Chapter 4
"..64. 65, 66, 67..68.."
Alicia counted the people who came one by one off of the escalator that led to the baggage claim, where she was waiting for Merrill. The 15 days since he had left had come and gone before she had even realized it. She and Merrill had talked on the phone every night and morning since he left, and with each conversation they had, Merrill was falling harder and harder for Alicia. Despite being attracted to him and developing feelings for him as well, Alicia was beginning to feel like she was being rushed into something she wasn't ready for- and she had no clue how to tell Merrill. Finally, she spotted Merrill as he came down the escalator. His face lit up when he saw Alicia, and he ran to her.
Sweeping her into his arms, he said, "I'm so glad to see you!"
"Same here. How was your flight?"
"All I could concentrate on was seeing your face."
He held her face in his hands and kissed her.
"I'm gonna go get my bags. Wait here, OK?"
"I'll be right here."
Merrill smiled and kissed her again as he headed toward the baggage claim. She decided right then and there that there was only person she knew who could help her deal with her feelings- Colleen- and that she needed to talk to her about the situation.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Later that night, Merrill came to the Hess home for dinner. The whole time, he gushed about how much he missed Alicia and how lucky he was to have met her. It was causing Alicia to be more confused than she already was. After dinner, Merrill and Graham played baseball with the kids while Colleen and Alicia watched from the picnic benches.
"Coll? Alicia asked, "Can I talk to you about something?"
"Uh oh. What trouble do you get into now?"
"It's Merrill."
"Oh yeah! He's really into you, huh?"
"That's the thing. I have feelings for him, but..everything is so rushed. I mean, we only became re-acquainted two weeks ago. I do enjoy his presence in my life, but I need to get my life straight. I still need to find a job and do six million other things. The last thing I need is having to worry about not giving enough time to a boyfriend."
"Then you need to tell him that- and you need to tell him as soon as you can. The longer you wait, the more painful it will be- trust me."
"You always know the right thing to say."
"That's what older sisters are for."
They smiled at each other and Alicia leaned her head against Colleen's shoulder.
"I don't know what I would do without you, Coll- seriously. You always bail me out when I need it the most."
"You're my baby sister- I'll always protect you, no matter what."
The sun eventually set in the sky, and while the rest of the family went inside, Alicia went to the garage house. She sat on the steps and smoked a cigarette, thinking about what had been going on in her life as of lately- Merrill, more than anything. Her heart began to race when she saw Merrill come out of the main house, headed towards her.
"Hey," he said, "You look lonely."
"I'm enjoying the quiet. I love it here."
"It is beautiful, huh?"
Merrill climbed the stairs and sat next to Alicia. She could feel him staring at her and she tried to avoid making eye contact with him. He couldn't stand the suspense and turned her chin with his fingertips.
"We haven't had a good kiss since I got back."
As he leaned in to kiss her, she turned away. He was floored.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Alicia took an extra long drag off of her cigarette and then threw the butt on the ground.
"We need to talk," she said, "let's go inside."
They climbed to the top of the stairs and went inside the garage house. They sat next to each other on the bed, both nervous about what the one was going to say to the other. Alicia finally broke the silence.
"Merrill, you know I have feelings for you."
"Yeah."
"And I care a lot about you. That's why I need to say what I'm about to say."
Merrill's eyes widened and he let out a nervous chuckle.
"About to say what?"
"You wouldn't want to become involved with me."
"Why not?"
"I'm..I'm the polar opposite of Colleen. She's perfect..she doesn't drink or smoke, she lost her virginity the night she married Graham, she finished college.. I'm not my sister and I think that's who everyone wants me to be."
"I don't want a replica of Colleen. I want you- imperfections and all."
"Don't say that, Merrill."
Merrill moved closer to her and held her hands.
"I've never fallen so hard and so fast for someone in my life, Alicia. And I know everything is happening at light speed right now, but I can't help how I feel."
"Merrill, I can't do this. I need space and time for myself..just until I can get New York out of my system."
Merrill looked absolutely heartbroken.
"I see. You need space. Space is what you want, so space is what you'll get."
He stood up and went to open the door, but Alicia stopped him.
"That's unfair for you to be mad! It's not like I led you on and made you promises."
"I'm not mad."
"Bullshit! If I hadn't have stopped you , you would've walked right out that door."
"Actually, you're wrong. I wouldn't have."
Merrill stood in front of her and said, "I have a feeling you'll come around and see how good we'd be together. But until then, I'll respect your wishes to be left alone."
"I still want to be your friend."
He snickered and said, "Easy for you to say. I'm heading back out to Philly. Do you need anything out of my apartment?"
"No, I got everything."
Alicia stood up and held her arms out to Merrill.
"Can I at least have a hug?"
Merrill sighed and then embraced her tightly. He didn't want to let her go.
"Thank you for watching my apartment," he whispered.
"Anytime. I had fun."
They let go of each other and their stomachs turned to ice when they realized that their faces were inches apart. Merrill desperately wanted to kiss her on the lips, but didn't. Instead, he kissed her cheek and left without saying anything.
As he walked to his car, he thought, 'The very time I find the perfect girl, she tells me she needs space.'
After he left, Alicia went into the main house and saw that Graham and Colleen were sitting on the couch. The kids were in their laps and they were watching TV.
"Did Merrill leave?" asked Graham.
Alicia looked at Colleen and replied, "Yes."
Colleen put Bo next to her and went into the kitchen, Alicia following behind her.
"So," Colleen whispered, "Did you and Merrill talk?"
"Yeah."
"And.."
"I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship or anything serious yet."
"How'd he react?"
"He looked like he was going to cry."
"I'm sure he'll be fine- he's tough."
"I don't know. Coll, I feel like I just made a huge mistake."
"You shouldn't. You two should get to know each other as friends before you dive into anything."
"Can you please tell him that?"
"I'll talk to him tomorrow and get his side of the story."
Alicia took a deep breath and said, "You're the best."
"I know."
Alicia playfully hit Colleen and said, "What are you two watching?"
"Top Gun."
"Ooh. I'll be there in a sec."
Colleen left the room and Alicia held her head in her hands. Then she decided to call Merrill's cell phone. It rang and rang, but there was no answer. His voicemail picked up.
"Hey, this is Merrill. I'm not available right now, but leave me a message. I'll return your call when I can. Bye."
"Merrill, hey. It's Alicia. I feel really bad for how we left things tonight, but..it's how I really feel. I don't want to hurt you, and if we became seriously involved right now, I think that's what would happen. Give me a call when you get this. Bye."
Colleen came back in and asked, "Can you help me put the kids to bed? Graham looks way too comfortable to move."
"Sure."
* * * * * * * * * * *
"..became seriously involved right now, I think that's what would happen. Give me a call when you get this. Bye."
Merrill hung up his cell phone and tossed it onto his bed. He had just arrived home.
"I can't talk to her tonight," he said aloud.
Then he looked at the phone and reluctantly picked it up. He dialed a somewhat familiar number and listened as it rang twice before someone picked up.
"Kylie, hey. It's Merrill. Good..so, what are you doing tonight?"
* * * * * * * * * * *
"..64. 65, 66, 67..68.."
Alicia counted the people who came one by one off of the escalator that led to the baggage claim, where she was waiting for Merrill. The 15 days since he had left had come and gone before she had even realized it. She and Merrill had talked on the phone every night and morning since he left, and with each conversation they had, Merrill was falling harder and harder for Alicia. Despite being attracted to him and developing feelings for him as well, Alicia was beginning to feel like she was being rushed into something she wasn't ready for- and she had no clue how to tell Merrill. Finally, she spotted Merrill as he came down the escalator. His face lit up when he saw Alicia, and he ran to her.
Sweeping her into his arms, he said, "I'm so glad to see you!"
"Same here. How was your flight?"
"All I could concentrate on was seeing your face."
He held her face in his hands and kissed her.
"I'm gonna go get my bags. Wait here, OK?"
"I'll be right here."
Merrill smiled and kissed her again as he headed toward the baggage claim. She decided right then and there that there was only person she knew who could help her deal with her feelings- Colleen- and that she needed to talk to her about the situation.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
Later that night, Merrill came to the Hess home for dinner. The whole time, he gushed about how much he missed Alicia and how lucky he was to have met her. It was causing Alicia to be more confused than she already was. After dinner, Merrill and Graham played baseball with the kids while Colleen and Alicia watched from the picnic benches.
"Coll? Alicia asked, "Can I talk to you about something?"
"Uh oh. What trouble do you get into now?"
"It's Merrill."
"Oh yeah! He's really into you, huh?"
"That's the thing. I have feelings for him, but..everything is so rushed. I mean, we only became re-acquainted two weeks ago. I do enjoy his presence in my life, but I need to get my life straight. I still need to find a job and do six million other things. The last thing I need is having to worry about not giving enough time to a boyfriend."
"Then you need to tell him that- and you need to tell him as soon as you can. The longer you wait, the more painful it will be- trust me."
"You always know the right thing to say."
"That's what older sisters are for."
They smiled at each other and Alicia leaned her head against Colleen's shoulder.
"I don't know what I would do without you, Coll- seriously. You always bail me out when I need it the most."
"You're my baby sister- I'll always protect you, no matter what."
The sun eventually set in the sky, and while the rest of the family went inside, Alicia went to the garage house. She sat on the steps and smoked a cigarette, thinking about what had been going on in her life as of lately- Merrill, more than anything. Her heart began to race when she saw Merrill come out of the main house, headed towards her.
"Hey," he said, "You look lonely."
"I'm enjoying the quiet. I love it here."
"It is beautiful, huh?"
Merrill climbed the stairs and sat next to Alicia. She could feel him staring at her and she tried to avoid making eye contact with him. He couldn't stand the suspense and turned her chin with his fingertips.
"We haven't had a good kiss since I got back."
As he leaned in to kiss her, she turned away. He was floored.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
Alicia took an extra long drag off of her cigarette and then threw the butt on the ground.
"We need to talk," she said, "let's go inside."
They climbed to the top of the stairs and went inside the garage house. They sat next to each other on the bed, both nervous about what the one was going to say to the other. Alicia finally broke the silence.
"Merrill, you know I have feelings for you."
"Yeah."
"And I care a lot about you. That's why I need to say what I'm about to say."
Merrill's eyes widened and he let out a nervous chuckle.
"About to say what?"
"You wouldn't want to become involved with me."
"Why not?"
"I'm..I'm the polar opposite of Colleen. She's perfect..she doesn't drink or smoke, she lost her virginity the night she married Graham, she finished college.. I'm not my sister and I think that's who everyone wants me to be."
"I don't want a replica of Colleen. I want you- imperfections and all."
"Don't say that, Merrill."
Merrill moved closer to her and held her hands.
"I've never fallen so hard and so fast for someone in my life, Alicia. And I know everything is happening at light speed right now, but I can't help how I feel."
"Merrill, I can't do this. I need space and time for myself..just until I can get New York out of my system."
Merrill looked absolutely heartbroken.
"I see. You need space. Space is what you want, so space is what you'll get."
He stood up and went to open the door, but Alicia stopped him.
"That's unfair for you to be mad! It's not like I led you on and made you promises."
"I'm not mad."
"Bullshit! If I hadn't have stopped you , you would've walked right out that door."
"Actually, you're wrong. I wouldn't have."
Merrill stood in front of her and said, "I have a feeling you'll come around and see how good we'd be together. But until then, I'll respect your wishes to be left alone."
"I still want to be your friend."
He snickered and said, "Easy for you to say. I'm heading back out to Philly. Do you need anything out of my apartment?"
"No, I got everything."
Alicia stood up and held her arms out to Merrill.
"Can I at least have a hug?"
Merrill sighed and then embraced her tightly. He didn't want to let her go.
"Thank you for watching my apartment," he whispered.
"Anytime. I had fun."
They let go of each other and their stomachs turned to ice when they realized that their faces were inches apart. Merrill desperately wanted to kiss her on the lips, but didn't. Instead, he kissed her cheek and left without saying anything.
As he walked to his car, he thought, 'The very time I find the perfect girl, she tells me she needs space.'
After he left, Alicia went into the main house and saw that Graham and Colleen were sitting on the couch. The kids were in their laps and they were watching TV.
"Did Merrill leave?" asked Graham.
Alicia looked at Colleen and replied, "Yes."
Colleen put Bo next to her and went into the kitchen, Alicia following behind her.
"So," Colleen whispered, "Did you and Merrill talk?"
"Yeah."
"And.."
"I told him that I wasn't ready for a relationship or anything serious yet."
"How'd he react?"
"He looked like he was going to cry."
"I'm sure he'll be fine- he's tough."
"I don't know. Coll, I feel like I just made a huge mistake."
"You shouldn't. You two should get to know each other as friends before you dive into anything."
"Can you please tell him that?"
"I'll talk to him tomorrow and get his side of the story."
Alicia took a deep breath and said, "You're the best."
"I know."
Alicia playfully hit Colleen and said, "What are you two watching?"
"Top Gun."
"Ooh. I'll be there in a sec."
Colleen left the room and Alicia held her head in her hands. Then she decided to call Merrill's cell phone. It rang and rang, but there was no answer. His voicemail picked up.
"Hey, this is Merrill. I'm not available right now, but leave me a message. I'll return your call when I can. Bye."
"Merrill, hey. It's Alicia. I feel really bad for how we left things tonight, but..it's how I really feel. I don't want to hurt you, and if we became seriously involved right now, I think that's what would happen. Give me a call when you get this. Bye."
Colleen came back in and asked, "Can you help me put the kids to bed? Graham looks way too comfortable to move."
"Sure."
* * * * * * * * * * *
"..became seriously involved right now, I think that's what would happen. Give me a call when you get this. Bye."
Merrill hung up his cell phone and tossed it onto his bed. He had just arrived home.
"I can't talk to her tonight," he said aloud.
Then he looked at the phone and reluctantly picked it up. He dialed a somewhat familiar number and listened as it rang twice before someone picked up.
"Kylie, hey. It's Merrill. Good..so, what are you doing tonight?"
* * * * * * * * * * *