A/N #1: There is an apparent contradiction between this chapter and a previous one. Fear not, this contradiction will be resolved in the next chapter.

A/N #2: This chapter was written before the events in Commencement and 25, as is evident in the last part of the chapter.

Simon looked at CJ and blinked in surprise. His mind racing, he tried to think back two years. He was on the White House detail then. He'd seen her in the hallways – he always looked for her, though he would never tell her that. There was no way the Press Secretary would have been able to hide a pregnancy, from the people in the White House OR from the press. Especially the press. Obviously the pregnancy wasn't carried to term, for one reason or another. He wondered who…and then he knew.

"Concannon," he stated. It wasn't a question.

CJ nodded mutely, clinging to Simon's hand desperately, expecting him to push her away. She cleared her throat and spoke quietly.

"His last day at the White House, we had…an exchange of words. I felt bad about it, and went to see him that night, to apologize. He was packing, and we argued some more, despite my best intentions. Then we got drunk together…I didn't realize I was pregnant until he was out of the country, and I couldn't get his boss to tell me how to reach him."

"So he didn't know you were pregnant?"

"No."

"What happened to the…pregnancy?"

"When I was six weeks pregnant, I had an abortion."

"What did he say when he found out?"

CJ stayed quiet. Simon looked at her in disbelief. "You never told him??"

She shook her head. "Only you and my doctor know. And a nurse."

Simon thought hard for a moment. "How do you feel about it?"

She sighed. "It was right and wrong at the same time, you know? I mean, I liked Danny a lot, but not in the way that makes a family. Having a child…in my mind it's a gift a couple gives to each other. It should be about…a celebration of deep love and commitment, not a one night stand with a guy who was just a very good friend and fun to flirt with."

"So why does it feel wrong?"

"Because I terminated a pregnancy, and while I'm grateful for the right to make that choice, it's not a choice that was easy to make. It was the right choice, but…I wish I didn't have to make it. And I kept wondering if this was it – my only chance…my last chance at having a child."

He pulled her close and rested his chin on her hair. After a moment, he spoke softly. "Ceej, why are you telling me this? I mean, we both have histories, but it's not like you did anything wrong by me, and you don't owe me this story, for any reason."

"Yeah, actually I do," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Because as it turned out, that was my last chance at having a child."

Much later, they were in bed, neither able to fall asleep. Simon thought about what CJ told him – the pregnancy hormones complicated a benign tumor she'd had in her uterus. It grew considerably. Having failed all treatment options, her doctor resorted to a hysterectomy. The pain in her voice and on her face as she spoke of it – pain so deep he felt it to the depth of his soul – almost caused him to break down with her. It may have been the first time she allowed herself to grieve for all the dreams she had and were now lost to her. And he had to admit, deep down inside, that a part of him was grieving for dreams he never admitted to himself he harbored; dreams of a family with CJ.

He turned on his side and faced her. She looked back at him and silently reached out. He pulled her close, held her and whispered, "I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

May 2003

CJ was smiling, half-wistfully, at the sight of Simon, a baby in each arm, clowning around with Toby and Andi. The twins were eight days old. It was the boy's Bris, which Toby and Andi combined with a naming ceremony for their girl. CJ had never seen Toby, in all their years of friendship, reduced to incoherent babblings, until today. Simon and Josh decided they were not going to let him live it down. Ever. Josh Had a video cam trained on Toby, and Simon's antics only drew Toby deeper into senseless mirth. That video should be VERY interesting, CJ mused. She walked up to her fiancé.

"You realize we're getting YOU on tape as well, right?"

He grinned at her. "We have ways of editing out undesirable parts, Ms. Cregg."

She punched him playfully, and gently pried Toby's little girl from Simon's grip.

"Just for that you lose Sara. I'm claiming her for a while."

Simon pouted, and CJ laughed, than tightened her arms around the sleeping infant. "If only…" she thought wistfully, looking away so as not to spoil her loved ones' mood.

Her gaze fell on Donna, who looked uncharacteristically glum in the midst of the festivities. CJ frowned, and walked over to her friend.

"What's up? You look like Toby normally does."

"I have a beard?"

CJ laughed. "No, you idiot, you 'have' a frown!"

Donna smiled thinly. "Oh, that."

CJ looked at her curiously, with a growing sense of unease. "Hey Donna, are you OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just…" she looked at CJ. "Do you remember Julie Saunders?"

CJ grinned fondly. Julie Saunders was by far the Senior Staff's favorite summer intern.

Senator Stephen Saunders was a thorn in the administration's side, a thorn of monumental proportions. An ultra-conservative Republican, the mere mention of his name would cause the President to clench his fists and grit his teeth. And no one, not even Simon, wanted to be around CJ on a day the Senator's name came up in the Press Room. According to Josh, Senator Saunders "made Mary Marsh look extremely liberal."

It was no surprise, than, that a collective groan went up when it was announced his daughter, a Political Science major in Georgetown, would be interning in the White House on the same summer the President was campaigning for re-election. Some people went as far as suggesting Julie Saunders was Ritchie's spy.

Then they met her.

Julie Saunders was about as different from her father as any person could be. She knew she would not be trusted and never complained, but went about proving herself and engaging in long impressive debates that showed her to be an extreme political opposite of her father. She was sweet, and she did the Jackal almost as good as CJ. The fact her father made his anger at her internship choice publicly known only enhanced her reputation in the West Wing.

CJ chuckled appreciatively at the memories. "Yeah, of course I remember Julie. You became sort of her mentor, didn't you? You two became pretty close."

Donna looked away, than looked back at CJ. "She's in real trouble, CJ. She's pregnant."

CJ looked at Donna in disbelief. Interning in the Bartlet White House was one thing. Getting pregnant out of wedlock when you're Stephen Saunders' daughter was…

"Oh, my god, Donna, her dad will kill her."

"No kidding."

"No, I mean, literally. He's going to KILL her!"

Donna looked at CJ mutely.