Of Chinese Food, Scary Tubbies, and Risk
Authors Note: Hey all. How's it goin. Kaji is back with a new chapter hot off the press. Enjoy this cracked up chapter.
"Hello, Pizza Hut. How can I help you."
"Ya, I'd like to order, uh, one large pepperoni pizza, a large coke.... (In background) I WANT A PONY..... Tyswon! Kai is ordering peeza, not a powny......SHUT UP RAY! I WANT A PONY! Wait. Pizza? I WANT PIZZA..... Max? What kind of pizza do you want..... Oh, uh, a large bacon and cheese pizza and a pepsi.... I WANT PIZZA.... Kai! Tyswon tod me to shud up...... a large bacon and cheese pizza, just a sec, SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! And a pepsi...... I WANT AN EXTRA LARGE STUFFED CRUST HAWAIIAN PIZZA WITH EXTRA TOPPINGS AND 7 UP..... Could I have a small vegitarian special pizza....... Kai, cowed I have a medum bacon an doble cheese peeza, an wha does vegiteranean mean...... a medium bacon and double cheese pizza, a small vegitarian pizza and an extra large stuff crust Hawaiian pizza with extra toppings and 7 Up."
"Allright, that will all cost one hundred and fifty dollars and thirty one cents. We will be there in about thirty five minutes. If you can give us your address....." Kai wasn't in a cooking mood and Max had no idea how to cook, so they were ordering pizza for breakfast. Kai hung up the phone. Tyson and Kenny were sitting in the living room watching Franklin. Max was sitting upside down in a recliner reading comic books. Ray was following Kai around. Kai walked into the living room and looked with distaste at the TV. Franklin had just ended and now the Bear in the Big Blue House was dancing around the screen. Ray cowered behind Kai. He was shaking as though he had just been through the most terrifying haunted house that was ever built. Kai looked at Ray with a raised eyebrow.
"What's wrong with you? You look like you've seen the inside of Tyson's underwear drawer." Kai asked. Ray gripped Kai's pant leg and grimanced as the bear on TV started to sing a song about being happy.
"I don't wike the twee house chanawl. It scawrs me. That beawr is scawry! I gets bad dreams from watching this chanawl." Ray gripped Kai's pant leg tighter as the bear started to dance and sing with little animals dancing around it. Kai looked at the TV and grinned. He walked over to the coffee table, picked up the remote and changed the channel to MTV. Tyson and Kenny looked up at Kai alarmed.
"HEY! I was watching The Bear In The Big Blue House! CHANGE IT BACK!" Tyson screamed. Kai gave him a smack on the side of his head. Tyson glared at him.
"Shut up you little brat. And respect your elders." He snapped.
"You can't tell me what to do! I can do what I want when I OW! THAT HURT!" Kai had smacked Tyson on the side of his head again. Tyson rubbed his head and made a face at Kai, who retaliated by giving Tyson another smack.
"If I hear any more out of you, you won't get any pizza. In fact, no more food at all. You really need to lose a couple hundred pounds any way. Maybe we should start now. Ya. Cutting back on pizza should do the trick." Tyson looked horrified.
"NO. Anything but that. Please? You wouldn't dare! I promise I'll be good." Tyson pleaded pathetically.
"We'll see, Tyson. If I get any more trouble from you, it'll be diet time." Kai threatened. Tyson winced at the sound of the word diet. Ray loosened his grip on Kai's pant leg a little bit and looked out from behind him. Just then, the doorbell rang. Kai was just about to start walking over to answer the door when something small ran out in front of him and opened the door.
"Hello. I have an order for, uh, Tyson Granger. A coke, 7 Up, pepsi, an extra large...."
"Ya ya ya. I knows what he ordered. Jus gimmi the stuff an pud id on his tab." Ray took all the pizza boxes, 7 Up, coke and pepsi, closed the door in the delivery boy's face, and headed to the dining room. Kai was a little surprised at this sudden change of modesty. He followed Ray into the dining room. Ray loaded up a plate of his pizza and walked past Kai without saying anything and headed for the living room. As soon as he reached the living room, Kai heard the sound of thunderous, scampering feet stampeding for the kitchen. Tyson and Kenny ran as fast as they could through the kitchen, grabbed plates, loaded up with pizza, and then ran as fast as they could out of the kitchen, back to the living room in the blink of an eye. Max came walking in lazily. He grabbed a plate and took two slices of pizza. He sighed.
"Guess what they're watching in there." He asked Kai. Kai shrugged.
"Bear in the big blue house?" He asked Max dully. Max shook his head.
"It's worse."
"Pokemon?"
"Nope. Worse."
"Blues Clues?"
"No. Still way off."
"Dora the Explorer?"
"Still way off. I didn't know you knew so many little kid shows, Kai."
"Shut up Max. I see the titles every day when I'm channel surfing around YTV. How about Bob the Builder?"
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than Bob the Builder."
"Eliot Moose?"
"Nope."
"Franklin?"
"Negative."
"Rainbow Fish?"
"No."
"(shudder) Barny?"
"Ha ha, no. Way worse than that."
"Beyblade."
"TRAITOR!" "I give up Max. What are they watching in there?" Just as Max opened his mouth to respond, a defening yell came from the living room and then shrill crying was heard. Kai closed his eyes and sighed.
"Let's go see why Ray is crying." He and Max walked through the kitchen door and into the living room, only to come across the strangest sight they had ever seen. Both of them were speechless. Tyson and Kenny were running around the living room in circles, both of which had a bent coat hanger on his head, which were bent into a weird symbol. Tyson was carrying a black purse. Ray was crying very loudly and was curled up in a corner on the couch, terrified. The tellitubies were running around on the TV screen.
"I'm Tinki Winki!" Tyson yelled at the top of his lungs.
"I'm Lala!" Kenny yelled, then stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Kai and Max standing in the doorway watching them. Tyson slammed into the back of Kenny and fell on his butt. Kai grabbed Tyson by the scruff of the neck and hauled him up onto his feet, took the coat hanger off of his head and yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing?! You're scaring the crap out of Ray! And, were the hell did you get that purse?" Tyson had a sulky look on his face. Kenny took the coat hanger off of his head and shrunk down onto the couch. Max turned off the TV and then went to comfort Ray, who was still crying and completely terrified.
"We're playing Tellitubbies and that's what me and Kenny do all the time. My grandpa gave me this purse so that I could be Tinki Winki for Halloween." Tyson glared at Kai.
"It's true." Came Kenny's squeaky voice from the couch. Ray was still howling in terror. Kai let go of Tyson. Max was trying desperately to cheer Ray up, but nothing seemed to be working. Kenny and Tyson grabbed their half eaten pizza and ran upstairs to Tyson's bedroom, were they could finish their game of Tellitubbies without being disturbed. Kai walked over to Max and Ray and sat down on the couch beside Ray, who flung himself on top of Kai in a big hug and started to cry into his shoulder. Kai was completely surprised by this sudden action and didn't know what to do next. Max gave Kai a huge grin and patted Ray on the back. Ray continued to sob into Kai's shoulder but was finally starting to calm down. Kai remained expressionless. He looked down at Ray and asked, "What's your favorite show?" Ray stopped sobbing and looked up into Kai's eyes.
"sniff. I. Like. um. sniff. I like. Sagwa the Siamese Chinese Cat and Mon Colle Knights." Ray responded timidly. Kai picked up the remote. He channel surfed until he found Mon Colle Knights. Ray turned around, still red faced, to face the TV, still sitting on Kai's lap, and stopped crying completely. Max went into the kitchen and came out with pizza for both himself and Kai. He handed one to Kai and picked up Ray's plate and handed it to him. He sat down beside Kai and they continued to watch TV. I never thought that Kai actually had a sensitive side. Max thought to himself. After watching TV for a while, Kenny and Tyson came downstairs, Tellitubby free, and stood in front of the TV as if they were trying to make a statement. Ray was looking upset by this sudden intrusion. Kai was in a very irritable mood.
"Move out of the way, you little bastards." He growled at them. Tyson looked very defiant. He puffed out his chest and Kenny tried to mimic him, except it looked more like he was trying to stand on his tippi toes.
"I want to go to the park." He said snobbily. Ray looked up at Kai with big eyes.
"Could we pwease go, Kai? Pwetty pwetty pwease?" Ray begged with puppy dog eyes. Kai sighed.
"Alright, we'll go. Go and get your shoes on." Kenny and Tyson cheered and ran for the door. Ray jumped off of Kai's lap and turned to face Kai, who had stood up and was walking to the door with Max.
"Kai? Can you pwease hewp me put my shoes on pwease?" Ray gave Kai puppy dog eyes and Kai shuddered.
"(sigh) Alright." Ray led Kai and Max to the door and Kai helped Ray tie his shoes. Max sniggered at Kai behind his back. Tyson tugged at Kai's arm.
"Kai. Could you please help me tie my shoes?" He asked kindly, giving Kai puppy dog eyes. Kai shuddered again.
"Max. Help Tyson."
"NO! I WANT KAI TO HELP ME! NOT YOU MAX! NOW!" Tyson screamed as Max attempted to help him.
"Tyson. You stupid idiotic kid. Your shoes are already tied. Why the hell would you need someone to help you!" Kai glared at Tyson and Tyson glared back. Max tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. Kai turned his death glare on Max who shuddered down into a corner, then turned to Kenny with a huge grin and started to tie his shoes, even when Kenny tried to point out that he already knew how to tie his shoes. Tyson continued to pout.
At the Park
Kai and Max were sitting on opposite sides of a bench in the park watching Ray throw sand in Tyson's eyes for pushing him into the sandbox. Kenny was laughing at Ray until Ray threw sand in Tyson's eyes. Kenny threw a fit when Ray threw sand at him to. He screamed at Ray, who was sitting in the sandbox. Tyson was laughing his head off. Kai was watching intently to see if Ray would burst out crying, which would give him a reason to go back home and ground Tyson and maybe even Kenny. To his surprise, Ray gave a shrill war cry, stood up, and started punching and kicking Tyson as hard as he could. Tyson dropped to the ground in a ball as Ray continued to kick him in the back, while Kenny screamed girlishly and pulled at Ray's hair, only to get kicked in the side. Kai was speechless, although he didn't show it, as Ray continued to brutally beat Tyson into submission. Kenny was curled into a quivering ball on the ground.
"Um, Max? I think your fat little friend there is getting beaten up by that boy with a pony tail." A feminine voice came from Max's side of the bench. Kai glanced over to were Max was sitting to see a girl standing next to Max. It was Brit. This time she was holding a Barbie doll in her hand. Max looked casually at the massive beating Tyson was receiving, then looked back at Brit.
"That fat kid is Tyson, my brother, and the one cowering on the floor is Kenny, my other brother, and the one kicking the shit out of the other two is Ray, my other brother." Max finished lazily. Brit looked a little confused.
"You have three brothers? What ever happened to those other two kids?" Max grinned.
"Oh, their in jail. Shoplifting. Pretty sad, eh?"
"Who the hell are you talking about? You don't know anyone in jail." Kai muttered at Max.
"Heh, heh, heh, don't mind him. He's just mad because I'm a better beyblader than him." Kai raised an eyebrow at Max.
"Excuse me? Since when did that ever happen?"
"Uuuuhhh. Don't worry, Brit. He talks tough, but he's as weak as that fat kid over there." Brit giggled as they looked over to see tears streaming down Tyson's face as Ray made him eat sand.
"You shouldn't talk like your better than everyone else when you're a petty weakling, Kai. You should listen to your superior, Max." Kai snapped at this remark from Brit. He abruptly stood up, then hauled Max to his feet by his shirt collar.
"Battle. Now." Kai spat the words out at Max.
"Uh. I don't know. I'm kind of tired of always beeting you, Kai." Brit stood tall beside Max.
"Come on, Max. Teach this guy a lesson about honesty. Kick his butt." She punched the air with her fist.
"Well, uh, um."
"Come on, Max. Your girlfriend's waiting to see your so called talent." Kai sneered at Max's situation. Max gulped.
"O-okay. Just let me, uh, um." Max reached his hand inside of his pocket for his blade and fumbled the blade as he attempted to fit it on his launcher. Kai swiftly produced his blade from his pocket and fit it perfectly on his launcher in one fluid motion.
"A-alright. Let's go." Max stuttered as he held his launcher up shakily. Kai smirked at his sudden change of attitude.
"Leave the bragging to the pros, Max. The pros who actually have talent to brag about, that is." Kai perfectly launched his blade to the ground. Max stiffley launched his blade and it landed, wobbling, on the ground.
"Crap. Kai's going to beat me in front of Brit! I can't let that happen! I'm a world champion!" To Max's surprise, he managed to channel his desperate energy into Draceil, adding power to it and making it spin faster. Unfortunatly, it wasn't enough. Kai had been pissed off at everyone ever since Tyson ate that glowing worm, that he channeled even more of his pissed off energy to his blade than Max had channeled into his. Dranzer was so powerful; it knocked Draceil skyhigh in one swift hit. Draceil landed uslessly at Brit's feet.
"Brit, I have something to confess. Those people you met before. They actually died in a car accident and my brother, Kai, was the one they really looked up to and the one that took in their orphaned kid brothers after their parents died from genital herpies. Please forgive me! I was only tring to be cool so that you would like me." Max picked up his blade and put it in his pocket, then strode over to Kai and gave him a hug.
"I love you man." Kai froze. To. Much. Hugging. Can't take much more happiness. Must.........Kill. Kill. KILL! NO MORE HAPPINESS! Kai silently screamed inside his head. Max pulled away as Brit smiled happily at Max and Kai.
"Aaaaawwww. You guys are to cute." Kai's eye twitched. Cute? CUTE? I AM NOT CUTE! PEOPLE DON'T FEAR ME BECAUSE I'M CUTE! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Kai silently screamed inside his head as he death glared bitterly at Max. Max gave a weak, unconvincing smile at Kai. Brit checked her watch.
"Shin-dig. I have to leave now, Maxie. See you later, kay." Brit kissed Max on the cheek and walked away. As soon as she was out of earshot, Max's weak smile spread into a huge grin.
"And it's just that simple." Max sat back down on his side of the bench. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head, closing his eyes and smiling. Kai spotted a rock about the size of his fist laying on the ground at his feet. A huge grin spread across his face. Time for revenge. Kai fit his blade on its launcher. Max opened one eye and looked at Kai suspiciously. He then launched his blade right over top of the rock. The blade hit the top corner of the rock, sending the rock flying through the air. It pegged Max in the sholder. Max immediately jumped to his feet, howling with pain. Kai, satisfied, sat down on his side of the bench.
"That ones for the hug." He spat at Max. Max rubbed his sholder, then sat down on the corner of his side of the bench, shaking a little. After a while, Ray walked up to the bench. He sat down beside Kai and looked at him with his big kitten eyes.
"Kaaaiii. I'm hungry. Cowd we eat somwewr in taown?" Kai felt like his insides were melting away from poison. He wasn't used to this kind of cuteness. Max spoke up timidly.
"We could go for chinease food." Kai stood up as Tyson and Kenny swaggered over to them, covered in bruises from the beating Ray had inflicted on them.
"We're going for chinease food, you little bastards. Hurry up." Kai snapped irratatedly at them. They all started walking toward the nearest chinease food restaurant, which was conveiniently located across the street from the park. They all stood on the side of the road, waiting for the traffic to pass. Ray looked up at Kai again.
"Kaaaiii. Wiw you pwease hold my hand acwoss the stweet?" Tyson looked up at Kai as well.
"Kaaaiii? Will you hold my hand to?" Kai shuddered at Tyson's question. It was bad enough to have a sickly cute kid take a liking to you, but to have a fat, stupid, ugly kid jelious of that attention. It was just sickening.
"Max, hold Tyson and Kenny's hand across the street." Tyson scowled at Kai as he said this to Max. Kai grabbed Ray's hand as the traffic stopped and practically dragged him across the street. Max, Kenny, and a scowling Tyson, followed.
At the table inside the restaurant
Everyone had ordered and were all eating silently, listening to the occasional squabble between Tyson, Kenny and Ray, or to Kenny ranting about the many wonders of China.
"Did you know that eighty-eight percent (Made up percentage) of all chinease food is made out of cats?" Everyone, but Tyson of course, lost a fraction of their appetite. Ray looked horrifyed. He looked up at Kai with his huge chibi eyes and squeked,"Kiiiittyyyy?" Kai looked down at Ray, no sympathey what so-ever in his eyes.
"Yes, Ray. Kitty." Almost as soon as he had uttered thease words, he had immediately wished he could take them back. Huge tears welled up in Ray's eyes. His bottom lip quivered.
"Um, uh, well look on the bright side, Ray." Kai raked his mind for words of comfort but came up with little to say. What bright side? Where is a bright side for killing cats? "They, uh, kill them before they skin them." Ray looked even more upset than before. Max cut in, hoping that his answer would make a difference. "It reduces the pet popullation so there are more places for homeless kitties to sleep." This remark from Max did make a difference, but unfortunatly, not the right difference they had hoped for. Tears streamed down Ray's face as he started bawling his eyes out. "WAAAAAAAAAAAA! EAWTY-EAWT PEWCENT OF AW KITTIES HAWVE NO HOUSES!" Kai reached across the table and punched Max hard in the sholder. Max flinched as he held his sholder.
"Nice going, backa. Now he'll never shut up."
"Ow. Why'd you punch me so hard?" Ray stopped crying and looked at Max, then started laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Agaiwn! AGAIWN! PAWNCH MAX AGAIWN!" Max looked at Kai with a hilariously scared look on his face.
"Kai, please don't hit me that hard again. Just hit me lightly. Please, I'm begging you. I'll pretend it hurt!" Kai smirked evily at Max.
"But he loves to see me inflict pain on people, plus your acting sucks." Kai punched Max three times in the same sholder, sending Ray into fits of laughter. The harder Kai hit Max, the harder Ray laughed. To bad I couldn't make everyone laugh by beating people up. I wouldn't have to worry about the cops then. After they had all eaten, they decided to go home.
At the house
Max was exhausted from being punched in the arm so many times by Kai, and Kai was a little tired of punching someone in the arm so many times, that he had to switch fists. Tyson and Kenny were still tired from their beating and Ray was ready for a catnap. They all decided to settle down to a nice, "quiet" game of risk. Ray decided to just use his pieces to help Kai out, Tyson and Kenny were allowed to work together to try and take over the board, leaving Max all by himself. Kenny proved to be a very good strategest, but him and Tyson lost to Ray and Kai's combined army's power. They had pouted about cheaters for a while, then when Max continued to ignore them, they went up to Tyson's room to play tellitubbies. Ray got tired and fell asleep in Kai's lap as Max tried desperatly to annihalate Kai's forces. The game carried on until super time, when Kai brutally defeated all of Max's men. Super, too, went by slowly. Kai made KD and sat in the living room with Ray and Max watching South Park. Tyson and Kenny ate in Tyson's room, still playing tellitubbies. Everyone went to bed early at the same time. Little did Kai know, the next day would be more than he could handle.
In the morning
Kai woke up to the sound of a little kid running up and down the hall, shouting,"CANDY! CANDY! CANDY! CANDY!" Kai sleepily sat up in his bed, trying to figure out who the little bastard was who had woke him up. Suddenly, it clicked. Who was the only bladebreaker that obsessed over candy more than Tyson and everyone else in the world combined?
"Fuck. Just what I need right now. Max. Chibi." Kai was the last teenaged bladebreaker left.
Authors Note: Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed torchuring these guys. Yes peoples, Kai is the last one standing. This cannot be good...for everyone else. Chaos is sure to ensue.
Special Thankz to Tika the Fire Goddess for that awsome review.
Authors Note: Hey all. How's it goin. Kaji is back with a new chapter hot off the press. Enjoy this cracked up chapter.
"Hello, Pizza Hut. How can I help you."
"Ya, I'd like to order, uh, one large pepperoni pizza, a large coke.... (In background) I WANT A PONY..... Tyswon! Kai is ordering peeza, not a powny......SHUT UP RAY! I WANT A PONY! Wait. Pizza? I WANT PIZZA..... Max? What kind of pizza do you want..... Oh, uh, a large bacon and cheese pizza and a pepsi.... I WANT PIZZA.... Kai! Tyswon tod me to shud up...... a large bacon and cheese pizza, just a sec, SHUT UP YOU LITTLE BASTARDS! And a pepsi...... I WANT AN EXTRA LARGE STUFFED CRUST HAWAIIAN PIZZA WITH EXTRA TOPPINGS AND 7 UP..... Could I have a small vegitarian special pizza....... Kai, cowed I have a medum bacon an doble cheese peeza, an wha does vegiteranean mean...... a medium bacon and double cheese pizza, a small vegitarian pizza and an extra large stuff crust Hawaiian pizza with extra toppings and 7 Up."
"Allright, that will all cost one hundred and fifty dollars and thirty one cents. We will be there in about thirty five minutes. If you can give us your address....." Kai wasn't in a cooking mood and Max had no idea how to cook, so they were ordering pizza for breakfast. Kai hung up the phone. Tyson and Kenny were sitting in the living room watching Franklin. Max was sitting upside down in a recliner reading comic books. Ray was following Kai around. Kai walked into the living room and looked with distaste at the TV. Franklin had just ended and now the Bear in the Big Blue House was dancing around the screen. Ray cowered behind Kai. He was shaking as though he had just been through the most terrifying haunted house that was ever built. Kai looked at Ray with a raised eyebrow.
"What's wrong with you? You look like you've seen the inside of Tyson's underwear drawer." Kai asked. Ray gripped Kai's pant leg and grimanced as the bear on TV started to sing a song about being happy.
"I don't wike the twee house chanawl. It scawrs me. That beawr is scawry! I gets bad dreams from watching this chanawl." Ray gripped Kai's pant leg tighter as the bear started to dance and sing with little animals dancing around it. Kai looked at the TV and grinned. He walked over to the coffee table, picked up the remote and changed the channel to MTV. Tyson and Kenny looked up at Kai alarmed.
"HEY! I was watching The Bear In The Big Blue House! CHANGE IT BACK!" Tyson screamed. Kai gave him a smack on the side of his head. Tyson glared at him.
"Shut up you little brat. And respect your elders." He snapped.
"You can't tell me what to do! I can do what I want when I OW! THAT HURT!" Kai had smacked Tyson on the side of his head again. Tyson rubbed his head and made a face at Kai, who retaliated by giving Tyson another smack.
"If I hear any more out of you, you won't get any pizza. In fact, no more food at all. You really need to lose a couple hundred pounds any way. Maybe we should start now. Ya. Cutting back on pizza should do the trick." Tyson looked horrified.
"NO. Anything but that. Please? You wouldn't dare! I promise I'll be good." Tyson pleaded pathetically.
"We'll see, Tyson. If I get any more trouble from you, it'll be diet time." Kai threatened. Tyson winced at the sound of the word diet. Ray loosened his grip on Kai's pant leg a little bit and looked out from behind him. Just then, the doorbell rang. Kai was just about to start walking over to answer the door when something small ran out in front of him and opened the door.
"Hello. I have an order for, uh, Tyson Granger. A coke, 7 Up, pepsi, an extra large...."
"Ya ya ya. I knows what he ordered. Jus gimmi the stuff an pud id on his tab." Ray took all the pizza boxes, 7 Up, coke and pepsi, closed the door in the delivery boy's face, and headed to the dining room. Kai was a little surprised at this sudden change of modesty. He followed Ray into the dining room. Ray loaded up a plate of his pizza and walked past Kai without saying anything and headed for the living room. As soon as he reached the living room, Kai heard the sound of thunderous, scampering feet stampeding for the kitchen. Tyson and Kenny ran as fast as they could through the kitchen, grabbed plates, loaded up with pizza, and then ran as fast as they could out of the kitchen, back to the living room in the blink of an eye. Max came walking in lazily. He grabbed a plate and took two slices of pizza. He sighed.
"Guess what they're watching in there." He asked Kai. Kai shrugged.
"Bear in the big blue house?" He asked Max dully. Max shook his head.
"It's worse."
"Pokemon?"
"Nope. Worse."
"Blues Clues?"
"No. Still way off."
"Dora the Explorer?"
"Still way off. I didn't know you knew so many little kid shows, Kai."
"Shut up Max. I see the titles every day when I'm channel surfing around YTV. How about Bob the Builder?"
"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay worse than Bob the Builder."
"Eliot Moose?"
"Nope."
"Franklin?"
"Negative."
"Rainbow Fish?"
"No."
"(shudder) Barny?"
"Ha ha, no. Way worse than that."
"Beyblade."
"TRAITOR!" "I give up Max. What are they watching in there?" Just as Max opened his mouth to respond, a defening yell came from the living room and then shrill crying was heard. Kai closed his eyes and sighed.
"Let's go see why Ray is crying." He and Max walked through the kitchen door and into the living room, only to come across the strangest sight they had ever seen. Both of them were speechless. Tyson and Kenny were running around the living room in circles, both of which had a bent coat hanger on his head, which were bent into a weird symbol. Tyson was carrying a black purse. Ray was crying very loudly and was curled up in a corner on the couch, terrified. The tellitubies were running around on the TV screen.
"I'm Tinki Winki!" Tyson yelled at the top of his lungs.
"I'm Lala!" Kenny yelled, then stopped dead in his tracks as he saw Kai and Max standing in the doorway watching them. Tyson slammed into the back of Kenny and fell on his butt. Kai grabbed Tyson by the scruff of the neck and hauled him up onto his feet, took the coat hanger off of his head and yelled, "What the hell do you think you're doing?! You're scaring the crap out of Ray! And, were the hell did you get that purse?" Tyson had a sulky look on his face. Kenny took the coat hanger off of his head and shrunk down onto the couch. Max turned off the TV and then went to comfort Ray, who was still crying and completely terrified.
"We're playing Tellitubbies and that's what me and Kenny do all the time. My grandpa gave me this purse so that I could be Tinki Winki for Halloween." Tyson glared at Kai.
"It's true." Came Kenny's squeaky voice from the couch. Ray was still howling in terror. Kai let go of Tyson. Max was trying desperately to cheer Ray up, but nothing seemed to be working. Kenny and Tyson grabbed their half eaten pizza and ran upstairs to Tyson's bedroom, were they could finish their game of Tellitubbies without being disturbed. Kai walked over to Max and Ray and sat down on the couch beside Ray, who flung himself on top of Kai in a big hug and started to cry into his shoulder. Kai was completely surprised by this sudden action and didn't know what to do next. Max gave Kai a huge grin and patted Ray on the back. Ray continued to sob into Kai's shoulder but was finally starting to calm down. Kai remained expressionless. He looked down at Ray and asked, "What's your favorite show?" Ray stopped sobbing and looked up into Kai's eyes.
"sniff. I. Like. um. sniff. I like. Sagwa the Siamese Chinese Cat and Mon Colle Knights." Ray responded timidly. Kai picked up the remote. He channel surfed until he found Mon Colle Knights. Ray turned around, still red faced, to face the TV, still sitting on Kai's lap, and stopped crying completely. Max went into the kitchen and came out with pizza for both himself and Kai. He handed one to Kai and picked up Ray's plate and handed it to him. He sat down beside Kai and they continued to watch TV. I never thought that Kai actually had a sensitive side. Max thought to himself. After watching TV for a while, Kenny and Tyson came downstairs, Tellitubby free, and stood in front of the TV as if they were trying to make a statement. Ray was looking upset by this sudden intrusion. Kai was in a very irritable mood.
"Move out of the way, you little bastards." He growled at them. Tyson looked very defiant. He puffed out his chest and Kenny tried to mimic him, except it looked more like he was trying to stand on his tippi toes.
"I want to go to the park." He said snobbily. Ray looked up at Kai with big eyes.
"Could we pwease go, Kai? Pwetty pwetty pwease?" Ray begged with puppy dog eyes. Kai sighed.
"Alright, we'll go. Go and get your shoes on." Kenny and Tyson cheered and ran for the door. Ray jumped off of Kai's lap and turned to face Kai, who had stood up and was walking to the door with Max.
"Kai? Can you pwease hewp me put my shoes on pwease?" Ray gave Kai puppy dog eyes and Kai shuddered.
"(sigh) Alright." Ray led Kai and Max to the door and Kai helped Ray tie his shoes. Max sniggered at Kai behind his back. Tyson tugged at Kai's arm.
"Kai. Could you please help me tie my shoes?" He asked kindly, giving Kai puppy dog eyes. Kai shuddered again.
"Max. Help Tyson."
"NO! I WANT KAI TO HELP ME! NOT YOU MAX! NOW!" Tyson screamed as Max attempted to help him.
"Tyson. You stupid idiotic kid. Your shoes are already tied. Why the hell would you need someone to help you!" Kai glared at Tyson and Tyson glared back. Max tried unsuccessfully to stifle a laugh. Kai turned his death glare on Max who shuddered down into a corner, then turned to Kenny with a huge grin and started to tie his shoes, even when Kenny tried to point out that he already knew how to tie his shoes. Tyson continued to pout.
At the Park
Kai and Max were sitting on opposite sides of a bench in the park watching Ray throw sand in Tyson's eyes for pushing him into the sandbox. Kenny was laughing at Ray until Ray threw sand in Tyson's eyes. Kenny threw a fit when Ray threw sand at him to. He screamed at Ray, who was sitting in the sandbox. Tyson was laughing his head off. Kai was watching intently to see if Ray would burst out crying, which would give him a reason to go back home and ground Tyson and maybe even Kenny. To his surprise, Ray gave a shrill war cry, stood up, and started punching and kicking Tyson as hard as he could. Tyson dropped to the ground in a ball as Ray continued to kick him in the back, while Kenny screamed girlishly and pulled at Ray's hair, only to get kicked in the side. Kai was speechless, although he didn't show it, as Ray continued to brutally beat Tyson into submission. Kenny was curled into a quivering ball on the ground.
"Um, Max? I think your fat little friend there is getting beaten up by that boy with a pony tail." A feminine voice came from Max's side of the bench. Kai glanced over to were Max was sitting to see a girl standing next to Max. It was Brit. This time she was holding a Barbie doll in her hand. Max looked casually at the massive beating Tyson was receiving, then looked back at Brit.
"That fat kid is Tyson, my brother, and the one cowering on the floor is Kenny, my other brother, and the one kicking the shit out of the other two is Ray, my other brother." Max finished lazily. Brit looked a little confused.
"You have three brothers? What ever happened to those other two kids?" Max grinned.
"Oh, their in jail. Shoplifting. Pretty sad, eh?"
"Who the hell are you talking about? You don't know anyone in jail." Kai muttered at Max.
"Heh, heh, heh, don't mind him. He's just mad because I'm a better beyblader than him." Kai raised an eyebrow at Max.
"Excuse me? Since when did that ever happen?"
"Uuuuhhh. Don't worry, Brit. He talks tough, but he's as weak as that fat kid over there." Brit giggled as they looked over to see tears streaming down Tyson's face as Ray made him eat sand.
"You shouldn't talk like your better than everyone else when you're a petty weakling, Kai. You should listen to your superior, Max." Kai snapped at this remark from Brit. He abruptly stood up, then hauled Max to his feet by his shirt collar.
"Battle. Now." Kai spat the words out at Max.
"Uh. I don't know. I'm kind of tired of always beeting you, Kai." Brit stood tall beside Max.
"Come on, Max. Teach this guy a lesson about honesty. Kick his butt." She punched the air with her fist.
"Well, uh, um."
"Come on, Max. Your girlfriend's waiting to see your so called talent." Kai sneered at Max's situation. Max gulped.
"O-okay. Just let me, uh, um." Max reached his hand inside of his pocket for his blade and fumbled the blade as he attempted to fit it on his launcher. Kai swiftly produced his blade from his pocket and fit it perfectly on his launcher in one fluid motion.
"A-alright. Let's go." Max stuttered as he held his launcher up shakily. Kai smirked at his sudden change of attitude.
"Leave the bragging to the pros, Max. The pros who actually have talent to brag about, that is." Kai perfectly launched his blade to the ground. Max stiffley launched his blade and it landed, wobbling, on the ground.
"Crap. Kai's going to beat me in front of Brit! I can't let that happen! I'm a world champion!" To Max's surprise, he managed to channel his desperate energy into Draceil, adding power to it and making it spin faster. Unfortunatly, it wasn't enough. Kai had been pissed off at everyone ever since Tyson ate that glowing worm, that he channeled even more of his pissed off energy to his blade than Max had channeled into his. Dranzer was so powerful; it knocked Draceil skyhigh in one swift hit. Draceil landed uslessly at Brit's feet.
"Brit, I have something to confess. Those people you met before. They actually died in a car accident and my brother, Kai, was the one they really looked up to and the one that took in their orphaned kid brothers after their parents died from genital herpies. Please forgive me! I was only tring to be cool so that you would like me." Max picked up his blade and put it in his pocket, then strode over to Kai and gave him a hug.
"I love you man." Kai froze. To. Much. Hugging. Can't take much more happiness. Must.........Kill. Kill. KILL! NO MORE HAPPINESS! Kai silently screamed inside his head. Max pulled away as Brit smiled happily at Max and Kai.
"Aaaaawwww. You guys are to cute." Kai's eye twitched. Cute? CUTE? I AM NOT CUTE! PEOPLE DON'T FEAR ME BECAUSE I'M CUTE! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! Kai silently screamed inside his head as he death glared bitterly at Max. Max gave a weak, unconvincing smile at Kai. Brit checked her watch.
"Shin-dig. I have to leave now, Maxie. See you later, kay." Brit kissed Max on the cheek and walked away. As soon as she was out of earshot, Max's weak smile spread into a huge grin.
"And it's just that simple." Max sat back down on his side of the bench. He leaned back and put his hands behind his head, closing his eyes and smiling. Kai spotted a rock about the size of his fist laying on the ground at his feet. A huge grin spread across his face. Time for revenge. Kai fit his blade on its launcher. Max opened one eye and looked at Kai suspiciously. He then launched his blade right over top of the rock. The blade hit the top corner of the rock, sending the rock flying through the air. It pegged Max in the sholder. Max immediately jumped to his feet, howling with pain. Kai, satisfied, sat down on his side of the bench.
"That ones for the hug." He spat at Max. Max rubbed his sholder, then sat down on the corner of his side of the bench, shaking a little. After a while, Ray walked up to the bench. He sat down beside Kai and looked at him with his big kitten eyes.
"Kaaaiii. I'm hungry. Cowd we eat somwewr in taown?" Kai felt like his insides were melting away from poison. He wasn't used to this kind of cuteness. Max spoke up timidly.
"We could go for chinease food." Kai stood up as Tyson and Kenny swaggered over to them, covered in bruises from the beating Ray had inflicted on them.
"We're going for chinease food, you little bastards. Hurry up." Kai snapped irratatedly at them. They all started walking toward the nearest chinease food restaurant, which was conveiniently located across the street from the park. They all stood on the side of the road, waiting for the traffic to pass. Ray looked up at Kai again.
"Kaaaiii. Wiw you pwease hold my hand acwoss the stweet?" Tyson looked up at Kai as well.
"Kaaaiii? Will you hold my hand to?" Kai shuddered at Tyson's question. It was bad enough to have a sickly cute kid take a liking to you, but to have a fat, stupid, ugly kid jelious of that attention. It was just sickening.
"Max, hold Tyson and Kenny's hand across the street." Tyson scowled at Kai as he said this to Max. Kai grabbed Ray's hand as the traffic stopped and practically dragged him across the street. Max, Kenny, and a scowling Tyson, followed.
At the table inside the restaurant
Everyone had ordered and were all eating silently, listening to the occasional squabble between Tyson, Kenny and Ray, or to Kenny ranting about the many wonders of China.
"Did you know that eighty-eight percent (Made up percentage) of all chinease food is made out of cats?" Everyone, but Tyson of course, lost a fraction of their appetite. Ray looked horrifyed. He looked up at Kai with his huge chibi eyes and squeked,"Kiiiittyyyy?" Kai looked down at Ray, no sympathey what so-ever in his eyes.
"Yes, Ray. Kitty." Almost as soon as he had uttered thease words, he had immediately wished he could take them back. Huge tears welled up in Ray's eyes. His bottom lip quivered.
"Um, uh, well look on the bright side, Ray." Kai raked his mind for words of comfort but came up with little to say. What bright side? Where is a bright side for killing cats? "They, uh, kill them before they skin them." Ray looked even more upset than before. Max cut in, hoping that his answer would make a difference. "It reduces the pet popullation so there are more places for homeless kitties to sleep." This remark from Max did make a difference, but unfortunatly, not the right difference they had hoped for. Tears streamed down Ray's face as he started bawling his eyes out. "WAAAAAAAAAAAA! EAWTY-EAWT PEWCENT OF AW KITTIES HAWVE NO HOUSES!" Kai reached across the table and punched Max hard in the sholder. Max flinched as he held his sholder.
"Nice going, backa. Now he'll never shut up."
"Ow. Why'd you punch me so hard?" Ray stopped crying and looked at Max, then started laughing.
"Ha ha ha ha ha! Agaiwn! AGAIWN! PAWNCH MAX AGAIWN!" Max looked at Kai with a hilariously scared look on his face.
"Kai, please don't hit me that hard again. Just hit me lightly. Please, I'm begging you. I'll pretend it hurt!" Kai smirked evily at Max.
"But he loves to see me inflict pain on people, plus your acting sucks." Kai punched Max three times in the same sholder, sending Ray into fits of laughter. The harder Kai hit Max, the harder Ray laughed. To bad I couldn't make everyone laugh by beating people up. I wouldn't have to worry about the cops then. After they had all eaten, they decided to go home.
At the house
Max was exhausted from being punched in the arm so many times by Kai, and Kai was a little tired of punching someone in the arm so many times, that he had to switch fists. Tyson and Kenny were still tired from their beating and Ray was ready for a catnap. They all decided to settle down to a nice, "quiet" game of risk. Ray decided to just use his pieces to help Kai out, Tyson and Kenny were allowed to work together to try and take over the board, leaving Max all by himself. Kenny proved to be a very good strategest, but him and Tyson lost to Ray and Kai's combined army's power. They had pouted about cheaters for a while, then when Max continued to ignore them, they went up to Tyson's room to play tellitubbies. Ray got tired and fell asleep in Kai's lap as Max tried desperatly to annihalate Kai's forces. The game carried on until super time, when Kai brutally defeated all of Max's men. Super, too, went by slowly. Kai made KD and sat in the living room with Ray and Max watching South Park. Tyson and Kenny ate in Tyson's room, still playing tellitubbies. Everyone went to bed early at the same time. Little did Kai know, the next day would be more than he could handle.
In the morning
Kai woke up to the sound of a little kid running up and down the hall, shouting,"CANDY! CANDY! CANDY! CANDY!" Kai sleepily sat up in his bed, trying to figure out who the little bastard was who had woke him up. Suddenly, it clicked. Who was the only bladebreaker that obsessed over candy more than Tyson and everyone else in the world combined?
"Fuck. Just what I need right now. Max. Chibi." Kai was the last teenaged bladebreaker left.
Authors Note: Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed torchuring these guys. Yes peoples, Kai is the last one standing. This cannot be good...for everyone else. Chaos is sure to ensue.
Special Thankz to Tika the Fire Goddess for that awsome review.