AU: Hiya guys!! Holy crap, I cannot believe how many reviews I've got on this story…more than my others combined, pretty much! I cannot thank you enough…this week's been really hard, but coming home and seeing all those reviews cheered me up like you wouldn't believe! Thank you SO much…
Okay, this isn't the last chapter, but it's an important one. And yes, it's longer. =) So you can't get mad anymore. Oh! And I know a few people were wondering what the other pilots would say about this whole Heero-returning thing…so I'll bring them in, maybe in the next chapter?
Kay! Enjoy!
Chapter 5
The nervous whine of hospital machinery echoed angrily down the hall toward the waiting room, where Heero sat, arms folded, staring blankly at the opposite wall. At this time in the morning, there was no one else in the room; just the attendant at the desk, who kept shooting him curious, almost frightful glances.
Serves her right, Heero thought angrily to himself, his hands still clenched into fists. They had put up a fight about taking a serious look at Case for what the young doctor termed a "mild bout of fever." Heero swore under his breath, drawing another look from the attendant, but he didn't notice. Case had felt as if he were going to burn up at any moment - Heero had never felt that kind of fever. The blasted doctor had backed down, but only after an episode between Heero and himself. The Death Glare had served its purpose once again.
And now everything was chaos, which he would have been able to hear had blood not been coursing through his veins with fury. They had passed it off as a mild fever, and then, just ten minutes later, when Case suddenly passed out and went limp, they panicked and moved into a flurry of action.
The formerly quiet waiting room had been suddenly stampeded with doctors and nurses, and Case's little body was carried down to the nearest room in the arms of a male doctor, worry etched upon the man's face. Sitting in the waiting room, Heero could hear the shouts of the nurses as they raced back and forth.
His heart felt as if it might beat right out of his chest. Relena, of course, was in that room with them, watching as the doctors tried to figure out what was wrong with Case, probably looking worried, but as composed and assured as she always did. She would be paying close attention, concern for her son etched upon her every feature.
He hadn't been able to handle it. Heero had followed them down to the room, but the minute they laid that little blond head on the pillow and began inserting IVs and running tests, he couldn't stand it anymore. More than anything he wanted to be in that room, helping as much as he could, hovering over Case…comforting Relena…but he knew he couldn't. Case wasn't his responsibility, never could be.
Heero leaned over, tried to put his head in his hands, but they were shaking too badly. Each noise from the hospital room echoed down the hall to him, and even if he couldn't hear the words distinctly, Heero heard the undertones of nervousness in the doctor's and nurses voices…and he couldn't cope with it anymore. He stood.
The monstrous, overwhelming anxiety that was coursing through his body, permeating his being, wasn't for him - it was for a little boy. And that was what was scaring him. Heero Yuy, the Perfect Soldier, the machine, the fearless…had never been so frightened in his entire life.
Time to leave, a voice in his head whispered, the part of his brain that the doctors and trainers had overtaken and conquered - a part that would never go away. She's not watching, the little boy has no idea - get out while you can, before you just complicate things further.
He stepped once in the direction of the elevator - down to freedom, down to his world without this mind-numbing concern. He would never have to touch that little boy again, never - never corrupt him with -
Another step towards the elevator; the crazed, harried noises from that room down the hall faded.
You know you don't deserve him - or her. You know you'll only make life hell for them. You know…you don't deserve to live.
Another step - and then he stopped.
There was music coming from somewhere nearby, music that was nothing like the beeping of a heart monitor or the click of computers, nothing like the anxious voices and the hassled commands. Someone…was singing.
Heero knew instantly who it was, and then his feet were stepping in the wrong direction, away from the elevator, before he could control it.
No! his mind screamed. But Heero - Heero, not the Perfect Soldier - knew that Relena had him under her spell, and he was powerless against her magic.
He crept noiselessly down the hall, listening carefully. The doctors were quiet, speaking in hushed tones, and the whirr of machinery was still there, but all he could hear were the soft words, sung to a simple lullaby, a lilting melody that reminded him, for some reason, of rain, and of soft evenings spent holding an angel in his arms.
Dragontales and water is wild
Pirates sail and lost boys fly
Fish find moonbeams every night
And I love you
They were forbidden thoughts, feelings that he knew he had no right to feel, but against everything his mind was telling him, Heero moved forward until he was standing at the doorway of the hospital room. The door was pushed open hurriedly by a nurse, who barely glanced at him, and Heero moved until he could see inside.
Case was lying on the bed, cheeks bright red with fever, blond hair plastered to his forehead with sweat, his little body struggling convulsively on other hospital bed. Doctors were checking clipboards, feeling his pulse, watching monitors, but they were silent, only speaking in whispers…because the little boy's mother was singing him a lullaby, and for some reason, the spell the Siren cast with her song left them all silent.
Heero laid eyes, yet again, on the woman he lived life for, and the scene went straight inside him and pierced his heart. Relena had pulled a chair over to the hospital bed, and even amidst Case's frantic convulsions, she had her head next to his, and reached up with her right hand to entangle her fingers in the golden hair. For the second time that night, the bedclothes were damp with tears, and her eyes were closed tightly. The hand that was not in Case's hair was clutching the sheets of the bed in a fist, her knuckles white.
The song fell from her mouth, almost as if she were comforting herself. The sweetly sorrowful melody was quiet, just barely escaping her lips. As she finished the first verse of the lullaby, a sudden, fierce spasm hit Case, and the doctors cried out as they scrambled frantically to calm him down. Relena didn't open her eyes, but Heero watched as the fist clutching the sheets tightened, as the hand resting on Case's head pushed him down gently to the pillow. The song came again, her voice strained with anxiety.
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night
On angel's wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
But something was happening. As the words were sung softly into the hospital room, Case's little body was relaxing. Heero was the first to notice; he gave an involuntary step into the room, wondering for a split second if the little boy was dying. The nurses must have thought the same thing, because they all went to the bedside or whipped around to stare at their monitors and charts. But Heero's eyes were on Case, and on Relena, and as she kept singing and stroking his hair, he watched Case's breathing grow more and more regular, watched his shuddering seizures dissipate, until the boy was only trembling slightly.
Tears dropping silently to the sheets, Relena kept her eyes shut tight as she half-whispered the next verse.
Rocket racer's all tuckered out
Superman's in pajamas on the couch
Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse
And I love you
The doctors had double-checked their monitors, had felt Case's forehead and taken his temperature again, and, shaking their heads in bewilderment and wonder, were backing out of the room. There was an unspoken atmosphere surrounding the mother and her son, and Heero heard the word "miracle" float to his ears from one of the exiting nurses.
He stepped fully inside the room, and didn't hear the door close behind him. Neither Case nor Relena moved - or heard him, more likely - as he came to stand behind Relena. Case took a deep, shuddering inhale, and Relena sang gently,
Godspeed, little man
Sweet dreams, little man
Oh my love will fly to you each night
On angel's wings
Godspeed
Sweet dreams
Here she stopped, as if she did not want to keep singing. Case was sleeping now, his features sweaty but peaceful. Heero knelt, slowly and silently, and wondered why she didn't go on.
Finally, her brow creased, the tears trickling slowly to the sheets, Relena whispered slowly,
God bless Mommy and matchbox cars
God bless -
Her voice broke, a small sob racked her shoulders, and Relena buried her face in the pillow. Heero, concerned, startled by her sudden movement, lifted a hand and, very, very slowly, unfastened Relena's grip on the sheets, and intertwined his fingers with hers.
As they touched, really touched, for the first time in more than six years, Heero felt a wave of emotions overpower him.
He was so utterly, helplessly in love with this woman.
Relena lifted her head, and their gazes locked. Her eyes questioned his, searching for an answer to a question she did not have the strength to voice.
Somehow, Heero knew exactly what she wanted to know, and even though he was giving away the past six years of hiding, an utterly different way of thinking, and a completely set lifestyle - sitting there, looking into her eyes, he did not care.
"I'm not going anywhere."
The look in her eyes meant more to him than any mission objective ever did - and mission objectives were his life. There was one pure emotion radiating from those gorgeous sapphire eyes: love. Somehow, he had known that she had never fallen out of love with him, but seeing it there, on her face, in the way she held his hand, scared him.
You are in way over your head, Yuy.
There was a movement on the bed, and, without opening his eyes, Case suddenly whispered, "Mommy?"
Relena tore her gaze away from Heero's and fastened on her son's face. Not releasing Heero's hand, she used the other to wipe a few stray locks of damp blond hair out of Case's forehead. "I'm here, sweetheart," she murmured soothingly, eyes shining with tears. "It's okay, baby, go back to sleep."
Case turned over on his side, snuggling into the pillow. His mouth opened in a yawn, and, eyes still shut tight and already half-asleep, he mumbled, "But you stopped singing…"
He was asleep by then, but Relena couldn't deny him. She tried again -
God bless Mommy and matchbox cars
- and then met Heero's eyes.
God bless Dad and thanks for the stars
Heero's breath faltered, an unfamiliar lump rising in his throat.
God hears 'Amen' wherever we are
And I love you
"Relena…" Heero whispered, the name tasting sweet on his lips.
A small, hesitant smile formed on her mouth, making the room suddenly seem brighter. "Why'd you leave us, Heero?" she whispered.
He shook his head. He hated words - he was so terrible with them, had no idea how to capture their elusive magic. Previously, in every situation like this, he had escaped by running: what he did best. But he could not run from life anymore, for that was what Relena - and this little boy - were: his life.
"I," he began, his voice hoarse, "was…afraid."
"Why?" Relena whispered, her eyes searching his, pleading.
"Because!" Heero whispered roughly, dropping her hand. "Because - because I - " He stopped and shook his head, eyes downcast. "Look at him, Relena. I - I don't deserve him."
She reached forward, took his hand again, intertwining her fingers with his. "That little boy," Relena murmured, and he could feel her gaze boring into him, "has your eyes, Heero. He has your build, and your strength, and your irritating ability to know exactly what is bugging me at any minute of any day. He loves things that fly, wants to be a pilot, builds entire worlds with Legos, and, more than anything else in the world - " Her voice dropped in a wave of emotion. " - he wants to have a daddy."
How could he make her understand? "I'm - I'm stained, Relena," he hissed, grasping for words to describe how he felt. "I'm contaminated. I've killed so many people, done so many things that…and I know he's been tormented already for it, without me even in the picture, so how…"
She didn't say anything, and, taking her silence to mean that she didn't understand, he released her hand and held his own up in front of his face. "My hands…are stained, Relena. With blood. And guilt. And," he continued, his voice cracking a little as he stared at Case on the hospital bed, "I can't touch something so pure as - as he is…"
"…without staining him too." Relena finished for him.
Or you, he added mentally, but merely gave a mute nod.
"Oh, Heero," she sighed, suddenly looking very tired and much older than her twenty-six years. "You never realized that the past doesn't matter anymore."
"Mine does."
"Heero -"
"You can't escape the facts, Relena," he cut her off roughly. "People who had no problem killing a thousand people in a single, well-aimed blast just don't get over their past. It comes back to get them." Suddenly realizing the insanity of all of this, of sitting in the hospital room with two human beings he had vowed never to speak to again, Heero stood.
Relena's head fell back to look at him. She didn't say anything, just watched as he turned and took a few steps toward the door.
As he reached out and grasped the handle, a soft question reached his ears.
"Do you now?"
Automatically, he turned. "Do I what?"
"Have qualms about killing a thousand people in one blast."
His eyes were grave. "Yes."
Relena stood suddenly, her voice low and passionate as she moved toward him. With each step, Heero felt himself losing more and more self-control. "Then there is no problem, Heero. You are not contaminated, you have no stains, you cannot ruin another person's life just by touching them." The tears were shining brightly in her beautiful blue eyes now. "You are not the Perfect Soldier anymore; you prevent war, guard whom you choose, and work to keep the peace." Another step closer, and their faces were just inches apart. "You," she added, eyes shimmering and voice lowered to a whisper, "are the man I fell in love with," - here the tears spilled once more - "and the father of a sweet little boy who knows all about you, yet does nothing but idolize you as his hero."
And just as the words fell from her lips, and Heero was suddenly seized by an incredible, overwhelming urge to kiss her, there was a soft yawn from the hospital bed.
Relena whirled around. Case was sitting, another jaw-cracking yawn stretching his mouth, and then he was looking at them both, taking stock of Heero.
It was there, staring into the eyes of his son for the second time in his life, that Heero felt as if he could not move.
"Mommy?" Case said, hesitantly, watching Heero with big, nervous blue eyes. "Who's that?"
AU: Heeheehee…sorry, another cliffhanger, I guess…I seem to have a strange attachment to cliffhangers…but the next chap should be up pretty soon…in the meantime, you can put down your stuffed animals and tomatoes and miscellaneous sharp objects and perhaps click that nice little blue box in the bottom corner? Hehheh…
Luvs!
Dragonfire