Memories and Mistakes
"Wha. What? How.? When.?" Grissom spluttered, his gaze never leaving the
picture he now held in his suddenly shaking hand.
"Gil I wanted to tell you, I really did but I couldn't." She spoke quietly
but her voice full of remorse for keeping it from her.
"You couldn't tell me? You couldn't tell me something this important?"
He's voice started out softly but the anger and shock caused it to get
louder with each word.
Trying desperately to hush him before anyone overheard, she dragged him out
of the break room and into his office. Shutting the door, she took a
moment to gaze around at the room she hadn't seen for 2 years. The room
that held so many memories.
Looking to the desk she saw most of those memories captured in the frames
that stood beside the computer screen.
The first was of the day that her and Gil had organised the surprise
birthday party for Lindsey, but as they were both working they had done it
in the break room. Halfway through the night they had noticed the absence
of the birthday girl, and after searching most of the rooms in the
building, had found her curled up in sleep on his coach in the office.
They had grabbed a camera from one of the guests at the party and taken the
picture.
The one beside it was of both her and Lindsey sitting on his desk. Lindsey
was looking at one of his glass jars and she was looking at him behind the
camera.
Another picture was positioned next to the desk lamp. It was of just her;
taken just after her return from Miami, her skin was slightly tanned and
she was holding his favourite spider in the palm of her hand.
The last of all was of all three of them; Lindsey, Gil and her. It had
been taking only a few weeks before she had left. They were all huddled
close together. Gill sitting on his chair, Lindsey on his lap and
Catherine leaning down to them both from behind the chair. They looked so
happy. It looked like nothing could ruin their perfect family. Looking at
the picture, she could almost forget that something did happen, lots of
things and that the perfect family they once had had disappeared.
"When were you going to tell me?" Gils voice broke through the memories.
It wasn't loud, but the anger and betrayal was easily heard.
She looked at him, her mind registering the words but her mouth unable to
produce an answer.
"When? Next year? The year after? When he started asking where his dad
was or weren't you going to tell me at all? Find someone else to be his
dad and forget all about me. Forget that I had a right to know that he
existed. Ignore that the only thing I ever wanted was a child with you."
His voice broke with the last sentence and he collapsed onto the couch, his
head in his hands, the photo slipping to the floor in front of Catherine.
Catherine stayed standing, her hand gripping the desktop to stop her self
from slipping to the floor, tears silently slipping down her cheeks.
She wanted to go to him, to take him in her arms and hold him, to take away
all his pain. But she couldn't, because she was the cause of that pain.
They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Lost in thought.
Catherine now sat on the floor, her back pressed against the wooden desk,
her eyes never ceasing to stare at Gils head, which he still held in his
hands.
He couldn't believe that she had kept this from him. He couldn't believe
she hadn't told him before now. He couldn't believe she was back. He
couldn't believe a lot of things at that moment. But most of all he
couldn't believe that the gorgeous baby in the photo was his. Even when he
closed his eyes he could still see the baby grinning at him. His baby.
The fluffy blonde hairs just like his mother's but the eyes; the eyes were
his. Suddenly he wanted to know more than what he looked like. He wanted
to know all about him; his name, his favourite food, his favourite colour,
his first words. He wanted to know everything that a father should know
about his son.
Slowly he raised himself from the couch and, grabbing his sons picture from
the floor, he stepped around a surprised Catherine and placed himself on
his chair behind his desk. He sat there for a while looking at the new
photo on his desk before breaking the thick silence.
"What's his name?" The sudden noise caused Catherine to jump and a small
gasp to escape her lips. She stood and turned to him. The scare causing
her to forget his question.
"Sorry?" She spoke it as a question but she meant it in so many ways.
"I asked you what my sons name is." He stated looking at lamp, unable to
meet her eyes.
"Oh, it's Junior, I mean Gilbert Grissom Junior. I could see you in him as
soon as he was born and I thought that even if I couldn't tell you myself
then when he was older he would be able to find you through the name. I've
shown him picture of you since he was born and he knows that you're his
dad." By the time she had finished, the tears were falling again and
Grissom was looking at her, but it was Catherine that could not make eye
contact.
"You should have told me." He stated simply. Most of his earlier anger
disappearing at the sight of her tears. They reminded him that she wasn't
as strong as she liked to think and he remembered just how much he loved
her.
"I know. But I love you so much and I couldn't face you again, I couldn't
speak to you. I thought you didn't want me and that was killing me. I
couldn't bear the sight or sound of you because I thought you didn't love
me. And I thought that if I did tell you then you would have come and got
him and I couldn't let that happen. I was so messed up when I left. I
couldn't think straight. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The tears turned to
sobs. Gil couldn't stand to see her this upset. He didn't want to hurt
her. He never meant to hurt her ever. All he wanted was her and a family.
He had had that once and he let it go. He couldn't do that again. As
angry he was that she hadn't told him, he knew he would be angrier with
himself if he let her go again. She had made a mistake, they both had. He
walked around to her and pulled her to him. She tried to move away but he
held her tighter and she turned and clung to him, her tears soaking his
shirt, his mixing with her hair.
When the sobs had subsided she pulled away and looked up at him. Unsure of
what emotions she would see in his eyes; anger, betrayal, hatred, but all
she saw was love. The same love that had been there only minutes ago in
the breakroom.
He saw her staring at him and couldn't help the smile from forming on his
face. His smile was immediately greeted with one of her own; before she
placed her head back on his chest.
"Can I see him?" It was a question they both knew would come soon, and
even though he knew he shouldn't be, Grissom was scared what the answer
would be.
"Yes." She answered almost immediately. She wanted them to be a family
again just as much as Grissom. "When?" she added.
"Now, straight away." He said, just a quickly.
"But, we are in the middle of a party. We can't just disappear, someone
will wonder where we are."
"We've been gone an hour already and no one has noticed. Come on. We
could go by the door and signal to Lindsey, and then we can go now. Where
are you staying?"
He was already moving around the office grabbing his jacket from the back
of his chair, his keys from his desk and wrapping an arm around her he
guided her out into the corridor before she could even process the
questions.
Whispering that she was staying at her sisters and that was where Junior
was, they headed back towards the break room.
Fortunately Lindsey was sitting on a chair close to the door, and Greg, who
was sitting beside her, was busy talking to another young lab tech.
Slipping silently into the room Catherine tapped her daughter on the
shoulder and placing one finger on her lips and using another to point to
the door where Grissom stood, guided her out into the corridor.
Only one person saw them leave, but he knew they'd be all right if they
were together and he didn't want to interrupt them when they looked happy.
Plus the lab tech next to him was really cute. They wouldn't have wanted
him to miss that opportunity.
The car ride was anything but quiet. Lindsey, filled with a new amount of
excitement at seeing her mother and Grissom together, talked endlessly
filling in Grissom about Miami and upon learning that he knew about her
brother, she was more than happy to tell Gil all about him.
Gil listened as Lindsey told him about her school and her friends and how
she was glad they were back because she had missed everybody. But he
noticed his attention increase when she began to talk about her little
brother; his son. He found out his favourite colour; blue, his favourite
toy; a black beetle at which point Catherine interrupted and stated that
that taste must have come from his father.
"Do you know what his first word was?" It was more of a rhetorical
question than a real one. "He pointed at a picture of you on the
windowsill and said 'dadda', and mum nearly cried." She said it as though
crying about that was really stupid, but Gil understood because his eyes
were full of tears at the mention of it.
Finally they reached the house. They exited o he car and began to walk up
the path towards the door. Suddenly Grissom was stopped. Not by someone
but something. A sudden thought had entered his mind. What if his son
didn't want him? What if he didn't like him? A soft hand squeezing his
brought him back and looking at Catherine she answered his unasked
questions.
"He will like you. He will want you. I promise."
They found their way to the door just as it opened, and a little bundle
threw itself at them.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
A/N: I hope that was long enough. I didn't intend it to be this long but
when I started writing I just couldn't stop the words flowing onto the
page. I don't think that there are many more chapters to come. But then
again I only intended this to be a 3-chapter fic, so I don't know. Please
R&R. Hope you enjoyed it.
- Lindsey Grissom -
"Wha. What? How.? When.?" Grissom spluttered, his gaze never leaving the
picture he now held in his suddenly shaking hand.
"Gil I wanted to tell you, I really did but I couldn't." She spoke quietly
but her voice full of remorse for keeping it from her.
"You couldn't tell me? You couldn't tell me something this important?"
He's voice started out softly but the anger and shock caused it to get
louder with each word.
Trying desperately to hush him before anyone overheard, she dragged him out
of the break room and into his office. Shutting the door, she took a
moment to gaze around at the room she hadn't seen for 2 years. The room
that held so many memories.
Looking to the desk she saw most of those memories captured in the frames
that stood beside the computer screen.
The first was of the day that her and Gil had organised the surprise
birthday party for Lindsey, but as they were both working they had done it
in the break room. Halfway through the night they had noticed the absence
of the birthday girl, and after searching most of the rooms in the
building, had found her curled up in sleep on his coach in the office.
They had grabbed a camera from one of the guests at the party and taken the
picture.
The one beside it was of both her and Lindsey sitting on his desk. Lindsey
was looking at one of his glass jars and she was looking at him behind the
camera.
Another picture was positioned next to the desk lamp. It was of just her;
taken just after her return from Miami, her skin was slightly tanned and
she was holding his favourite spider in the palm of her hand.
The last of all was of all three of them; Lindsey, Gil and her. It had
been taking only a few weeks before she had left. They were all huddled
close together. Gill sitting on his chair, Lindsey on his lap and
Catherine leaning down to them both from behind the chair. They looked so
happy. It looked like nothing could ruin their perfect family. Looking at
the picture, she could almost forget that something did happen, lots of
things and that the perfect family they once had had disappeared.
"When were you going to tell me?" Gils voice broke through the memories.
It wasn't loud, but the anger and betrayal was easily heard.
She looked at him, her mind registering the words but her mouth unable to
produce an answer.
"When? Next year? The year after? When he started asking where his dad
was or weren't you going to tell me at all? Find someone else to be his
dad and forget all about me. Forget that I had a right to know that he
existed. Ignore that the only thing I ever wanted was a child with you."
His voice broke with the last sentence and he collapsed onto the couch, his
head in his hands, the photo slipping to the floor in front of Catherine.
Catherine stayed standing, her hand gripping the desktop to stop her self
from slipping to the floor, tears silently slipping down her cheeks.
She wanted to go to him, to take him in her arms and hold him, to take away
all his pain. But she couldn't, because she was the cause of that pain.
They stayed like that for what seemed like an eternity. Lost in thought.
Catherine now sat on the floor, her back pressed against the wooden desk,
her eyes never ceasing to stare at Gils head, which he still held in his
hands.
He couldn't believe that she had kept this from him. He couldn't believe
she hadn't told him before now. He couldn't believe she was back. He
couldn't believe a lot of things at that moment. But most of all he
couldn't believe that the gorgeous baby in the photo was his. Even when he
closed his eyes he could still see the baby grinning at him. His baby.
The fluffy blonde hairs just like his mother's but the eyes; the eyes were
his. Suddenly he wanted to know more than what he looked like. He wanted
to know all about him; his name, his favourite food, his favourite colour,
his first words. He wanted to know everything that a father should know
about his son.
Slowly he raised himself from the couch and, grabbing his sons picture from
the floor, he stepped around a surprised Catherine and placed himself on
his chair behind his desk. He sat there for a while looking at the new
photo on his desk before breaking the thick silence.
"What's his name?" The sudden noise caused Catherine to jump and a small
gasp to escape her lips. She stood and turned to him. The scare causing
her to forget his question.
"Sorry?" She spoke it as a question but she meant it in so many ways.
"I asked you what my sons name is." He stated looking at lamp, unable to
meet her eyes.
"Oh, it's Junior, I mean Gilbert Grissom Junior. I could see you in him as
soon as he was born and I thought that even if I couldn't tell you myself
then when he was older he would be able to find you through the name. I've
shown him picture of you since he was born and he knows that you're his
dad." By the time she had finished, the tears were falling again and
Grissom was looking at her, but it was Catherine that could not make eye
contact.
"You should have told me." He stated simply. Most of his earlier anger
disappearing at the sight of her tears. They reminded him that she wasn't
as strong as she liked to think and he remembered just how much he loved
her.
"I know. But I love you so much and I couldn't face you again, I couldn't
speak to you. I thought you didn't want me and that was killing me. I
couldn't bear the sight or sound of you because I thought you didn't love
me. And I thought that if I did tell you then you would have come and got
him and I couldn't let that happen. I was so messed up when I left. I
couldn't think straight. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." The tears turned to
sobs. Gil couldn't stand to see her this upset. He didn't want to hurt
her. He never meant to hurt her ever. All he wanted was her and a family.
He had had that once and he let it go. He couldn't do that again. As
angry he was that she hadn't told him, he knew he would be angrier with
himself if he let her go again. She had made a mistake, they both had. He
walked around to her and pulled her to him. She tried to move away but he
held her tighter and she turned and clung to him, her tears soaking his
shirt, his mixing with her hair.
When the sobs had subsided she pulled away and looked up at him. Unsure of
what emotions she would see in his eyes; anger, betrayal, hatred, but all
she saw was love. The same love that had been there only minutes ago in
the breakroom.
He saw her staring at him and couldn't help the smile from forming on his
face. His smile was immediately greeted with one of her own; before she
placed her head back on his chest.
"Can I see him?" It was a question they both knew would come soon, and
even though he knew he shouldn't be, Grissom was scared what the answer
would be.
"Yes." She answered almost immediately. She wanted them to be a family
again just as much as Grissom. "When?" she added.
"Now, straight away." He said, just a quickly.
"But, we are in the middle of a party. We can't just disappear, someone
will wonder where we are."
"We've been gone an hour already and no one has noticed. Come on. We
could go by the door and signal to Lindsey, and then we can go now. Where
are you staying?"
He was already moving around the office grabbing his jacket from the back
of his chair, his keys from his desk and wrapping an arm around her he
guided her out into the corridor before she could even process the
questions.
Whispering that she was staying at her sisters and that was where Junior
was, they headed back towards the break room.
Fortunately Lindsey was sitting on a chair close to the door, and Greg, who
was sitting beside her, was busy talking to another young lab tech.
Slipping silently into the room Catherine tapped her daughter on the
shoulder and placing one finger on her lips and using another to point to
the door where Grissom stood, guided her out into the corridor.
Only one person saw them leave, but he knew they'd be all right if they
were together and he didn't want to interrupt them when they looked happy.
Plus the lab tech next to him was really cute. They wouldn't have wanted
him to miss that opportunity.
The car ride was anything but quiet. Lindsey, filled with a new amount of
excitement at seeing her mother and Grissom together, talked endlessly
filling in Grissom about Miami and upon learning that he knew about her
brother, she was more than happy to tell Gil all about him.
Gil listened as Lindsey told him about her school and her friends and how
she was glad they were back because she had missed everybody. But he
noticed his attention increase when she began to talk about her little
brother; his son. He found out his favourite colour; blue, his favourite
toy; a black beetle at which point Catherine interrupted and stated that
that taste must have come from his father.
"Do you know what his first word was?" It was more of a rhetorical
question than a real one. "He pointed at a picture of you on the
windowsill and said 'dadda', and mum nearly cried." She said it as though
crying about that was really stupid, but Gil understood because his eyes
were full of tears at the mention of it.
Finally they reached the house. They exited o he car and began to walk up
the path towards the door. Suddenly Grissom was stopped. Not by someone
but something. A sudden thought had entered his mind. What if his son
didn't want him? What if he didn't like him? A soft hand squeezing his
brought him back and looking at Catherine she answered his unasked
questions.
"He will like you. He will want you. I promise."
They found their way to the door just as it opened, and a little bundle
threw itself at them.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
A/N: I hope that was long enough. I didn't intend it to be this long but
when I started writing I just couldn't stop the words flowing onto the
page. I don't think that there are many more chapters to come. But then
again I only intended this to be a 3-chapter fic, so I don't know. Please
R&R. Hope you enjoyed it.
- Lindsey Grissom -