Author - Wanilda Vale
Classification - Shipper
E-mail -
Site -
Date - 12/01/2001
Synopsis - This brief history is part of my feuilleton weekly Frenzy (Devaneios), thrown in my site since 10/03/2000.
To write on Mulder and Scully is, for me, always, one of the more things gratifying for my heart.
IMAGINATION
"To struggle against the alone reality
we have a weapon: the imagination."
Jules de Gaultier
Chapter 46
"Mulder, in front of me... the inhibition... or my pride impedes me of calling you my love, my life, mine everything... but really that is what you mean for me.
I work, I feed, I take care of the things in the day by day, I alive, I exist, finally... but I'm empty, Mulder... because if you are not with me, your absence just turns me a woman interested in seeking you, to leave in search of where you are, Mulder! Now I know... my life is summarized in you... in that good thing that it is to feel your affection, your sweetness with me, your special way of being... I want you... I need you."
Those pronounced words just with the heart, they are accompanied by the painful hiccup that escape within of the her chest.
"Mulder, but I've to resist... I cannot let to succumb me for the pain of your absence... I have an important mission to accomplish now... to take care so that my son... our son, come to the world and find peace in this mother's life that so much suffers!
Mulder... only in the moments when I'm alone I can speak to you... through my heart.
I feel your lack so much...! I miss your murmuring words close to my ears... your voice that fascinates me... your eyes scrutinizing me, that search until my soul, Mulder!
Your mouth of sensual lips touch me, they feel me, they prove me... and your hands that makes me feel the vibration for the frenzy that you cause in my body the simple touch of the tips of your soft fingers...
As I am feeling your lack, Mulder! Even of the sound of your strong footsteps on the floor!
How long time can I suffer with this pain that am mistreating myself so much?
Tomorrow it will resume everything, again... the work of the day... the routine... everything will be same.
I will have, at every moment, obligatorily, that show me strong, fearless, unworried, calm... but in the intimate... in here, in the bottom of my heart, I feel only the pain of your absence, the longing that consumes me the life... the sadness of my unhappiness and solitude... "
Scully is now seating to the table, looking at the anything, lost in her digressions.
Her mind discourses lived situations, facts happened in the past... everything comes to her memory.
Per times until she feels the need to disguise the tendency of thinking constantly in Mulder, she tries to do other things, to distract the thoughts, but his lack impedes her of in other subjects to concentrate.
And everything returns to her thoughts.
She, thoughtful, smoothes and folds, displacency a cup cloth throwned on the table.
Beside it is a small package with seeds openned, leaving its content to spread on the surface of the table. Sunflower.
Dana takes a small seed, she puts it among the teeth, it breaks its husk, and, while she chews it and feels its sweetened taste, she remembers of as Mulder carry in his pockets his favorite seeds. His habit. His vice.
She imagines for how long, still, she will be alone. Without her love. Without Mulder.
During many years she had lived her alone life, in her apartment, her home, her solitude.
Today she feels that she doesn't give more to resist that empty coexistence, with anything!
Scully rises and is going removing the clothes, slowlingly, thoughtful, absorbed in thougts.
She goes to the bathroom. She leaves a good lukewarm shower to fall on her body, cleaning and moisturizing her skin.
"Oh, if this water could also take that sadness, these thoughts that abate me...! " - she thinks, with discouragement in her heart.
After the bath, she dresses the towelling robe, and stays in front of the mirror.
She's looked at in the mirror.
No longer more the brilliant blue eyes. There is, now, a tenuous cloud of sadness, hovering on her eyelids, making them to weigh, to sadden her glance.
She knows, certainty, that in her work , with her friends, she cannot feel the same. Until they can consider her in a normal condition of work. They can think she is well... that everything is running normal to her turn.
A new agent they put as her partner in her usual investigations.
And he, as well as the other ones, or his own superiors, they can treat her kindly, because she won't change her way of being, but inside... there in her being's bottom... everything is different now.
She feels that the will of living no longer it counts as much as before... but... at the same time, she notices that such thought is a sacrilege! And her son? Her child?
She caresses, smoothly, her womb, pronouncing in low voice:
- My little son... brief, your dad will be near you, also, do you know? He will also caress you will feel here, inside of me... my son... I know that now you are so tiny inside of me, but I would already get to see in you, if it was able to, the ears, the eyes, the tip of the nose and the fingers of your hands. I know that you are growing now your organs... stomach, kidneys, nerves, blood vessels... and you have only two centimeters of length, my son...! It still doesn't give for anybody to notice my uterus increasing of volume... for the time being... and I'm awaiting anxiously for seeing you, my little love... piece of my life.
Dana shutts her eyes. Fallen arms along her body. She lets to run the imagination. She allows herself to enter in fancies. She wants to dream...
Mulder, in his careless way of being, opens the door of the bathroom, he puts the head to look:
- Hi, lindinha?
- Hi? - she smiles.
He enters. It is just dressed with a shorts. The beard for doing. The nude and hot chest.
He crowds together against her backs.
- Huuumm... you're pleasing ...!
He makes to return her for him, seeing tears in her eyes.
- What happened, Scully?
- I'm crying... don't you see?
- Oh, lindinha, but why?
- I am missing...
He kisses her closed eyes, one of every time.
- Be not like this...!
- Mulder... I miss you!
- But I'm here!
- No... - she cries -... you're not here...!
He presses her sweetly against his chest.
- Are'nt you feeling me, Scully?
- Why does want you to deceive me, Mulder? I know that you are not here... I'm feeling! - she still complains.
His ardent look now penetrates the deepest of her soul.
- But I am in your thought!
- Always, Mulder! Always!
- Scully... our baby... - he caresses her womb slightly -... our son needs me, I know...
- Yes, Mulder. And I want you here, near me, near him... as you're now...!
- Yes, I am, Scully, always here with you. My mind, my heart, my thoughts are yours! Nobody can to remove them of you, Scully! Never!
She is crying, now.
Lately it is what she does with frequency.
Because no more there is the happiness in her life. Only the pain. The pain of the absent love.
"But he is here, now! " - she thinks, and a light smile appears in her lips.
She feels his hand smoothly caressing her hair, as always he uses to do.
- Scully...?
- Yes, Mulder?
- I want you to be strong. It is necessary that you be always strong, Scully! Live, Scully! You bring in you an other life. You need to struggle for that. Don't discourage, never!
- I know... - she murmurs.
Mulder dries with his lips the tears that go down in her depressed and suffered face.
He takes of on a marble bench, amid countless objects and flasks, a perfume glass.
He opens its small cover. He aspirates it and he smiles for Dana. The boy smile, that enchants and fascinates her.
He removes the cover of the small perfumed flask and leans in the tips of the ears of Scully.
- I want you odorous, Scully.
She smiles at him, among the tears that don't cease of falling. She receives his gesture as a caress.
Mulder now, with the own lid of glass of the flask, he perfumes the two pulses of Dana.
- Is this like the women perfume herselves?
- Hum, hum. - she agrees, smiling and crying at the same time.
- The next step... - he says smiling smoothly -... it is here between breasts...
She lets to be quiet, while feels the cold contact of the glass in her skin.
Mulder hugs her, now. Hotly.
She feels the weight of his chin, leaning on her reddish hair.
- Mulder...?
- Yes...?
- It seems a farewell... - she says in a said voice.
- No...!
- Don't you leave, then?
- No, Scully! I will always be with you.
Scully closes her eyes, feeling the lukewarm contact of his skin against her body.
The perfume smells inside the bathroom.
She aspirates it with pleasure, deeply.
For some seconds, she stays very quiet. She leaves that her love stay hugged her, wrapping her sweetly, transmitting her the force that she needs to continue to live.
- Mulder...?
She awaits his answer.
But he doesn't answer her.
- Mulder? Why dont' you answer me?
She opens the eyes, afflicted.
- Mulder? - she turn over - Mulder...?
She only sees her own image reflected in the mirror.
A depressed image. Suffered. Alone.
- Oh, my God! - she cries out - Everything was so real!
Her anxious glance travels the ambient.
Everything is as before. The infinite and obstinate drop of the tap falling, continually.
The diffuse light bringing a soft and almost unreal clarity.
The towel hand hung movement itself lightly by the breeze that comes from the window of the contiguous room.
Now the Dana's glance strays for the marble bench.
- But... was everything only an illusion? Then why...?
The perfume glass that Mulder had used was opened, its contents spilled on the marble... the lid, displicently throwned to the side.
The End