Jack was furious, enraged, incensed, fuming, and quite seriously pissed off. He couldn't believe it. Daniel was leaving - giving up. Not only cutting loose from SG-1,but leaving the SGC and even America choking in the dust he kicked up while dashing away.
He was going to the Middle East, for Chrissake. A fission of fear ran through Jack at the very thought. Iraq was not far from his mind, dragged up by the mere hint of Daniel venturing into such dangerous territory.
He was pacing his office, the one place he was able to go where no one would think to look for him. He kicked out at the desk, ignoring the pain in his foot as he dented the cheap grey metal.
Daniel just couldn't leave - he just - he couldn't! The idea was wrong on so many levels that Jack couldn't come to terms with it. After talking with Daniel last night, he'd wanted to grab the archaeologist and shake him, crush Daniel to him and refuse to let him leave. But something in Daniel's posture was closed off, shuttered away. He gave off such strong don't-touch vibes that Jack felt them clear across the room, and they roused every protective instinct he had.
But this was different than the emotional pain he'd seen in Daniel before. The man had changed - and although the self-hugs and a ducked head still reflected his inner need for security, Jack was scared stiff by this emotionless detachment. It reminded him eerily of himself after Charlie's death.
Daniel's careful observance of his own space, and others', was nothing new. But now, he gave off the sense that any outside interference would be tolerated, rather than welcomed, and ignored rather than accepted. Jack quite frankly didn't know what to do. He was afraid to get too close to Daniel, afraid to push at this new barrier. He had the disturbing feeling that Daniel's new defense mechanism held more pain at bay than Daniel knew what to do with. He didn't want to shove at the archaeologist, only to be forced to watch Daniel shatter in front of his eyes.
And Jack admitted to himself, in the relative privacy of his own office, that the distance between them that would have enabled him to push was his fault. He'd gone for the jugular with the whole ugly scene in his living room, and although Daniel had apparently gotten over it, Jack had hated the vulnerability he'd exploited.
Maybe he could blame his subconscious for wanting to harden Daniel to that, but it wasn't the entire reason he'd pulled away from the younger man. With the Zatarc episode, Jack had realized that he cared more for his team than he should - most especially, he was very close to Daniel. This was a massive vulnerability that had been exploited time and time again. But also, when it was revealed that he cared more about Carter than he should, he'd realized how much deeper his feelings ran for Daniel.
It came as no surprise that Carter also cared about him - the team had weathered storms that would have broken anyone else. But when Jack realized the true extent of the love he had for the members of his team, he was shocked, and more than a little terrified. How could he be effective as a commander, if he couldn't order them to do what was necessary for fear of any of them getting hurt? How could he make the tough decisions, the ones everyone trusted him to make, if he was too emotionally invested in the members of his team?
Teal'c, he could deal with. The stoic Jaffa was reliable and friendly, and each would cheerfully lay his life on the line for the other. They had connected from the very beginning, and the friendship between them had deepened steadily ever since.
Carter was a little more difficult, given her gender, and the "feelings" thing that was between them. But nothing could ever happen, and Jack knew that he didn't really want anything to. Carter's career was more important than that, and in the back of his mind niggled the small thought that in every alternate reality where it had hit the fan, he and Carter were apparently together. The trend was not comforting. So when it came down to it, he treated Carter almost the same way he treated Teal'c - they were his 'kids'.
Daniel - was an entirely different story. The intensity of their friendship scared him, simply because it was beyond the scale of anything he had ever experienced in his life. He would, no question, die for Carter and Teal'c. But he would sell his soul to save Daniel's, without hesitation or regret, and he knew Daniel would do the same for him. He'd proved it to Jack, over and over again. And seeing Daniel hurt put wounds in Jack that only Daniel's well-being could heal.
Someone famous had once said, "If I should be forced to chose between betraying my friend and betraying my country, I should hope I would have the guts to betray my country." When it came to Daniel, despite being a military man to the core, Jack fully echoed this sentiment and then some.
So he had backed away, selfishly, and foolishly, trying to protect himself from this powerful emotion. While he cared for Carter and Teal'c, he loved Daniel with the devotion of a best friend, older brother and a father, mixed into one.
And he knew that Daniel was his most vulnerable point. If someone wanted to kill Jack, all they needed to do would be to harm Daniel. So he had tried to hide his weakness, hide his emotion, and in the process he had driven Daniel away, cut him out of his life, and shot down his every bewildered attempt to find out what he had done wrong and fix it.
Jack swore, pushing the desk with all his might and shoving the damn thing clear across the room and into the wall. "Son of a bitch!" he snarled viciously. He understood what had happened. But he was damned if he knew how to fix it. Daniel had retreated so far, he'd gone to a place Jack had never seen him at. And now, Jack knew how much he must have hurt the other man, preaching about the solidity of their friendship while simultaneously undercutting it until the last threads of their relationship had snapped under the strain. He would have kicked his own ass, if he could reach it.
He swore again, making up in feeling what he lacked in creativity. His hell-bent tirade was cut short by a hesitant stammer.
"S - sir?"
He turned to see an airman warily poking his head around the door, wondering who the target of the colonel's anger was. He wouldn't be half so scared, Jack thought irritably, if he knew that the colonel was the current focus of his own rather venomous temper.
"What now?"
The airman visibly straightened his spine, staring into space over jack's left shoulder. "The General, sir, requests your presence in the briefing room immediately, sir!" The man rapped out, only somewhat reassured by the promise of protection Hammond had given him after hearing comments on O'Neill's miserable fury.
Not trusting himself to say anything, O'Neill stomped to the briefing room, his expression so thunderous that everyone studiously avoided catching his gaze as they maneuvered to get themselves out of the way as quickly as possible.
Upon arriving at the briefing room, he saw something that made his anger ratchet up several notches. Carter and Teal'c were standing at the table, somberly sorting through the piles of personnel files.
"Colonel O'Neill," said Hammond. "I'm glad you could join us. Take a seat."
"I think I'd rather stand, sir," Jack said, striving to keep his voice level, if not calm.
The General nodded. "I've just been discussing with Major Carter and Teal'c the necessary changes to SG-1."
"Necessary," spat Jack, hating the word; palpable proof of his mistake. "It isn't right. Hell, none of this would be necessary if Daniel-"
"Colonel!" snapped Hammond.
The silence was deafening. "I was going to say," said Jack slowly, his voice low, "if Daniel hadn't been so damned right."
"Sir?" asked Carter, voice guarded. She looked up from the papers strewn across the table.
"I went to see him last night, Carter," Jack said, slumping down into a chair. His anger drained away. "Did you know he had his locks changed?" She shook her head in the negative. "I couldn't get in. It happened months ago, apparently."
"Colonel, what is the relevance of this?" asked Hammond gently.
"That's just it, sir," said Jack, leaning forward. "Daniel's locks have been changed for months. And I didn't know until yesterday, because we never hang out off base any more. He didn't feel the need to tell us, either, or give us new keys."
"He'd been packing for over a week when I went to see him last night," Sam admitted. "I didn't know. I haven't been to his office - in a long time."
"In the past, it was customary for us all to spend much time together in recreation," said Teal'c. "I often would talk with Daniel Jackson in both his office and the commissary. It has been long, however, since I invited him to share in kel'no'reem."
"The fact is, sir, there were signs of this way before Daniel handed you his resignation. We just didn't see them because we haven't really spent time with him, had much to do with him, outside of missions. This is our fault," said Jack bitterly.
"Perhaps that's what Dr. Jackson meant when he said that there were several personal reasons for his decision," Hammond mused aloud.
For Daniel to have actually come out and said it, not in so many words - Jack winced. He knew that he'd damaged their relationship, but he could only hope that he hadn't damaged it beyond repair.
Carter's head jerked up at the General's statement. "He actually said that, sir?"
The General nodded. "Perhaps you'd like to read the letter?"
All of SG-1 nodded.
Rising, the general said, "I'll be right back."
"God, sir," said Carter after the door had closed. "We did this. We shut Daniel out, drove him away."
"It's more than that, Carter," Jack replied wearily. "We stopped respecting, and we stopped caring. I think that hurt him more than anything else could have. He assumed he'd done something, and tried to fix it, but I wouldn't let him get close. I don't know how much he'd have to be hurt before he stopped even trying to help. You know Daniel. He never gives up - but he gave up on us."
Carter's face was pale, and even Teal'c looked ill. "Holy Hannah," she whispered. "What have we done?"
The General returned, cutting off anything Jack might have tried to say in response. Wordlessly, he handed the single piece of paper in his hand to Jack.
General George Hammond
SGC
To Whom It May Concern:
The purpose of this letter is to formally notify you that I am resigning from the SGC as Civilian Consultant. My last day of employment will date two weeks upon your receiving this letter. My decision to leave the SGC has been thoroughly thought out and reflects my current goals. Thank you for the privilege of working under your command.
Please use the address on this letter to send my final paycheck and any other official communications that may be necessary.
Sincerely,
Dr. Daniel Jackson
The only other writing on the paper was an international address for a post office box in Jerusalem. "Dr. Jackson intends to join an excavation near the Dead Sea," said Hammond. "The address is a post office box rented by the managers of the site."
Jack tossed the letter down on the table, and Sam immediately scooped it up. She looked up from it to meet Jack's gaze, blue eyes incredulous. "It's -"
"Succinct? Tactful? Utterly without emotion?"
"Sir - this - this isn't Daniel," she said insistently. "It's not right."
"It comes to my mind, Major Carter," said Teal'c, scanning the paper, "that things have not been right for a long time."
"Ya think?" Jack retorted. "What do we do about it?"
"Nothing," said the General, smoothly inserting his way into the situation.
"Sir?" came two startled voices. Teal'c's raised brow spoke loquaciously.
"Dr. Jackson has made his decision, and if he thinks that leaving the SGC is best for him, we will not stand in his way."
"But that's just it sir," said Jack determinedly. "I may not know a lot, but I know that Daniel belongs here. There's nothing out there -" a waved arm emphasized the point , "- that could compare to what's in that Gateroom. The Stargate is Daniel's life."
"And he feels he has to give that up," said Hammond, eyes narrowed at the team. "What does that tell you?" The team was silent, unable to respond. "It tells me that more has been broken here than we're all willing to admit." The general sighed. "I don't want this any more than you do, but it's time to face the fact that there's nothing we can do, outside of making sure the NID doesn't cause any problems for Dr. Jackson."
Not having considered that angle, the three members of SG-1 looked to one another in mute horror.
"Now, I suggest you decide on your fourth, and try not to hold it against whoever it is," said Hammond. "In the meantime, use what tools you have to try to fix this mess."
Jack looked up. The General's face was carefully non-committal, but his words had been carefully phrased. Hammond was clearly hoping that his first-contact team would once more be able to pull off the impossible.
"Sir?" asked Carter, barely-contained hope shining from her eyes.
Hammond slid the resignation letter across the table to Jack, his finger tapping meaningfully on one section of print.
Jack looked up at Sam and smiled. "We have a few days, Carter," he said. "And if that fails, we have an address!"
It turned out that SG-1 would need that address more than they had anticipated.
"He's cut and run!" Jack snapped, storming into the infirmary where Carter was waiting with Teal'c for Dr. Frasier to complete their next pre-mission exams. After waiting fruitlessly for three days for Daniel to show up on base, Jack had gone to his apartment while Sam persuaded the General to make a few calls. The landlady had told Jack that Daniel had left a day and a half ago; he'd been called by the manager of the dig, who'd been hard up for more labor, and asked if he could possibly get out there any sooner.
"What?"
"What is the meaning of this?"
"Daniel's gone," said Jack, throwing himself into a plastic chair. "I talked to his landlady. He bolted. Day and a half ago."
"Why would Daniel Jackson do such a thing, when he intended to stay longer to conclude his affairs in Colorado Springs?"
"He told her he got a call from the site manager, and they were coming up short on labor. They wanted him there ASAP or not at all."
"Now what?" asked Sam, staring thoughtfully into space.
"I'm writing a letter to my Great-Aunt Lucy tonight," said Janet meaningfully.
Sam grinned, despite the fact that Janet was currently injecting her with a general antibiotic. "That's brilliant!"
"I'm happy for you, really," said Jack. "What's brilliant? Aside from Teal'c's dazzling smile."
"The address, sir," said Carter, words practically flying from her mouth in her excitement. "Letters!"
"Indeed," said Teal'c. Said dazzling smile was twitching at the corners of his mouth.
"Why don't we just-"
"Storm halfway across the globe and drag his butt back to the SGC posthaste?" asked Janet, shaking her head. "Give him some time to get settled, but send him letters. Communicate. Tell him things." The slight censure in her tone told SG-1 that they'd been neglecting to do that for far too long. "Maybe, if you open up, he'll start to write back."
"And if he doesn't?"
The doctor shrugged. "Cassie's already gotten a postcard from him, saying that he arrived safely. I'm sure it'll only be a matter of time."
Time, Jack thought. It was likely to be a long time until Daniel decided to speak to them again. But please, he prayed, please don't let it be a lifetime.
"Now that that's settled, who's the filler?" asked Janet.
"Lieutenant Pat Meyers," Sam replied.
"He'll - well, he's not Daniel. But he can fight, and he's supposed to be somewhat smart," said Jack, sitting on the bed.
"Daniel can fight too, sir," said Sam.
"And how," Jack murmured, remembering the amazing display of control and skill. "Whatever happened to that sword-thingy he brought back with him?"
"He was fighting with that?" asked Janet, morbid fascination in her tone.
"I don't know when he picked it up," said Sam. "It was - the most incredible thing I've ever seen." There was a silence as the members of SG-1 remembered the mesmerizing display of skill, all the more amazing because it had been Daniel, and they had seen him transform almost in front of their eyes.
"Daniel Jackson has truly become a great warrior," said Teal'c softly.
"He left it here," Janet commented. "I cleaned it, and when I studied the blood on it, I found that it was his. I never did find out how he got it."
Sam started recounting the story, and by the end Janet's jaw had had plenty of exercise. Closing her mouth with a will, she simply commented, "Still waters."
"Daniel really saved our butts," said Jack. He winced. "And I was on his case the whole time." He shook his head. "Lt. Meyers is going to try to fill in for Daniel?" Not possible. No way.
"Cut him some slack?" said Janet, rolling up his sleeve and cleaning a spot with an alcohol swab. "He's not a replacement. Just a reminder for you to get Daniel back as fast as you can. Or I'll be forced to break out the big needles."
"What'd you bet on?" asked Jack smugly, casting off his unhappiness in favor of the prospect of action.
"I'm down for under two months. But Siler's insisted you won't get him back before half a year. So don't lose me my money!" said Janet, grinning as she hefted the syringe.
"I won't - ow!"
- - - - - -
Wow. The response has me tickled - the fact that there was more than one person who couldn't type straight, and expressed what can only be called 'exuberant jubilation' at Daniel "laying Jack out" made my day. (grins) The massive # of reviews has me, quite frankly, astounded. And several people posed options for what they wanted to see happen that I quite like. I know I said long, but it didn't even hit me until last night that I'm working on Ch. 17's draft, unable to see an end in sight without creating a whole 'nother, long, - and probably convoluted - storyline. And Lancelot dropped an interesting bombshell-type-idea that has got me thinking . . . . (evil smirk)