AN: Hey guys, Moo here. I am currently rather vexed with Yilantri, as she has been taking a dreadfully long time writing the 6th chapter of A Loss of Authority, or ALOA as we call it in the emails we exchange (in which I pester her to get it done and she makes excuses as to why I shouldn't decapitate her because it's not finished yet), seeing as it's been about a year since the last post. And I'm not exaggerating. I'm actually this close holds fingers veeeery close together to letting her real name slip just to spite her, but I have to clear anything I post through her since it's on her account, and I'm not quite that evil, anyway.
We've got some brilliant ideas coming up (the next punishment is, in my opinion, at least twice as hysterical as Umbridge's, but you'll have to wait for Yilantri to know what it is. I'm not authorized (buh bum ching) to disclose that information). But, unfortunately, we can do nothing with them, thanks to Yilantri and her indecisive muses. Believe me when I say I'm as desperate as you are. However, Yilantri and I are not often together, seeing as she lives in a different town than I do, so I can't threaten her physically. So I'm taking the only option left to me: I'm writing a filler chapter. Of course, I don't have permission to do this, but hey. What can I lose? As a result, this will be a short, pointless chapter. Then again, this entire story is pretty pointless. But that's beside the point (buh, dum, ching again. Oh no!! My science teacher is poisoning my mind with his bad puns!! Run away!!)…
PrincessEilonwy: Yes, my cohort and I are sick and twisted. The telemarketing thing just seemed to be a suitable punishment, and it was entertaining enough to suit our purposes. Glad to see you agree. And, trust me, you won't be disappointed when Yilantri gets around to writing "Bella's" punishment. It's pure genius. But, once again, I can't say any more than that. And yes, it should definitely be a crime for evil people to have such awesome names. They should all be named Spoon, or something equally degrading.
Jennifer: Woot!! We are cool people!! I'm trying to keep it going. I can't speak for Yilantri…but really, she's doing her best. Her I!E is taking up a lot of time. And it's going to be good!! Look for it in stores a couple years from now. When it's published, we'll stick the name in here. :-P
Fenice: That's an interesting take on Harry's lack of a personality. Hmmm…maybe we should send him to an orphanage and get him adopted by Simon Cowell. That'd fix the ego problem, for sure.
Pyrinsomniac: O.O gets teary eyed That's so sweet!! You are very welcome!! Someone get me a tissue…lol. Really, we were/are glad to do it. We suffer as much from Rowling's lack of respect for her readers and their emotions as you do. I'll have to disagree with you on the bit about burning OotP. I mean, if she hadn't written it, we wouldn't have had to write this, which would be good because no wrongs would have been committed, but then we wouldn't have had any reason to make Umbridge a telemarketer. Who can willingly condemn that amusement?
At any rate….
Disclaimer: Since J.K. Rowling has been fired and Asha and Minuet are currently in possession of the Harry Potter series, and I own them (or at lease one of them. Minuet is mine), I do, as a matter of fact, own HP, in my own little twisted version of reality.
…
Wouldn't it be great if it really worked that way?
…
Don't sue me!! Or Yilantri, either, I suppose.
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Chapter Six: Useless Courtesies
Meanwhile, on the Inside, Molly Weasley sat at her kitchen table, staring intently into the fire. Her home was quiet, which was unusual for the modest dwelling of the Weasley family. Ever since the twins had moved into that joke shop of theirs, Ron and Ginny had been doing their best to keep the noise level up, but both were currently outside. Molly hadn't heard a peep from either of them and none of her windows were broken, so far as she knew, which was slightly alarming. What in the world were they doing out there?
She considered hunting her two youngest down to find out, but then she decided that she wasn't anxious to know. The peace in the small house was rather relaxing, and if she disturbed it now, it might be long in returning.
That decided, she turned her thoughts to a much more disconcerting matter. What had those two witched who had complained about the furniture arrangement been up to? Who were they? Where were they from? And why on Earth couldn't they talk to the Weasleys, too?
Molly hated being left out of business concerning the Order of the Phoenix, especially since all they dealt with was stuff concerning Voldemort and Harry Potter. Molly had a special place in her heart for that poor boy, and wanted to help keep him safe, of course, but her motherly instincts gave her a far more pressing reason to hate not knowing: it seemed whatever danger targeted Harry often found Ron and Hermione as well. If Ron came to harm over whatever those witches were planning, she didn't care who they were. She would hex the living daylights out of them and leave them squirming on the ground with slugs crawling out of their nasal—
"Mum! Ron dumped water on me!" Ginny's distressed voice interrupted.
"I did not! You pulled the string yourself! It's not my fault you've got the brains of a—"
Her previous train of thought having made her a bit tetchy, Molly deftly cut him off. "Work it out yourselves! I'm tired of being your referee!" she shouted, finally pulling her eyes away from the fire to project her voice outside more easily. There was a moment of shocked silence, and then two bashful, red-trimmed faces appeared in the doorway. There was water dripping off Ginny's pigtails onto the floor, but the 14-year-old didn't seem to notice.
"Mum?" Ron asked carefully, mindful of his mother's temper. "Are you feeling okay?"
Apparently, her response had been alarmingly out of character. Molly sighed.
"Yes, Ron, I'm fine. I've just got—something on my mind."
"Is it Order of the Phoenix business?" he immediately demanded, probably fearing for the well-being of his best friend.
"Is Harry okay?" Ginny squeaked, expressing the same sentiments in a much less subtle way than her brother.
"Yes, yes. Harry is fine." She assured them. "It's nothing you need to be worried about. Ginny, go dry yourself off. Run along, Ron."
Dripping wet, Ginny marched up the stairs to her room as Ron disappeared into the garden again. Once her offspring were out of her sight, Molly turned back to the fireplace, trying to keep from thinking about what that water was going to do to the floorboards.
What she was in the fireplace quickly erased that thought.
"Tonks!" she cried happily, standing up so fast she almost knocked her chair over. Maybe she could finally learn something about this business with those two foreign witches. She quickly came around the table and knelt in from of the fireplace.
"Hi Molly," Tonks greeted cheerfully, electric blue hair falling into her eyes. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine, Tonks. What are you calling for?"
"Oh, I just wanted to make sure you weren't worried about Asha and Minuet's visit."
"Yes, I was wondering about that."
"I thought you might be. Well, don't worry about them. They're competent, and they're good at what they do."
"That's reassuring, I suppose. What is it they do?"
"I really can't tell you. See, they're part of the American Ministry of Magic's Department of Mysteries, so their job is all one big secret. Very hush, hush. They thought there might have been a problem, but they're taking care of it now. There's no need to worry. And don't freak out if you notice anything strange going on. It's all in context."
"In context? What's that suppose to mean?"
"Uh, I can't really tell you. Um—Molly, I need to be going. Just—don't worry, okay?"
"Okay. Good-bye, Tonks."
"Sayonara." Tonks pulled her head out of the fire, smacking it hard on the brick behind her. "Ow…" she mumbled.
"Now that you've got that out of your system," Moody growled at her, his magic eye fixed on her menacingly, "can we move on to more important business?"
"Someone had to tell her not to worry," Tonks retorted defensively, "if only as a courtesy."
"A useless courtesy," Moody snapped back.
"Moody, Tonks," Lupin said calmingly, his voice just loud enough to be heard. "It doesn't matter. Let's move on."
"But—"
"Tonks." Having been reprimanded enough for one minute, Tonks reluctantly moved away from the fire, brushing soot off her clothing as she seated herself in a chair. Moody hobbled over and took the chair opposite her.
"So there's been a death-eater sighting…" he started in, his gnarly fingers indicating the places. Tonks sighed and tried to force herself to pay attention, but her mind still wandered.
I wonder what Asha and Minuet are going to do to Bellatrix…She sincerely hoped it was something sick, twisted and sadistic.
--
Arthur apparated into the kitchen at exactly eight o-clock, humming gleefully to himself.
"Hello Molly!" he greeted cheerfully, setting his tattered suitcase on the kitchen table and going over to kiss his wife, who was busy charming all her food ingredients to organize themselves into a meal.
"Hi Arthur," Molly replied, sounding slightly surprised. "What's got you so happy today?"
"Well, something excellent happened at the ministry today."
"Really? What happened that was so great?"
"Where are the kids? I want Ron to hear this, too."
"They're both outside in the garden. Arthur, what happened?"
"You can wait just a moment." With a bit of a spring in his step, Arthur flounced to the door and called out, "Ron! Ginny! Would you guys come in here for a moment?"
The two came to the doorway quickly, and the first thing out of Ron's mouth was "It wasn't me, I swear."
Molly raised her eyebrow at him. Realizing he hadn't been in trouble for anything, Ron's cheeks flushed the same shade of red as his hair and he cringed, waiting for verbal whiplash from his mother, but Arthur didn't give Molly a chance.
"I have some excellent news for you guys." He announced.
"Really? What happened?" Ginny asked excitedly.
"Well, I'm sure you both remember Mrs. Umbridge, your High Inquisitor at Hogwarts this year?"
The mention of his former Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Ron forgot his embarrassment. "How could we forget that evil old cow?"
"Ron!" Molly snapped.
"Well, it's true," Ron mumbled, in defense of his statement.
"What about her, Dad?" Ginny asked, ignoring her brother.
"Well, she went on trial today for what she did at Hogwarts, and they convicted her with full penalty." A small cheer went up, but Arthur cut it off with the rest of the story. "And you would never guess what they did for punishment."
Ron and Ginny held their breath, waiting for the moment of payback. Even Molly was curious. "What did they do, Arthur?" she asked.
"They wiped her memory, renamed her Mary Sue Robinson and sent her off to be a Muggle!" he answered, finishing with an expectant flourish.
He wasn't disappointed.
"Alright!" Ginny cried, clapping her hands gleefully.
"Oh man, I wish I could have been there to see that ugly frog's face when they told her—"
"Ron!" Molly snapped again, but even she had a smile on her face at the thought of the tyrannical teacher responding to the name of Mary Sue.
"She is, mum! Or at least, she was." Ron laughed at the revelation. "I have to tell Harry and Hermione! Mum, can I use Errol?"
"Go ahead, dear. But I'm sure it'll be in the Daily Prophet tomorrow—" Ron didn't even hear the end of her sentence. He was already halfway up the stairs.
Ginny was still grinning from ear to ear. What goes around, comes around, she thought, laughing. And boy did it come around for Dolores Umbridge.
--
"Well?" Minuet asked plaintively, watching Asha's still fingers, suppressing her giggles. "What are you going to do to my cousin's killer?"
"Give me a minute," Asha answered, staring blankly at the screen. "Inspiration will come."
A second later, it did.
Asha cracked a huge grin and allowed herself a sadistic grin.
Her fingers started moving.
"What's your idea?" Minuet begged to know.
"Wait and see." Asha replied, not looking away from the computer.
Minuet pouted, but she knew she wasn't going to get any information out of Asha. With an overly dramatic sigh, she fell back into a rolling office chair and watched as Asha's text scrolled across the screen.
--
AN: So that's my filler chapter. Sorry to leave you guys so high and dry. This is all the water I can supply (hey!! A poem!!). Go ahead and send howlers to Yilantri. She richly deserves them. Get writing, damn you!!