Authors Note:

Kaji: Okay, now. I'm finally back from vacation. Here's another chapter. Hope you enjoy! I made it extra long to make up for the amount of time I made you guys wait. Sorry about that. Anyways...

Kurai: Down in the workshop, all the elves are making toys. For the good gentle girls, and the good gentle boys. When the boss busted in, nearly scared them half to death. Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath. From his beard to his boots, he was covered with ammo. Like a big fat drunk disgruntled, yuletide bramble. He smiled and he said, with a twinkle in his eye, "Merry Christmas to all, now your all gonna die!"

Tori: Great. Kurai's singing Weird Al Yankovic Christmas carols now.

Kurai: The night Santa went crazy. The night St. Nick went insane. Realized he'd been gettin the wrong deal. Something finally must've snapped in his brain.

Kaji: Anyways!

Tori: I want to do the disclaimer before Kurai starts singing again.

Disclaimer: I don't own beyblade or any of the characters. Now, because of Kurai, I also have to say I don't own the song "The Night Santa Went Crazy." Thanks.

Kurai: Baby.

Kaji: ANYWAYS! Here's the story.

How to Make Kai Cry

"What are you doing?"

"Research."

"Why?"

"Because. I need to find out some information."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"I enjoy doing it. That's why."

"Geek."

"Excuse me? What did you just call me?"

"A geek."

"That's not very nice. You shouldn't call people names. It could really hurt their feelings."

"Baby."

"Do you want to be sent to your room?"

"Fuck you."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"Fuck you."

"That's it. I'm going to ground you."

"Fuck you." Kai got up and walked away from Kenny, who he had been pestering for fun. Kenny, furious, grabbed an extremely bored Kai by the arm and dragged him out of the kitchen into the living room where Rei was sitting on the couch, watching TV, and Max was still sitting in the same recliner, playing the same video game.

"Rei! Do you know what Kai just said to me?" Rei flipped the channel.

"No idea." Kenny scowled and let go of Kai's arm to point at him instead.

"He told me............. he said........... the eff word, then the word you. I can't ever think of where he could have adopted such a potty mouth." Rei let out a huge sigh, then simply replied, "So? What are you going to do about it?" Kenny looked taken aback.

"What?"

"What are you going to do to punish him for swearing and calling you names?" Kenny thought for a second, then responded,

"A time out. How about that? Or we could send him to his room." Rei rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. Like I care anyway." Kenny turned to Kai, who was now staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head in a casual way with a glazed look of boredom sweeping across his face. Kenny thought for a bit, then came to his final conclusion.

"Alright then. Kai, go to your room." Kai shrugged.

"Whatever. You people are boring anyway." He casually walked out of the room and up the stairs. Kenny beamed at his superiority.

"I am totally in control. Man I feel good!"

"Shut up, Kenny." Max replied from his recliner. Rei simply flicked the channel for his response. Kenny silently sat down beside Rei.

Upstairs

"Hey Kai. Um. Look. I'm sorry I called you an ass kisser earlier. I didn't think when I called you it, so please forgive me." Kai raised an eyebrow at Tyson and almost burst out laughing.

"You. Thinking? HAH! I can't believe it! I guess miracles really do exist!" Kai slammed his bedroom door in Tyson's face, not realizing that he had just been apologized to. Tyson slumped away, only to slip on the marbles Kai had been playing with in the hallway at the top of the stairs (until Tyson had attempted to apologize to him, then retreated back into his bedroom) and fell all the way to the bottom, landing with an Earth shattering crash that made both Max and Rei look up and laugh.

"Be quiet. Not funny. Stupid marbles."

"That was good for a laugh." Rei chuckled.

"Seriously. We have to get Kai back to normal." Tyson groaned. Ray sighed.

"I guess you're right. But how? He's not afraid of anything. Except maybe......of course! How could we ever forget about that! Tyson, for once in my life; I'm happy to know you." Max looked up at Rei, fear written all over his face.

"Rei. Y-you're s-s-serious? Do you have brain damage or something? OH MY GOD! YOUR NOT REI! YOUR REI'S EVIL TWIN BROTHER MAHHHHHCALACAHIGH!" Rei raised an eyebrow at Max.

"Max? Are you on drugs?" Max shook his head.

"I think I need some candy." He reached into his pocket to retrieve some candy.

"Kay. Let's go make Kai cry." Tyson turned around and headed up the stairs.

"Famous last words." Rei sneered behind Tyson. Max began to dig more frantically in his pocket.

"OH MY GOD! I HAD FIVE JAW BREAKERS IN MY POCKET! I ONLY HAVE FOUR NOW! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M MISSING A PIECE OF GUM TO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Rei sighed.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." Max stopped screaming and stood up; throwing his gameboy down on the seat of the recliner behind him.

"I guess I'll come to. I'd like to see what you've got planned." Max followed Rei sulkily up the stairs. Kenny decided to stay out of it and keep to himself downstairs. Tyson was standing outside of Kai's bedroom extremely annoyed at their sluggishness.

"Come on, come on. I want to make Kai cry already." Rei opened Kai's bedroom door and found that he was nowhere in sight.

"Where could he have gotten off to now?" Tyson thought impatiently out loud. The three of them split up to search the whole room, and couldn't find him anywhere. Kai came walking into the bedroom behind them, licking a jawbreaker. Max's eyes went insanely wide.

"That's my jawbreaker!" Kai looked at Max with an expression of great remorse.

"I'm so sorry, Maxy. I didn't know it was yours when Tyson gave it to me." Max's expression turned a little sane for a second, then he rounded on Tyson.

"YOU STOLE MY CANDY! YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Max chased Tyson down the hallway, down the stairs, into the kitchen, then into the backyard. Rei sighed. He turned to Kai who had a look of utter confusion on his face.

"How did you get out?" Kai smiled solemnly.

"Secret entrance." Rei raised an eyebrow at him. "It's right here." Kai opened his closet and pointed at a trapdoor that blended right in with the carpet. "It goes into the hallway closet below. It's just a drop off, so I almost hurt my ankle doing it just now." Rei shook his head.

"We can't have you getting hurt now. I'm going to have to lock your closet so you can't get back in." Rei closed the closet and then got some duck tape and duck taped the closet handles together. He made to walk out of the room, but when he reached the doorway he turned back to Kai.

"I have a top secret job that only you can do." Kai's eyes lightened up at the sound of this. Rei continued, "Come here and I'll tell you more about this. I can't let the others hear about your mission. It's top secret." Kai jumped off of his bead and stumbled over to Rei. Rei leaned closer to Kai and whispered, "I need you to go; into Tyson's bedroom; and steal; the dirties pair of underwear you can find in there." Kai's expression dropped. "I need the yellowiest; smelliest; most disgusting pair you can find. If you find some with brown spots on them, you'll score extra points. Fail this test; and you're going back to biovolt for the rest of your life." Kai's expression fell lower than the state of complete sorrow and misery; Rei felt a massive surge of guilt.

"I thought you said this was a mission. Not a test." Kai barely managed to squeak. An evil grin spread across Rei's face; even though he felt horrible inside for torturing such a cute little kid like this.

"I changed my mind. Now do this right; or it's back to old Borris forever." Tears weld up in Kai's eyes. He tried to rub them away with his hands; but they overflowed and spilled out onto his face. Rei was being overwhelmed by guilt and pity for Kai.

"I was just joking Kai. I'm sorry. I didn't think you'd cry." Rei tried to lie to ease the guilt.

"I-I'm not. I'm not crying. My eyes are broken. That's all. I'm not a crybaby. I never cry."

"That's right. You're eyes must be broken if you of all people are crying. Come on, do you want a cookie?"

"Y-yah." Kai sobbed as he wiped away the rest of his tears.

"Alright then. Let's get you a cookie. Kai grabbed Rei's hand and Rei led him to the kitchen.

Downstairs

Kai sat happily on the counter munching on a cookie as Rei put the tin away in the cupboard. Hilary came storming into the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. She wrenched open the fridge and snatched out the water container. She poured herself a glass of water and leaned against the counter, clearly pissed off. Kai cocked his head at her.

"Whatsa matter, Hiwawee?" He put up his cutest quizzitive face. She smiled at him and giggled a bit, before replying, "Oh, it's just Tyson and Max. I was relaxing nice and peacefully by that old apple tree out back, and Tyson and Max come running out; screaming and hollering like a bunch of monkeys! Max chased Tyson up the tree; somehow the tree didn't break when Tyson climbed up, and started yelling something about stolen candy! Of course Tyson starts yelling back and now it's so noisy, you can't hear yourself think." Rei snickered at her but stopped abruptly as she shot him a death glare. Kai jumped down from the counter and walked out of the kitchen.

"Where yah goin?" Rei called after him. Kai's head appeared in the doorway.

"I'm going to go up to my room to play." He disappeared out of view.

"I had to seal up that one secret entrance in his room so he wouldn't hurt himself at this size. Oh, and I got him to cry once. Don't ask how. I don't quite get it myself. All I know though is that it's biovolt that gets under his skin." Hilary sighed.

"I'd think there'd be something wrong with him if it didn't bug him. No wonder he never talks about anything personal." She swirled her drink around as the shouts from outside carried on into the kitchen area. Rei suddenly got an idea.

"Hilary. I've got another way we can make Kai cry. I need you to do it, though. I can't. My conscience is driving me crazy after that last bit." Hilary nodded.

Upstairs

Hilary knocked softly on Kai's bedroom door. Nobody answered. She knocked again. No answer. Someone tugged on the back of her shirt and she wheeled around, slightly startled. Kai was standing there chewing a piece of gum. Hilary was more than confused.

"Didn't you say you were going to play in your room?" Kai nodded.

"I left my room through the "secret exit" under my bed. It drops down into the bathroom cupboard downstairs." Hilary opened the door to Kai's bedroom and looked under the bed. Sure enough, once you squinted, you could make out the outline of a secret door that blended right in with the carpet.

"That's a pretty steep drop. You could really hurt yourself! I forbid you to use this door." Hilary got a roll of duck tape and duck taped the door shut. "There. That should do it. Why didn't you just use your bedroom door?" Kai shrugged.

"Didn't feel like it." Hilary gave a heavy sigh of defeat.

"Oh, wait. Before I forget. Kai, I'm sorry, but your grandfather is here to pick you up. He says he's going to take you back to Biovolt. Rei's downstairs trying to get them to change their minds, but it's not going to well. I'm so sorry Kai." Tears welled up in Kai's eyes and he gave Hilary a hug.

"I don't wanna go back to Biovolt. Tell Rei to make them go away. And I'm not crying. My eyes are just broken. I should get new ones. These ones are cheap. I just fixed them and they're already broken." Hilary hugged Kai back. She now knew why Rei couldn't lie to Kai again. Her guilt seemed to be eating away at her soul.

"Let's see if they're gone now." Hilary picked up Kai and he leaned his head against her shoulder. She quickly glanced out the window and a smile spread across her face. "Look, Kai! They're all gone! Rei made them go away. Don't worry. You'll never go back to that awful place ever again." Kai tried to wipe away all of his tears, but they wouldn't stop. "Want to go downstairs and watch TV with me and Rei?" Kai finally managed to stop crying.

"Uh-huh." Hilary carried him out of the room and down the stairs to the living room. Kenny was in the kitchen typing on his computer again and Rei was sitting at the coffee table with three bowls of soup in front of him.

"I made lunch." He said bluntly. Hilary sat down on the couch beside Rei and Kai sat on her lap. Kai immediately gave Rei a hug.

"Thank you, Wei; for getting wid of all the bad people." Rei looked quizzically over to Hilary, who just smiled at him.

"I put in a good word for you." They turned on the TV and ate their soup in silence. After an hour or two, Kai suddenly jumped clear off the couch and over the coffee table. Hilary and Rei looked at him in disbelief.

"Spider." Kai simply remarked. Rei squished it and Kai came back and sat down between the two. Kai leaned his head against Rei's shoulder and curled up in a ball on the couch. Rei slowly began to doze off and was only half awake when Hilary said she needed to get home for supper. It was around six o'clock when Rei was prodded awake by Tyson.

"Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeei. I'm hungry. Make something to eat." Max had just let Tyson down from the tree, so they had both missed lunch. Rei groaned and sat up properly, rubbing his eyes. He carefully stood up and placed a pillow under Kai's head so he wouldn't wake up, then headed to the kitchen. He made spaghetti and everyone pulled out TV trays and set them up with chairs in the living room. Rei made a little spot for Kai for when he woke up. After thirty minutes, Kai woke up with his supper right in front of him. Everyone was all settled in at their tables and started to dig in, when Rei flicked the TV channel to the movie channels and put the movie "Eight Legged Freaks" on. Kai's head snapped up from his plate as he slurped up some spaghetti.

"I love this movie! I'm arachnophobic, so it makes it a little scary for me to watch." Rei sighed. They were going to watch a movie that he was sure would make Kai cry, but he was wrong. Kai laughed at all the gory parts and all the parts where people died and had the time of his life. Rei hoped he would at least cry three more times so the normal Kai would be back in the morning, but things weren't going the way as planned. After the movie everyone cleaned up their areas and went off to bed. A bucket of water fell on Tyson's head when he opened his bedroom door. Kai admitted he put it up there when he went to play up in his room, but said it was because he wanted to clean the floor. Everyone but Tyson believed him. They all dozed off to a nice, peaceful sleep. It was around two in the morning when Rei woke up to the noise of crying. It wasn't too loud, so he was surprised it had woken him up. He climbed out of bed and realized it was Kai. He opened the door to Kai's bedroom and saw him sobbing into his covers.

"My stupid eyes are broken again." He mumbled as Rei approached him. He sat down on the side of the bed next to Kai.

"What's wrong, Kai? Have a nightmare?" He whispered kindly. Kai nodded slightly.

"I dreamed that I was at biowolt." Rei's guilt surged back inside of him. The only reason Kai had this nightmare was because he scared Kai by telling him that people from biovolt were back to take him back to that awful place. He pulled Kai into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Kai. It didn't really happen. It was all just a dream." Kai hugged Rei back. When they pulled away, Kai rubbed at his eyes viciously.

"My stupid eyes are broken. I keep crying. I'm turning into a cry baby."

"I wouldn't think you were human if you didn't cry when stuff like this happened to you at the age you're at now. You'd be a robot. You wouldn't have a heart." Kai sniffed.

"But, I'm weak if I cry." Rei frowned.

"Who told you that?"

"My gampaw."

"Well, you don't have to worry about being a man just yet. You're a little kid right now. Don't try to be too tough or you'll grow up bad." Kai smiled widely at Rei.

"I (sniff) wanna grow up to be just like you, Rei. I think your cool." Rei grinned at Kai.

"I know I am. Hey, how'd you like to go on a top secret, very dangerous mission, Kai?" Kai nodded, an evil grin spread across his face.

"Just as long as it doesn't involve Tyson's underwear, I'm in."

"Okay, get a warm glass of water and meet me in Tyson's bedroom. Be as quiet as you can, don't wake anyone up. Tyson's a heavy sleeper so we probably won't be able to wake him up anyway." Kai got out of bed and snuck stealthily towards the door and disappeared down the hall. Minutes later he came back with a glass of warm water and met Rei outside of Tyson's bedroom door.

"Alright. Plug your nose. We're going in." Rei took the glass from Kai. Kai grinned and plugged his nose, as did Rei. They opened the door and walked into the room. They waded through piles and piles of dirty laundry and dirty dishes. When they finally reached Tyson's bedside ten minutes later, Rei set the glass on Tyson's floor, then put Tyson's hand in the cup.

"All right. Mission accomplished." Kai looked confused.

"Why did you do that?"

"In the morning, Tyson will have wet the bed because that's what happens when you put someone's hand in warm water when they're sleeping." Kai still looked confused.

"They pee the bed?" Rei nodded.

"Cool. Hey, look at this Rei!" Kai pointed to Tyson's bedside table. "Isn't that Drigger and Draceil?" Rei looked to where Kai was pointing and realized he was right.

"Tyson's been stealing a lot lately. Well, I'll just take these and put them in my room until morning. I'll give Max back his beyblade then." Kai gave Rei the thumbs up sign as Rei pocketed Drigger and Draceil, then returned the thumbs up to Kai.

"Mission accomplished."

In the Morning

After breakfast, where for once they all encountered a silent Tyson who seemed to have his mind preoccupied with something, Rei told Max about Tyson stealing their beyblades and gave Draceil back to him. Max rounded on Tyson who was sitting on the couch as Kai watched with an evil smirk on his face. Before Max could get one word out, though, the doorbell rang.

"Max! Could you get that? I'm busy with dishes." Rei called from the kitchen. Max reluctantly went to answer the door.

"Hi Max! I see you're out of rehab."

"Uh, hi Brit."

"Could I talk to you for a sec?"

"S-sure! Come right on in."

End note:

Kaji: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! I finally wrote this big huge freaking long chapter. At least I think it's freaking long. Sorry this came so late. It hasn't been updated in like, what, a month? So sorry! I did it as soon as I could. Anyways, here are all of the wonderful people who reviewed my story and kept me inspired to write more.

NettikGirl: Yay! I know Italian now! Sort of. I never knew that molto was Italian for very. Thanks! Yah. Kai acts pretty evil.

CrimsonShadows(Pyro Inu: Glad you thought it was really funny. Always happy to make someone laugh uncontrollably.

Tears of Eternal Darkness: Thanks for the spelling correction. I must have missed that.

Phoenix-Roar: Glad you liked. I like making ppl laugh with my insanity.

Hazel-Beka: I've started spacing out my work now so it wasn't so hard to read. Anyways, your idea was pretty awesome (even though Tyson got mauled, but what fun would it be if Tyson didn't get hurt once in a while. More like once every minute!) Glad you like my story. Best of luck with your friend.

Moonsun098098: It was hard, but BIOVOLT actually came in handy. If it weren't for that, then Kai would stay a kid forever.

Fallen Phoenix: Thankz. There's a bit of swearing in this chapter but not that much, so I hope you enjoy.

DarkWolf88: You helped me a bit with figuring out how to make Kai cry, so thankz a bunch. Your suggestion about taking him to his grandfathers was great, even though it was cruel. It worked though! And Kai got to take it out on Tyson. It was all worth it.

Zetunia: Glad you like!

Chibi Amo: I'm glad you like! Ja ne. Is that Japanese or another language or did you make it up? Just wondering.

Shadowbird13: Glad you think it's cool.

Fireli'leana: Your brother has some pretty awesome and meaningful quotes. Glad you like my story.

Izumi Princess of Darkness: Those are great suggestions to make Kai cry, except he'd probably just get really mad if you tried to force feed him bressel sprouts, liver and brocolie (plus I used that one on Max already and I want to come up with something new) and he'd probably most definitely kill you. Sand in his eye wouldn't really make him cry but his eyes would water. (They have to be crying.) Same for if you tortured Tyson. (Although Kurai really wanted to put that one in.) Great ideas though. Oh, and same question as Chibi Amo. Ja Ne?

Kaji: Wow. I've never had that many reviews for one chapter before. Not bad for a first fan fic, eh? Anyways, R&R plz ppl!

Kurai: I'll sing you more of my song next chapter.

Tori: (groans and rolls eyes) Do you have to?

Kurai: Yup.

Tori: You weren't supposed to answer. I was being dramatic.

Kurai: Oh. Well you suck at acting.

Tori: Gee. Thankz.

Kurai: No prob.

Tori: I was being sarcastic.

Kurai: R&R! Peace out!