Chapter 17 - A Civil Conversation
Sirius was startled when Severus spoke suddenly in a voice that didn't seem his own. His eyes snapped forward again at the sound. "She caught me with this one once when we were young," Severus said softly. He didn't look up. "She left me in the woods for 6 hours in the rain. When she finally came back to release me I was drenched, and had the worst case of the sniffles I'd ever gotten."
"What did you do to deserve that?" In spite of himself, Sirius was interested. Muriel had never told him about her childhood. 'Probably because I became hostile every time she mentioned Severus,' he reminded himself. Severus, after all, had been present for her entire childhood. Sirius had only seen her at their parents' parties.
A queer look came over Severus' face, as if it pained him to think about it. "I told her that if she kept reminding me that she was a girl, I wasn't going to play with her anymore." He looked up at Sirius. "We were only seven years old," he added, to explain the childishness of it. He looked away again quickly. There was a lot more to the story, but it wouldn't do to tell it to the one she loved.
Sirius laughed shortly. He himself had been on the receiving end of a good many of her hexes, and he could imagine the fury Snape had unwittingly brought upon himself. "That summer she stayed with me, right after fifth year, she threw me across the yard because she thought I'd enchanted her bedroom mirror to store images."
"Did you?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No," Sirius smiled a very tentative smile. "It did store images, but I didn't charm it. And she cleared the good ones before I got to go in and look. The only one she left was of herself performing a muggle hand- gesture that I think Lily must have taught her. But of course, that summer was the last time I set foot in that room until we opened it back up for the Order, so I didn't see it until just two years ago." His smile was gone. "And by then I hated her. I broke the mirror." He was practically whispering now. They were back to the topic that neither of them could come to terms with. There was a long silence.
"I went to Dumbledore that night." Severus wanted Sirius to know that he hadn't wanted Muriel to be banished either. "I thought if I turned myself in that I could get her back out of trouble. I had no idea Dumbledore would want me to become a double agent instead." As he spoke he could see the man he faced turning red, as though something inside him was coming to a boil.
It was at this moment that Madam Pomfrey bustled into the room. She stopped short at the sight of two grown men sitting cross-legged on the floor, facing one another. They looked up at her, and Severus jumped to his feet. Sirius felt himself calming. He could finally get out of here.
Severus explained the counter spell as the nurse looked from one wizard to the other, trying to gauge what they would do if she let them go. After a few moments' hesitation, she performed the spell. Sirius pulled himself wearily to his feet and Severus headed immediately toward the door.
"Snape?" Sirius was looking at him with a bit of a smirk, which reminded Severus unpleasantly of their encounters as students. He turned, but didn't answer. "She's bringing your wand back HERE, isn't she?"
Severus swore quietly and came back into the room, collapsing into a chair to wait. He eyed Sirius warily as he, too, sank into a chair. They sat in silence for several minutes, not looking at one another. Finally Sirius spoke.
"If she left you in the rain for 6 hours because of a childish insult, what did you do that made her cast the enhanced Crucio spell on you?" Sirius was still looking toward the door, as though willing Muriel to come through it so that this could all be over.
Severus sighed. He had wanted to avoid discussing this with Black, but there wasn't any graceful way out of it now. He hoped Muriel wouldn't be too angry. "When we were children, our parents fussed over us a good bit. Our mothers kept telling us that we'd grow up and get married. Mur took it a little more to heart than I did. We were 9 years old, swimming in a lake behind our houses. She came up with a bunch of seaweed all over her and I laughed. Then she got the bright idea to enchant it to make it look like lace. She liked the way it looked in her hair. Pretty soon she had made herself a veil, and she wanted to pretend we were getting married." He looked up to see that Sirius was staring at him intently.
"I told her that I didn't want to pretend that, because I wasn't ever going to marry her anyway. She got very huffy and said something like, 'but don't you love me?' and I, of course, let her know in no uncertain terms that I did NOT love her, and if she insisted on continuing to ask me these ridiculous questions I would never speak to her again."
"Papa, er - her father, had given her all his old Arithmancy books a few years previous, and she'd long since learned how to string more than one spell together, so she tried casting the worst thing she could think of. It took me the rest of that year to figure out that she was only trying to hurt me as much as I hurt her."
"When she realized what she'd done, and that she didn't know the counter spell, she levitated me home. My parents wouldn't let her in the house. Mother was furious. She spent every moment at my bedside going through books looking for a counter spell. But Father wouldn't let her in because he knew she'd be the most likely to come up with a cure. He saw it as an opportunity to punish me without incurring my mother's displeasure." Severus looked up to see a look of understanding in Sirius' eyes that he hadn't expected.
Sirius, for his part, was surprised at how accurately that described what his family would have done, only his father would have looked for a cure and his mother would have been the one to gloat. He nodded for Severus to continue.
"At first the pain was awful, but it wasn't long before I felt it lessen a bit, and realized that she was there with me, in my head. I could almost see her, and we could talk to one another. She was trying to block the pain so I could think. She wanted to help me find the counter spell. It took two days, but I finally came up with it."
"Mother wouldn't let me out of the house for another week or so, and father wouldn't let her into the house, but every evening I could hear her in my head, apologizing, asking me to forgive her. As soon as I could, I went over to her house. I expected her to answer the door, as she always did, bouncy and happy to see me. Instead, Papa took me up to her room. She looked worse than I did. He whispered to me in the hall that she hadn't slept or eaten the entire time I was sick, even after I found the counter curse." He paused again, looking up at Sirius, who hadn't moved.
"I had my father formalize our betrothal that summer. I had come to realize that no one, not my mother or father, or any relative; not any other friend I would make would ever care for me like that. It was that day that I swore I'd never let anything hurt her that badly again. Ironically, that is the reason I lost her. I took Occlumency lessons from Papa to try to protect her from what I was learning about Voldemort and the Death Eaters."
Sirius felt deflated, as though everything he'd ever believed was suddenly proven untrue. He'd thought Severus had stolen the woman he loved when she'd been sent away for letting him escape. He'd hated him for that. But the truth was that he had stolen her from Severus in the first place. She'd loved him. "I didn't know," he said quietly.
It was then that the door swung open and they both turned to look at Muriel. Snape immediately stood and took the wand she was offering. He saw that she had polished it and probably tested it as well. "I'm out of time, I have to go now if I hope to be off the grounds in time to meet them." There was no hint of annoyance in his voice, though Muriel knew that she'd cut it close.
"Good luck," she said simply. Snape nodded to Sirius, then left without another word. Sirius held out a hand to Muriel, who was already crying. "He won't come back this time, Sirius," she said quietly.
Sirius was startled when Severus spoke suddenly in a voice that didn't seem his own. His eyes snapped forward again at the sound. "She caught me with this one once when we were young," Severus said softly. He didn't look up. "She left me in the woods for 6 hours in the rain. When she finally came back to release me I was drenched, and had the worst case of the sniffles I'd ever gotten."
"What did you do to deserve that?" In spite of himself, Sirius was interested. Muriel had never told him about her childhood. 'Probably because I became hostile every time she mentioned Severus,' he reminded himself. Severus, after all, had been present for her entire childhood. Sirius had only seen her at their parents' parties.
A queer look came over Severus' face, as if it pained him to think about it. "I told her that if she kept reminding me that she was a girl, I wasn't going to play with her anymore." He looked up at Sirius. "We were only seven years old," he added, to explain the childishness of it. He looked away again quickly. There was a lot more to the story, but it wouldn't do to tell it to the one she loved.
Sirius laughed shortly. He himself had been on the receiving end of a good many of her hexes, and he could imagine the fury Snape had unwittingly brought upon himself. "That summer she stayed with me, right after fifth year, she threw me across the yard because she thought I'd enchanted her bedroom mirror to store images."
"Did you?" Severus asked, raising an eyebrow.
"No," Sirius smiled a very tentative smile. "It did store images, but I didn't charm it. And she cleared the good ones before I got to go in and look. The only one she left was of herself performing a muggle hand- gesture that I think Lily must have taught her. But of course, that summer was the last time I set foot in that room until we opened it back up for the Order, so I didn't see it until just two years ago." His smile was gone. "And by then I hated her. I broke the mirror." He was practically whispering now. They were back to the topic that neither of them could come to terms with. There was a long silence.
"I went to Dumbledore that night." Severus wanted Sirius to know that he hadn't wanted Muriel to be banished either. "I thought if I turned myself in that I could get her back out of trouble. I had no idea Dumbledore would want me to become a double agent instead." As he spoke he could see the man he faced turning red, as though something inside him was coming to a boil.
It was at this moment that Madam Pomfrey bustled into the room. She stopped short at the sight of two grown men sitting cross-legged on the floor, facing one another. They looked up at her, and Severus jumped to his feet. Sirius felt himself calming. He could finally get out of here.
Severus explained the counter spell as the nurse looked from one wizard to the other, trying to gauge what they would do if she let them go. After a few moments' hesitation, she performed the spell. Sirius pulled himself wearily to his feet and Severus headed immediately toward the door.
"Snape?" Sirius was looking at him with a bit of a smirk, which reminded Severus unpleasantly of their encounters as students. He turned, but didn't answer. "She's bringing your wand back HERE, isn't she?"
Severus swore quietly and came back into the room, collapsing into a chair to wait. He eyed Sirius warily as he, too, sank into a chair. They sat in silence for several minutes, not looking at one another. Finally Sirius spoke.
"If she left you in the rain for 6 hours because of a childish insult, what did you do that made her cast the enhanced Crucio spell on you?" Sirius was still looking toward the door, as though willing Muriel to come through it so that this could all be over.
Severus sighed. He had wanted to avoid discussing this with Black, but there wasn't any graceful way out of it now. He hoped Muriel wouldn't be too angry. "When we were children, our parents fussed over us a good bit. Our mothers kept telling us that we'd grow up and get married. Mur took it a little more to heart than I did. We were 9 years old, swimming in a lake behind our houses. She came up with a bunch of seaweed all over her and I laughed. Then she got the bright idea to enchant it to make it look like lace. She liked the way it looked in her hair. Pretty soon she had made herself a veil, and she wanted to pretend we were getting married." He looked up to see that Sirius was staring at him intently.
"I told her that I didn't want to pretend that, because I wasn't ever going to marry her anyway. She got very huffy and said something like, 'but don't you love me?' and I, of course, let her know in no uncertain terms that I did NOT love her, and if she insisted on continuing to ask me these ridiculous questions I would never speak to her again."
"Papa, er - her father, had given her all his old Arithmancy books a few years previous, and she'd long since learned how to string more than one spell together, so she tried casting the worst thing she could think of. It took me the rest of that year to figure out that she was only trying to hurt me as much as I hurt her."
"When she realized what she'd done, and that she didn't know the counter spell, she levitated me home. My parents wouldn't let her in the house. Mother was furious. She spent every moment at my bedside going through books looking for a counter spell. But Father wouldn't let her in because he knew she'd be the most likely to come up with a cure. He saw it as an opportunity to punish me without incurring my mother's displeasure." Severus looked up to see a look of understanding in Sirius' eyes that he hadn't expected.
Sirius, for his part, was surprised at how accurately that described what his family would have done, only his father would have looked for a cure and his mother would have been the one to gloat. He nodded for Severus to continue.
"At first the pain was awful, but it wasn't long before I felt it lessen a bit, and realized that she was there with me, in my head. I could almost see her, and we could talk to one another. She was trying to block the pain so I could think. She wanted to help me find the counter spell. It took two days, but I finally came up with it."
"Mother wouldn't let me out of the house for another week or so, and father wouldn't let her into the house, but every evening I could hear her in my head, apologizing, asking me to forgive her. As soon as I could, I went over to her house. I expected her to answer the door, as she always did, bouncy and happy to see me. Instead, Papa took me up to her room. She looked worse than I did. He whispered to me in the hall that she hadn't slept or eaten the entire time I was sick, even after I found the counter curse." He paused again, looking up at Sirius, who hadn't moved.
"I had my father formalize our betrothal that summer. I had come to realize that no one, not my mother or father, or any relative; not any other friend I would make would ever care for me like that. It was that day that I swore I'd never let anything hurt her that badly again. Ironically, that is the reason I lost her. I took Occlumency lessons from Papa to try to protect her from what I was learning about Voldemort and the Death Eaters."
Sirius felt deflated, as though everything he'd ever believed was suddenly proven untrue. He'd thought Severus had stolen the woman he loved when she'd been sent away for letting him escape. He'd hated him for that. But the truth was that he had stolen her from Severus in the first place. She'd loved him. "I didn't know," he said quietly.
It was then that the door swung open and they both turned to look at Muriel. Snape immediately stood and took the wand she was offering. He saw that she had polished it and probably tested it as well. "I'm out of time, I have to go now if I hope to be off the grounds in time to meet them." There was no hint of annoyance in his voice, though Muriel knew that she'd cut it close.
"Good luck," she said simply. Snape nodded to Sirius, then left without another word. Sirius held out a hand to Muriel, who was already crying. "He won't come back this time, Sirius," she said quietly.