--

AN: Golly gee, two whole reviews already, after, like, a night…that's very encouraging. We are glad to see some support for our endeavors. To Someone Reading, you've got some good points…we sure hope you're right. ^^ Asha and Minuet appreciate the suggestion. And to the flattened bookworm, we look forward to being worshipped!! It should be interesting! Thanks for reviewing! 

AAN: By the way, speaking quietly means you're depressed.

Disclaimer: Sadly, we don't own the Harry Potter series. If we did, this wouldn't be necessary, would it? Because Sirius would still be alive, wouldn't he?

Note: A pox on the evils of physics!

Chapter Three: Through the Portal

 "Ow!"

Asha found herself sitting in a large wooden bucket, Minuet perched precariously on top of her.

"This portal could have been set up a bit better, couldn't it?" grumbled Minuet, clambering out.

"Hey, at least you're not in this damned thing," said Asha, rolling her eyes. She managed to get out of the bucket and stood up. "OK. Now, where are we again?"

"I think we're in London," said Minuet, looking around.

"No kidding," said Asha sarcastically. "Well, we have to get to Scotland."

"Why?"

"Because Rowling moved there with her family," replied Asha. "And that means that's where the computer would be."

"There's another offense," said Minuet, somewhat gleefully. "She's not allowed to move the master computer without our consent."

"It pales in comparison to her other offenses, though ," Asha pointed out. "So let's get going. Can't use magic in this world, so…train, then?"

"OK," said Minuet, looking scandalized. "No magic. Sheesh! How boring it must be here."

"Yep, and you should see what the politics are like," agreed Asha. "Whoo. Glad I don't live in the Outside…"

"Where's the nearest train station?" asked Minuet.

"Ironically enough," said Asha, "it's King's Cross."

"Isn't that…?"

"Yep."

"This is weird," commented Minuet. "Very weird."

"In case you hadn't noticed, things started getting weird when we found out about our department," said Asha. "And that was…what, seven years ago?"

"Yeah…I knew this was gonna be a bad day. How far to King's Cross?"

"Oh, I don't know…maybe twenty blocks or so?"

"Great," muttered Minuet. "I thought when I learned how to Apparate I'd be done walking long distances…"

Sighing, they started off.

--

About half an hour later, they reached King's Cross.

"Those were long city blocks," said Minuet, annoyed.

"Oh well, at least we're here."

"What platform are we looking for, do you know?"

"Platform 10 goes to Scotland, or so said that person over there. Who happens to work here, so I assumed he was right."

"OK, let's go."

They bought their tickets, and then proceeded to Platform 10. Minuet overheard someone saying the train wouldn't arrive for a few minutes, and relayed the information to Asha. Asha shrugged. "We have some time."

"To do what?" Minuet queried, playing with her hair.

"I don't know. Sit and be bored, I guess," replied Asha, sitting down on a bench. Minuet stayed standing, though, looking intently at something. "What's got you so enthralled?"

"Oh, I dunno," she answered. "This just seems so strange…" and then Asha noticed Minuet was looking at the barrier between their platform and platform nine.

"Ah, I see. Yeah, that is pretty weird," said Asha, nodding. "I mean, it's almost exactly like our world, and yet it's so different." She walked over to the barrier and leaned on it, staring up at the ceiling. "Sort of surreal, you know?"

Minuet was about to reply, but then a shrill train whistle heralded the arrival of their transportation device. They gave the conductor their tickets and found a compartment, sitting down. They could hear lots of voices in the aisle, which meant that, as Asha pointed out, "This train is completely packed."

"Yeah, we'll probably have to squeeze in someone else in here." Minuet agreed. "Pity."

As if in answer to her comment, a teenage girl and her friend ducked in the compartment. "Hey, sorry, can we squeeze in here? There's like, no more room."

"It's perfectly all right," said Asha politely, scooting over to make room.

"I'm Minuet, and that's Asha," said Minuet brightly. "Who are you?"

"I'm Sara," said the girl, "and this is Lynn." She pointed to her friend. "We're visiting my awful aunt in Glasgow."

"It'll be living hell," said Lynn, "but at least…"

"We brought something to do," finished Sara. She extracted a large blue book from her bag. Lynn did the same. "Do you keep up on the Harry Potter series?" she asked Asha and Minuet.

Asha and Minuet exchanged looks and immediately started laughing. "Ah…yes," said Asha, after she managed to catch her breath. "That we do."

Lynn and Sara looked somewhat miffed. "What's so funny?" asked Lynn.

"Private joke," said Minuet, grinning. "It's not important. So, how are you liking the new book?"

"It's too depressing," replied Lynn instantly. "And Harry needs anger management."

"Amen," said Asha under her breath. To Sara, she asked, "What do you think of it?"

"Well, I've only got one chapter left, and I've been crying for the past…I dunno, but a few chapters. It's so saaaad!" She started to have a sob-fest. "I mean, the author is so meeeean! She can't possibly kill—"

Lynn clapped a hand over Sara's mouth. "Shut up, you twit, I haven't read up to there yet," she said pleasantly.

"W-w-w-w-w-well, you get reading then!" said Sara tearfully. "And so will I!"

With that, both girls shut themselves into the 'fictional' world of Harry Potter.

Asha sighed and looked out the window.

"What's the matter?" inquired Minuet, looking curious.

"I just—I don't know," replied Asha. "It's just that…I'm worried."

"About what?"

"What we're going to do if this doesn't work," said Asha quietly.

"It'll work. Trust me," said Minuet confidently. "There's no reason why it shouldn't."

"I guess," said Asha. "But if it doesn't, we've totally crashed the wizarding world…"

"Huh? What?" said Lynn, who was partially listening. "Wizarding world?"

"It's nothing, Lynn," said Minuet loudly. "It's nothing that concerns you."

Lynn shrugged and went back to her book.

"Listen, Minuet," said Asha in a quieter voice, almost whispering. But her voice was now quite angry. "Unlike you, I actually care what happens with the people involved in the story! And if we screw up, it's going to screw them up, a lot. And it may not matter to you, but it matters to me!"

"How could you say that?" hissed Minuet. "Of course it matters to me! You think you're the only one here who's involved in the storyline? Do you?"

But their conversation was interrupted by a loud wail from Lynn, who had just read the fateful passage.

"Oh my GAWD! Noooo! How could she? That cow!" She started weeping profusely.

Asha winced. "Ears," she said, grimacing. "Eardrums. Pain. Ow."

"Yeah," said Minuet, edging away from Lynn. "He's my cousin, and I didn't cry that loud."

Asha nodded. "And it's not like I was in the best of moods, either, but I didn't make the entire Department go deaf."

Sara was looking at Lynn with sympathy. "See? I told you it was too sad!"

"She definitely violated code 075," said Minuet under her breath. "Big time."

--

After a very long and tear-saturated ride, they arrived at Waverly Train Station in Edinburgh, Scotland. Asha and Minuet were relieved to get away from the two weeping Sirius Black fans.

"I mean, this is tragedy!" was the last thing they heard Lynn say. "I mean, the only thing worse would be if they killed off Harry!"

Asha and Minuet exchanged a worried look.

"Let's make sure we don't break the angst code," muttered Asha.

"Maybe we can get around killing off Harry," said Minuet thoughtfully. "But how?"

"Wait…wait a minute, I have an idea," said Asha slowly. "We don't kill him…we do something Rowling wouldn't have ever done, and that'll take away her Authority just as well."

"But what would that be?"

"We give him a personality."

Minuet gasped. "Brilliant!" she said appreciatively. "But that'll be quite hard…I mean, we have nothing to work with…"

"I know, but it's a better alternative than killing him off."

"Hey, maybe we can destroy the story concept entirely, like Kingsley wanted us to…"

"Yes, I want to do that, but I don't know how yet. Let's fix the errors first, and then worry about that. And we can try to take away Authority without killing off Harry. Just to save Lupin and Dumbledore from more angst then they already have."

"Plus, Sirius…"

"Yeah, I forgot," said Asha. "Sirius most of all. He'd throw a fit."

"And so would Ron and Hermione," reminded Minuet.

"I don't understand what they see in that boy, but whatever it is, it's an incredible angst factor."

"Yep. We can't kill him off after all."

They looked at each other, and then said, in unison, "Damn!" 

"It would have been such good vengeance…" said Minuet.

"I don't know who Rowling thinks she's kidding," added Asha. "I mean, it was so utterly and completely Harry's fault about Sirius…"

"Well, shall we get to Rowling's place, then?" suggested Minuet.

"Yep. Let's go. I have the address right here. It's only about 16 blocks away."

"Oh, what I would give for my broom," groaned Minuet.

"I feel you," said Asha. "But it's not that far…"

"It is when you're used to Apparating."

"Well, let's carry on then, shall we?"

--

When they finally reached Rowling's house, Minuet was having a complete whine-fest. "I mean, come ON! Why can't we at least Apparate next time? Please?"

Asha ignored her. "Come on. Let's go have a little chat with the 'Author'." She grinned in anticipation. "This is going to be interesting."

"You're really into this," observed Minuet.

"And you ask why?" replied Asha, laughing. "I like this. Rowling deserves it."

Minuet nodded, then knocked on the door. It was answered by her husband. "Hello?" he said in a pleasant British accent. "Who is it?"

"My name's Asha, and this is Minuet," said Asha. "It is of utmost importance that we speak to your wife."

"Just a second," said her husband. "Let me check the list…she made a list, see, of people she'll allow in without an invitation…it's sad, I know, but she gets so many fans, it's necessary. Joanne's been a nervous wreck lately…ever since she published her fifth book…" He was looking through a list.

"Well, we're not on that list, because we're the reason why," said Minuet. "You see, you may not know this, but your wife holds a very important position in our government, and she has broken the law by publishing that book at this time."

"Broken the law?" said her husband, alarmed. "How so?"

"It's a bit hard to explain. Why don't you ask Joanne?" said Asha pleasantly.

"I don't know who you are, but I don't think you should be—" He couldn't finish, as Asha and Minuet couldn't take it anymore. Asha stepped into the hallway.

"Rowling," she said warningly. "Wherever you are, get out here, NOW."

"It's your employers," Minuet called out. "Come out, come out, wherever you are. Olly olly oxen free!"

"Now wait just one minute," her husband said angrily, "you have no right to just stomp in here and—"

"I'm sorry, dear," said Minuet, "but that's your problem."

Just then, a woman with brownish-blonde hair appeared at the top of the stairs, looking nervous. "Oh—Asha! What a wonderful surprise!" she exclaimed. "And…and Minuet, too! How splendid!"

"I rather doubt you're happy to see us, Rowling," said Asha matter-of-factly. "In fact, I'd say you shouldn't be."

Her husband looked shocked. "Darling, who are these people?"

"Um…dear? I think…maybe you'd best leave the room. Go…weed the garden, or something, 'kay?" she answered faintly.

Looking rather pissed, her husband quit the room.

Ms. Rowling immediately started apologizing when her husband left. "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to publish before showing it to you, I shouldn't have, but I was just so excited, and I'd already extended my deadline, and—"

"Do you have any idea how many codes you broke, what with the characters and events in this volume? You were informed when you took on this position that if you made a character over the limit for evil or annoyance, they had to die by the end of the book…" said Minuet, glaring.

"And, you quite exceeded the angst limit in killing Sirius Black," said Asha furiously.

"Who, by the way, is my cousin. I didn't think you knew that," added Minuet.

"And my friend," said Asha, fire in her eyes. "So, what say you?"

She stepped back. "Oh…um…well…" She looked a bit frightened. "I'm—I'm sorry, I didn't really want to, but I'm a big fan of angst, and it was rather angsty, and—"

"Don't make excuses," said Minuet. "We haven't listed half of your offenses."

"Oh, shit," said Rowling in a weak voice.

"Yeah," said Asha. "Shit is right. We'll get you out after we've fixed your errors." She shoved Rowling into a nearby closet. "Now, let's get to work."