"Who are you?" Caterpillar asked.
She stopped short. Who WAS she? Was she Faith or Mara? Hero or nutcase? There were so many different choices, but all fit. "I'm... I'm... I don't know," she said finally. Then she began wondering if it was even Caterpillar's business, and why she should get awkward when he asked her what her name was.
"Then I shall tell you. You are neither Faith nor Mara; nor are you in between. Faith is as much a part of you as Mara. It is your choice who will stay, and what you are fighting for."
She stared blankly at him. "I'd call you an arse, but I think that in this case it would be too much of a compliment. Speak in plain English!"
"Who are you?" Caterpillar asked, almost languidly, so doped up was he on whatever resided in his hookah. "If you can't tell me who you are, tell me your name." So there was a difference between the questions. She didn't see it.
"What?"
"What is your name? Who ARE YOU?" he asked, rather sharply this time.
"My name is both Faith and Mara, or either Faith or Mara, and I don't give a damn about this question!"
"That is Mara talking," he said calmly. She rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"I can't win, can I?"
"You can try. Perhaps that will help."
"If I'm not Mara, then I'm either both or Faith and vice versa," she started.
"Wrong. You are not one or the other."
"Then I'm both. I am fighting to get to the Queen."
"Wrong again. Why do you fight to get to the Queen?"
"So I can kill her. But... she can't be persuaded to surrender?"
"Wrong on both counts. Why do you want to kill the Queen? To make yourself whole again, or Wonderland? Who are you fighting for: you or us?"
She stopped to think. "I'm fighting for both. I don't care if that's the wrong answer, but it's the truth." Caterpillar stared at her intently. She stared back, though it was difficult to look into his eyes for long. Just like Cat's... no, not like Cat's. Cat's weren't bloodshot.
"That is the correct answer. You fight for your sanity, and for our lives. Who are you?"
They were back to this question; the headache of all questions. But the stone man had told her to tell him if she didn't know.
"I'm not sure. I told you that. Now, what is going on? What's happening everywhere else?"
"There is chaos. Losing everything you loved nearly destroyed us all. You've begun the task of setting things right, and rebuilding this place and your mind. But you are not even nearly finished yet. There are still many things that only you can set right."
"Such as..?"
"Wonderland. Haven't you been paying attention? You must save Wonderland."
"HOW?!"
"Temper, temper," Cat purred. She glanced at him, and felt her stomach twist with nerves again. "Believe me, Faith, the only fool bigger than the thing that knows everything is the one that argues with him."
"Shut up, Cat," she muttered.
"Make me," he replied smugly. This time he sounded too much like Reynald for her: self-superior and totally despicable.
"Half a minute," she ground out to Caterpillar. She walked towards Cat and slapped him. Hard. He jumped up out of her reach onto a rock, hissing at her. "Why Cat," she said, pretending to be shocked. "You do sound so like a common kitty cat that's been denied its supper."
He glared at her, but said nothing, for once. She returned to her original place before Caterpillar. "Sorry, where were we?"
This time Caterpillar stared. "Would you hurt a friend?" he asked pointedly. "Every moment spent fighting with a friend is another moment that works in her favour."
"Sorry," she said crossly.
"Calm down," Caterpillar said. "Your mind is distorted by self-deception, guilt and pain. You cannot trust anyone here because you do not trust yourself. Your harmless childhood fantasies have shattered into nothing more than tortured versions of themselves. Even your selves - both Mara and Faith - have had their negative points expanded, and both come out with greater frequency." Rabbit bounded up, apologising for his intolerable lateness. Caterpillar nodded briefly and turned back to her.
"Who is the general that everyone fears?" she asked, thinking back to the Roach's conversation with Rabbit and Cat.
"His name is Samien, and he is the smartest on the Queen's force... though I suppose that may not mean much. Suffice to say that he is intelligent. Some of us have seen his face, but he leads expeditions and gets many killed."
"Will I have to dispose of him?" she asked curiously.
"More than likely. He is the second-most important in the Queen's army."
"Who's more important?"
"The Jabberwock. None have challenged him and survived, except for Alice."
"Well... didn't she kill him, then?"
"Yes, but many of the denizens of Wonderland have been reborn. Many of us were; not all of us survived Alice's time."
"Oh. What else should I know about her forces? Or this general? Or even this... companion Cat mentioned before?"
"We determined at the meeting that the companion is not real; just a story someone made up, though some were very convinced of his reality. But the general is very real and very dangerous... and very good at exposing our hiding places," Rabbit said, fairly quickly. "We've lost more men to him than to... the others."
"Why is this happening?" she murmured, almost hopeless. There was silence. Then Caterpillar spoke.
"It is because of your guilt. You are wracked with it, because you survived, and your family and friends did not. You are terrified of the prospect of a life alone, with no one there with you but the illusions that you conjure up here. Annihilate the Queen of Hearts, and you can be normal again. Wonderland and your world will become complete again. But it is up to you. You must grow up and embrace the truth: only you can do this."
"She must be human-sized, and to do that she must face Mantis. He covetously guards his... mushroom, shall we call it." Cat pointed out.
Caterpillar sighed. "Then she must go."
"But are all of her toys sufficient against him?" Rabbit asked. Hearing no answer, he shrugged. "Then she must go."
She hesitated, but steeled herself against her fear. "I'll go," she agreed.
Caterpillar began to summon a portal, when Cat stopped him.
"Wait," he said. They turned to him in confusion. "I hear buzzing," he said shortly, and she drew out the mallet. "You must guard Caterpillar," Cat told her. Then he vanished.
"Where's he gone, then?" she asked Caterpillar angrily, finding no trace of the mangy feline.
"He has gone to fetch Rabbit," he replied quietly. "He left just after you agreed to go."
She gripped the mallet with white knuckles, and glancing around for anything threatening. Something caught her eye, drawing it upwards. Above them hovered a wasp - bigger than the one that she had met before, headed for Caterpillar. Her mouth dropped open as it advanced. She launched a barrage of croquet balls at it and shouted insults, getting its attention. It flew at her, angry.
She dived to the side, and it turned back as she launched another barrage of croquet balls. Infuriated, the wasp whirled around and smacked her into a bush with its back leg, leaving her stuck in some of the higher branches. The mallet had landed a few branches below her, and the wasp was returning to Caterpillar.
"NO!" she screamed, but suddenly a brownish-grey streak dived at the wasp and sank claws into the its left eye. "Cat!" she cried in relief. He didn't hear and stood in front of Caterpillar, claws dripping with blood and bits of eye, hissing and snarling at the bug. Startled and in pain, it pulled itself into the air and started firing wicked black stingers at Cat.
She grabbed her knife and hurled it at the stinger, willing it to connect with all her might. The wasp shrieked as its stinger was nearly torn off, but still advanced. Cat prepared to spring at the other eye when she remembered the Stone King's gift.
She took out the ice wand and fired at the wings. Then she switched to secondary fire and made an icy half-dome around Caterpillar, separating him from the wasp. She pointed the wand at the stinger and fired. It connected and the wasp whirled around to find the source. Faith stretched herself up to get the mallet, and nudged it enough so that it fell, using the flat side of the knife. Unfortunately, she did too, and went crashing down through the bush onto the ground, and was soon wishing for high ground as the wasp flew at her. But Cat attacked it from behind, and had soon moved from its rear end up to its other eye. She fired at its feet, rooting it to the spot, and Cat leapt off, having finished.
Immediately, she took up the attack with the ice wand, firing at its face and sides. Frantically the wasp tried to escape, but the ice kept coming until it was almost completely frozen. She launched a croquet ball at it, and the ice (and wasp underneath) shattered. "Thank you," she said to Cat. He nodded once, and spoke a few words with Caterpillar. Then he walked up to her.
"Bravery and rashness are two sides of a single coin. Please remember that you're only about as big as a garden slug. That said, you didn't do too badly."
"Thanks," she said, feeling tired. "Can I sleep yet?"
He ignored that last part. "How did you come by the ice wand? It was lost after Alice's time."
"The ice caves," she said simply. "D'you think I found it in a lava pit?"
He gave her a reproving bat on the arm.
"Are you Faith or Mara? It is vital to know before you continue," Caterpillar said.
"Who am I?" she asked aloud. She thought back, to everything that she had done as Mara (...and that would be what?), and what little she had accomplished as Faith. But still.
"Why do you call yourself Mara?"
"For protection," she answered. It sounded like a lie, even as she said it. She started pacing, trying to think up another reason. Or what exactly she was trying to protect herself from.
"They know your alias," Caterpillar replied calmly. "Are you simply using Mara as a way to run from Faith? If you stay Mara, Faith will never get her chance, and you will never be fully healed." She stopped pacing.
"Who am I?" she wondered again. If Mara stayed, Faith wouldn't get better. She wouldn't even get the chance. "Faith," she said. Saying that felt good.
"She's ready to go," Cat said. She felt that even if his face weren't frozen that way, he would still be grinning now, despite the slightly pink-ish patch under his fur where she'd hit him.
Caterpillar slowly raised his arms and a portal rose out of the ground. She stepped up to it, and Cat waved. Faith shook her head wryly, and walked through.
She stopped short. Who WAS she? Was she Faith or Mara? Hero or nutcase? There were so many different choices, but all fit. "I'm... I'm... I don't know," she said finally. Then she began wondering if it was even Caterpillar's business, and why she should get awkward when he asked her what her name was.
"Then I shall tell you. You are neither Faith nor Mara; nor are you in between. Faith is as much a part of you as Mara. It is your choice who will stay, and what you are fighting for."
She stared blankly at him. "I'd call you an arse, but I think that in this case it would be too much of a compliment. Speak in plain English!"
"Who are you?" Caterpillar asked, almost languidly, so doped up was he on whatever resided in his hookah. "If you can't tell me who you are, tell me your name." So there was a difference between the questions. She didn't see it.
"What?"
"What is your name? Who ARE YOU?" he asked, rather sharply this time.
"My name is both Faith and Mara, or either Faith or Mara, and I don't give a damn about this question!"
"That is Mara talking," he said calmly. She rolled her eyes in exasperation.
"I can't win, can I?"
"You can try. Perhaps that will help."
"If I'm not Mara, then I'm either both or Faith and vice versa," she started.
"Wrong. You are not one or the other."
"Then I'm both. I am fighting to get to the Queen."
"Wrong again. Why do you fight to get to the Queen?"
"So I can kill her. But... she can't be persuaded to surrender?"
"Wrong on both counts. Why do you want to kill the Queen? To make yourself whole again, or Wonderland? Who are you fighting for: you or us?"
She stopped to think. "I'm fighting for both. I don't care if that's the wrong answer, but it's the truth." Caterpillar stared at her intently. She stared back, though it was difficult to look into his eyes for long. Just like Cat's... no, not like Cat's. Cat's weren't bloodshot.
"That is the correct answer. You fight for your sanity, and for our lives. Who are you?"
They were back to this question; the headache of all questions. But the stone man had told her to tell him if she didn't know.
"I'm not sure. I told you that. Now, what is going on? What's happening everywhere else?"
"There is chaos. Losing everything you loved nearly destroyed us all. You've begun the task of setting things right, and rebuilding this place and your mind. But you are not even nearly finished yet. There are still many things that only you can set right."
"Such as..?"
"Wonderland. Haven't you been paying attention? You must save Wonderland."
"HOW?!"
"Temper, temper," Cat purred. She glanced at him, and felt her stomach twist with nerves again. "Believe me, Faith, the only fool bigger than the thing that knows everything is the one that argues with him."
"Shut up, Cat," she muttered.
"Make me," he replied smugly. This time he sounded too much like Reynald for her: self-superior and totally despicable.
"Half a minute," she ground out to Caterpillar. She walked towards Cat and slapped him. Hard. He jumped up out of her reach onto a rock, hissing at her. "Why Cat," she said, pretending to be shocked. "You do sound so like a common kitty cat that's been denied its supper."
He glared at her, but said nothing, for once. She returned to her original place before Caterpillar. "Sorry, where were we?"
This time Caterpillar stared. "Would you hurt a friend?" he asked pointedly. "Every moment spent fighting with a friend is another moment that works in her favour."
"Sorry," she said crossly.
"Calm down," Caterpillar said. "Your mind is distorted by self-deception, guilt and pain. You cannot trust anyone here because you do not trust yourself. Your harmless childhood fantasies have shattered into nothing more than tortured versions of themselves. Even your selves - both Mara and Faith - have had their negative points expanded, and both come out with greater frequency." Rabbit bounded up, apologising for his intolerable lateness. Caterpillar nodded briefly and turned back to her.
"Who is the general that everyone fears?" she asked, thinking back to the Roach's conversation with Rabbit and Cat.
"His name is Samien, and he is the smartest on the Queen's force... though I suppose that may not mean much. Suffice to say that he is intelligent. Some of us have seen his face, but he leads expeditions and gets many killed."
"Will I have to dispose of him?" she asked curiously.
"More than likely. He is the second-most important in the Queen's army."
"Who's more important?"
"The Jabberwock. None have challenged him and survived, except for Alice."
"Well... didn't she kill him, then?"
"Yes, but many of the denizens of Wonderland have been reborn. Many of us were; not all of us survived Alice's time."
"Oh. What else should I know about her forces? Or this general? Or even this... companion Cat mentioned before?"
"We determined at the meeting that the companion is not real; just a story someone made up, though some were very convinced of his reality. But the general is very real and very dangerous... and very good at exposing our hiding places," Rabbit said, fairly quickly. "We've lost more men to him than to... the others."
"Why is this happening?" she murmured, almost hopeless. There was silence. Then Caterpillar spoke.
"It is because of your guilt. You are wracked with it, because you survived, and your family and friends did not. You are terrified of the prospect of a life alone, with no one there with you but the illusions that you conjure up here. Annihilate the Queen of Hearts, and you can be normal again. Wonderland and your world will become complete again. But it is up to you. You must grow up and embrace the truth: only you can do this."
"She must be human-sized, and to do that she must face Mantis. He covetously guards his... mushroom, shall we call it." Cat pointed out.
Caterpillar sighed. "Then she must go."
"But are all of her toys sufficient against him?" Rabbit asked. Hearing no answer, he shrugged. "Then she must go."
She hesitated, but steeled herself against her fear. "I'll go," she agreed.
Caterpillar began to summon a portal, when Cat stopped him.
"Wait," he said. They turned to him in confusion. "I hear buzzing," he said shortly, and she drew out the mallet. "You must guard Caterpillar," Cat told her. Then he vanished.
"Where's he gone, then?" she asked Caterpillar angrily, finding no trace of the mangy feline.
"He has gone to fetch Rabbit," he replied quietly. "He left just after you agreed to go."
She gripped the mallet with white knuckles, and glancing around for anything threatening. Something caught her eye, drawing it upwards. Above them hovered a wasp - bigger than the one that she had met before, headed for Caterpillar. Her mouth dropped open as it advanced. She launched a barrage of croquet balls at it and shouted insults, getting its attention. It flew at her, angry.
She dived to the side, and it turned back as she launched another barrage of croquet balls. Infuriated, the wasp whirled around and smacked her into a bush with its back leg, leaving her stuck in some of the higher branches. The mallet had landed a few branches below her, and the wasp was returning to Caterpillar.
"NO!" she screamed, but suddenly a brownish-grey streak dived at the wasp and sank claws into the its left eye. "Cat!" she cried in relief. He didn't hear and stood in front of Caterpillar, claws dripping with blood and bits of eye, hissing and snarling at the bug. Startled and in pain, it pulled itself into the air and started firing wicked black stingers at Cat.
She grabbed her knife and hurled it at the stinger, willing it to connect with all her might. The wasp shrieked as its stinger was nearly torn off, but still advanced. Cat prepared to spring at the other eye when she remembered the Stone King's gift.
She took out the ice wand and fired at the wings. Then she switched to secondary fire and made an icy half-dome around Caterpillar, separating him from the wasp. She pointed the wand at the stinger and fired. It connected and the wasp whirled around to find the source. Faith stretched herself up to get the mallet, and nudged it enough so that it fell, using the flat side of the knife. Unfortunately, she did too, and went crashing down through the bush onto the ground, and was soon wishing for high ground as the wasp flew at her. But Cat attacked it from behind, and had soon moved from its rear end up to its other eye. She fired at its feet, rooting it to the spot, and Cat leapt off, having finished.
Immediately, she took up the attack with the ice wand, firing at its face and sides. Frantically the wasp tried to escape, but the ice kept coming until it was almost completely frozen. She launched a croquet ball at it, and the ice (and wasp underneath) shattered. "Thank you," she said to Cat. He nodded once, and spoke a few words with Caterpillar. Then he walked up to her.
"Bravery and rashness are two sides of a single coin. Please remember that you're only about as big as a garden slug. That said, you didn't do too badly."
"Thanks," she said, feeling tired. "Can I sleep yet?"
He ignored that last part. "How did you come by the ice wand? It was lost after Alice's time."
"The ice caves," she said simply. "D'you think I found it in a lava pit?"
He gave her a reproving bat on the arm.
"Are you Faith or Mara? It is vital to know before you continue," Caterpillar said.
"Who am I?" she asked aloud. She thought back, to everything that she had done as Mara (...and that would be what?), and what little she had accomplished as Faith. But still.
"Why do you call yourself Mara?"
"For protection," she answered. It sounded like a lie, even as she said it. She started pacing, trying to think up another reason. Or what exactly she was trying to protect herself from.
"They know your alias," Caterpillar replied calmly. "Are you simply using Mara as a way to run from Faith? If you stay Mara, Faith will never get her chance, and you will never be fully healed." She stopped pacing.
"Who am I?" she wondered again. If Mara stayed, Faith wouldn't get better. She wouldn't even get the chance. "Faith," she said. Saying that felt good.
"She's ready to go," Cat said. She felt that even if his face weren't frozen that way, he would still be grinning now, despite the slightly pink-ish patch under his fur where she'd hit him.
Caterpillar slowly raised his arms and a portal rose out of the ground. She stepped up to it, and Cat waved. Faith shook her head wryly, and walked through.