(A/N: This chapter is dedicated to the beautiful Chronographia, who celebrates her birthday today. Yay, my dear! It's a rather odd chapter, admittedly, light-hearted but full of action, frivolous yet slightly serious. Much like this story really, which, contrary to what someone said, is not 'random' at all. In fact, like all my stories, it has been meticulously planned and mapped out, and hopefully is not as annoying and ridiculous as what a lot of writers optimistically call 'humour'. I do not just write down whatever comes up in my (possibly substance addled) brain, I know exactly what I am doing. Absurdity such as this does not come naturally, and certainly not by chance. I hope to have sufficiently explained myself, and that this story does not come across as 'random' to anyone, because that was certainly not what I set out to do. Thank you for your time and attention.)

Chapter 4: Look, Ma, We're On Top Of The World!

"Hello," said Lucius Malfoy to the wizard who guarded the entrance to the Chocolate Frog factory, giving him his most winning smile, "Do you, by any chance, give tours of the factory?" The wizard, who was looking bored, shifted in his seat and leant over to Lucius.

"A tour?" he said, scratching his balding head.

"Yes, a tour," Lucius said, grinning down frantically. "You know, one of those things where...." The wizard cleared his throat noisily.

"Yes, yes, I know what you mean," he interrupted, earning an outraged glare from Lucius. "Question is, though, do we give them?" He scratched his ear, coughed, spat on the floor and blew his nose in a disgusting looking handkerchief, while staring blankly ahead. Lucius was taking deep, cleansing breaths to help him stay calm, while behind him Severus was practically fuming.

"Yes, that is the question," Lucius said, in a falsely pleasant voice. "And what's the answer?" He raised his eyebrows at the wizard, who was looking at him with a spiteful look in his eyes.

"Course we give tours." He said curtly. "For you gents, though, it'll be a couple of Gallons." He held out his hand. Lucius sighed, and reached into his purse.

"Well, thankfully, I have plenty of those," he said to the wizard, smiling warmly. The wizard glared back at him angrily, as he poured an entire handful of gold into his grimy palm.

"Oi, Alphonse!" He shouted through the door that was ajar behind him, "You got some visitors!" Soon, the large entrance door next to the grimy wizard's cubicle swung open, and a handsome dark-haired young wizard smiled welcomingly at Lucius and Severus.

"Hello," he said, shaking hands with both, "Alphonse Tournier, assistant manager of this factory. Delighted to meet you, Mr Malfoy, and you, Mr Snape." He flashed dazzling white teeth at them.

"Er, hello," Lucius said, slightly puzzled. He looked at Severus, whose eyes were narrowed in suspicion. "Might I inquire how you have come to know our names?" Lucius added.

"Oh, is there a witch or wizard in this country who doesn't?" Alphonse said, still smiling widely. Severus frowned. Lucius coughed embarrassedly.

"Er, quite," he said, at a loss. "Shall we start the tour now?"

"Oh yes, of course, of course," Alphonse said, guiding them inside. The grimy guard wizard was surveying the scene with a disgusting expression on his face.

"Bloody poofy Frog," he said, spitting at the floor.

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"Well, that was useful," Lucius said, as they were hurrying through the streets of Hogsmeade.

"Very useful," Severus added sarcastically, "especially when he tried to show me the interior of the broom cupboard."

"Oh, now, really," Lucius said, "He really wasn't that bad, you know." He flashed a malicious grin at Severus. "Maybe if we....well, you bribe him, he'll do it for us."

"Please, no," Severus groaned. "persuading him to explain the wards on the building to me was traumatising enough. But at least they're simple, and not too numerous, and I can easily adapt that spell He taught me on how to weaken wards to them. Though the both of us may have to do it at the same time to make them weak enough, due to the size of the building."

"Well, I'm sure I can learn, charms always was my best subject," Lucius said, grinning, and nudging Severus. "I love bad puns, don't you?"

"You're ridiculous, Lucius," Severus said, but the corners of his mouth were twitching as though he was fighting back a smile.

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It was 2 o clock in the morning, and two figures, clad entirely in black, were sneaking around in the deserted chocolate frog factory. They were both carrying a medium sized cauldron with a lid on it, and their faces were covered with black balaclavas.

"Was it the left or the right door?" The tallest one asked. "I can't remember because I was distracted by the man's hand." He shuddered at the memory. The other one, who was slightly shorter, was tugging at his balaclava.

"I don't know, I can't see anything through this thing," he said. "And it itches, too." He stopped trying to adjust it, and looked through one eye hole, the other being situated on his forehead. "I'm fairly sure it was the right one," he then said, and continued to tug his headgear into place. Severus, because that's who the tallest of the two was, of course, quietly snuck up to the door, and whispered "Alohamora!" The door remained closed. Cursing to himself, he just swung the cauldron against the doorknob, which broke, and pushed the door open.

"Come on!" He whispered to the swaggering Lucius, who was having trouble with his balaclava.

"Yes, yes, hold your horses," Lucius said, irritably. "You're the one who made me wear this ridiculous contraption in the first place."

"It's for your own good!" Severus hissed, pulling Lucius through the doorway by his collar. Then he pulled his balaclava into place. "Honestly, Lucius." He grumbled. "Now come on." He stalked off into the darkness, only the tip of his wand alight.

"Thanks," Lucius muttered, looking around by the light his wand spread, "It looks a lot bigger than when we were here last."

"Must be the darkness," Severus said, from a few feet away, his voice echoing dramatically in the enormous hall. He was standing near a large metal vat, trying to make out what was written on it. "Cocoa," he read aloud. "Not the right one. What's on yours?"

"Er......Sugar. This is this one we need." Lucius said. He climbed the few steps that led to the top of the vat, and looked down. Then he took the lid off the cauldron, dumped the contents on top of the sugar, and stirred it a little from a distance with the huge wooden stirring pole that hung on the side of the vat. "There we go." He said, and apparated to the floor. "That was not unnecessary, if I climb down those steps in these robes, I'll step on them and fall." He said deftly to Severus who was glaring at him in disapproval.

"Just try not to do that anymore, as little apparating as possible, it will make us easier to detect and disturb the wards." Severus said, and started to cross the hall to another door on the north side. "We need to put the rest in the ready made chocolate." He bashed the door open again, making a mental note of having Lucius repair them when they left- he was better at those sort of spells. They rushed into the chocolate lab, where there was a huge rack with chocolate frogs in moulds on one side, and tubs of left over chocolate from the day on the other. The left over chocolate was simmering ever so quietly on magical blue fire, just enough for it to stay liquid.

They stalked over to the tubs and divided the contents of the second cauldron over them. It caused a very short flash of eery pink light, and then the chocolate returned to its normal state. "Right, let's get out of here," Severus said, and swept off. "Don't forget to repair the doorknobs."

"Consider it done," replied Lucius, following Severus in a flurry of black robe. Within minutes they were back outside, and could lift the spell on the building's wards. "Ha! We've done it!" Lucius declared contently. He pulled the balaclava from his head, shaking loose his blonde hair. "Finally. Let's go to my house and celebrate." He pulled Severus' balaclava off, too. "You really should do something about your hair, you know," he said, pulling his fingers through Severus' stubbornly greasy hair. "It's a mess."

"I, unlike you, have more important things to do than worrying about my hair," Severus replied, "such as planning the ruination of the wizarding world." He turned and wandered off, gazing up at the starry sky. "We'll probably have to do this another few times, if we want nearly everyone to consume the stuff." He said, still gazing up.

"Yes, well, it was easy enough. Didn't even have to kill anybody." Lucius said, approaching him. "Come on, let's go home. We've earned a party."

"Yes...yes, a party." Severus said, distractedly. He sighed, putting some stray strands of hair into place. Then he turned around, grabbed Lucius' hands, and they disapparated.

(A/N: Well, that was Chapter 4. Hope it made sense. In the next chapter, the Great Plot Twist shall make its proud arrival. Oh, my back is nearly breaking under the strain. It may take a while to take solid form, as it is my birthday next week, and it is also a rather complex chapter. But wait patiently and longingly, dear reader, it will appear. Sincerely, The Duchess.)