsung, the Roy look-alike, did as he was told. He grabbed a Coors Light from the middle of the circle and downed it. "No sweat!" Master Hand passed the hat down the line of people to Yunsung. Yunsung grabbed a piece of paper from the hat. "Captain Falcon, drink fifty bottles of whiskey!"
Captain Falcon did as he was told and died of alcohol poisoning. (a/n: this is where I'm gonna kill off characters I don't like. Watch out!)
"Spoiled sport!" Yunsung said as he picked out another name. "Yoshimitsu, drink five thirty packs of Budweiser!"
Yoshimitsu did and died by drowning in his own vomit. Yunsung rolled his eyes. "Mitsurigi, drink 17 margaritas!"
He did, and died b/c he was allergic to the crack that Yoshi slipped into the drink when he was making them.
Yunsung pulled out another name, getting really bored. "Raphael, drink five Ice Teas, a sex-on-the-beach, and a bottle of tequila!"
Raphael did and died b/c.... b/c I don't like him! Yunsung got sick of always picking out stuff so he shoved the dead bodies out a nearby window and passed the hat to Anaxandra, the person sitting next to him.
"Okay, Link, drink an Ice Tea." She really didn't know what she was doing, so she said whatever she saw first in the pile of alcoholic beverages.
The SSBM Link grabbed one and downed it. "Nana, drink 4 Vanilla Cokes and a Mountain Dew!" Jeez, did you REALLY that I was going to make KIDS drink?! That wouldn't look good on my part....
Nana did, and then puked and said she didn't feel well, so she went to bed. Link picked another name. "Y'Link, drink 3 Yoohoos, a hot chocolate, a Pepsi Vanilla, and an Iced Coffee from Dunkin' Donuts!"
Y'Link did, and the immediately ran to the bathroom to piss. He pissed for so long that all of his energy was wasted so he went to bed. Popo, not wanting to be the only kid there, went w/ him.
Soon, all of the:
1. People I don't like
2. Kids
3. Pokemon
were either:
1. Dead
2. In their bed
3. Too drunk to do anything besides say "guhhhh, guuhh,"
so all of the remaining people all sat in a circle playing spin the bottle. Even Roy and Talim joined in that game.
Crazy Hand used his powers to spin the bottle. It landed on Impa and Ivy, the 2 white-haired look-alikes. They inched tentatively towards each other, both insanely drunkenly. Finally, to all of the girls' disgust and the guys' liking, they locked lips for a mere 7 seconds. But there was tongue. Oh yes, there was tongue. Heh, heh, heh....
Master Hand spun the bottle the next time, and it landed on Seung Mina and Necrid. The redheaded girl scowled as Necrid Sucked on her face for a good 13 seconds. Next, the bottle that most had already come to hate landed on Nightmare and Cervantes. They protested, but since I was also sitting in the circle, hoping that the bottle would land on me and Roy next time, I made them kiss.
(Maybe I could write in the story the bottle oddly landing on me and Roy?? Naw, that'd be too odd. But maybe...)
Ok, the bottle lands on Kilik and Roy. There. That is almost as good as personally kissing Roy. Almost. I mean, 2 insanely sexy Bishounen kissing?! *drools*
Kilik didn't look happy about it. Neither did Roy. And the circle of people was so fucking huge that it took them forever just to get to the center. When they did, their faces inched closer and closer together, until they could both feel each other's hot breath on their lips. Roy wanted to get it over w/, so he squeezed his eyes closed as tight as he could and plunged his lips forward. Kilik also shut his eyes and hoped it would be over soon. All of the girls in the room nearly died from staring and dehydration by drooling, myself being one of those girls. After a mere 3 seconds (yes, I have a stopwatch hiding behind that laptop on my lap... heh heh. It's not supposed to be on my lap. The school says so. *flips them off* yeah, but it's their laptop... urrrrgggg stupid school-funded laptops are STUPID!!!)
They both scooted back to where they'd been, wiping their mouths disgustedly. Yeah. Are you reading this chappy for spin da bottle or serious make-out sessions w/ heaving petting? (Heavy petting, right? ~_^)
Anyway. After the spin the bottle game, many drunken people couldn't handle it, so they started making out right there in the lounge room. Ivy and Marth especially. They were both horny, drunken people who happened to be standing next to each other. And that was that. They now rolled around on the floor, pawing and rubbing whatever they could get their hands on.
Talim stood a little ways away, biting her lip and wishing that they would stop so she could use Kammie's suggestion on Ivy. Roy stood on the other side of the arbitrarily thrown-together couple, looking everywhere but directly at them. Talim loudly cleared her throat for the 57th time, but they still wouldn't stop. Angrily, Talim stomped over them. Her foot landed squarely on Ivy's hand.
But she didn't do anything. Talim, now seriously pissed off, got tripped by one of Marth's kicking legs. She fell forward and Roy caught her, instinctively, by the shoulders. She sighed against him as she leaned heavily on his chest. Roy was uncomfortable and confused and angry and horny. It was the weirdest way he'd ever felt.
After several unsuccessful tries to get Talim to support her own weight, Roy just dragged her over to one of Peach's all-too-famous couches and set her down.
"I think I broke something....." Talim sighed.
Roy squinted. "THAT easily? But if you think so, where?"
Talim pointed to her calf, stifling a small giggle. Roy looked, and he'd seen his share of broken legs and things, but there was nothing wrong w/ Talim's leg. As he got up to inform her of this, she surprised him by jumping up quickly, but only long enough to drag him back down to the couch w/ her.
She straddled him and sucked on his lower lip as he slowly stopped being stunned and realized what she was doing. When he did, he pushed her face away from his.
"What are you doing?" Roy asked her, wishing that she would do it more.
Talim tossed her head back, giving Roy a greatly appreciated glimpse at her marvelous neck. "What everyone else is doing." Talim waved one hand all around behind her, where many various people had put Peach's couches to use. And not just by sitting. :D
Ivy and Marth, who'd been making out 10 minutes before, were kissing each other as they left the lounge room, no doubt to go down to Marth's dorm and do more than make out, Xianhua, Zelda, and Peach were all in the corner having an orgy together, Cassandra and Link from SSBM were undressing each other, and everybody else had already taken their clothes off and were having drunken sex on Peach's couches and the floor. It wasn't a pretty sight. Roy laughed.
"Are they really that drunk?!" he wondered as he laughed hysterically.
"Obviously..." Talim ran her hand through his hair and smiled, closing her eyes. "....they are. Now, do you want to?"
Roy stopped laughing and pulled her face close to his. "Sure. Nothing else to do."
And I watched it all from the corner. Gawd this reminds me of porn. THIS ISN'T PORN. Just so you know. Besides, porn has silky pillows. Peach can't make couches worth 2 bags of potato chips and a fudgecake. Jeez. What I'd do for a fudgcake right now. Watch my porn-erm, story play out in my twisted Roy-obsessed mind. And a beer. Yeah. A beer. Okay now back to the porn-uh, story. *wink wink*
Actually, before we get back to the story, I'd just like to say that October 28, that was... a looooonnng time ago, was my birthday. So I so changed my plan for this chappy. Yup. You can probably see where Zelda and Xianghua are gonna be in 5 minutes, soo, yeah... anyway, now, that I'm a year older (making me.. *counts on fingers* 14!! YES!!) and almost as old as Roy, I thought I'd make things go his way just once in the duration of this whole story. Of course, pretty much all of the couples are already formed, except for the 2 lesbian couples, ho-hum, and the bisexual couple.
I also have Legos!! Roy is even in my(well, mine and my little brother's) Lego story. Just read the story of our lego "show."
(We call it a show b/c -get this- it has "seasons," like shows. One season was in a "positive inspiration house," which *sniff* DIDN'T have Roy in it, the 2nd in a fucked up community, which had Roy in it, the 3rd ON THE FUCKING MOON!!!!, which was my bro's idea, and the 4th on "Table Planet," a.k.a. our living room table, which was also my bro's idea. The cast of characters are mainly Roy, Marth, Sheik, Samus, and Zelda. Later in the seasons, Harry Potter, (yes, I did say Harry Potter) Ron Weasley, R2D2, and Hermione Granger get introduced, as well as Hogwarts. Yup- around here we're BIG Harry Potter fans. Now, sit back and read...)
Season 1: The Positive Inspiration House
Whose Idea Was This?!
*3 Lego people sit around a flaming bush, drinking cold lemonade*
Red Haired Lego Dude (AKA "RHLD"): Dude. Is that like bush on fire?
MegaBlocks Girl (AKA "MBG"): Dude. It is.
Black Haired Lego Dude (AKA "BHLD"): Dude. A tornado.
MBG + RHLD: WHERE??
BHLD: Haha I got you you're so dumb!
MBG: grrr.....
RHLD: Oh fuck she's PMSing!!
BHLD: RUN!!! *runs up steps but the steps fall down on top of Big Head Lego Dude*
Big Head Lego Dude: Freakin' A! * pulls out a gun and shoots BHLD until he dies*
RHLD: BUDDY!!! HEY, YOU FUCKING ASSFACE!! *pulls out his own gun and him and Big Head Dude get in a huge gunfight*
MBG: Oh, Red Haired baby... It's time for mah lovin' (btw... she's black)
RHLD: just a second... *gets interrupted by the REAL tornado, which rips MBG's 'fro off and throws it into next week* (seriously- that really happened)
MBG: Ahhh!! My hair!!! *pulls out a gun and shoots herself*
RHLD: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *shoots himself, too*
Ahh, that sucked. But it ain't my fault, season 1 happened over a YEAR ago!! But it was SOMETHING like that.
Season 2: The Kingdom of Doom
Shitwater
*it's a sunny day in the kingdom, as Roy, his dad, Skully, Roy's pet dragon (who didn't get named until season 3... hmmm), and Roy's horse Betsy (yeah, it's a cow name. Your point?) are walking through the kingdom*
Roy's dad: It's a great day!
Roy: So. I'm pissed off.
Skully (a Lego skeleton): Hahaha what's pissing you off TODAY?
Betsy: he wants to ride somewhere on me!
Roy: No, I want to go for a ride on my dragon!
Roy's dad: Fine. Go. Nothing's stopping you.
*they all are walking past the jail, when Psychopath Bob reaches out of the jail and grabs Roy's dragon's ankle*
Roy's Dragon: You little fuckhead!! *stomps the jail down, killing all of the prisoners.
Roy's dad: MORON!! Now we have to make a new jail!!! *grumble**bitch**whine*
Skully: Oh, man, now there IS something stopping you from taking a ride on your dragon, Roy!!
Roy: Great. I love rebuilding Jails! *grumble*
5 uninteresting days of rebuilding the jail later....
Marth: Man, that was useless.
Roy: My ass hurts!
Skully: *examining his ass* WHAT ass?
Roy: hahaha. *cough*BITCH*cough*
Skully: Marth, did he just cough and mix in the word BITCH?!?! Little dickhead!
Skully's Boyfriend: Roy's dad invited us all to a pool party!!
*a few days later, everyone is in the pool under Roy's house*
Roy's dad: Man, tearing the roof off of my house was a pain in the ass! Of course Roy's dumb dragon helped, but...
Roy's Dragon: GRRRR. He said I was a HUGE help!! fucking moron!!
Betsy: don't worry. I've SO got the thing for you...
*Betsy and Roy's Dragon go off. Yup. A horse and a dragon. It was MEANT to be*
*everyone stays in Roy's pool for 2 years*
Roy: *looks at his fingers* great. A bigass case of wrinkly fingers! *grumble**bitch*
*everyone gets out of the pool for the first time in 2 years*
Some guy: Ahh. I'm so happy my diarrhea is all gone... I hope you guys don't mind that I shit in your pool!
Some other guy: I DRANK THAT WATER!!!!
*everyone dies except for Roy, Skully, Marth, Sheik, Skully's boyfriend, Roy's dragon, and Betsy*
Roy: Oh no!!! My dad is...... DEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *cries a river which all of the remaining characters take a bath in*
Roy's dragon: It'll be ok, buddy! MY parents are Both dead!!
*Roy glares at the dragon*
Roy: YOU STUPID FUCKHEAD!! *grumble*
Skully: Hey! Let's play hide and seek!
Everyone runs to find a hiding place. Roy just wants to hide, not be found. He's so depressed. :(
Roy's dragon chose such a good hiding place that no one found him for ever, so he went to sleep. He'd forgotten that when he snored, he blew fire. He also forgot that he'd gone to sleep next to Roy's science project, a Lego bush soaked in gasoline. In one big snore, the bush started a huge blaze. It spread quickly to Roy's house, then down the hill and it scared all of the hiders out of their hiding places. Roy's dragon woke up, and met w/ all of the people safely away from the fire.
Roy: We've got to get out of here!!
Sheik: Maybe your dragon could-
Everyone else: YES!
So, everyone piled on the back of the dragon, as he flew them... to infinity and beyond....
Yeah. This one isn't so funny if you read it. But, if you'd seen it... My god you'd have pissed your pants.
Season 3: Life on the Moon
Space Woman
They all finally arrived on the moon. Roy's dragon found many "wish flags," aka Mega Blocks skateboard flags that didn't fit anywhere else, which you can wish on, and used them to wish for a new town on the moon. They also wished that they could breathe and not float around. Roy made the final wish, and that was to have more people be around. Immediately, R2D2, 2 of those space creature thingies from Star wars, and Samus fell from the sky.
Samus: Uh.. last I could remember, I was fighting, so how'd I get here?
Roy: I wished for more people to live here! So, hello..
Samus: Hi. I'm Samus, female space saver extraordinaire!
Roy: I'm Roy, High General of the Ostian army!
Meanwhile, as Samus and Roy make idle talk, Roy's dragon and his girlfriend Betsy are reunited.
Roy's dragon: *gasp* Betsy!!!
Betsy: *gasp* Whatever Your Name is!! (that really happened)
Skully: His name is Seal. Duh.
Betsy: Cool. I SO didn't know that. *starts mating w/ Seal*
Skully: o_O okay.....
Marth and Sheik are convincing R2D2 and his space friends to be their slaves.
R2D2 and his buddies: Beep. Okay. Beep.
So, the days on the moon go by, as Samus's relationship w/ Roy blossoms, R2D2 serves everyone, until one day he finds a bomb.
R2D2: Beep. Detonate. Beep.
*KABOOOMM*
R2D2 dies. But he's the only one.
Samus, lying next to Roy in their king size bed: Roy? did you hear that?!
Roy: Whaaaat?
Samus: It was... a boom! I wonder if everything's okay... *begins to get out of the bed*
Roy: *grabs Samus's hand to stop her* Don't worry. We'll worry in the morning.
Samus: Yeah? Well, what are we gonna do tonight?
Roy: Duh. Sleep.
Samus: Sleep? But sleep is so boring.... *scoots as close to him as possible, which is all the way across the huge bed*
Roy: Samus....Are you suggesting...
Samus: *nods*
Roy: Uhhh, if that's what you want... *lets Samus drag him under the covers*
The next day, they all went for a stroll in the town that Seal had wished for. It was a replica of Roy's old town.
Samus: *elbowing Roy* that was a pretty interesting time last night... eh, Roy?
Roy: *sweating nervously* uuh... yeah. It was cool.
Samus: Cool? *scoff* right. You know you liked it just as much as I did... and, when you want to, you can use that tongue of yours pretty well!
Roy: heh... *is happy* Man. I just realized something...
Samus: what?
Roy: I'M NOT A VIRGIN ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Let's celebrate!!!!!!
Marth: *overhearing him* Cool. I'll order steaks from the Steak House.
Skully: Cool. Let's go!
At the steakhouse, the aliens from Star Wars give Marth some steak for Roy. Afterwards, all of them go back to the place where they sleep and sleep.
(at this point, R2D2 came back and repeatedly drove Roy's car into a wall. Then, we fast forwarded the story 3 weeks ahead)
Samus: *jumps out of bed* I feel.... like.... BARFING!!! *Samus pukes*
Sheik: I feel.... like.... BARFING!! *Sheik pukes*
Samus and Sheik look at each other, then they both break down and cry.
Both: OH NO!!!!!!!
Skully: *rubbing the sleep from her eyes* What the hell? I was having a pleasant dream about Stone Cold Steve Austin!!
Sheik and Samus: WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Skully: That's what you get for sleeping under the covers! That's also why I never sleep under the covers!
Samus: Well, I'd better go tell Roy... I hope he's not angry...
Sheik: Marth won't like this.....
Samus goes off to inform Roy, Sheik goes to tell Marth.
Samus: *walking up to Roy* Hi, Roy...
Roy: *takes Samus in his arms and hugs and kisses her* Hey..
Samus: *lets Roy hold her as she sighs and tries to figure out how to tell him* Roy, I have something to tell you.. I'm pregnant. *closes her eyes*
Roy: *gaping* what-how-who-why- uhh... *promptly passes out*
Samus: *sinks down next to him* It will be all right..... It will be all right...
meanwhile....
Sheik:*running up to Marth* Marth! Guess what!
Marth: What?
Sheik: I'm pregnant. I wanted to tell you as soon as possible. I hope you understand.
Marth: Well. How sure are you?
Sheik: Not very... but I do know!!
Marth: Well... I suppose we'll have to deal w/ it. *huggles Sheik*
OK. At this point, we fast forwarded it again. This time 15 years.
Roy: Hey, Samus, isn't it-
Samus: yup. 15 years ago today, I gave birth to Ron.
Ron: That's nice. But if you don't mind, I 'ave to go to Hogwarts now.
Samus: the only thing I still wonder about is... how did I, a perfect accent-less speaker of perfect American English, and Roy, a Japanese guy who speaks nearly perfect American English, have a redheaded BRITISH kid?
Roy: *shrugs* It's one of those mysteries...
Sheik: Well, little Harry has grown up... I feel SOOOOOOOOOOO old!!! *breaks down crying*
Marth: You think I don't? *throws Harry his wand so that he can go to Hogwarts*
Harry: Thanks dad. I'll make sure I have lots of girls in my dorm, for you!
Marth and Shiek: Ahhh... that's our boy!
Roy and Samus: Ron, if you break so much as one rule there, we'll pull you out of school and bring you back here!
Ron: All right then. I'm off! Come on, Harry!
Harry: Coming, Ron!
Just then, the Hogwarts car stops in front of Roy's house. Ron and Harry get in, then the car breaks after it goes a few meters.
Roy: I'll fix it!
Ron: No, dad, I can fix it-
Roy: No, I insist!
Roy fixed the car, but it he did it wrong so that it only went 5 kilometers an hour.
Harry: this'll take a while...
Ron: 99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of-
Snape: No beer!! Think of some other beverage to sing about!
Ron: 99 bottles of soda on the wall, 99 bottles of soda....
*many hours later*
Ron: ...and there's no more bottles of soda on the wall!
Harry: hmmm... I know!! 99 bottles of poison on the wall, 99 bottles of poison, take one down and somebody dies, then there's 98 bottles of poison on the wall!
Finally, after about 3 days, they got to Hogwarts.
Hermione: Were the fuck were you fucking fuckheaded fucked up fuckheads? I've been waiting to use the pack of condoms I got for my birthday, but Neville was too sheepish! Jeez, I mean, it don't BITE!
Ron: My dad tried to fix the Hogwarts car. It was bad.
Harry: I told my dad I'd have lots of girls in my room.... *goes off w/ Hermione*
Ron: *bitch*
Ok, I can't remember what happened after that part, but Hermione, after getting out of Hogwarts, became a nurse, Ron became a mechanic and used his wand to make a radio antenna for Hermione's ambulance, and Harry used his wand to stand on 1 leg on the highest point in the entire town and practice Kung Fu.
In season 4, all everyone did was spouse swap. They went back in time and found Zelda, so Roy dumped Samus for her. But Samus still slept w/ him every now and then. Heh.
Back to the story.....
Ivy opened her eyes, coming to very slowly. It was still dark out, so she flipped on the light next to Marth's bed. Immediately she regretted the decision, as the light temporarily blinded her. When she regained the use of her eyes, she examined her surroundings. The clock read 1:57 AM, and Marth was next to her in the bed, a lump sleeping almost delicately among pillows and blankets, and she was naked. She was sore in just about every intimate place we women have, and her head hurt.
Groaning, she rolled out of the bed. Down the hall she could make out the faint sounds of sex, and she didn't recognize where she was or how she'd gotten there. Stumbling out of the bed, she threw on someone's robe and walked into the hallway and up the nearest flight of stairs. The party in the lounge room had quieted, but it was still quite loud. Ivy bust the door opened and relived the astonishment at how decorated it was when compared to her own lounge room at the SC2 crackhouse.
Everyone looked up from their lovemaking and greeted her. "Whassup?" Necrid said as she walked past the entanglement of himself and Samus.
"I'm so drunk I can't feel my leggggggssssssssss.....ooooohhhhh," Samus admitted from under Necrid.
Disgusted at the sight, Ivy walked on. A drunk Zelda ran up to her.
"Hey... *burp* I'll give you a dollar if you lick the cum off my face.... I can't find a sinnk..........." Zelda said, falling over.
"No.. wellllll, ok, I guess..." Ivy told Zel, and then did her a huge favor by ridding Zelda of the white.... substance. "Uh, Zel? Whose cum was that?"
Zelda thought about that. "Ummm, who have I given head to tonight? It could be from Link, Cassandra, Nightmare, Taki, Sophitia, Fox, Yunsung, Falco, Cervantes, or Necrid, or maybe all of the above. I don't know."
Ivy was mortified. "YOU GAVE HEAD TO MY DAD?!?!?!?!?! STUPID BIOTCH!!!" Ivy bitch slapped Zelda, and walked off w/o even taking her dollar.
Luigi, in the corner, was getting head from his girlfriend Daisy. Mario, next to him, was getting repeatedly kicked in the balls by Peach. Wario, next to Mario, had a rain cloud above his head, a Rottweiller hanging off his leg, an axe through his back, 15 of Sheik's needles in his ass, was getting toilet-papered by Voldo, egged by Berserker, punched by Maxi, and kicked by Taki. Yoshi, next to Wario, was jacking off to a cheap porno movie along w/ Pink Yoshi and DK.
In another corner, Captain Falcon's passed out body was being kicked by Charade, who'd felt like copying Roy. The real Roy was a meter away, grinning like a madman, w/ new hickies all over his neck. Next to him, Talim, also hickey-ridden, was looking around the room in hopes of finding Ivy so that she could try out Kameline's suggestion on her. Finally she spotted the robed woman, and ran up to her.
"Ivy?"
"Oh, no. You don't want me to lick cum off of your face too!" Ivy said, not even looking at Talim.
"No... wait, too?!?! GROSS!!"
"What do you want you little twerp?" Ivy scowled down at Talim.
"I just would like you to know that I don't want to take none of what you have to give me. I can't stand the way you treat me, and I want you to stop!" Talim held her breath, hoping that Kammie's suggestion worked.
"Whatever. Just go away and get out of my face!"
Talim, astonished, ran to Kammie. "Thank you!" Talim said as she hugged and kissed Kammie.
"No problem. I like helping to make the world a better place to live in, but I have to admit... no one's ever kissed me for helping them out..." Kammie admitted, her face slightly red.
So then la la la across the room....
Pikachu wakes up from being passed out next to Mewtwo.
"What the fuck I was like wo and now I'm like wow and before I was like wo.."
"Shut the fuck up, assfuck. I'm trying to remember where I am...." Mewtwo said. "WOOOOOO. I have a bitch of a hangover!" *Mewtwo punches Pikachu until they both are sending electricity and purple shit all over the room*
Hey this is gettin fucking long. Jeez and I'm sick of typing. *rubs pain reliever on sore hands* Oh and I'm too sheepish too write anything else.
One more thing:
Have a....
MERRY MOTHERFUCKING CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELL-RAISIN' CHANUKAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KICK-ASS KWANZAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND A YEEHAW NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
^_______^