AN: Here we go again…note: Remus Lupin is, ah, er, very QUIET in this chapter, if you'll notice the adverbs being used the most often. Hey—it's the cliché angst. The quieter, the better. Makes them look that much more depressed.

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Note: Death to evil Microsoft Word!

Now, commencing once again…

Chapter Two: A Level Personality

At the new Order of the Phoenix headquarters (located at 56 Laudebor Blvd., out in an abandoned house in the outskirts of London—rather near the cardboard dwelling of a sadly deranged hobo named Bartholomew S. Petersen), Lupin, Tonks and Moody sat at a rickety kitchen table, discussing the latest set-back to their plan to rid the world of Voldemort.

"I still find it hard to believe that Sirius would let himself get killed by someone like Bellatrix." Tonks said flatly.

"Give him a break," Moody retorted. "He can't help it that he got killed."

"I realize that, but, I mean, Bellatrix. Of all people, Bellatrix, his own cousin." Tonks replied.

"What you're not realizing is that Bellatrix isn't exactly the least powerful of the Death Eaters," growled Moody. "It was hell getting her in Azkaban and it'll be hell doing away with her. Trust me, I should know…"

"The purpose of this meeting isn't to discuss whether or not Sirius was right in dying," said Lupin quietly. "We're here to discuss our next move, and how to prevent things like that from happening."

Tonks watched him for a second, and then turned back to her conversation with Moody, but not before muttering, "And how we're supposed to do that is anyone's guess."

Three loud cracks echoed throughout the empty house and Arthur, Molly and Bill Weasley pulled up chairs at the table.

"What were we discussing?" asked Bill.

"Yes, don't let us interrupt." Molly agreed.

"Carry on," said Arthur amiably.

But before his order could be carried out, they were again interrupted by a loud crack, which announced the arrival of Kingsley Shacklebolt.

"Well, how are all of you doing?" he asked nonchalantly. "I'm assuming you all still have jobs, unlike me, eh?"

Moody nodded. "And that's what we were just discussing."

Tonks rolled her eyes, scrunched up her face, changed her hair blue and said, "God, can't we stop discussing? I mean, if we aren't going to get out there and actually do something, which we should be doing, then can't we at least just talk?"

She was met by silence.

She shrugged. "I thought not."

There was a long, awkward pause. Finally, Arthur Weasley spoke. "So, have we made any plans?"

"No," replied Kingsley Shacklebolt. "If they had, Moody would have us out the door carrying it out already. Fast. With precision." He winked at Moody, who muttered a curse under his breath.

"Has anyone heard from Dumbledore yet?" ventured Bill, hesitant.

Tonks shook her head. "Nope. He's been busy. I think he may be trying to find out You-Know-Who's current location, or something."

Moody sighed, looking at her. "Damn it, Tonks, why can't you just say Voldemort?" Everyone except Lupin flinched at the name. He continued. "It's stupid. It's a name. It's not going to jump out and bite you."

Lupin nodded.

Tonks slunk down in her chair. "Well excuse me…at least I did someth—" She jumped. Two more loud cracking sounds attacked their eardrums as Asha and Minuet Apparated gracefully onto the table.

Minuet frowned. "You moved it," she said accusingly, looking at Tonks. "The table didn't use to be here."

Tonks looked apologetic. "Sorry. There was actually a hidden trapdoor under where we used to have it, as we found out the hard way."

Minuet looked sideways at the three Weasleys. "Hmm. Red hair…freckles…you must be Weasleys. How do you do?"

Asha mouthed "Quoter" at Minuet. Minuet shook her head and mouthed back, "Not quite."

Moody cleared his throat. "What brings you here?" he asked, a tone of suspicion in his voice. "Or more importantly: how did you find it? This is protected by the Fidelius Charm, and other things besides…"

"We'll explain, in private," said Minuet.

Molly Weasley looked at them curiously. "Who are these people, Arthur?" she asked her husband. "They're certainly not people I know."

"Oh, excuse me for not introducing us properly," said Asha. "Asha, Department of Mysteries, American Ministry of Magic. This is my coworker, Minuet. We're on urgent business, but it's a bit secret. Could you three excuse us for a while?" She smiled apologetically. "We're sorry. It's just regulations, etc."

Bewildered, Arthur looked at Lupin. "Should we…"

Lupin nodded again. The three Weasleys found themselves outside the door.

"Well," said Molly finally, "I never thought there'd be a time when I'd want Fred and George's Extendable Ears."

"They're probably selling 'em at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, Mum," said Bill.

"It seems strange, to be talking about something not involved with…well, you know. The situation," said Molly softly.

"Yes, but we all have to live normal lives, despite the current climate," replied Arthur. "Now, as we can't do much here, shall we head off?"

"Yes."

They Disapparated.

--

"So," Minuet asked after the Weasleys had departed, "where's the rest of the Order?"

"They're still sorting things out in their various departments/domains/dwellings," said Kingsley. "You know, I had a heck of a time explaining to everyone in my department that Sirius…well, you know, and they had a fit. All they could think about was 'I can't believe he didn't get back to the dementors! This is an embarrassment to the Ministry!'" He laughed, somewhat bitterly. "Even though the Ministry's accepted that You-Know-Who's back now, it's still…it's just not even worth going there anymore, except to prevent blowing my cover about the Order. To be honest, I can't stand the place anymore…"

"Oh, for God's sake," Asha burst out, "say Voldemort, will you? I mean, it's so…unclear who you're talking about, with all this 'You-Know-Who' and 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named'. You could be talking about anyone."

Everyone stared at her. Tonks finally burst out laughing. Moody, Lupin, and Shacklebolt gave her strange looks. "It's just—you'd seriously think…" she gasped out. "that there was…someone else? Oh, God. You are pathetic. But what, what I would do to get into the…Outside? Is that what you call it, Outside? I mean, somewhere where You-Know-Who could mean someone other than—"

"Voldemort," growled Moody. "Damn it, it's Voldemort!"

"Yeah," said Tonks hastily. "Yeah, him."

"Anyway," said Minuet pointedly. "we have a serious problem."

"What, other than the fact that our entire lives are part of a story, controlled by some person we don't even know?" Tonks said cynically. They ignored her.

"OK, what's the deal," asked Kingsley.

"There's been a major breach of security codes 003 and 075, by our current Author Joanne Kathleen Rowling," said Asha. Her voice was calm, but tinted with anger.

"Which means…?" asked Moody.

'The Author published without giving it to us for Authorization, that's 003. And then she committed a lot of minor offenses because of that, however, the most major of those is 075."

"What's 075?" asked Lupin.

"Angst level over 20.5, both for readers and characters alike," said Minuet. "You'll relate to this, Remus."

"Why?" asked Lupin reasonably.

Before she could answer, Moody cursed loudly.

"What provoked that?" asked Kingsley, slightly amused.

"These people have too much control over us," he muttered. "And it's not right, that our lives should be…entertainment. Personally, I don't like that people are reading whatever I say right now. I don't like it at all."

"Actually, that's not true," Asha pointed out. "When the Author isn't writing, the characters go on about their lives uncontrolled, like now. And unwatched."

"And about 075," added Minuet, "it's relevant because every character has an angst level associated with them, according to their relationships with other characters, and their popularity among the readers…"

"And…and Sirius—Sirius's level was…?" asked Lupin quietly, seeing where this was going.

"36.7," said Asha triumphantly. "16.2 over the limit, which means that Rowling is breaking a rule in killing him off."

Lupin flinched. "I see," he said calmly, "And what does this mean to us characters?" He put a strange emphasis on the last word, like he was implying inferiority.

"It means," finished Minuet, "that we have to fix the problem. Among many others."

Moody stood up. "Wait a minute," he said, fixing his magical eye on Asha. "You're not saying…"

"Yes, we're going to play God," said Asha. "Be expecting an appearance sometime soon."

"But to do all this, which would be all fine and dandy, we need to get into the Outside, and we need your help in order to do that." said Minuet.

Tonks was looking extremely pleased. "Sure! You mean we actually get to do something?" She stood up, promptly knocking over the table. "Great! Um…oh, sorry." She pulled the table off a rather miffed Lupin. "Sorry about that."

"There's no guarantee we can get to Rowling's computer," warned Asha, "but we have to try."

"I'm in," said Tonks instantly.

"Wait, there's one more thing you may not be so happy with," said Minuet, looking suddenly uncomfortable. "Asha, remember…removing Authority involves taking down the center of the Author's plot."

"And what would this be?" asked Lupin.

"Well, traditionally, it means we have to kill the person who was Rowling's main character."

"And this is…?" said Moody. He sounded suspicious.

Minuet and Asha exchanged looks, and then said in unison, "Harry Potter."

"WHAT?!" roared Moody.

"No way," said Tonks. "Dumbledore'd go mad. He'd freak."

"There's no way around it," insisted Asha.

Kingsley said, "You can't do that…"

"What about the prophecy?" added Lupin quietly.

"Well, that's another one of our problems we'll have to work around," said Minuet, sighing.

"We can invalidate it with some plot twist," said Asha, "but it'll be hard. And several other people will have to meet their demise also."

"Like who?" asked Tonks eagerly, although she was still slightly in shock.  

"People who violate security codes number 076 and 078, which are the annoyance or evility level." Minuet replied.

"For instance," Asha said, "Dolores Jane Umbridge for evil level 49, since only the main villain is allowed any level over 30.6. And," she glanced at the door as though checking for any prying ears belonging to members of the Weasley family. "Percy Weasley for, basically, being a prat."

"You should see his annoyance level to the readers," added Minuet. "Ouch."

"And how high is he above the limit," asked Kingsley, looking like he was getting a bit of a headache from all the numbers.

"About 15.7 over the limit, which is, sadly, 75.2."

Tonks whistled. "He must be a real prat then."

"You never met him," said Moody, a pained look on his face.

Lupin shook his head. "I don't know what I think of this," he said softly. "This control. People being eradicated because of their personality. It's…wrong."

"It's not our fault, we didn't make the rules, we just abide by them," said Minuet. "It's Rowling you should be blaming, she broke the rules."

"But Rowling didn't create the book/real world system, though," pointed out Lupin. "And that's what I have a problem with. Why do we need to have the books anyway, that's my question."

"I think it was originally a funding thing," said Minuet, shrugging, "pathetic as that may sound."

"Funding?" Tonks exclaimed. "They need funding?! OK, if that's not the lamest thing I've ever heard…"

Moody was outraged, but Kingsley looked thoughtful. "Hmm…it doesn't sound like this is a necessary thing anymore. Could you two possibly shut down the system? Alastor, stop it." He was restraining Moody from flying into a rage and killing something…or someone. Moody always did have a temper. That wasn't Rowling's fault though, as he had existed before the book connection was made. Characters such as Umbridge or the Weasleys were created by the Author for the story, but others were simply used as part of the plot. The Author was magically guided to keep them in character.

"It's possible," said Asha thoughtfully. "We'll look into it. But first we have to get to the Outside, and her computer. For that, we need your cooperation. All of yours. Who's for it?"

"I am," said Tonks instantly

"Me, also," said Kingsley. "I don't really like Rowling's new plot very much."

Moody nodded. "I'm with you. Just try to get rid of the book connection."

Lupin hesitated, then said reluctantly, "I will assist you in any way I can. However, I don't like this situation, and I'm not helping you kill Harry, or anyone else for that matter. I am getting sick of being a character for you to watch."

"OK then," said Asha after an awkward silence. "Let's get cracking."

With six loud cracks, they Disapparated.

--

Five minutes later, the three Weasleys returned to the room, and were astonished to find it empty.

"Where'd they go?" said Molly, bewildered.

"I can't figure it out," said Arthur, looking perplexed. "They must have Disapparated…"

"Hey, here's a note," said Bill, picking it up off the table. It read,

Various members of the Order of the Phoenix,

Moody, Remus, Kingsley, and I have gone out on a short excursion. We'll be back within an hour, probably less.

Keep planning.

N. Tonks

Shrugging, the Weasleys sat down at the table, waiting for the rest of the Order.

--

Moody, Lupin, Kingsley and Tonks found themselves standing in front of a large rock.

"This is the portal," said Minuet.

"Looks like a rock to me," said Tonks.

"Yep," agreed Kingsley.

Asha gave them both withering looks. "It has to be disguised somehow. It's like a very advanced, securely guarded Portkey. It's specifically keyed so that only Rowling, Minuet, and myself can use it, and then only in the presence of four people from the Order, or my department, so we have to send across for Rowling. That means she can't use it without authorization from us. We don't have to worry about that now, though. All we have to do is go through. If you need to contact us, if something's going really wrong here, go to this rock and write a message on, say, a piece of parchment. It doesn't matter. Put it on the rock and it'll disappear, it'll be on the other site in a bucket, which is the receiving end of the portal."

"A bucket. How ingenious," said Lupin, sounding slightly less depressed than usual, and with the slightest trace of amusement.

Minuet ignored him. "Things are bound to get quite screwed up here, because we have to save our changes periodically. The disappearance of characters like Harry—" Lupin looked slightly sick. "and things like that, that may mess with the changes a bit. We'll get it all sorted out in the end."

"Good luck!" said Tonks cheerily, apparently oblivious to the fact that the Boy Who Lived was about to become the Boy Who Lived And Then Died. She tripped over the grass. "Whoops," she said from her position on the ground. "Well…better luck than me, right?" She grinned. "You get 'em."

Asha and Minuet exchanged a worried glance, then touched the rock and were thrown through the portal.

--

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