Authors Note- So another chapter, I keep writing with no idea as to where I am going. So if anyone has any idea at all where they think this could go, or where they want it to go I would love to hear it. Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate them.
"When's Christmas?"
"Two days..." I smile at Jared whose hand clasps over his mouth in an attempt to hide his squeals of excitement.
"Then we get presents?" Jared continues. I nod my head, biting down on my bottom lip. Yup, two days then they get presents. I'm not sure what Abby has, gift wise, but I would like to contribute some. Maybe there are some things the kids wanted that she couldn't afford... I'd love to help out.
"Here we are." I announce, turning away from the roadway, to look at the big building that stands in front of us. An iron gate the size of Jordan surrounding the building.
"So this is it?" Abby asks, turning to look at me. I gauge her reaction, seeing if she remembers... She wasn't here much but there were some moments that we spent here.
"Yeah, remember?" I ask with a certain glint in my eye. She laughs a bit shaking her head at me. The kids watch us, a little oblivious to what we are talking about. I think it's best it stays that way.
"Oh yes." She smiles again, staring at the front gate. I reach over unlatching it so we can enter. Dustin said he wanted to see where I lived, I could see how the mansion would be a bit scary. So here we are, checking out my apartment. A two bedroom, not much room for all five us. But the mansion is going to be used as part of the university, so it looks as though there isn't much choice. Besides there are no scary pictures here... At least none that I know of.
I open the doors for us, showing them towards the elevator. Jordan looks around, her curls flying everywhere as she tries to take in the sights. Comparing this tiny place, with shag carpeting, and blue wallpaper, to the decorating of my late grandmother, at the mansion. While Jordan spins in circles trying her best to size up my living quarters, Dustin is already at the elevator punching both up button, and the basement level button. "Dustin, don't do that." Abby scolds, I just laugh, focusing on Jordan, who bumps into a wall. That must be her wake up call, she dashes over to her mom, grabbing for her free hand. The other one holding firmly onto Dustin. Jared putters beside me, not needing anyone to hold onto.
"This isn't that nice of a building." Jordan sighs, shaking her head, apparently disappointed that my apartment building isn't nicer.
"Jordy." Abby sighs, "not everyone's house is going to be quite as-" She looks for the word to complete her sentence.
"Posh?" Jordan offers. Where did she learn the word posh?
"yes, posh... Now get in the elevator." Jordan sighs and walks into the elevator, the rest of us follow, waiting patiently for the doors to close. I reach over and push my floor number, Dustin catches sight of me doing this and his face lights up.
"Don't you dare Dustin John, if you touch any of those buttons I am going to make sure you are just eating vegetables for the next month." He jumps up shoving his hands into his pockets, playing innocent. I smile at the name. Dustin John. Maybe she was thinking about me... Even if it was just a little. I look down at Jared who is smiling up at me, I take his hand in mine, liking having my kids close.
I haven't gotten the chance to spend time with the kids alone yet. Not that I haven't wanted too. It would be great to get to know them better, just us, but I think Abby is a bit apprehensive about it all. She has done this all alone for five years, and I don't think she wants my help. She likes doing it like this, they have a routine, that I am trying my best to become part of. It's been hard, but I think slowly they are trusting me. They don't call me dad, not yet at least. I think it will be the greatest day of my life when they do. It will be them making a choice, them wanting me to be a part of their lives. Be their father. Not just biologically, but their actual father. The one who does all the dirty work, like clean up vomit, and soiled sheets. The guy who wipes their tear stained cheeks, and bandages up their bleeding knees. Who they come to for help, guidance. I want to be that guy for my kids.
The elevator doors open letting us out into the hall, it looks about as bad as the downstairs. I lead the group to my apartment, shoving the key into the lock. Jared wait impatiently, crossing his legs then uncrossing his legs again. He tugs on my coat. "I have to pee." He sighs, scrunching his face into a pained ball.
"Okay, there you go." Popping the door open he runs through the apartment in search of a bathroom, I'm thinking at this point he'll go in my sink if need be. "Right there." I shout pointing to the room at the back of the apartment. Kids, one minute he was fine the next he was in a washroom frenzy.
Jordan walks into the apartment, doing a thorough inspection. Looking my pale blue walls from top to bottom, she seems to dub them okay, before heading into the family room where a couch, a chair and the television are.
"Just like I remember it." Abby sighs somewhat wistfully? I watch her for a second, as she runs her fingers over a picture that I have set out, one of us. I didn't keep many of those, but I loved that one. It was simple just us at work smiling. We practically lived there when we weren't at her apartment. Dustin has run off to watch some television and wait for us to do the rounds, before taking them to McDonalds.
"So we're going to have to stay here... I got a call and they need the house ASAP, something about students coming to work here over the holidays..." She nods while she continues to look around.
"Are you going to keep it?" I look at her a bit puzzled, she turns from fingering my plant. "The apartment, are you going to keep it? Cause you know when the kids come to stay with you, you are going to need some place to keep them. And that linen closet won't do." She smiles. I guess I hadn't thought of that.
"I guess you're right, but it will get lonely in a big place with all those rooms without them." She looks at me a bit sceptical. "I mean, if I have those three extra bedrooms, and only have them for a few weeks a year... I'm really going to miss them. But you're right this isn't a place to have kids."
"It's just for now John. I want them to get to know you better before they start spending all their time here." She turns to look at me.
"How are they suppose to get to know me if you never let them spend time alone just us?" I sigh throwing my hand to the side.
"I just-" She shakes her head a bit. She just what? Doesn't trust me? Doesn't think the kids are safe with me? Because I would never let anything happen to them, never ever.
"Abby, I love these kids." I bring my hands to her shoulders trying to reassure her how much those three children mean to me. She nods her head, hands coming to her face pushing those stray hairs out of her eyes.
"I know John. But it's more than that. It's- it is parenting... Okay... I thought I was going to be horrible at this, but we've gotten into a routine..." She shakes her head, I pull my hands from her shoulders, putting them into my pockets. A little annoyed I glare at her.
"So you think I'm going to screw them up?" I ask a little confused. How could she think that? She knows me, she knows how much I've always wanted kids, how much I would love any child of mine, I just want the best for them. And I'd do my best, I wouldn't put them in any physical, or emotional danger. I wouldn't do anything that I didn't think would be okay. I know I haven't been doing this for as long as she has, but I think I can learn, I think I've done okay so far. Not that she has given me much of a chance.
"No." She says through gritted teeth. "It goes beyond that. I don't want them to be uncomfortable with you, I don't want you to be uncomfortable with them, or think you have to spoil them to get their affection, and love. 'Cause you don't."
"Look Abby, I may not have all the experience you do. But I know that I love them, and at this point in time I want what's best for them. I want to be the best parent I can be. But how am I suppose to do that if I can't see them?" I throw my hands into the air shaking my head.
"Can we not do this here?" She pleads, I look into the next room, where the kids are watching television, they haven't heard us. At least not yet.
"Fine. Just let me have them tomorrow." I beg, she doesn't seem to be biting and shakes her head no. She tries to walk away, heading towards the living room where the kids are sprawled out in front of the television. I grab her arm in an attempt to stop her. "Please." I whisper, my lips near her ear, our bodies touching.
"John- Let's just see how things go..." Our eyes meet for a single second.
"I know how things will go. You'll end up taking my kids away from me. Just like you do five and a half years ago, and just like you'll continue to do." I let her go, leaving her alone to go visit with my kids while I have them.
"Dr. Carter." Jordan smiles at me.
"Hey kiddo." I sit down next to her and she continues to watch me intensely, and I'm not quite sure why. Her little hand finds my leg and soon she's sitting in my lap, off of the hard floor. I smile to myself, maybe things aren't as bad as I think...