You, Revisited
Chapter 5: On My Lonely Mind
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same...
...Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love...
...I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me...
From: Here Without You – 3 Doors Down
Mokuba looked around the room he was in, thinking about its regular occupant. The room was dark even though it was almost high noon outside. He had to admit that Seto knew what he was doing when he opted for navy velvet curtains. Exhaling, Mokuba stepped towards the windows directly across from the foot of the bed and threw them wide open, letting light into the room. The shadows were oppressive. The difference was amazing.
When all the blinds were tied back and the room was completely bathed in light, Mokuba stepped back and admired his handiwork. Now all he had to do was haul the maids up here to finally get some heavy-duty cleaning done...
He cast a cursory glance around the room, checking for anything embarrassing or classified that Seto may have left lying around. Nothing. He should have guessed. But Seto's mantel caught his eye. His eyes widened as he drew nearer. Finally, he cottoned on to why Seto never allowed Shizuka in here.
With an idea as to what specifically he was looking for, the younger Kaiba swept his gaze around the room once again. It wasn't just the mantel. The bedside table, the desk, the centre-table of the mini-den, the end tables of the sofas therein... Though the photographs were few, the fact that they were there was enough. The signs were...everywhere.
Smiling ruefully, Mokuba lifted one from its set place on the bedside table and stared at the image within, remembering the day well. It was a picture that Mokuba had taken of Seto and Anzu in her Tokyo apartment when he was fifteen. They had been caught at an... inopportune moment... but it was – in Mokuba's opinion – one of the most encapsulating snapshots of their relationship.
The photo was tilted at an odd angle (it was the only way Mokuba could get the camera to fit through the small opening he'd been forced to utilize). In it, Anzu stood facing the camera wearing only a dark green, spaghetti-strapped, silk night dress that ended high on her thighs. Seto stood behind her, in only his trousers, torso bare, with his arms wrapped around her waist and hands splayed against her abdomen, the fingers of his right hand dangerously close to her chest. Anzu had one hand over Seto's at her middle; the other was raised and buried in his hair. They were looking at each other over her shoulder, their noses touching, their lips brushing. As sensual as the energy in the print was, the expressions on their faces were what truly brought them to life. They were smiling – almost laughing – at some private jest; their eyes alight with love and mirth.
Initially, Mokuba had planned to use it as blackmail for a class trip he wanted to go on but when the film had been developed, he'd relented. It was astonishing what a tiny digital camera could capture. He had it framed and left it just where he'd recently picked it up from. The next day, Seto had ruffled his hair as he passed on his way to work – a routine incident. Mokuba had, however, found a note stuck on his head seconds later: Thanks, but don't try it again. He chuckled out loud, thinking that he probably had that note somewhere still.
As he replaced the frame, he tried to remember the number of times he'd caught the both Seto and Anzu up here. After a while he'd learnt to knock, for his own good. If ever Shizuka spent the night – which was rare – she had a room of her own, far from Seto's. In fact, Mokuba would be surprised if she even knew where Seto's room was.
At times he seriously questioned his brother's motives for maintaining his relations with the Jonouchi girl. Wheeler was one of his most enthusiastic critics and to date his baby sister was a strange, strange, strange form of retaliation. Furthermore, if it was Shizuka that had caused Seto to loose the one woman he had ever exposed himself to fully, then why? What was Seto doing? Mokuba had never hated Shizuka Jonouchi but he'd never liked her the way he liked Anzu.
For as long as he could remember knowing her, he'd wanted Anzu for a sister-in-law. For as long as he'd known Shizuka, he'd wanted her gone. Perhaps it was the period in which she presented herself. Those few months after Anzu had departed from their lives were ghastly. Seto had never in all his life looked so close to unmitigated disintegration. It was then that the buzzing, nauseatingly sweet-tempered Shizuka had made her entrance. Seto had been vulnerable and she had been there. She was rebound relationship frozen into perpetuity.
Mokuba scowled; a marvellous replica of his elder sibling's. He hated when his thoughts travelled this way. Maybe it was resentment for Shizuka being barely a year older than he was, but he doubted it. What was actually bothering him was the tabloid sitting on his desk in his office down the hall.
His brother was suffering from a major relapse after seeing his Ex and she was painting Rome red – indiscreetly – with Devlin. With his head hung, he confessed that he was being biased. She didn't know. She had been given the short end of the stick. She deserved happiness just for putting up with them despite the many warnings/threats she would have had hurled at her by a furious brother. And he knew personally how hard it was to say 'No' to your big brother.
He turned and headed down the hall. Momentarily, he paused at the door on the right of Seto's. It hadn't been used in years. The linking door between it and Seto's room had been locked and Mokuba entrusted with the key. There was only one person who would ever sleep in that room and she...was not Shizuka.
Anzu, if only you knew... If only.
Seto Kaiba arrived at the same hotel he'd been to last night at nine o'clock in the morning. He'd strolled in as though he owned the place. The receptionist almost jumped out of his skin when he realised who he was speaking to. Kaiba had matured with age and experience but could be – and was – as formidable as ever, if not more. In low tones, Seto inquired about a certain Anzu Mazaki.
"I'm sorry, Mr Kaiba, but Ms Mazaki checked out at 3:42 this morning."
"What?" He frowned deeply, terrifying the Frenchman on the other side of the counter. "Does anyone know where she went?"
"One moment please, sir." Seto watched him scurry away and converse in speedy French with a seated female. He glowered at nothing as he waited. He thought he would be early enough but apparently she'd gotten better at this game of Cat & Mouse. Or perhaps she'd become desperate? 3:00 a.m. was quite a put-out from a normal schedule. The receptionist was back.
"Ms. Mazaki commented on hating flights at such 'ungodly hours'. She also mentioned something about Hong Kong."
"That's it?" Hong Kong, China? Seto had the means for an international chase but not the patience.
"Unfortunately, sir."
"Thank you." It was grated. In a swirl of the trench coat, he disappeared as swiftly as he'd appeared. The receptionist needed to sit down.
Anzu stared out of the window of her sister's Hong Kong town house, watching the rain beat a steady rhythm on the glass. Once upon a time, she loved the rain. She had frolicked in it for hours, mindless of the high risk of pneumonia. Now, she was dubious. There were too many memories associated with rainy days.
"Zu?" Anzu turned to face her older sister, Sesai (1), who was holding Anzu's only niece – a beautiful, adorable little one-year-old – against her bosom. Although the women looked much alike, Sesai's features were sharper, (to Anzu) more regal and more stunning. The only thing Sesai hadn't inherited was their mother's blue eyes. Also, in Anzu's opinion, her sister had inherited the real brain in the family. Anzu didn't judge herself as 'dunce', she believed that she paled to 'average; can do better with more effort' in comparison to her sister. Sesai had attended Oxford and obtained a Masters of Arts in Law – all on scholarship. Why she wasn't practicing was beyond Anzu's comprehension. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Don't lie to me, small-fry." They spoke in low tones in order to avoid waking the baby but Sesai's voice was stern. "I know you. You aren't one to look so down. What's the matter?"
"I said that–"
"I know what you said and I told you to stuff it and tell me the truth. I can see it in your eyes, Anzu. Something's wrong."
"Why don't you ever give up?"
"Because it's not in my nature. Now spill."
"There's noth–"
"If you say 'nothing' one more time, I'll put you to face the wall (2) for half an hour. I swear I'll do it. You wouldn't just call me up from goodness knows where in the middle of the night and ask if you could fly over right away if something wasn't up."
Frustrated with the situation she found herself in and unable to stand up to her sister's logic, Anzu admitted, "It's Seto."
"Oh."
The steps that led to the front door of the Kaiba mansion seemed foreboding as the CEO of Kaiba Corp fixed his eyes on them. The things these stairs had borne witness to... his shoulders slumped as he placed his right foot on the first step. His blue trench coat hung over his arm.
"Welcome ho–" Seto heaved a sigh at his bad luck. He just had to have an unusually perceptive younger brother. His migraine would not be helped by the barrage of questions he was about to face. Number one: "What happened to you?"
"Not now, Mokuba." He saw the younger man's brow furrow. "Not the time."
"Allow me to rephrase that: who happened to you?"
"Is it that obvious?"
"You can't hide it from me, Seto. You should know that by now."
"I suppose."
"Fate's a bitch, isn't she?"
"Language Mokuba," Seto cautioned even though he knew that Mokuba was practically twenty. "But yes, she is...the Goddamned Queen."
"You two talk?" he enquired.
"Didn't I say not now?"
"Have I ever listened to what you say?"
"Eons ago." Seto groaned as he threw himself backwards onto one of the sofas in his bedroom. Under his breath he muttered, "Death to Yugi Motou."
"Yugi?" Now Mokuba was confused. "What does Yugi have to do with any of this?"
"Nothing..."
"Fine. Get some rest. We've got to talk later though. No excuses. There's something I think you should see."
"Good. Now get out."
"Grouch." With that Mokuba left his brother in peace. When he heard the door click shut, Seto gently lifted his arm away from his face. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, messing it up. Slowly, he opened eyes and looked at the framed photo on the centre-table. She was smiling at him; very dissimilar to the way she had two weeks ago. It had pained him to see the hurt in her; an anguish he had placed there. He would give anything to make it right. He hadn't had the chance to tell her that, to tell her the half of it. He'd ruined their conversation by acting on a rather teenaged compulsion to kiss her.
Despite now regretting having done so, he'd been in Heaven for the minutes they'd been joined at the lips. She'd been so familiar to his arms and yet so fresh and novel all over again. She kissed the way he remembered but with a new fire that was wholly electrifying. And her body... how he missed the feel of her body pressed against his. He bit his lip harshly. He needed a cold shower and he needed it now. Taking into account the fact that he was almost twenty-four and had a fiancée, this was laughable. But nothing and no one – and he meant no one – could inflame him the way Anzu Mazaki did.
Besides, Shizuka was no substitute for Anzu when it came to the... sexual aspect of their relationship. Anzu had been his personal student in that area; she knew him, what he liked and exactly how he liked it. He knew her inside out. Lord help him, he was being libidinous. He had just potentially permanently screwed up any chance he had of mending their relationship and he was recalling her performance in bed? It was shameful. What was most shameful was that while Seto was suffering from these arousing thoughts, his fiancée was most likely on her way to his house. It would have been so much easier if he was thinking about his fiancée but, alas, he was not. Life was such a bitch. Perhaps, she'd be interested in Wheeler...
Honestly, having spent the past two and half years in wheeler's sister's company, Seto had come to spend a lot of time in Wheeler's company also. Sometimes, Seto thought that if they didn't have their tangible animosity over his association with Shizuka, Wheeler might actually be considered one of his friends. It would be a turbulent friendship but a friendship nonetheless. Wouldn't she be proud of him? He scowled.
Again, his musing brought him right back to his muse, Anzu Mazaki. That took him straight back to their kiss and the sensation of her body aligned with his, the feel of her fingers on his shoulder blades, the warmth of her breath against his cheek, the sound of her soft moan... God, he missed her. He turned the shower knob further.
Can't this thing get any bloody colder?
Anzu watched tiredly as Sesai moved their empty tea cups into the kitchen. Reliving the entire episode in her mind again had emotionally worn Anzu out. She couldn't be dealing with this anymore, shouldn't have been dealing with it. It had been three years already – three years! She should be allowed to move on. But it was much like he said, he didn't give up. The very memory of him refused to leave her alone.
"Sai..." Anzu began, unsure. "I still love him, Sai. I'm still in love with him... Sesai, I don't know what to do." Her voice was an erratic whisper as she leaned into the open arms of her older sister for comfort. "I don't know what to do, Sai. Really I don't. I've never been this confused... He – I – it's just so cruel." Thus, after two and half years of abstinence, Anzu let herself cry over Seto Kaiba once more.
Sesai found that she was powerless. She knew the situation her baby sister was in, what it felt like to be at that junction, not knowing whether to turn left, right, or keep going straight ahead. It was a terrible place of helplessness and self-perceived ignorance. It was a feeling to hate. With each sob that Anzu muffled against the fabric on her shoulder, Sesai's heart wrenched.
So she did what she could: she rocked back and forth, like their mother would do if she were present, and mumbled soothing words into Anzu's ear. The moment Anzu stopped crying, they were calling her parents. Anzu needed to go home. As she raised her head to glance at her sleeping baby over Anzu's shoulder, she thought venomously:
'You had better still be worth this, Seto Kaiba, or you answer to me.'
A persistent knock moving in a steady crescendo up the volume scale woke Seto from his dream. Whether he would regard it as a pleasant dream was debateable. The best word for it would be standard. There was some wonderful, excruciating memory of Anzu then a flash of Shizuka and then a wave of guilt and remorse. Groaning, he called over his shoulder, "Go away, Mokuba!"
"You've been asleep all afternoon!"
"I'm getting up!"
"Good!"
Maybe it was just him but as they had aged Seto found that their conversations had an annoying tendency to slip frequently into immaturity. It was all her fault. She had brought joy, laughter and youth back into their lives when she'd taken their house by storm. Stop Seto, he commanded himself, Anzu is not the person for you to think of now. With a twinge of guilt he remembered who he needed to see.
Shizuka was not happy. He knew that. He wasn't happy either. Theirs was an arrangement of convenience. Recently, they had grown even farther apart than their originally detached relationship made provisions for. Seto felt like he owed her something to make up for the past three years of false hopes and indifference. If only he knew what would ease the pain.
When he stepped out of his bedroom – which he noticed was a great deal cleaner than it had been when he'd left – Seto was still mulling over the... nicest... way to do what he realized he had to. Mokuba walked out of his room just as Seto was passing his door.
"Ready?"
"What for?"
"I said I needed to talk to you."
"I can't. Not now."
"That's what you said when you got here."
"It's what I'll say until tomorrow morning, ok?"
"Seto, I really think you ought to –" An index finger stopped him midway.
"I said not now, Mokuba. I'm going to see Shizuka."
"Then I insist that you speak to me."
"No."
"Se-"
"I am still older than you, Mokuba. Remember that."
Grinding his teeth in aggravation, Mokuba yielded. "Yes Seto."
It was Seto's own stupid life anyway. He'd screwed it up pretty badly already so what damage could not hearing what Mokuba had to say do? And, despite everything, Mokuba respected his brother's wishes and his brother's temper. When Seto used that tone of voice, he knew he had reached the edge.
"Good. We can talk when I get home."
"That'll do."
"It will have to." In a swirl of dark green trench coat Seto strode out the door and down to his waiting – matching – Mercedes convertible.
Halfway to Shizuka's apartment, as Seto was speeding down the highway, he realised that he had no idea if she was even back in the country. He could call Mokuba to find out but after their little exchange, he was sure his sibling would be fuming. Calling Mokuba would also mean declaring that he had been wrong and should have listened to his brother. So who else was there? He ran through a small list of personal acquaintances that he and Shizuka shared who would have the knowledge he lacked finally coming to the conclusion that the only person he could call would be... Joey.
He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, flipped it open and ran rapidly through his phonebook. Wheeler just had to be at the very bottom of the list. The phone rang a reasonable amount of times before there was a voice on the other side.
"Speak."
"Wheeler."
"Moneybags? You're back?"
"Yes."
"So, what do you want?" Occasionally, it amazed Seto what the Mutt had done to his language structure over the years. He'd polished up, his accent only materializing when he was angry.
"I need to know if your sister's home." He could see Joey tense up on the side of the line.
"Yeah, she's home. Why?"
"You get what you've always wanted tonight, Mutt."
"What?"
"I'm giving you what you've hoped for, Dog."
"Rich-boy, stop talkin' shit and spit it out."
"I'm leaving her." Silence. Prolonged silence. Either the Chihuahua had fainted from shock and elation or he was preparing to jump through the signal and strangle Seto.
"You're gonna do what?"
"I'm breaking up with Shizuka, Wheeler. Tonight... within the hour."
"Why are you telling me this, Kaiba?"
"Because you asked, that's why."
"Oh...yeah."
"I wonder why I bother."
Joey's grin sounded through, "Because we're friends, Wallet. You've gotta face it: you actually like me and Yuge."
Strangely enough, Seto found himself smiling. "Yugi I can tolerate. You are still a Mongrel."
"And you're still a Jack with a ten-foot pole up his ass. It doesn't stop you." The humour was evident in Joey's voice.
Seto chuckled outright. "Up yours, Wheeler."
Abruptly, the tone went from lightness to solemnity as Seto recognized Joey's 'big brother' intonation, "Kaiba listen. Don't hurt her. If you do, I swear your balls are my new Christmas ornaments."
"I won't, Wheeler." Seto knew it was true. He had a sneaky suspicion that Joey did too. "You have my word."
"Fine. Hold on. Yugi wants to ask you something." Seto waited patiently for his former rival turned highly-paid employee to say something. There was some shuffling and then: "Goodnight Kaiba. Welcome back."
For a second, Seto thought he was speaking to Yami. Yugi Motou had grown up. Considerably up, at that. "Yugi."
"I just wanted to find out if we'll still see you next Wednesday night."
"As usual, I suppose."
"Good... And don't worry about Shizuka. I'm sure she'll be fine." Yugi's manner reminded Seto a lot of Ishizu when she knew something he didn't. He shrugged it off. Millennium Item holders were weird people anyhow.
"Thanks."
"No problem, Kaiba. See you around."
"Bye."
Shizuka's apartment complex was just ahead. She was on floor 12. Stepping out of the elevator, Seto went over all the possible, logical reasons he would present to her. She would have to see it his way. If she didn't, however, he'd simply have to break his promise to her brother. In the end, it would be for her own good.
He had a key to apartment 145 so he didn't need to knock. She was his fiancée – anything she could possibly be doing, he's seen her do before. Thus, in his normal Kaiba style, he disregarded her need for any form of privacy or warning and barged into her flat. The living room was empty but there seemed to be some animation in the bedroom – probably the television. Drawing nearer, he recognized one of the voices as Shizuka's.
Intriguing.
Seto proceeded to swing the door of her room open wide and stood facing the bed in which an obviously naked Duke Devlin was half-covering Shizuka's similarly clothed (or unclothed) body with his own, their mouths fused. When he cleared his throat, the two sprung apart, both grabbing for the sheet. Shizuka was tomato red as she tried to cover her bare chest. Devlin, who had leapt to his feet, was tugging futilely at the edge of the same sheet, hoping to keep his lower half hidden.
"Seto–" she began, her voice catching.
"This isn't what it looks like, Kaiba." Duke said, looking terrified. Seto knew that Devlin wasn't regularly a push-over. They were of like stature although Seto had few more inches height but otherwise, they were physically equal. But Seto could understand that Duke, in his position of being butt-naked, was at a sore disadvantage.
Interestingly enough, Seto felt relieved. In fact he found the entire situation hilarious. Without warning, the meaning of what he'd just discovered impacted with his brain and the force made him giddy. Both Duke and Shizuka were perplexed as the infamous Seto Kaiba began to laugh at them.
Able to speak again after almost five minutes, Seto rasped merrily, "It's exactly what it looks like, Devlin. But don't let me stop you. I'll leave. You've both made what I came here to do infinitely easier."
It was then that Shizuka understood the purpose of his impromptu visit. She felt like someone was taking something she hadn't looked at in years and found hardly any use for anymore but still had doubts about giving away. The ache wasn't that of losing something she loved. She looked up at his already turned back. "Seto I – I... It meant something while it lasted, Kaiba. I'll never forget you."
"Likewise Jonouchi. No hard feelings, Devlin." Then, he glanced at her over his shoulder, "I'll have your things sent over tomorrow."
Seto walked out the building feeling free. He looked up at the stars hoping truly that she was happy with her choice. He stuffed his hands in his coat pockets and stalked across the parking lot. However, four feet away from his car, a smile reached across lips as he arrived at one happy conclusion.
Tonight, it would be only him and Anzu. He couldn't wait for sleep.
Author's Note: Ok, so now that we've gotten rid of the fiancée, we can work on getting these two back together! I have also discovered that I ought to avoid writing from Mokuba's point of view. The first segment of this chapter was originally intended to be about four paragraphs; I wound up with two pages. Mokuba is just too good to resist. Ah well...
I also decided to show a different aspect of Seto and Mokuba's relationship that comes out more in manga than in the anime. Seto is indulgent but he can be strict. And I think that he was probably more in character in that moment than he has been all through the story. LOL
Now, to explain some things:
(1) Sesai – Anzu's sister's name means "worldly wisdom". I find it fitting for her character who, by the way, is based somewhat on the character of Jun Kazumafrom Tekken, the Movie. I've always thought the resemblance between her and Anzu was striking.
(2) Face the wall – This is a punishment my brother's and I have been subjected to when we misbehaved. Being 16, I'm no longer applicable for such punishment. But until you're about 13 in my house, it's the most common form of retribution. It's effective since it's completely, mind-numbingly boring. You stand and stare at a wall for whatever period of time is prescribed. It's not particularly damaging in any way (e.g. physically or psychologically) but it's effective in curbing wayward children.
(3) Moneybags, Mutt, Dog, Wallet etc... - I'm sure you've noticed the fact that while Seto and Joey still tend to call each other these names, they've kind of become... nicknames instead of insults. I figured that if they've spent five years in each other's company and since Seto dated the two women that Joey loves as sisters, they could at least get along. And Yugi would generally make the effort.
Ok! That's all I've got to say for now.
Disclaimer (for series): I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh and make no profit off this piece of fiction.
Disclaimer (for song): I do not own the song Here Without You by 3 Doors Down. The lyrics are reprinted without permission and, once again, I make no profit off their use. This song is a beauty. Whoever composed it deserves a Grammy. The music is so moving and the lyrics are tops. The mixing is superb. It's highly recommended.
LEAVE A REVIEW PLEASE! ANYTHING IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. HOWEVER, CONSTRUCIVE CRITISM WILL BE TAKEN IN BETTER STRIDE THAN FLAMES.