Title: Law of Attraction
Author: I want to thank Kriston for allowing me to continue the amazing fic that she started. The first few chapters are so well written and on-point with the characters. I hope I can do your story justice.
Feedback: I would really appreciate feedback about this fic. All feedback, good and bad, is welcome. Any suggestions on potential storylines and/or ways to improve the story are encouraged.
Rating: R- language mostly (at this point anyway)
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Once and Again, including Jessie and Katie. Ed Zwick and Marshall Herskowitz own them. Thanks Ed and Marshall.
Summary: This story is a totally alternate universe. It is a Grace/Jessie pairing. The story picks up just after Grace talks to Jessie and reassures her that it's ok to see a therapist and that she wouldn't mind seeing one too. The timeline is about mid-season of Season 2.
A Soliloquy is always announced and in italics with / as the beginning and / as the closing.
Part One
Grace watched Jessie very closely over the next few weeks to make sure that she was eating.
Jessie really wasn't eating much lately despite her weekly visits to Dr. Rosenfeld. She wasn't
eating nearly enough to support her five foot five, gangly frame. Grace couldn't understand why
Jessie would want to starve herself when she was so beautiful and had so much to offer. At least
Grace thought she did. It was obvious that Jessie didn't think that way and the more everyone
pushed, the more Jessie reacted by not eating.
Soliloquy: /Standing with her left profile to the camera and her arms crossed, "Don't they
get it?' Grace says. /
The parents always pushed the food issue when Jessie was over for dinner with Rick. He could
be forceful at times using an authoritative tone or threatening to take away her CD player or
phone privileges if she didn't eat. Not that Jessie was on the phone all that often. Jessie was
embarrassed. The more of a big deal Rick would make of it the less she would eat. Jessie ate
more on the nights where her appetite wasn't the focus. Lily would go out of her way to make
the foods that Jessie liked. It was automatic that when Jessie came over for dinner there was a
special vegetarian dish for her. Grace imagined it was the same, if not worse, over at Karen's
house.
Soliloquy: /Grace is standing next to the soliloquy stool pacing. "Of course she's not
going to eat if everyone is watching her like a hawk." Grace says with a slight smirk as if
it's the obvious solution. She pauses and turns towards the camera, "Then again that's
not really true either," Grace says dejectedly into the camera with her hands in her
pockets./
Everyone was afraid Jessie would die if she didn't eat. That was the point really, like it or not,
and Grace knew it. Jessie had obviously been fragile all of her life and was treated as such. The
anorexia was a culmination of all the baggage Jessie accumulated in her fourteen short years.
Jessie was the sensitive one. Truthfully, sometimes it annoyed the hell out of Grace, but
sometimes that was what she loved most about her. It was hard to narrow it down to just one
thing that she loved the most about Jessie; it was a revolving list of number ones.
It wasn't just that Jessie was sensitive about subjects that concerned her, she was sensitive
about lots of things. Grace thought that Jessie was able to see and feel more than anyone else
she knew. After all, Jessie saw things in her. Jessie was aware of other people's pain because
she was so aware of her own. Jessie was in tune with the undercurrent of the situation.
Sometimes it was like Jessie knew what was going to happen and braced herself for the impact
way too far in advance.
No one knew what to do with Jessie's anorexia, especially her parents. But Grace didn't have
access to Jessie the way Rick, Eli or even Lily did. Even though she and Jessie were talking a bit
more often, it wasn't deep and it wasn't meaningful. Their relationship was civil at best. Jessie
trusted Grace to some extent but she still kept her distance. Grace couldn't blame her. It was
difficult for Grace not being able to express her true feelings for Jessie. Grace figured that at the
moment it was better for Jessie to be standoffish but still around, rather than scare her off
completely.
Soliloquy: /Grace sits on the soliloquy stool facing the camera with a panicked look on
her face, "But if our parents get married, then she'll always be around. And she still
won't love me." Grace rolls her eyes./
Grace's overcompensation to appear indifferent came off as contempt and distaste for Jessie.
Grace couldn't seem to find a middle ground where she could be in the same room as Jessie and
not be found out, but not be blatantly biased. Most of the time Jessie couldn't figure out if Grace
was coming or going, she acted hot and cold towards her within the same minute. Grace's bitch
outs of Jessie had started to subside but her behavior towards Jessie was still pretty manic.
Jessie resolved herself to feeling forever uncomfortable around Grace. Jessie kept in the back of
her mind what Zoe had told her about Grace's dream but she didn't believe it. Zoe exaggerated
things and made up stories all of the time. Grace's dream was probably a story too Jessie
thought, then wondered why that made her sad.
Grace wanted to help Jessie, but not the way everyone else did, by smothering her and
scrutinizing her every move. Grace tried to be nonchalantly supportive; talk about tae kwon do,
soccer, Jessie's favorite t.v. show, Jessie's favorite band, Jessie's favorite movie star, all things
that wouldn't upset Jessie. All things about Jessie. That was Grace's way of helping her fragile
love. Grace needed her. After all it was Jessie's angelic face and soothing voice that got her
through the day.
It frustrated Grace endlessly that Jessie's family looked at Jessie every day but never saw her.
They never saw Jessie. All they saw was who they thought Jessie was and who they thought
Jessie should be. Grace saw Jessie. She saw her the very first time she walked through her front
door. Even if Jessie never loved her back, she was grateful that she had met her. Grateful that
she was touched by such pure beauty, and honesty and truth, no matter how flawed its delivery.
Jessie was not perfect, but Grace loved her anyway, maybe even because of it.
There were a few times between Grace and Jessie that could be described as bonding. Grace
was on top of the world any time she knew Jessie was relaxed and comfortable around her.
After all, it didn't happen very often. Jessie would never admit it, not that anyone would ask her
to, but she was thankful for those moments with Grace. It was one of the few times that she felt
hopeful and didn't think about eating or not eating.
Those moments were always short lived, usually interrupted by the telephone, a classmate at
school, or a family member barging into the room. But Jessie could see the tenderness in
Grace's eyes when she spoke to her sometimes. Sometimes Jessie felt safe when she was with
Grace, and she never felt safe.
Soliloquy: /Sitting on the floor with her arms around her knees, Jessie speaks softly,
looking down at her hands, "Why can't she just be nice like that to me all the time?"
Jessie looks up, "Why does she have to make such a point of not liking me? Sometimes I
think that she doesn't hate me, but then she does something mean and I remember where
I stand." Jessie frowns./
Grace wanted Jessie. It was that simple. Jessie pervaded every thought, every decision and
every action Grace took and Jessie had no idea. Though Grace thought something was definitely
up whenever the family would ask each of the kids about potential boyfriends, or girlfriends in
Eli's case, and Zoe and Jessie would look at each other and giggle. Grace had no idea what was
so funny and she was jealous that her ten year old sister was closer to Jessie than she was.
Grace managed to evade her mother's scrutiny by shifting the subject to Eli. He loved to talk
about girls and Grace wasn't about to talk about girls with her family. Grace kept two secrets
from them; liking girls and loving Jessie and she tried hard to protect them, for everyone's sake.
