If it hadn't happened to me, I never would have believed it. The fact is that it did happen to me and I'm still not sure if I believe it. I keep telling myself that it was only a dream. And maybe it was.

It all started with Faith's words - Hey guys.

From there I don't remember much beyond trying to get out of the line of fire. The next thing I remember was waking up although I didn't feel like I was awake if that makes any sense. What I remember most were the people around me. I mean these were people I knew only knew isn't a term that's applied with the present. Knew is the past.

"I know how you feel." Okay so that was a good sign...at least I thought it was. Maybe I need to think about that.

"What the...Bobby?"

"I meant that in more than one way you know?"

I didn't say much which probably would have surprised some people. At the moment, I was the most surprised person in the picture.

"You know how I feel?" I intercepted. "How the Hell can you say that?"

He winced at a certain 4-letter word.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, shaking it off. "Like I said...I know how you feel. I felt the same way when it happened to me."

"What happened?" I started to ask only to catch myself.

"You're not sure what's going on...you feel like you're awake...you're sure you're awake only something about it isn't right?"

I nodded for sake of not knowing quite what to say. I mean what are you supposed to do when someone who's dead...when he asks you..."

"Don't worry about it Bosco," he said, waving off my urge to ask a question. "You're not dead. Not yet anyway."

"Yet!" Okay now I was really worried.

"After my friend Paulie shot me....man I'm telling you it was weird. I mean I didn't know what was happening. Next thing I know my old man's talking to me and stuff. My old man had been dead for years but there he was...talking to me."

"Just like you're talking to me?"

"Just like that," he said with that trademark silly Bobby smile.

"So why you?" I questioned. "I mean we saw each other out on the streets but we didn't really know each other?"

"Yeah but since I've been here, I've had a lot more time to keep an eye on things."

"Like what? A guardian angel of something?"

"Me a guardian angel?" Bobby laughed. "No, I mothered people but the guardian angel stuff isn't for me although after watching you these last few years...you could use a guardian angel...maybe two."

"So you're not the angel thing then why are you here? Why am I here?"

"I can't answer that. You gotta figure that out for yourself."

"What can you tell me?"

"It's like I said before. I know how you feel."

"Yeah so you said that."

"I said I understand how you feel on two counts."

"Yeah so?"

"You remember my brother?"

"Yeah...what about him?"

"You and me...we were a lot alike Bosco...more than I ever thought we might be."

"What do you mean?" This was becoming more about questions than answers.

"My brother...you remember Matty?"

"Not really...I mean I remember the name...did some time..."

"Yeah Matty had some problems...he had a lot of problems...drugs...lot of problems as a result of drugs and drinking...any of this sound familiar?"

"Maybe..."

"I know what happened with your brother Bosco."

I really didn't feel like talking about all this especially if it had to do with Mikey.

"You tried Bosco just like I tried with Matty. You played the big brother role....then the man of the house role...you tried to take care of your ma...your family. You did your best but your best wasn't good enough. I know how you feel. I had a brother too."

As much as I wanted to deny it...to argue with him over this...it was no use. He was right...right about all of it. I tried and I failed. I couldn't save my brother.

"Bosco, I tried too but I couldn't save Matty. Yeah he's alive at least he was last time I saw him he was but that's been years. Even if he's still alive...I don't know...I mean what kind of life does he have if he's even still alive? We tried Bos...we tried. That doesn't mean the next time it will be like this. Next time...next time it might not be this way..."

"Next time" I said to myself, sitting down. I leaned over, my head in the palm of my hands.

"He's right you know?"

I knew that voice. Knew...past tense.

"Hey..."

And there she was...short, blond, and ...Alex.

"You're..." I replied, glancing from her lower half to her upper half.

"In one piece?" she said with a smirk. "Things aren't always as they seem."

I glared at her trying to make sense of this. I mean last I knew bullets were flying and now I'm talking to dead people. Does that make sense to you?

It was difficult to look at her. Not that she'd changed all that much from what I remember. I hadn't been there when she'd been...when she'd been killed so I didn't have any memory of that but I heard all about it.

In that memory was also a feeling of guilt...that somehow in everything that was going down with Noble, I'd been partially responsible for Taylor's death.

"It's not your fault you know?" she said, cutting off my thought.

"What?" I asked.

"You blame yourself for my being killed," she explained. "It wasn't your fault."

"No? But I didn't tell anyone about the car."

"You didn't know Bosco...you suspected something but you didn't know."

"Yeah but I could have told someone what I suspected...I should have..."

"Should haves...could haves...I could have got down from that car like I'd been told and maybe I should have but I didn't. You know why?"

I knew one thing for sure. This wasn't one of those questions you answer.

"Why? Because my job was to help people. That's why I became a paramedic..."

"I thought you were a firefighter."

My comment brought on a huge smile.

"I always did like you Bosco..."

"You say that now."

"Yeah yeah...so maybe I didn't say it then but I did. That's not to say you didn't make life any easier sometimes but you were all right."

"All right?" I said with a laugh.

"Yeah all right. You know I remember the first time I met you...course that was before I heard all about you. It was my first day at the 55...that crazy lady called us about a fire only there was no fire. She just wanted protection or something. They never learn. Anyway...lot of guys there made jokes about me being a firefighter and being a woman and all. Except for you. You didn't say anything like that...no smart aleck jokes...no stupid chauvinistic remarks. I never told you but I appreciated that. I certainly didn't forget it."

"Yeah well I had my moments I guess."

"You're a good guy Bosco...this last year or so...it's been tough...real tough for you but you got through it. That says a lot about you. You could have transferred out of the 55...started over at another precinct but you didn't. You stuck it out at the 55."

"I deserved every comment, dirty look, and back stabbing I got."

"No you didn't," she said getting one of those famous 'you're kidding me' looks. "Don't even go there. You're forgetting I see things from here...not just the stuff you allow people to see. Besides you remember that fire at the grocery store...you and your ma and that little boy. You saved his life Bosco and your ma...you and your ma have something special. If I hadn't seen it for myself, I wouldn't have believed it but I was there. I also saw you with her these last couple days. She depends on you for a lot and things don't always turn out as you'd like them but that's not for sake of trying. I know about Mikey too you know. What kind of life do you think he'd have had without you...without his big brother taking care of him...looking out for him?"

"A lot of good that did him..."

"Bosco I know it's hard to understand but in time, you may see things in a different light He was trying to do some good...he was trying to help people. Yeah it didn't work out the way you'd have liked and certainly not the way he'd have liked. Besides I saw the two of you the night he got his six month coin. He was happy to have his ma there and your dad but there was something more...the look on his face when he looked up and saw you in the back of the room...he was so happy."

"I was proud of him that night."

"I saw that too. You know someday you're going to find that special woman...have a couple kids. You'll make a great dad."

"A couple kids?"

"You never becoming a dad...now that'd be a crime. Look Bosco...what I'm saying is that deep down, you're a good guy and you're a good cop. Yeah you make people crazy and all but that doesn't change the fact that you're one of the good guys."

I looked over at her, wondering what she was seeing.

"There is one thing though..." she began. "Something that I wondered."

"What's that?"

"You always seemed to have a thing for blonds...other than that Sgt woman but we know where that ended up. Anyway, how come you never asked me out? I mean I was a blond right?"

"I always make it a point not to date anyone who could kick my ass."

Taylor found this to be funny. I had to laugh along with her.

"You know there's something I always wanted to do," she continued. "a lot of things really but one thing..."

With one hand on each side of my face, she leaned in, her lips touching mine. As we parted, I caught the look on her face...the raised eyebrow expression.

"What could have been..." she said giggling.

"Past tense again," I said. "Guess that eliminates you."

"Eliminates me from what?"

"Being the mother of those 'couple of kids'."

"Nope sorry...not me. I will say this much about that special woman...you'll know."

"So you're saying you know who she is?"

"Of course but I can't tell you. Look I have to get going. You take care of yourself okay. Don't forget what I said."

I glanced away just long enough for her to disappear. I shook my head for a moment wondering if it might be a good idea to talk to someone after all. Trouble is the most comfortable I'd been at talking with anyone lately had been with two people who were dead. 'How crazy is that?' I thought to myself.

"That's pretty crazy."

Another voice from the past had just answered a question I didn't ask. This from a voice that I knew well.

"Mikey?"