Chapter 10

The cars on the highway around her blurred and blended into a swirl of colors and shapeless objects. Then she closed her eyes and opened them again slowly. As tears trickled down her face, her line of vision became clear again.

"Hey Ali?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you hungry? You haven't eaten anything since last night."

"Elle, I'm fine."

"OK. Why don't you sit back and take a nap? We still have about 45 minutes until we get to Newtown."

Alicia brushed her hair out of her eyes and leaned her head against the window. Every thought that was running though her head was about Merrill. She dozed off and before she knew it, Ellen had pulled into the Hess driveway.

"Ali- wake up, honey. We're here."

"Oh."

Alicia stretched her arms and opened the car door. She got out and got her suitcase from the backseat. Colleen had heard the car come into the driveway and she came outside.

"Ali, where's Merrill? Is everything OK?"

"We had a fight."

"What? A fight? What about?"

"I'll explain later. I just want to go to lie down."

Colleen said, "Ellen, why don't you stay for dinner?"

"I would love to, but I have so many things to do before tomorrow. But I'll take a raincheck- next weekend?"

"OK. Hey, Bo and I just made some brownies. Do you want one to take with you?"

"Sure. I can never turn down chocolate."

"I'll be right back."

As Colleen went back into the house, Ellen looked at Alicia, who was leaning against the car and staring at the ground.

"Ali, you're scaring me. I've seen you upset, but not like this."

"I've never had someone like Merrill in my life..and now I've lost him."

"You haven't lost him yet. Give him a few days to come around and everything will be OK. I saw the way he looked at you whenever you two were together. He's in love with you, Ali."

"That's the last thing I need to hear right now."

Colleen came back outside with a paper plate and cup.

She said, "I gave you some milk, too."

"I wish I had a sister like you. Thanks."

"No problem. Don't be a stranger around here."

"I won't- I promise."

Ellen put the plate and cup inside her car and then met Alicia on the other side.

"Call me when you get home," Alicia said, "so I know you got there safe."

"I will. Everything's going to be OK- trust me."

"If you say so."

They embraced tightly and Alicia said, "I love you, girl."

"Love you too."

Ellen got in her car and as she pulled out of the driveway, she waved one last time to Colleen and Alicia. Colleen came down the stairs and stood in front of Alicia.

"Little sister, there is no way you're taking a nap before you tell me what happened between you and Merrill."

"He found out about Harrison."

Colleen covered her mouth with her hand and gasped.

"Alicia! How?"

"We were at a club in Manhattan and Harrison just happened to be there. He came up to our table and started rubbing the whole engagement thing in Merrill's face. One thing lead to another and they had a huge fistfight. Merrill was so angry at me that he up and left early this morning."

"And you haven't talked to him since?"

"No. I…"

Alicia couldn't finish her sentence.

As she walked away, she said, "I don't want to talk about this right now, Colleen."

Colleen ran in front of Alicia and stopped her.

"Wait a sec here. The Alicia Nicole Spencer I know would fight back. Merrill's really gotten to you, hasn't he?"

Alicia bit her lip and took a deep breath.

"I'm falling in love with him, Colleen. That is, if I'm not already in love with him right now."

"Then call him. Maybe he's cooled off a little by now and is willing to hear you out."

"I doubt it, but I guess I can try."

"OK. Let me know how it goes."

"I will."

Alicia threw her arms around Colleen and said, "Have I told you lately how much I adore you?"

"You might have..but say it again to refresh my memory."

Alicia kissed her cheek and said, "I adore you, big sis."

"Ditto, Ali Bean."

Alicia went back to the garage house and plopped onto the bed. She looked at the phone, resting on her nightstand. Before she could wimp out, she picked it up and dialed Merrill's cell phone number. She knew he wouldn't answer when he saw her name on the caller ID, so she prepared what she was going to say in her mind, ahead of time. However, he picked up and she lost all train of thought.

"Hello?"

"Merrill?"

"What makes you think I even remotely desire to speak to you?"

"Can we please just talk about this like two civilized human beings?"

"A civilized human being doesn't keep secrets and doesn't lie."

"Merrill, please. I'm begging you..please just listen to me."

"And I'm begging you- please just leave me alone. This hurts enough as it is. I need some time alone to think things over and about what I'm going to do."

"We can talk about this together."

"I'm going now, Alicia."

He abruptly hung up and placed the cell phone on the coffee table in front of him. He buried his body into the couch and continued watching TV. He couldn't get Alicia off of his mind. Whenever he closed his eyes, he felt the warmness of her touch, saw the perfection of her face, and heard her contagious laugh.

I'm not going to call her back. I'm not going to call her back, he kept telling himself.

He would've given anything at that moment to be lying with Alicia on the couch.

Maybe I overreacted. I never let her tell her side of the story.

Merrill closed his eyes and fell asleep temporarily, but long enough to have a vivid dream:

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"Merrill!! Stop! I'm gonna throw up!"

Merrill and Alicia were in the backyard of the Hess home. It was mid-afternoon, the sun still deciding whether or not it wanted to set. He was holding onto Alicia, and her legs were wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck. He spun and spun her around and then placed her on the ground. She was able to stand for a minute or so, and then she collapsed to the ground, hysterically laughing. Merrill extended his hand to her and helped her back up. He inhaled deeply and faced Alicia while she stood back upright, still giggling. He loved when she laughed. Her face only had one slight dimple on her right hand side and her eyes smiled at him. He pulled her into an embrace, his arms clasped behind her and rested just below the small of her back. No words were necessary. He brushed a long strand of her hay-colored hair from in front of her face and tucked it behind her ear. Alicia's hand came up and brushed Merrill's cheek, moving to the top of his hairline. He leaned in quietly and brushed her lips with his, barely touching them. Pulling back just enough to breathe, but foreheads still touching, the corners of his mouth turned upwards. She still tasted just as sweet as ever.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

"So are you."

"I love you more than life itself."

"I.."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A ringing phone interrupted Merrill from his dream. Disappointed, he picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Merrill, it's Colleen."

"What's up?"

"What did you do to my little sister?"

"First of all, your sister is certainly not little anymore. She brought everything she's going through upon herself."

"Why can't you just hear her out? There's a lot to the story you haven't heard."

"Colleen, all I know is that what it all boils down to is honesty. Alicia wasn't honest with me, and I have a big problem with that. I've told her everything about me, every skeleton in my closet…yet she feels that she can't let me know about something as big as having a fiancé she hadn't broken up with yet."

"When she and Harrison were together, she was having a lot of emotional problems."

"First of all, how old is he? He looked much older than her."

"He's about 39 or 40."

"What?!"

"I met him when Alicia was working for him."

"He was her boss?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this. Alicia should."

"I can't...I can't bring myself to talk to her. I think the only way I would be able to would be if she were behind a door or wall..or something. Anything where I wouldn't be able to see her, because every time I look at her face, I lose it."

"That means something, Merrill. How many girls can you say that about?"

Merrill heard a voice in the background on Colleen's end.

"Coll, who ya talking to?"

Merrill asked, "Is that Ali?"

Colleen said, "Yes, and I don't want you to call here again. I'm not interested in spray-on eggs and I never will be. Goodnight."

She hung up the phone as Alicia entered the kitchen. Her eyes were still puffy from the exhaustion and emotional trauma she had been through the previous night.

"Stupid telemarketers," Colleen muttered, "Sweetie, look at your eyes. Come here."

She took a cucumber out of the refrigerator and took two slices off of it with a knife. She brought Alicia into the living room and sat her on the couch.

"Close your eyes and relax."

Alicia did so as Colleen placed the slices on her eyes.

"Keep them on until dinner."

"OK. You're the best."

"I know."

Alicia stayed on the couch for another half hour or so until Graham woke her up.

"It's time for dinner, your highness."

She took the cucumber form her eyelids and said, "I'm starving. What did Colleen make?"

"Can't you smell it? Her famous four-layer lasagna."

"Oh God, does that sound like heaven."

It was the first time in a while that Alicia's mind was free of Merrill. As she ate with the family, they talked about everything under the sun. As they finished, there was a knock at the door.

"Uh oh," Alicia said, "Coll, now you have the salespeople coming to our door instead of calling us. I'll get it."

Alicia got up from the table and yelled, "Who is it?"

There was no answer.

"We don't want anything you're selling. We're eating, for Pete's sake! Don't you have any manners."

What the hell, Alicia thought to herself, I'll open the door and at least say hi and bye. It'll make their day a little bit brighter.

She opened the door and gasped.

"What are you doing here?" she whispered, her voice slightly breaking with emotion.