Paige Michalchuck awoke to the sound of the ringing telephone downstairs.

"Paige, it's for you!" Mrs. Michalchuck yelled. "Paige! It's Hazel. I'm not calling you again."

Paige still half asleep wandered her way to the phone. "Ugh my head," she thought.

"Paige! It's Hazel! Why didn't you call me?"

"Uhh.. what?"

"Oh Paige! Don't play stupid with me. Come on girl, I want details!"

"Details of wha...." Paige said as she dropped the phone just as memories from the previous night came cascading back. The memories overpowered the sound of the empty dial tone from Hazel as the night replayed itself.

"Dean..slow! Dean, I said slow! What is your problem?"

"Shhhhh...it's okay...everything's okay.."

"DEAN! Stop it!! Please! Don't!! No, no DEAN ..please!!! Dean! NO! Stop! Please….don't do this… no.."

The events of what should have been the perfect evening became clearer and clearer to Paige as she lay on her bed, reliving every little moment.

"Oh God," Paige said breaking out in sobs. "I can't do this... I just, I can't!" The scene did not make sense to Paige. Everything was suppose to be perfect. The perfect outfit, the perfect hair, the perfect shoes, the perfect night, the perfect party, and the perfect guy. Paige made a conscience decision to never let anyone know about the slut she was. Not Hazel, not Dylan, not Terri, not Ash, and definitely not Spinner.

School on Monday was looking pretty bleak for Paige. She promised herself that she was going to act normal. No one could ever, ever know what happened. The sound of the alarm clock ripped through her. Pain shot through her body as she sat up. She chose sweats to wear to school and threw her hair up in a messy bun. "No make up today," she thought to herself.

"Paige, hun there's muffins on the table, hurry if you want a ride to school," her mom shouted from downstairs.

"I think I'll walk Mom."

"Paige are you feeling alright?" her mom questioned.

"I'M FINE MOTHER!" Paige protested forcefully.

But Paige was not fine. As much as she wanted to believe she was she knew deep down things were never going to be the same. "If I hadn't been such a slut, I wouldn't have went to the party over Spinner. I got what I deserved. I got what I wanted. It's all my fault. I hate myself!" Paige thought in despair.

The what if thoughts ran through her mind as she walked to school. What if she didn't cheer that day? What if she didn't meet Dean? What if she hadn't talked to him? What if she didn't fall for his charm? What if she didn't ditch Spinner? What if she didn't go to the party? What if she didn't drink? What if she didn't ask him to go upstairs?

"What if I didn't ask him to go upstairs?" Paige thought to herself. This thought stuck with her. It made it clear to her that whatever happened up there was her own fault.

"Paige! Did you sleep in today?" Hazel asked.

"Uhh.. yeah ha..ha silly me.. emm.. yeah what's up?" Paige said as she forced a smile.

"Don't ask me questions Paige! I want to know what happened.." Hazel mumbled as she saw Spinner comming around the corner.

"Happened where?" Spinner asked obviously annoyed.

"No where Spin, girl talk, you understand...right?" Hazel asked.

"Right, I understand a lot more then you think I do," Spinner said directly towards Paige. A nervous chill shot down Paige's spin.

"He knows!" Paige said to herself forgetting about the girl standing next to her.

"Know's what? Come on Paige! Don't keep me guessing! I deserve to know!"

"What do you want to know? Huh? What exactly is it that you want to know?" Paige said realizing she sounded off base.

"Well, sweetie, I'm not stupid. You totally ditched me at the party and disappeared with Dean. Soooo come on girlie what happened? I want to know everything!"

"Nothing happened!!!"

"Paige........I'm your best friend right?"

"Right."

"And best friends tell each other everything, right?"

"Right."

"So, what happened? Did you like... you know?"

"Yeah, Hazel, yeah.. you're right, we did."

"PAIGE!!! WOW!! This is amazing! He is amazing! I'm so happy for you! Soo... tell me when's the next date?"

"NEVER!" Paige screamed as she stormed off leaving Hazel left even more confused.

Paige tried hard to act as though nothing was wrong, but people annoyed her so much. The happy couples in the hall irritated her. "How can they be so happy?' Paige wondered. Monday went painfully slow. Part of her wanted to scream, "I DIDN'T DO MY HOMEWORK BECAUSE I WAS TOO BUSY BEING A SLUT THIS WEEKEND!!!" when teachers confronted her about her missing homework. Lunch, her only plan to escape the madness of teachers, came and went. Paige sat on the Degrassi front steps that period. Hazel asked what was wrong and she only replied she didn't feel that great. Little did Hazel know that physical and emotional pain was ripping Paige to shreds inside. Paige could feel Dean. Feel every part of him, pushing down on her, holding her there. She could feel him inside of her and she couldn't stand it. She could hear his voice inside her head, threatening her. Telling her they were having fun and she better not think of it any other way. She could see him constantly, see the pure evil his eyes. The same eyes she once thought were mystifying and intriguing. She hated what had happened and what he made her do, but more importantly she hated herself and how she let it happen. She knew it was all her fault and nothing was going to change that feeling.

Paige stared emotionless into her locker. Dylan saw his little sister and ran up behind her. Paige was unaware when Dylan stood behind her ready to grab her.

"DEAN! Noo..." she screamed, not realizing it was her own brother touching her.

"Dean? No, it's Dylan, remember? D-y-l-a-n. Dyyyylllaaaannn," he said sounding out his name, "Who's Dean anyways?"

"No one.."

"Oh don't tell me, my little sister has fallen in love, again. And your every thought is completely consumed with this guy. Right?"

"Something like that," Paige said with a nervous giggle, still trying to realize it was only Dylan and Dean was not coming after her. Dylan laughed and walked away. For a gay guy he surely knew a lot about emotions and love. Or so he liked to think. He tried to stay out of his younger sister's love affairs, but he felt this was too easy to pass up. Paige and Dylan had a good relationship. They teased each other, but each one knew everything about the other one. They would stay up late telling secrets, but Paige promised herself, that Dylan would not find out.

"Paige! I need to talk to you!" Spinner's voice echoed in her head. Not now she thought, please Spinner just not now!

"Yeah Spin?"

"Listen, you think you can lie to me? You think you can tell me you love me and go to some other guys party? Because I don't think so! I was there Paige! I saw you! I saw you go upstairs with that guy and not come back down!"

"Spinner... it's not what you think! Please Spin!"

"You're right, it's not what I think. I don't know what I was thinking! I should have saw it coming. I should have assumed you'd be sleeping around with everyone! I even thought you loved me!"

"I do love you!"

"No you don't! You are incapable of loving one single person. You're not satisfied with just one. You want them all! All to yourself!"

"Spin, why were you there then? We both screwed up Spin! Okay?"

"No, not okay! I was there with Jimmy! You are the only one who screwed up!" Spinner said angrily. He walked away leaving Paige in a puddle of her own emotions.

"He's right. I am the only one who screwed up!"