Rated "R" for language and possible Shônen-ai sequences in later chapters
if that's not your cup of tea, try a different brew and go read something else.

Thank you.
The Management

Disclaimer: Xtine the pirate does not claim to own Gundam Wing or any of its characters. Xtine the pirate is merely a sad, sad person who occupies her time with such fantasies. If sued, she will plead insanity. She would be right.

This chapter is dedicated to Pairs, and the youth hostel that we stayed in there. It was nice, actually, ((though I can't remember the name...)) and was the situation that inspired this fic. To be more precise; it was me acting rather Duo-like and my buddy Jennykins being a Heero that got this going… er, shônen-ai aside, of course…

To Jen, Paris, and the unnamed Youth Hostel. Forgive me for citing you here.

A/N: I wrote this before the prologue, so it's not quite so silly… at first. This fic is currently struggling with its identity as a genre…

Chapter 1: No, really. ((This is INJUSTICE – Wufei))

The five boys stared up at the building. One smiled, hopping slightly from foot to foot. One looked nervous. Two were being very stoic.

One cursed.

"Jesus Christ, Wufei, you should really learn to watch your fucking language! There could fucking well be fuckin' little old ladies handing the fuck around!"

"Shut it, Maxwell."

"I mean, shit, man, what the fuck?! Fuckin' Quatre's fucking well standing right the fuck behind you!"

"SHUT IT, MAXWELL!"

"Duo."

At the sound of his name, quietly and firmly spoken, the bouncing, braided bishie jumped off the expletives train and smiled broadly.

"Hai, Hee-chan?"

"Leave Wufei alone."

"Alright…"

Heero stared up at the grim looking building, double-checking that he had the right address. It was the right place. Of course it was the right place, after all, he had been the one to lead them there. Heero Yuy was never wrong.

Just to be sure, he surreptitiously checked it again. Wouldn't do for the others to know he was uncertain; they knew that he was the infallible, super-human Heero Yuy, after all. Must keep up appearances.

"Maybe it's the wrong address?" Quatre timidly suggested.

The Perfect Soldier's eye twitched slightly.

Quatre cringed. "No, no, you're right, I'm sure you're right, this must be the place!!" he squeaked.

Duo sniggered. "Yeah, well the place is supposed to look hostile!" he crowed.

Four identical blank faces regarded him in silence.

Duo sighed. "Youth hostel. Hostel, hostile, you get it?"

Heero, unfortunately, did; it was a horrifically bad pun.

Wufei snarled, and gave Duo's braid a sharp tug. "Stop calling attention to yourself."

"Owwwwww!! Injustice, Wu-man!!" Duo whined, rubbing at his tender head." 'Sides, no one here's gonna know that I'm a Gundam Pilot---"

"Unless you announce it to the world like that…" Heero murmured to himself.

"---they'll just think I'm an American!"

Trowa snorted. "That's even worse."

((((A/N : gomen gomen to all my wonderful American friends, pleez don't kill me or forsake my fics because of Trowa…
Trowa: You wrote the thing, not me.
Xtine : sshhhhh!! Shaddup! Moving right along now. No, really. )))))

"Can't you even try to blend in?" Quatre inquired anxiously. "Tu peux parler en français, n'est pas?"

Duo blinked.

Wufei groaned. "Can't you speak any French at all?"

"Oh," Duo's face brightened. "I was just, er, having trouble with Quat's accent, that's all. No, really! Shut up Wu-man! I mean, may we! Juh par—lay le fran—kay bahn."

Now it was Quatre's turn to look confused.

Trowa leaned in close to the blonde pilot as Wufei started laughing hysterically at Duo. "I think it was supposed to be; 'Why yes, I speak French well.'"

(((A/N: Mais oui, je parle bien le français. Duo would have placed the adjective – incorrectly – after the noun. Sorry. Evil grammar..))

Heero was busy trying not to laugh as Wufei slumped down on the curb in despair, a despair that was one part despondency and two parts hilarity.

Duo waved his arms around wildly as he continued.

"Umm… what else? Aha! 'Il neige dans la pamplemousse!' (1) and, and, "Ne mettez pas un poisson dans mes pantaloons, s'il vous plait! (2)"

Quatre joined Wufei on the curb, but didn't join the Chinese boy in seeing the humour of the situation. "All that money spent for French lessons… all those extra—help tutoring sessions after school hours…." he mumbled.

Wufei clapped him on the shoulder. "The student assigned to tutor Duo was a rather gorgeous upper classman," he confided, "Leone—sempai, remember?"

"The pre-Raphaellite (3) one?"

"Umm.. yeah."

"Not much French learned, then…"

"Knowing Duo…? I don't think so."

Trowa joined Heero in glaring up at the building. With a subtle flick of his head, he indicated the ranting boy behind them. "Why does his accent improve when he's speaking utter gibberish?"

Some passersby cautiously put coins down on the handkerchief Wufei had set out. One posed behind Duo – staying rather far away – the other snapped a photo quickly. They scurried off before they were injured by a flailing arm.

"Il y a un grenouille dans le vélo rouge de la ciel!" (4)

Heero took advantage of the distraction to check them in. It went extremely smoothly without Duo hanging over his shoulder to ask irritating questions. Good thing to remember for the future, really…

"Mais pourquoi le rhum est-il disparu?"(5)

"Va te faire foutre?"(6) Wufei suggested innocently.

Quatre's jaw dropped, and he stared at Wufei, aghast.

"Exactly!" Duo exclaimed. "Va te faire foutre! Va te faire foutre!"

A little old lady shook her head sternly at Duo as she passed, berating him in rapid fire French, leaning heavily on her cane for support.

Duo smiled winningly, with a polite nod. "Va te faire foutre?" he remarked cordially, a pleasant grin lighting his features.

She gave him the finger.

"Les Americans sont complètement fou!"(7) she grumbled, walking away stiffly.

Quatre jumped up, stammering an apology in his best schoolboy French, but only received a blistering glare for his troubles.

"God bless!" Duo called, waving at her. He turned proudly to his friends. "See? I can do that French stuff, no problem. Yep," he continued, crossing his arms behind his head smugly, "I bet you're glad to have me along with you…"

"…at least we won't lack for entertainment." Trowa muttered. Quatre covered his mouth with one hand to stifle a giggle.

"I got our room." Heero said casually, exiting the solemn and decrepit building. "We have to fill out some cards or something and turn them in to the desk to get our key."

"I made us some money." Wufei held up the bundled handkerchief.

Heero raised one eyebrow.

"Duo?"

"Yep."

"Ah." Heero took the parcel. "Good idea."

Duo looked from one boy to the other, extremely confused. "What? What about me? Come on guys…."

Heero smiled at the obtuse baka, slipping one arm around Duo's waist and kissing his forehead.

"You'll blend in just fine," he whispered.

Duo purred. It wasn't often that Heero was so cuddly.

Wufei made a rude noise. "Moron. We'll all act like you're some deranged street performer. He means you're a natural spectacle, so we may as well make some money off of it."

Duo stuck his tongue out at the Chinese pilot. "Way to ruin the mood, 'Fei." He grumbled.

Then it hit him.

"Money? Money? Wuh—wuh—wuh—wait! Are you saying that money is mine?"

"Well, technically speaking, yes.." Quatre began, earning his second Heero Yuy Death Glare ™ of the day.

"….eep!" he trailed off, scampering behind Trowa.

Heero turned back to Duo, and groaned inwardly. Not again……

He had gone into full chibi mode.

Wide eyes, violet and sparking, gazed up at the impassive Heero over a tremulously quivering lower lip and adorable button nose. Mussed chestnut bangs fell over the hurt cant of ChibiDuo's eyebrows. A quiet sniffle-squeak was emitted, evoking a sense of complete hurt and vulnerability.

Quatre gasped, clasping his hands together. His eyes were shining.

"It's ADORABLE!" he cried, turning swiftly to Trowa. "Can we adopt one Trowa, please oh please! Look at it, it's lost and lonely!! Oh please?!"

Minute horns appeared for a fraction of a second on ChibiDuo's head, a high-pitched evil cackle being allowed to escape. When Quatre turned back, however, all diabolical traces instantly vanished, the enormous eyes growing somehow even wider.

Wufei groaned. "Why does Quatre always do this? Can't he see that it's still the same obnoxious Duo in…" he poked the chibi warily, as if the sweetness was contagious. His nose wrinkled in distaste. form?"

ChibiDuo snapped at his finger.

"Wufei, you're scaring him." Quatre scolded, oblivious to everything else.

Trowa sighed, pulling the Arabian boy into his embrace, and regarding Wufei mildly over the top of the blonde's head. "Quatre just has a soft spot for sweet things that are in need of attention," he shrugged – a major achievement with the pilot in question clinging to his shoulders, "lost puppies, abandoned kittens… chibi Duos…"

Heero glared at his comrades. "You're not helping."

Wufei shrugged. "Your lover."

GLARE.

"…er, problem. Your problem."

An ever—growing lake of twinkling tears was threatening to drown the lilac—eyed chibi of nauseating Über-cuteness.

Sighing, Heero scooped ChibiDuo up in one hand and gave him a quick peck on the nose.

"You're kawaii." he murmured.

POP!!

"You really think so?" Duo demanded, snuggling against Heero's chest. Heero brought his other arm around the American's waist, holding him close.

"Yes, I do," he replied fondly, resting his chin on Duo's hair, "but I'm not giving you the money, because you'd only blow it on junk food and video games."

Duo pulled away, beginning to pout.

"And if you go chibi over it again, I'll shoot you." Heero finished calmly.

The pout died.

A rather nervous smile took its place.

"Please stop fighting, guys…" Quatre pleaded.

Duo grumbled to himself. Quatre managed to be incredibly adorable when distressed, without even going chibi. It wasn't fair. Even Wufei looked contrite, and he hadn't even done anything.

Trowa nodded. "We should get those card things filled out."

Duo scuffed his heels against the ground, picking up his bag reluctantly and trailing behind the others.

"All that cash, and we're staying in a dump like this?" he complained to the world in general.

Then he perked up. "Great place for telling ghost stories, though!"

Wufei, having been the only one to hear this last part, shuddered profoundly. It would be a loooooong night…

Translations etc:

1) It's snowing in the grapefruit.

2) Please don't put a fish in my pants!

3) Pre-Raphaellite – art movement of the 19th Century, noted (in context of fic) for having gorgeous people as the subjects… long flowing hair, perfect skin. Just like my buddy Jen. Gotta hate that. Luv you Jen!

4) There's a frog in the red bicycle of the sky

5) But why's the rum gone!? ((well, it's in the past tense, but that's just details. JOHNNY DEPP! HEE HEE!! [[swoon, thud thud thud thud thud..(falling down staircase..) thud thud.]] ))

6) Let's just say it's not nice… I can swear in English with impunity, but when it comes to French… I guess I'm still terrified of my French teacher, even though it's summer. Oh what the heck. "Go fuck yourself". Please don't. That's just what he was saying.

7) Americans are all nuts (literally, The Americans are completely crazy, but idioms don't translate. Ah well..)

Owariiiii!!!!

Got a lot sillier than I had originally intended, especially for a rated "R" fic. I'll have to make up for it with some serious SMUT later on, eh? Hee hee hee, anime smut with these sexy guys! I've never tried my hand at a smutty fic before, it should be interesting…

((Don't worry, I'm too much of a chicken shit to write anything graphic…[[Xtine's readers look disappointed]]))

Anyhoo, check out Yachi's "Camping Trip" fic for more on why Wufei is so dismayed at potential Duo-esque ghost stories.

Small young grasshoppers

Will jump as high as the moon.

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