To Go, Please
Chapter 12: Into the Fire
Rating: PG13
Author: Adrial
E-mail: To Go, Please
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It was amazing how in the short span of a few seconds--nanoseconds, even--that so many different thoughts raged through my mind, all like flickering beads of light, going faster and faster until they smeared together in one giant, all encompassing blur. Three words. I couldn't believe it, but he'd said them. It was my greatest dream enveloped in my worst nightmare.
The dimmed lights in my apartment shadowed my face and the threatening tears clouding my vision. Our slow and deliberate breaths were the only sound present outside of the bubble we had engaged ourselves in.
In my mind, troubled and confused as it was, I felt Zach's presence, heard his heart beating so close to mine, and stared into his eyes, desperately trying to comprehend even a hint of what I was feeling. It was impossible. He was there, forever and unwaveringly there. I, however, was a little hesitant to receive him and the risks involved in doing so.
And to make matters worse, I knew in my heart that I hadn't severed the last string I had connecting me to Urawa. He was still there, coyly digging into the capsules of my heart and stubbornly refusing to just let me go. I wanted now more than ever to break away from him--his face, his memories, good and bad. He was the prisoner of the frame tucked safely away in my closet, and I was the warlock. The key dangled at my side, and yet I still couldn't lock him in his cell where he belonged.
And here was Zach. He had brought me back to life, a life that I'd never dreamed I'd live, given me hope, affection, and now love, a love so tangible in his eyes as they bore into mine that I could barely breathe around it. I held no secrets from him, except the one that could destroy everything we had and could ever have together.
I could have screamed, brutally and atrociously bellowed from the bottom of my soul to rattle and strain my vocal chords until my cries broke and shattered around me. I was so frustrated with myself.
Zach squeezed my hand, partly, I was sure, to make sure I hadn't gone into shock. I wasn't sure he was all too convinced by the tear-filled gaze I responded with. "Ami-chan..." And just like that, I was back. Back to reality, back to rationality, back to him.
"Zach...I--"
I stopped. I had no clue what to say. I didn't want to hurt him but I couldn't find the strength to say what I knew he wanted and needed to hear. It was selfish, now that I look back on it, to think that I could so easily put his feelings on hold because I was too cowardly to face what was so blatantly right in front of my face and more so, in my heart.
It seemed that someone was looking out for the well-being of my nerves, because my telephone elicited a ring from across the room, blasting through our bubble without ceremony.
Zach flinched and released my hand. I was still frozen, but he saved me the trouble of moving by leaving my side and walking to the boisterous appliance on the other side of the living room. "Hello?" He answered, averting his eyes from mine."..."
"Yes, she's here, but she's busy at the moment."
"..."
"Now? I thought--"
"..."
He sighed, "Alright. Give us fifteen. Bye." When he turned to me he looked extremely tired, as if he hadn't slept all night, and judging by the way he'd stormed into my apartment and bared his soul, I wasn't all too sure that it wasn't true."W-who was that?" I stuttered. I felt like I hadn't spoken in years.
"Rei," He answered succinctly, "Jason showed up at the temple twenty minutes ago and insisted on ringing the door bell incessantly until her grandfather threatened to call the cops and she had to let him in.
I stared at my hands. "Do they want us to come over now?" It was only 5:30, and we'd decided to meet at 8:00 to talk to all of the guys together.
"Yeah. Matt and Kyle are on their way there now," He clenched and unclenched his hands into loose fists, something he was accustomed to doing in awkward situations.
I was about to ask him to hand me my coat when I realized I was still clad in only my bathrobe. I had the decency to blush. "Um...I need to change. Do you mind waiting?" I rose shakily to find that both of my feet had fallen asleep from my sitting on them for so long. Zach had to leap to catch me from crashing into the coffee table.
"Are you alright?" He asked gently and helped me stand once again. It was all I could do not to crumble in his arms like a broken doll, but I had to be strong for now.
"Yes. Th-thank you for catching me." I was horribly formal, and I even felt my stomach lurch at his look of descrepancy. "I'll always catch you Ami-chan," He took my hands in his,"I meant what I said."
Before he had the chance to say it again, I uncoiled our fingers and turned around. "I'll only take a few minutes."
I could only imagine the hurt that must have been flashing in his eyes at the moment, but I didn't have to stretch my mind too far. The same pain stabbed my own chest as I used every ounce of will power to make it down the hall and into my bedroom.
The short ride to Rei's home felt like an eternity to me. Zach and I sat in total silence. He had every right to be furious with me for being so reserved when he was wearing his heart on his sleeve, but the hand he kept wrapped around my own as he drove ensured me that he had no intentions of drawing it back. I knew I couldn't count on him to wait forever, though, and as we ascended the temple's steps I squeezed his hand tightly, hoping that he'd take it as a sign that I wasn't totally out of the game just yet.
The front door opened just as Zach had reached his hand to knock, revealing an extremely frazzled Darien. His hair and clothes were tousled, and his eyes were frantic. He took two seconds to absorb our presence before speaking.
"I'm assuming you two have already discussed this?" He asked around labored breaths.Zach and I nodded silently. Darien's eyes lit up. "Thank God. I need reinforcements. Jason and Matt have been all over me ever since they got here." He stood back to let us in, "Rei and the others are hiding out in her bedroom, thus leaving the lone warrior, me, to defend them." Zach took both of our jackets and threw them across the back of Rei's couch.
"What about Kyle?" Darien rolled his eyes and pointed to the kitchen. There, Kyle sat with Luna and Artemis calmly devouring half a box of pizza and looking absolutely content in doing so.
"What's up?" He waved a hand idly when he realized he was being observed. Zach smirked, and Darien flipped Kyle off. I had never seen him so unraveled before. But, judging by the scuff marks on Rei's wooden floor and the disarrayed living room that barely resembled the semi-orderly place I'd left mere hours ago, I couldn't blame him. "Alright. Let's get those idiots outta there," Zach sighed and followed Darien down a hallway. After they'd disappeared around the corner, I pulled up a stool next to Kyle at the breakfast bar. "Slice?" He held up a thick piece of pepperoni/cheese goop, and I couldn't help but oblige. I hadn't eaten in 24 hours, anyways. I could indulge this once. As I ravenously devoured the food, Luna strided over next to my side. "Well?" I furrowed my brow and took a few seconds to chew and swallow; Kyle was still eating his pizza as peaceful as he could be, and I wondered if his hearing was off."U-um, Luna," I nodded sharply to my left towards Kyle and she stared at me as if I wasn't stating my point.
"Yes, I see him, Ami, and..." She paused and then jerked to attention, "Oh! Oh, Ami, dear, Artemis and I have had plenty of time to get acquainted with Mr. Madison while those two-two-boys," she shuddered and looked about as disgusted as a mother who'd found out her sons had been TPing the neighbor's house, "Well, anyhow, he's up to speed on Artemis and I."I cast an inquisitive look towards Kyle, and he shrugged.
"My girlfriend's a sailor senshi from 1000 years ago, two talking cats are nothing to me now," He flashed his trademark barely-a-smile-but-still-a-smile and took another slice from the box.He seemed entirely unphased by the whole ordeal, and I had to commend him for taking it so well. The last thing Mina needed was Kyle breathing down her neck about something she had no intention of stopping on top of all the guilt she was dealing with.
Luna looked unconvinced and leaned close to my ear to whisper, "You should have seen his face. Darien had to give him the hemlic when he nearly choked on his pizza; Artemis was in stitches."
I stifled a chuckle and finished off my piece at a speed Usagi would have been proud of.
"So, as I was saying," Luna began, "Well...?"
"What?"
She frowned, "Well, how did it go?"
I knew perfectly well what she was asking, but I really didn't feel like discussing 'it' at the moment. "Fine." It was all I was willing to give up, and she looked curiously into my eyes for a second before turning around again.
"I suppose you were lucky then. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumber have been wreaking havoc on those poor girls incessantly all afternoon long. I've never seen such immaturity in grown young men in all my years," She scolded in her Luna-like way, and I let Artemis do the 'nod and agree' thing while I started on my second slice.
As I was wiping off the last traces of sauce from my lips, the sounds of shuffling footsteps approached.
"You better eat more now if you want it. Jason and Matt eat like beasts after they're done annoying the hell out of undeserving citizens," He offered a loose smile, and I laughed a little.
"Get in there and SIT." Darien and Zach had entered the doorway, each lugging a frazzled Matt and red-faced Jason into the dining room.
Jason threw Zach's hand from its lethal grip on his shoulder, "When I tell your mom you ripped a hole in this shirt she's gonna have your ass in a sling," He grumbled pathetically and plopped down beside Kyle.
Zach scoffed, "That's the shirt Nana gave you for Christmas last year, and when you tell YOUR mom that YOU ripped a hole in it, she's gonna be serving YOU for Christmas dinner."
Darien cleared his throat after Jason had finished flipping Zach off sufficiently enough, "Alright ladies," He flung Matt loose and watched him with a smug smile as he gingerly massaged the shoulder Darien had been tugging along him like a rag doll with, "Are we ready to calm down now or do we need to have nap time or something?"
Jason tried to growl some unintelligible phrase at Darien but nearly choked on the mouthful of cheese he'd shoved down his throat in a rage. He settled on throwing a fake orange at his head from Rei's fruit basket. Darien dodged the projectile fruit and it bounced harmlessly into the living room.
He laughed bemusedly, "Hey, save it for your girlfriend, Ronweld, or I'll take you outside right now and--"
"And do what, Darien?" Rei appeared in the threshold with her hands placed firmly upon her hips in a decidedly Rei fasion. Darien flashed a boyish grin to her lethal glare and backed away from Jason. "Rei-chan, you're looking lovely today."
"Save it, Chiba, or I'll take you outside," She glared.
"Alright! That's my woman, always taking up for her man," Jason proudly exclaimed, slinging an arm around Rei's shoulders. I had to admit, Jason sure had guts. I wasn't sure it was going to save him from Rei's wrath, however.
She lurched his arm away from her like it was on fire and punched him square in the shoulder.
"You broke my grandfather's door, you ass!" She continued to rain blows on him until he was backed into a corner and crying for help.
The rest of us pretended we could suddenly hear and see nothing and Usagi led the other girls into the room. Usagi limped over to Darien's arms and instantly went about checking him for any injuries. She fretted over a minute scratch above his eye for five minutes before he could get her to back off without making her cry. "
Usa, I'm fine, really," He assured her for the umpteenth time. Makoto and Minako had squeezed past the couple and seated themselves at the table beside me.
Matt, having realized how idiotic he had acted in the past hour or so followed suit with his head bowed. Makoto refused to even look at him, stubbornly keeping her nose in the air. By then Rei had Jason in a head lock, and we were still pretending to be blind, deaf and dumb.
I had already retrieved my mini-computer. I wanted to be prepared to upload any data or saved information from previous meetings should the guys have any questions that required outside help.Luna and Artemis were perched on the edge of the table watching Rei and Jason go at it as if it were a cage match in the WWE, and Kyle flipped open another box of pizza. I guessed it was up to me to get things in order.
"Ahem, excuse me." I tried once. "AHEM, minna?" Twice. "If you could just settle down for a moment..." Snap. "QUIET!!!"Everyone completely halted. Rei's fist was in mid-air, a mere inch or two from Jason's scrunched up face, and she was breathing heavily. "Damn," Matt declared, open-mouthed and gaping at me as if I had grown an extra head.
I blushed profusely, embarrassed at my outburst, but happy with its reaction. "Yes, ahem, now that I have your attention, I believe you all have some questions you'd like answered about the five of us girls?" "And guys." Darien quipped. I nodded compliantly and added, "Yes, and guys." Rei let Jason drop to the floor like a sack of potatoes and pulled a chair out from the table. She sat and Usagi and Darien followed suit. "Thank you Ami, I believe we'll take it from here," Luna began and would have continued had the three men who hadn't had time get 'acquainted' with the talking felines not gone into conniptions. "Holy shit!" "Did that cat just--?!" "I can't believe this is--!" "You're all psycho aren't you? You're all completely, friggin' nuts," Jason laughed manically, the combination of repeated blows to his head and a talking cat did little to enhance his thought process. "Oh, shut up," Rei grumbled. And that was how it all began. Luna had a little trouble explaining her ability to speak and Artemis, the poor guy, had to introduce himself to the already shell-shocked men and submit to more bewildered exclamations before we even began to get to the real issue of the night. That part wasn't too difficult with the help of Usagi's patient understanding as the guys, namely Jason, asked question after question after question...and so on. "No, Jason, we can not mentally shorten the length of our skirts. But thank you for asking," Usagi added with a strained smile. She was tired, and so was everyone else after the two hour long discussion. Rei didn't even lift a hand to thwack Jason for his decidedly male inquiries. By nine 'o clock our eyes were hanging from their sockets from lack of energy and the guys were still bright-eyed with questions. I kept a half-vigil on Zach throughout as he remained peculiarly silent. Darien was half asleep on the table and when he let out a jaw-splitting yawn, we knew it was time to wrap it up. "Wow," Jason breathed and turned to Rei with new appreciation, "This sailor thing is so hot. Hey, can I get a picture and show it to the basketball team? Oh, man, they'd never believe I was dating a sailor senshi!" He laughed at the possibility, and Rei rose from her seat. "NO!" Luna exclaimed, "Absolutely under no circumstances should any of you tell ANYone about the senshi's identities. Their lives and yours could be in mortal danger if such information were to reach the wrong ears. We are trusting you with this information not by choice but because you are quickly becoming a major part of our senshi's lives and we see no reason why you should not be considered trustworthy. However, if you choose to break this trust, the consequences will be dire."
The gravity of Luna's words nearly crushed us all as she stared down each of the guys with steeled eyes.
Kyle, Matt, and Zach nodded succinctly, and Jason, though quivering slightly from shock at being scolded by a five pound cat, nodded as well, accepting their responsibility to us willingly. "Yep, well, on that note, I think it's time for a little R&R. Ami and I have an anatomy final to study for tomorrow." Darien raised a charming smile at me which basically told me I'd end up doing the studying and he'd copy my notes while talking lovey-dovey to Usagi on the telephone. "If you have any more questions, feel free to ask," Luna said as she and Artmeis prepared to leave. Jason lifted his hand into the air to wave them goodbye but stopped halfway, feeling supremely stupid for waving to a cat. "You'll get used to them eventually," Usagi shrugged, taking the proffered jacket and arm from Darien as he helped her towards the front door. I slipped my mini computer back into my pocket and slid out from the table, excusing myself to the restroom. After I'd finished, I was startled to find Zach waiting for me in the hallway. He covered my lips with his hand before I could say anything. "Just promise me you won't shut me completely out, Ami-chan." He seemed like he was pleading with me, as if I really had the power to worry him that deeply. I shook my head to uncover my lips, but he continued, "Promise me, please, Ami-chan." I stared into his eyes for a long time before I finally nodded and he uncovered my mouth. He replaced his fingers with his own lips and left before I could even realize he'd gone. When I had returned to the dining room, everyone had left. Rei was sitting in the living room, staring dazedly into space as I walked towards her to tell her goodbye. "Rei-chan? I'm leaving now..." I started, but she instantly snapped back into reality. "Oh, wait, Ami-chan!" She grabbed my wrist and stood, "I wanted to do a fire reading while I'm still focused on this new enemy, and I was hoping you wouldn't mind sticking around and watching," She gestured towards the hall that led to the sacred fire, and I internally sighed. I knew this was her way of asking if she could see if there were any inky negaworms inhabiting my body without freaking me out. Truth be told, I was utterly exhausted and had no real desire to sit in front of the fire for any amount of time, but Rei's eyes urged me silently and I relented. "Alright.""Now, focus on the flames, Ami-chan. It's not hard at all," Rei's eyes were shut over her amethyst orbs and she held my hands in her own, uttering foreign words through barely parted lips. I swallowed deeply, having no real clue what to do when speaking to the Great Fire, but I took a deep breath and closed my eyes slowly. The heat of the fire was so intense on my skin that I felt as if my insides were boiling beneath it; sweat poured steadily down my cheeks and stung my eyes. I tried not to focus on the impact of the flames but rather the energy I felt from them. Rei's grip on my hands tightened and her utterances rose in volume, emblazoned with a power I'd never experienced from her before. I dug deep into the feelings around me, waiting to hear the voices Rei was speaking to, and the blanket of scalding heat enveloping me subsided gradually until I felt comfortable in its presence. My eyes quivered from being shut too long, and I continued to take deep, heavy breaths. I could no longer feel Rei's hands in my own; my heart beat raced forcibly in my chest.
"Into the fire, into the fire..."
I swallowed, straining to hear the whispers that seemed to come to me from behind a wall. The urge to open my eyes overwhelmed me and I lifted my lids cautiously.
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2/15/04 (long time ago, eh?)
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AN: Yeah, the formatting sucked at the end, but i spent a half hour trying to fix it on this stupid site and it STILL wouldn't cooperate. Sorry for the inconvenience!
PS: Hope you liked! REVIEW--It's good for the soul ;-)ciao!
Adrial