Chapter 8 ~ No One Needs To Know
Half an hour later found her walking around the lake with a boy who reminded her so much of Lucius that she could hardly remember not to call him by that name. Neither said a word until they were on the other side of the lake.
"I had a letter this morning that I thought you'd want to see," he whispered suddenly, handing her an opened envelope. Muriel recognized the precise lettering immediately.
Fixing him with a searching stare, she opened the letter.
"My Son, I have been informed that you are to be included in the next adventure. It will occur over the Christmas Holidays. He is anxious that you should be involved. You are to pack all your things for this trip home. Do not leave anything behind. HoH informs me that another ally has recently been employed at Hogwarts. She will help you to gather the following items. Regards."
A second sheet revealed a list of potions ingredients, and Muriel read through them, snorting.
"Well. Lucius remembers me. How flattering." She looked at Draco's wary face and tried to smile. Her mind was racing. How could Lucius think she was an ally? And why would Severus have mentioned her presence to him at all?
She turned abruptly and began walking back toward the castle. She was halfway there when she stopped abruptly, understanding. Someone must have seen her take Wormtail, and Lucius must have ASKED Severus about her. Damn, that would complicate things.
Draco had followed her silently, and was gazing at her intently when she stopped, only to start again, her steps leading them swiftly toward the dungeons. "You aren't going to send him what he wants, are you?" Draco asked incredulously as she began hastily pulling the requested ingredients out of the storeroom.
He hadn't dared NOT to go to her for help, considering his father's letter, but he'd been relieved when Dumbledore had contacted Lupin to find her. That meant she was staying at the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. Now, he felt his relief draining away as he watched her prepare to send Snape and his father what they'd requested. He barely realized just how concerned he was becoming when she spoke again and he felt the knot of fear in his stomach release.
"I'm not going to send him YOU, but if I'm supposed to be on their side, then I'd best make a concession here and there, hadn't I?"
Draco didn't know what to think. Professor Deesia had obviously fooled his father into thinking she supported Voldemort. The only other explanation for that letter was an impossibility: That Lucius knew Deesia didn't support Voldemort, but wanted Draco with her anyway.
Muriel was thinking along the same lines, though with a bit more experience to guide her. Lucius had always known and would always know what she thought of Riddle. He must have figured out where Draco had spent last summer; something she'd only just gleaned from the boy's mind herself. She recognized the letter as his plea for her to watch over Draco and try to keep him out of mischief. What else could it be?
She dismissed Draco with a distracted order NOT to leave Hogwart's grounds for any reason, and bundled the requested items up for delivery, trying to decide whether or not to write back. In the end, she deemed it too risky. Lucius had a reputation to protect, and there was little doubt that if she endangered that, he would try to kill her. Especially considering that a loss of reputation with the Dark Lord could often result in one's own death.
Now, at least, she knew when Riddle's plan would come to a head. After swearing him to secrecy as to where it had come from, she left the letter with Dumbledore.
It was less than a week later when she came upon an interesting scene between classes in the hallway. Ron Weasley had his wand in the air, pointing it steadily at Draco's head. Harry and Hermione were also present, standing behind Ron with angry expressions.
"Mr. Weasley?" she said, in her best impression of Severus. "Might I ask why you are about to hex Draco?" She saw the young Malfoy smirking out of the corner of her eye as Ron turned to face her. All the boys were taller than she was, but only Draco looked at ease.
"He called Hermione a mud blood again," Ron said savagely.
Muriel smirked, turning to the pretty girl. "Miss Granger, are your parents, in fact, muggles?" she asked, making all the boys gape at her. Even Draco, unsure of her allegiance, hadn't thought she'd insult Hermione. The girl only nodded. Muriel noted that Ron seemed far more upset than Hermione did. That answered that question.
"I see. Miss Granger, are you not the most powerful witch in the 6th year class?" Hermione blinked at the short brunette stupidly. Gryffindor modesty, Mur supposed. She stifled a sigh. Why were Gryffindor boys so conceited when the girls were always so modest?
"Perhaps you can answer for her, Mr. Weasley?"
"Of course she is! She can do every spell we've ever learned!" he spat angrily.
"And yet you do not feel that she is capable of defending herself against a little INSULT?" Mur asked scathingly. "30 points from Gryffindor for disrespecting Miss Granger, Weasley, and detention tomorrow night in my office." She waited as Ron sputtered, watching the look on Hermione's face change to discreet satisfaction. No one liked to be treated like a porcelain doll. When he finally fell silent, glaring at her angrily, she turned to Draco.
"Care to explain why you insulted Hermione?" she asked calmly. Draco's smirk fell away abruptly.
"I only say it to get a rise out of Weasley," he mumbled quietly.
"So I gathered. 30 points from Slytherin for choosing your battles so poorly. If you want to duel Weasley that badly, then you may do so tomorrow night, during detention." Draco nodded. "Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter, you are dismissed." For a moment she thought Ron might protest, but Harry pulled him away insistently. No one wants to incur the wrath of the person who tries daily to invade his mind.
Muriel turned back to Hermione and Draco, both of whom were looking anywhere but at each other. She waited. When Draco finally looked up at her, she raised an eyebrow.
His eyes widened when he understood what she wanted. His father had long since taught him that a Malfoy doesn't have to apologize for anything. It was like "please," and "thank you," it just WASN'T DONE.
Reading his thoughts, Muriel smirked at him and her eyes seemed to bore into his as she sent him back a thought of her own. 'Your father thanked me for something once.' She saw his look of surprise and raised her eyebrow again, nodding toward Hermione, who was still looking at the floor.
"I'm sorry I called you a mudblood," he said grudgingly, looking at the girl in front of him. "If you'll promise not to call me a ferret anymore, I'll come up with a better way to get at Weasley." Muriel smiled behind her hand. That was by far the best compromise she had ever heard from a Malfoy. It was, perhaps, the ONLY compromise she'd ever heard from a Malfoy. She headed to lunch quietly. They could work it out, now. Hermione was a good deal more level headed than the Gryffindor boys would ever be.
The days that followed went by smoothly, though a growing knot of tension developed in Muriel's stomach. Nights found her sitting by the fire with Remus, and mornings found her avoiding Sirius' angry glares by eating at Hogwarts.
Finally, when he was tired of being ignored, she found him sitting in front of the only fireplace in the house that was connected to the floo network. She was on her way to the school, nearly two hours before classes, and it was getting too cold to make the walk from Hogsmeade every day.
"Didn't think you were much of a morning person, Black," she said carefully, wondering if he was only blocking her way so that he could start another fight.
"Yes, well, I start teaching Potions classes today, so I thought I'd join you for breakfast." His voice was tight, and his annoyance carefully reigned in. Mur thought that perhaps she could sit through breakfast with him, if he could manage not to explode.
She forced a smile. "Shall we, then?"
It quickly became a ritual. Each morning, he'd wait for her by the fireplace and they would sit together silently at breakfast. At lunch they would talk quietly about Draco and Harry, and what a nightmare 6th year potions classes were. She would tease him a little and tell him they were no trouble at all in her class, which was true. Neither boy dared step out of line in her class; Harry because the Occlumency lessons were difficult enough without an angry teacher, and Draco because he was still partially afraid she'd send him back to his father for the Christmas holiday.
At the end of classes, Muriel would arrive in the dungeons to help Sirius clean up. He had always had a brilliant understanding of potions, though in their youth he'd been too impatient to be any good at actually brewing them. They laughed over the broken cauldrons and spilled goop that didn't resemble any useful potion in existence.
Dinner conversation usually revolved around Gryffindor's prospects on the Quidditch Pitch, or reminiscing about their own days on their respective teams. Muriel liked this part of the day best. Sirius seemed more the arrogant boy she remembered during dinner than any other part of the day. And, Merlin help her, she'd loved that arrogant boy.
But after dinner, when they returned to Grimmauld place, things would always go downhill. Muriel would sit by the fire with her tea, Remus usually sitting across from her. Sirius would feed Buckbeak and try to join them, but he could feel Muriel's growing worry. And each night he would leave the room without speaking, his anger building with the knowledge of how much she cared for Severus Snape. By the time breakfast rolled around, he was sullen and silent again.
Muriel endured it as long as she could. Then one night, she decided to do something about it. He stood in the doorway watching them, and she could feel his presence. "Damn it, Sirius, come in and sit down!" she exclaimed, turning to look at him before he could disappear back upstairs to brood.
"Why? So we can all discuss how upset you are that he's gone?" he asked scathingly, purposely ignoring her use of his given name, rare though that was.
At this, Remus snapped his eyes away from the fire, and spoke before Muriel could reply. "Of course she's upset he's gone. Aren't you? For Merlin's sake, he's staying with Malfoy, EVERYONE'S upset that he's gone."
It wasn't often that Remus was bothered enough to get angry, but when he did it was an interesting sight. He flushed orange in the firelight and his eyes, always the palest shade of brown, gleamed wickedly. Sirius took three swift steps into the room and opened his mouth to reply.
"On second thought," Remus began, cutting him off. "Don't say anything. You'll just dig yourself another hole, and I don't want it to be my fault." He slammed his empty teacup back onto the saucer and stood, trying to push past Sirius and out of the room.
"Moony!" Muriel exclaimed, overcoming her surprise and standing to face them both. "I fight my own battles," she said dangerously. Both men turned to her. Her eyes were tired and for the first time, Sirius noticed how haggard she looked as she walked toward them.
"Make no mistake, boys. When my friends are in danger, I am upset. I'd feel the same about either of you. The difference is that Severus would be around to comfort me, instead of spending his time fighting over some petty form of canine dominance." Her voice was still low, and both were forcibly reminded of her mother's howler in their fourth year. "Try to remember that we're all human, okay, and stop acting like a couple of rabid mutts." The insult hung in the air long after she went up to bed. Finally Remus threw himself back into his chair, his head in his hands, as Sirius followed her upstairs.
The hallway was dark, and when her door creaked open, Muriel reached for her wand, unable to see who entered. She reached out with her mind and felt nothing. The only people who'd ever blocked her entirely were Severus and Remus. And she knew it couldn't be Severus. She put her wand back on the bedside table.
"Moony?" she asked quietly. She scooted into the middle of the bed as he sat down silently. His face was turned toward her, but she couldn't make out his features in the light from the sliver of moon outside. Sirius wasn't sure whether he wanted to be recognized or not, so he remained silent.
"Finally learned how to apologize like a Slytherin, did you? Well, don't worry about it." She sounded amused. "You probably kept me from saying something even worse." His only answer was to turn his eyes toward the window. Finally she spoke again.
"It's no wonder he hates me. Here I am worried about my best friend when he lost Potter so long ago." She heard his intake of breath, but continued anyway, her voice falling to an agonized whisper.
"I could have saved them. I could have saved Lily. And Potter. I'd give every galleon I have to see his arrogant grin again." Already she felt the familiar tears running past her earlobes to soak her pillow. How many times had she cried for them in all these years? She tried to focus her eyes on the ceiling, though the darkness prevented her from seeing it. When she continued, her voice was unsteady and full of grief. "If I'd been here, if I'd had a chance to even be in the same ROOM with Peter, I could have prevented the whole mess."
She fell silent, unwilling to continue in the breaking voice she'd barely recognized. There was no emotion in the air but her own bitter regret. She continued in a whisper. "If I had known it was a choice between sending Sev to Azkaban or sending Sirius there, what would I have done, Moony?" She stifled a gasp as her tears overtook her, but still he made no move. "Severus would never have been able to stay sane in that place. He was never as strong as Sirius. He'd seen too much." She paused again. "What else could I have done?" she asked, knowing there was no answer.
Finally he reached out a hand to wipe away her tears, but she caught his wrist in a tight grip before he touched her. "Please don't," she choked out, releasing him and turning away. "He did that, not long ago, and I'm still memorizing the feel of his hand there, in case it has to last me the next 15 years."
She felt him get up from the bed, then, and determined to hold back the tears until he'd gone. When the door closed behind him, she rolled back over, pulling the spare pillow over her face to muffle the sobs she could no longer control.
Just outside the door, Sirius sank to the floor, his own tears spilling from his eyes. He didn't blame her, had never blamed her for their deaths. He'd only been angry that she'd left him. She was walking around with as much guilt as he, and more than anything he wanted to comfort her. If only he could get his own grief under control, maybe he would.
Remus found him there half an hour later and offered a hand to help him to his feet. He was surprised when Sirius pulled him into a hug before they headed upstairs to find their respective rooms. Sirius had classes to teach again tomorrow, after all, and a routine to get back to.
Half an hour later found her walking around the lake with a boy who reminded her so much of Lucius that she could hardly remember not to call him by that name. Neither said a word until they were on the other side of the lake.
"I had a letter this morning that I thought you'd want to see," he whispered suddenly, handing her an opened envelope. Muriel recognized the precise lettering immediately.
Fixing him with a searching stare, she opened the letter.
"My Son, I have been informed that you are to be included in the next adventure. It will occur over the Christmas Holidays. He is anxious that you should be involved. You are to pack all your things for this trip home. Do not leave anything behind. HoH informs me that another ally has recently been employed at Hogwarts. She will help you to gather the following items. Regards."
A second sheet revealed a list of potions ingredients, and Muriel read through them, snorting.
"Well. Lucius remembers me. How flattering." She looked at Draco's wary face and tried to smile. Her mind was racing. How could Lucius think she was an ally? And why would Severus have mentioned her presence to him at all?
She turned abruptly and began walking back toward the castle. She was halfway there when she stopped abruptly, understanding. Someone must have seen her take Wormtail, and Lucius must have ASKED Severus about her. Damn, that would complicate things.
Draco had followed her silently, and was gazing at her intently when she stopped, only to start again, her steps leading them swiftly toward the dungeons. "You aren't going to send him what he wants, are you?" Draco asked incredulously as she began hastily pulling the requested ingredients out of the storeroom.
He hadn't dared NOT to go to her for help, considering his father's letter, but he'd been relieved when Dumbledore had contacted Lupin to find her. That meant she was staying at the Order of the Phoenix Headquarters. Now, he felt his relief draining away as he watched her prepare to send Snape and his father what they'd requested. He barely realized just how concerned he was becoming when she spoke again and he felt the knot of fear in his stomach release.
"I'm not going to send him YOU, but if I'm supposed to be on their side, then I'd best make a concession here and there, hadn't I?"
Draco didn't know what to think. Professor Deesia had obviously fooled his father into thinking she supported Voldemort. The only other explanation for that letter was an impossibility: That Lucius knew Deesia didn't support Voldemort, but wanted Draco with her anyway.
Muriel was thinking along the same lines, though with a bit more experience to guide her. Lucius had always known and would always know what she thought of Riddle. He must have figured out where Draco had spent last summer; something she'd only just gleaned from the boy's mind herself. She recognized the letter as his plea for her to watch over Draco and try to keep him out of mischief. What else could it be?
She dismissed Draco with a distracted order NOT to leave Hogwart's grounds for any reason, and bundled the requested items up for delivery, trying to decide whether or not to write back. In the end, she deemed it too risky. Lucius had a reputation to protect, and there was little doubt that if she endangered that, he would try to kill her. Especially considering that a loss of reputation with the Dark Lord could often result in one's own death.
Now, at least, she knew when Riddle's plan would come to a head. After swearing him to secrecy as to where it had come from, she left the letter with Dumbledore.
It was less than a week later when she came upon an interesting scene between classes in the hallway. Ron Weasley had his wand in the air, pointing it steadily at Draco's head. Harry and Hermione were also present, standing behind Ron with angry expressions.
"Mr. Weasley?" she said, in her best impression of Severus. "Might I ask why you are about to hex Draco?" She saw the young Malfoy smirking out of the corner of her eye as Ron turned to face her. All the boys were taller than she was, but only Draco looked at ease.
"He called Hermione a mud blood again," Ron said savagely.
Muriel smirked, turning to the pretty girl. "Miss Granger, are your parents, in fact, muggles?" she asked, making all the boys gape at her. Even Draco, unsure of her allegiance, hadn't thought she'd insult Hermione. The girl only nodded. Muriel noted that Ron seemed far more upset than Hermione did. That answered that question.
"I see. Miss Granger, are you not the most powerful witch in the 6th year class?" Hermione blinked at the short brunette stupidly. Gryffindor modesty, Mur supposed. She stifled a sigh. Why were Gryffindor boys so conceited when the girls were always so modest?
"Perhaps you can answer for her, Mr. Weasley?"
"Of course she is! She can do every spell we've ever learned!" he spat angrily.
"And yet you do not feel that she is capable of defending herself against a little INSULT?" Mur asked scathingly. "30 points from Gryffindor for disrespecting Miss Granger, Weasley, and detention tomorrow night in my office." She waited as Ron sputtered, watching the look on Hermione's face change to discreet satisfaction. No one liked to be treated like a porcelain doll. When he finally fell silent, glaring at her angrily, she turned to Draco.
"Care to explain why you insulted Hermione?" she asked calmly. Draco's smirk fell away abruptly.
"I only say it to get a rise out of Weasley," he mumbled quietly.
"So I gathered. 30 points from Slytherin for choosing your battles so poorly. If you want to duel Weasley that badly, then you may do so tomorrow night, during detention." Draco nodded. "Mr. Weasley, Mr. Potter, you are dismissed." For a moment she thought Ron might protest, but Harry pulled him away insistently. No one wants to incur the wrath of the person who tries daily to invade his mind.
Muriel turned back to Hermione and Draco, both of whom were looking anywhere but at each other. She waited. When Draco finally looked up at her, she raised an eyebrow.
His eyes widened when he understood what she wanted. His father had long since taught him that a Malfoy doesn't have to apologize for anything. It was like "please," and "thank you," it just WASN'T DONE.
Reading his thoughts, Muriel smirked at him and her eyes seemed to bore into his as she sent him back a thought of her own. 'Your father thanked me for something once.' She saw his look of surprise and raised her eyebrow again, nodding toward Hermione, who was still looking at the floor.
"I'm sorry I called you a mudblood," he said grudgingly, looking at the girl in front of him. "If you'll promise not to call me a ferret anymore, I'll come up with a better way to get at Weasley." Muriel smiled behind her hand. That was by far the best compromise she had ever heard from a Malfoy. It was, perhaps, the ONLY compromise she'd ever heard from a Malfoy. She headed to lunch quietly. They could work it out, now. Hermione was a good deal more level headed than the Gryffindor boys would ever be.
The days that followed went by smoothly, though a growing knot of tension developed in Muriel's stomach. Nights found her sitting by the fire with Remus, and mornings found her avoiding Sirius' angry glares by eating at Hogwarts.
Finally, when he was tired of being ignored, she found him sitting in front of the only fireplace in the house that was connected to the floo network. She was on her way to the school, nearly two hours before classes, and it was getting too cold to make the walk from Hogsmeade every day.
"Didn't think you were much of a morning person, Black," she said carefully, wondering if he was only blocking her way so that he could start another fight.
"Yes, well, I start teaching Potions classes today, so I thought I'd join you for breakfast." His voice was tight, and his annoyance carefully reigned in. Mur thought that perhaps she could sit through breakfast with him, if he could manage not to explode.
She forced a smile. "Shall we, then?"
It quickly became a ritual. Each morning, he'd wait for her by the fireplace and they would sit together silently at breakfast. At lunch they would talk quietly about Draco and Harry, and what a nightmare 6th year potions classes were. She would tease him a little and tell him they were no trouble at all in her class, which was true. Neither boy dared step out of line in her class; Harry because the Occlumency lessons were difficult enough without an angry teacher, and Draco because he was still partially afraid she'd send him back to his father for the Christmas holiday.
At the end of classes, Muriel would arrive in the dungeons to help Sirius clean up. He had always had a brilliant understanding of potions, though in their youth he'd been too impatient to be any good at actually brewing them. They laughed over the broken cauldrons and spilled goop that didn't resemble any useful potion in existence.
Dinner conversation usually revolved around Gryffindor's prospects on the Quidditch Pitch, or reminiscing about their own days on their respective teams. Muriel liked this part of the day best. Sirius seemed more the arrogant boy she remembered during dinner than any other part of the day. And, Merlin help her, she'd loved that arrogant boy.
But after dinner, when they returned to Grimmauld place, things would always go downhill. Muriel would sit by the fire with her tea, Remus usually sitting across from her. Sirius would feed Buckbeak and try to join them, but he could feel Muriel's growing worry. And each night he would leave the room without speaking, his anger building with the knowledge of how much she cared for Severus Snape. By the time breakfast rolled around, he was sullen and silent again.
Muriel endured it as long as she could. Then one night, she decided to do something about it. He stood in the doorway watching them, and she could feel his presence. "Damn it, Sirius, come in and sit down!" she exclaimed, turning to look at him before he could disappear back upstairs to brood.
"Why? So we can all discuss how upset you are that he's gone?" he asked scathingly, purposely ignoring her use of his given name, rare though that was.
At this, Remus snapped his eyes away from the fire, and spoke before Muriel could reply. "Of course she's upset he's gone. Aren't you? For Merlin's sake, he's staying with Malfoy, EVERYONE'S upset that he's gone."
It wasn't often that Remus was bothered enough to get angry, but when he did it was an interesting sight. He flushed orange in the firelight and his eyes, always the palest shade of brown, gleamed wickedly. Sirius took three swift steps into the room and opened his mouth to reply.
"On second thought," Remus began, cutting him off. "Don't say anything. You'll just dig yourself another hole, and I don't want it to be my fault." He slammed his empty teacup back onto the saucer and stood, trying to push past Sirius and out of the room.
"Moony!" Muriel exclaimed, overcoming her surprise and standing to face them both. "I fight my own battles," she said dangerously. Both men turned to her. Her eyes were tired and for the first time, Sirius noticed how haggard she looked as she walked toward them.
"Make no mistake, boys. When my friends are in danger, I am upset. I'd feel the same about either of you. The difference is that Severus would be around to comfort me, instead of spending his time fighting over some petty form of canine dominance." Her voice was still low, and both were forcibly reminded of her mother's howler in their fourth year. "Try to remember that we're all human, okay, and stop acting like a couple of rabid mutts." The insult hung in the air long after she went up to bed. Finally Remus threw himself back into his chair, his head in his hands, as Sirius followed her upstairs.
The hallway was dark, and when her door creaked open, Muriel reached for her wand, unable to see who entered. She reached out with her mind and felt nothing. The only people who'd ever blocked her entirely were Severus and Remus. And she knew it couldn't be Severus. She put her wand back on the bedside table.
"Moony?" she asked quietly. She scooted into the middle of the bed as he sat down silently. His face was turned toward her, but she couldn't make out his features in the light from the sliver of moon outside. Sirius wasn't sure whether he wanted to be recognized or not, so he remained silent.
"Finally learned how to apologize like a Slytherin, did you? Well, don't worry about it." She sounded amused. "You probably kept me from saying something even worse." His only answer was to turn his eyes toward the window. Finally she spoke again.
"It's no wonder he hates me. Here I am worried about my best friend when he lost Potter so long ago." She heard his intake of breath, but continued anyway, her voice falling to an agonized whisper.
"I could have saved them. I could have saved Lily. And Potter. I'd give every galleon I have to see his arrogant grin again." Already she felt the familiar tears running past her earlobes to soak her pillow. How many times had she cried for them in all these years? She tried to focus her eyes on the ceiling, though the darkness prevented her from seeing it. When she continued, her voice was unsteady and full of grief. "If I'd been here, if I'd had a chance to even be in the same ROOM with Peter, I could have prevented the whole mess."
She fell silent, unwilling to continue in the breaking voice she'd barely recognized. There was no emotion in the air but her own bitter regret. She continued in a whisper. "If I had known it was a choice between sending Sev to Azkaban or sending Sirius there, what would I have done, Moony?" She stifled a gasp as her tears overtook her, but still he made no move. "Severus would never have been able to stay sane in that place. He was never as strong as Sirius. He'd seen too much." She paused again. "What else could I have done?" she asked, knowing there was no answer.
Finally he reached out a hand to wipe away her tears, but she caught his wrist in a tight grip before he touched her. "Please don't," she choked out, releasing him and turning away. "He did that, not long ago, and I'm still memorizing the feel of his hand there, in case it has to last me the next 15 years."
She felt him get up from the bed, then, and determined to hold back the tears until he'd gone. When the door closed behind him, she rolled back over, pulling the spare pillow over her face to muffle the sobs she could no longer control.
Just outside the door, Sirius sank to the floor, his own tears spilling from his eyes. He didn't blame her, had never blamed her for their deaths. He'd only been angry that she'd left him. She was walking around with as much guilt as he, and more than anything he wanted to comfort her. If only he could get his own grief under control, maybe he would.
Remus found him there half an hour later and offered a hand to help him to his feet. He was surprised when Sirius pulled him into a hug before they headed upstairs to find their respective rooms. Sirius had classes to teach again tomorrow, after all, and a routine to get back to.