On the way back to her apartment, Jordan was quiet, trying to deal with the massive headache she knew was coming. She didn't want to worry Woody, so she was pretending to be sleepy, but she knew if she didn't get her meds in her quickly, there was going to be hell to pay. This was the worse headache ever. 'The mother of all headaches,' she thought, as Woody parked his car and walked around to her side to open the door and help her out.

"Are you okay Jo?" he asked as they walked into her building and got in the elevator to go to the second floor. Woody was worried. She was too pale. She had only had one beer, and only drank less than half of that. It couldn't be the alcohol.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just a little tired," she replied as they got to her door. Now if he would just let her in and leave so she could take her meds.

"I don't know, you don't look well."

Jordan turned to face him, opening her mouth to tell him she was okay, she just needed to go to bed. But she couldn't focus. Woody's face was hazy. The pain in her head was slicing it's way though her brain. She could feel her stomach rebelling.

Woody grabbed her by the upper arms. "Jordan?"

He got no further. She slumped to the floor in a dead faint.

=================================================

She awoke in a familiar hospital room. 'Oh, damn,' she thought 'here we go again. Back at square one.'

A pair of concerned blue eyes greeted hers as they slowly focused on her surroundings. "Jordan?' Woody asked. "How are you feeling? How is your head?"

Jordan tried to sit up, but Woody promptly settled her back in her hospital bed. "I'm better…..what happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"I remember being at The Pogue. I remember you taking me home. And I remember my head hurting…."

"You fainted. I called 911 and the doctor said we needed to get you back here. They've done some more scans and a couple of MRI's. We should know the results of them soon."

"Garrett and Nigel?"

"They know. They'll be here soon. Why don't you see if you can get some rest?"

Jordan's eyes were already heavy again. Soon she was asleep. Woody looked at her and ran his fingers through his hair. He was worried. Worried as hell. Every time she tried to remember, her brain would rebel. Maybe Nigel was right. Maybe the wall she had put up was going to be too hard to get down. Maybe it was just best they let her be and answer her questions as she asked. He didn't know what to do.

A few hours later, with Nigel and Garrett in the room with Woody and Jordan, the doctor came in.

"Afternoon, gentlemen. How are you feeing, Jordan?"

"Cut to the chase doc. What's up with my head?" Jordan asked.

"Well, it's a good news, bad news situation, Dr. Cavanaugh. The good news is your scans and MRI's came back fine. No clots, no bleeding, no edema. Your brain is in excellent working condition. The bad news is that there is no explanation of why you are not remembering. No physical explanation, anyway."

"So she should be fine by now – her memory working and everything?" asked Garrett.

"Everything should be working by now. But it's not. I don't think there's a physical reason why Jordan's not remembering," the doctor told them.

"Then what could it be?" Jordan asked. "It's not like I'm not trying."

The doctor looked at Jordan with concern in his eyes. "I know you're trying Jordan. But something deep inside you doesn't want to remember. This is not a medical problem any longer. I can prescribe you pain medications for as long as you need them. But I can't do anything else for you. This requires other help, like a psychiatrist. You need help getting through this. If your brain, your memory, allows you to remember at all.

"I'm going to call a nurse in now to help you get ready to go home. There's no reason why you should stay here tonight. I'm giving you another prescription for pain medication and upping the dose. Take it the minute, I mean the minute, you feel a headache coming on."

The doctor motioned for the men to follow him out in the hall as the nurse got Jordan ready to go home.

"I think someone needs to stay with her for a couple of days to make sure she's going to be okay," the doctor said.

"I will," said Woody, remembering Jordan said she felt safest with him…it was the least he could do to help her through this…at least make her feel safe.

The doctor nodded in approval. "Do you know of a good psychiatrist that could help Jordan?" he asked.

"There's Dr. Stiles. He's the state psychiatrist that evaluates us. He's evaluated Jordan before, so he has a good idea of her past," said Garrett.

"I think that would be a good idea," said the doctor. "Was her past so horrendous that she may not really want to remember?"

The men were silent for a moment. Finally Nigel answered. "Let's just say that the lady was handed more to deal with by the age of ten than most people are dealt in a life time. And in some ways, it's just gone down hill from there."

===================================================

Jordan nervously fidgeted on the couch in Dr. Stiles' office.

"It's okay if you want to get up and walk around," Dr. Stiles said. "You've never been one to keep too still."

Jordan flashed him a grateful smile. She was nervous, and a little afraid. She told Garret, Nigel, and Woody that she thought she would be happy to live out the rest of her life without remembering her past. Just to continue to go on with her life and make new memories. But they were not content to let her alone. "Don't you think you're going to wonder at some time in your life about your past?" asked Nigel. "Then you may not be able to remember on your own. You'll have to rely on us and we may not have the full picture."

Woody had encouraged her – no, pushed is a better word – her to try one more time, this time with professional help. "If you can't remember, then no regrets. But the your past is important to you. It's important to me."

So here she was, in Dr. Stiles' office, pacing his floor, fidgeting with her necklace, wondering what to say.

"Okay, Jordan, I'll start. Do you remember me?" asked Dr. Stiles.

"Honestly, no. I know that Garrett told me you were the state psychiatrist that did our evaluations and I wasn't fond of them."

Dr Stiles chuckled. "That was putting it pretty mildly. You would hide from me until about two years ago. Then something happened that made you come to me. From that point on we've been fairly good friends. Do you remember what happened?"

"No. Could you tell me?"

"No, dear. You need to remember on your own."

"But I can't….my memory won't come. I've tried."

"What happens when you try, Jordan?"

Jordan went back over to the couch and sat back down in front of Dr. Stiles. Leaning forward, her elbows on her knees and her hands clasped in front of her, she tried to answer his question in the best way she knew how.

"It's kind of hard to explain. It's like the memory is out there, I can almost see it, almost grab it with both hands, and then it fractures into a million pieces and fades away. That's when the headaches come."

"How bad are your headaches?"

"It's the worst pain I've ever known."

"Did you take your medication before you came to see me today?"

"Oh, yes. I don't want another one."

"So, what do you know about the past?"

"Only a couple of things that I've remembered on my on. I used to call Woody Farm Boy. What I like on my pizza. I can remember how to be a medical examiner. But that's about it. The rest is what people have told me. I've lived in Boston most of my life, Nigel is my best friend. Woody and I are something a little more than best friends. Garrett's been my boss for almost four years ….just stuff like that."

"Have you asked about anything else?"

Jordan sighed and got back up. Walking to a window, she gazed at the landscape. Dr. Stiles' office was across the street from a park, complete with playground. There were a lot of children on the swings and in the sandbox. Idly, she wondered what she was like as a child…what her parents were like….she had never asked about her parents. "I asked the usual questions, am I married, do I have kids, and they told me no. I try not to ask too much."

"Why?"

"Because it's almost like I can feel something kicking in my system. I know that I know the answers, but there's something there, in my head, that doesn't want me to remember. And that causes the headaches." She swung back around to face him. "Does that make sense?"

Dr. Stiles got up out of his chair and walked over to Jordan. She looked extremely fragile. 'Nerves of steel and yet she is as vulnerable as the day she was born,' he thought. Taking her hands, he said, "Jordan, that makes more sense than you know. I think I can help you, but it's not going to be easy. You may have to deal with some pain, both emotionally and physically. But in the end, I'm pretty sure we can get you back on track."

"What are you going to do?"

"You need to be confronted with your past bit by bit. I'll be there to help you through this, but your friends are going to have to agree to help, too. They were such an important part of your life, they need to be the ones that confront you."

"Sort of like an intervention?"

Dr. Stiles nodded. "Exactly."

"What if that still doesn't work?"

"We could do hypnosis, but that wouldn't work as well and may plant memories in your head that aren't real – that never happened.

"Jordan, I want you to know that you are at a unique place in your life – a place that a lot of people would love to be at."

Jordan gave him a puzzled look.

"You are. You have a unique opportunity to start your life over as anyone you really want to be. In your mind, you don't have a past. So conceivably, you could begin again as anyone, any where, doing anything you want to. So think about that. Evidently, there is something in your past that your mind doesn't want to remember. Do you really want to learn what it is? Or do you want to start over, new and fresh?"

Jordan thought for a moment. 'I….I…. don't know."

Dr. Stiles looked deep into her eyes. "Think about it Jordan. Is the pain really going to be worth it?"

"I … don't know…I'm not sure…."

He handed Jordan his business card. "When and if you're sure you want to go through with this, call me." She turned to go. "And Jordan," he called out, "No one will blame you if you don't."