Okay, this is what happens when I decide I'm bored. Never a good thing apparently. . Oh, and if you don't like parody/humor fics that do not portray characters correctly, etcetera, I suggest you stop reading now.
Disclaimer: I don't own the charas. I happen to be female and consequentially cannot be J.R.R. Tolkein. Darn. I do own everything else except the muumuu, which I 'borrowed' from a random old person. . What's that leave me with you may ask. I'll tell you- absolutely nothing!
On with the story!
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"Finally I have fooled Annie!" shouted Gandalf triumphantly, wearing a hot pink muumuu. (Actually he hadn't, he just thought he had. Annie is a bit harder to fool than you might think. O.o) Successfully announcing this he proceeded to evil laugh by evil laughing backwards, "AHAHAHAHAUM." It ended up strangely sounding like a goat, which Legolas normally would have found amusing. However, when Gandalf laughed like that it sounded quite menacing. More menacing than anything he'd ever heard, Legolas thought. So he backed away slowly, looking around shiftily. "Psst... [whisper, whisper]... give you a cookie..." "Okay!" Gandalf grinned, and then skipped away happily, still laughing in his peculiar fashion. "That's a relief," muttered the elf.
Frodo watched from a nearby tree. "Why that little creep! I oughta-... Oomph!" The ring bearer fell unceremoniously to the ground, still muttering. "Thought he could out do me, did he? Well, we'll see who's going to make the most exciting announcement...We'll see..." (Should we be worried?)
Before we go on any further, I would like to explain something: walking and trying to hide from orcs and such just isn't very exciting after a while. Oh sure, it might seem glamorous at first, but you get sick of it after the fifteen or so near miss with an arrow. Anyways, to alleviate the boredom, Frodo had started trying to make exciting and/or surprising announcements. One time, he said he was going to dye his eyebrows blonde, and another time he told them he was going to swallow a watermelon whole. Of course he did neither, but that's not the point. Gandalf, feeling the need to be better at everything decided to start doing this too. The only difference was that all of his announcements were true, or at least he thought they were. Like this one time... [Skips a few pages of unimportant junk. Or rather, more unimportant junk.] ...Thus sprung up a rather nasty rivalry between Gandalf the Pink and Frodo Fibbins.
Continuing on. At exactly 9:34 Frodo made his announcement, like he had been for the past forever. For not having a watch, he had impeccable timing. 'Hah! This'll beat Gandalf!' he thought to himself. (Not obsessive at all are we?) Clearing his throat slightly, he began his announcement. "Testing, 1, 2, 3. Testing, 1, 2, 3. Is this thing on?" The hobbit tapped the invisible Mike and a squeal of protest could be heard from the poor man. "Terribly sorry, I was trying to tap the microphone. Awful eyesight in daylight, you know. It's from living underground and digging all those tunnels." "I thought that was moles?" "Eh... We hobbits are closely related to them- second cousins on the mother's side." He laughed nervously. "Anyways, I wanted to announce something." An audible 'imagine that' is heard. "Ahem. AS I WAS SAYING, I'm going to shave my hair into a mohawk!"
Everyone stared at him blankly for a second before returning back to the usual business of singing random opera songs to scare the orcs away, completely un-phased. After all, he hadn't done any of the other things he had said he would do, so why would he actually do this? (You would think this is when they start worrying about the whole quest to get rid of the ring, but NooOOoo. Idiots.)
In fact, they were much more concerned when Gandalf came up, still laughing peculiarly, and stole Pippin's accordion, yet another device made to make orcs think twice about coming up and attacking you. Before the victim could react, he ran off playing Mary Had a Little Lamb, singing Phantom of the Opera (well at least the orcs won't bother him), evil laughing by evil laughing backwards, and doing an odd Irish jig type thing. Oh, and I forgot rubbing his head and patting his tummy. If there is one word to describe these actions, it would be 'difficult,' at least when done together. But Gandalf is Gandalf, and he has the muumuu; he can do these types of things.
Naturally, Pippin was upset, and naturally he ran after the rampant wizard, shaking his fists. Unfortunately, before he could catch that foul creature (yes we are still talking about Gandalf) he was frozen by shock. In front of him stood Frodo, who had indeed not shaved his hair into a mohawk, but into a kind of reversed one. Popping out of a mole hole (having just visited his second cousin), Merry too was shocked.
After a minute of staring with his mouth agape and then 5 more, Merry finally spoke. "I like it! [Insert squeal here.] Can you shave mine into one? Please, oh pretty please? What about you, Pip? Don't you want one?" Put on the spot like that, he could only think of one response, "Wind in the sails." Merry and Frodo both took that as a yes. "We-ell," said Frodo, "I don't think it would be good if we all had the same hairstyle, but I think I have a plan..."
What could this maniacal plan of Frodo's be? What is Gandalf being bribed to do? Tune in next time to possibly find these answers and if you're lucky many, many more that may interest you, but then again may not, being of absolutely no importance.
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Thank you for reading the whole thing! (Or I will assume you did if you are reading this. If not you're just odd. You are supposed to read from top to bottom, don't ya know?) . I have a last favor to ask; that you please, please, please [insert a ton of pleases] review! Constructive criticism is welcome, in fact I encourage it. Good, bad, too long, too short, all that. I do ask no flames though! Otherwise, all reviews welcome! I would especially appreciate any ideas you may be willing to share with me! All reviewers get a cookie, even if it doesn't exist in this plane of existence or anywhere for that matter!
Thank You Much! - DarkSaiph