Title: The Navigator

Author: Kursed SeeD

Warnings: Angst, Spoilers unless you've um... beaten the game! (Good ending would work best. Common ending okay, but it will include some spoilers.) Yaoi.

Pairings: Baralai/Gippal.

Notes: Yes, yes. I know I've been saying for the longest time that I was going to write this story... sorry for the wait! I didn't like the plot I had going, so I had to think of a new one!

Disclaimer: Don't own it, don't whack me. ((Zell: AGAIN with that?!))

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If I could...

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Baralai stared at the wall, the shadows dancing in the night. He felt hollow, empty, like he had been drained for all he was worth.

It had been exactly one month since the defeat of Shuyin and Vegnagun. One month and he still felt like shit.

Everyone treated him differently these days, even his beloved Gippal. Some people were afraid of him, some afraid for him, and some just plain flat out hated him. Not many knew about the Vegnagun incident, but everyone knew how he had twisted and manipulated the New Yevon members, and not everyone would forgive him for it.

He felt like he was suffocating in this place. Everyone was always so damn careful around him. (Either to protect themselves, or to protect him.) He just wanted to fade into the background, to be treated like any other human being on Spira. But no, either he was a monster, or he was a victim. Either way, it was some role he didn't want, some role he didn't ask for. He was just Baralai, and that's how he wanted it to be.

Baralai might have been able to handle everyone else treating him differently if it hadn't been for Gippal being among the ranks. Gippal treated him like a porcelain doll these days; always afraid he would break. Baralai had fell in love with Gippal in the first place because Gippal treated him like a human being; not like the soft-spoken girl-man he appeared to be. A lot of people, even before he joined New Yevon, had wanted to take care of him, to make sure he was all right. Baralai had always resented that. He was a full-grown adult; he could take care of himself. If he had had trouble convincing people of that before, it was nearly impossible now.

But now... even Gippal was treating him like a child. He knew Gippal was only doing it because he cared for Baralai, but that didn't really matter. Gippal knew how much Baralai hated the sort of treatment, but he did it anyways. And it was killing the silver-haired man.

He sighed to himself and sat up, briefly glancing over at the sleeping form beside him. For a few days after the defeat of Vegnagun, he had considered leaving. Just disappearing entirely. He hadn't decided completely until earlier that night.

---Flashback---

"Baralai! Dinner's done!"

"... Did you cut up my meat for me?"

"Heh... sorry... it's habit, honestly. Got a couple of young cousins, y'know? Oh, come on, Baralai. Don't look at me like that. It was an honest mistake."

"You've also been laying out my clothes..."

"Heh, you noticed that? Yeah, well, that's just because, um... well, I think you look damn sexy in some clothes and I just wanted to see you in them!"

"I'm not an idiot."

"Hey, I never said you were!"

"And I am not a child. I can feed and dress myself."

"Well, I'm sure you can... I'm just trying to help out, Baralai... look, I know you're going through some stuff and having a lot of trouble... and I just want to do what I can."

"Well, in that case... I have something you can do for me."

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

"Stop babying me."

---End Flashback--

He just couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to go to a place where no one would know him; no one would treat him differently. Someplace where he could just become another person entirely.

And he knew just where that was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gippal rolled over in his sleep, throwing his arm across the bed. He sat up instantly and looked around the room. Baralai was no where in sight.

He rubbed his eyes and glanced at the clock. What in the hell could Baralai be doing up at three thirty in the morning?

Cautiously, Gippal got out of bed. "Baralai? Baralai, you here?" He called out as he made his way into the living room.

When he reached the living room, he again looked around for his silver-haired lover. His eye caught a single white sheet of paper, lying on the table. Curious, he walked over to it. It was written in Baralai's handwriting, addressed to Gippal.

A bad feeling began to swell in the pit of his stomach as he sat down and began to read.

"Dear Gippal:

Perhaps I owe you some kind of explanation, some reasoning behind my actions. But, I don't have anything to give you. All I know is that I'm suffocating here; I need to breathe.

I know you all were only trying to help me... but all I wanted was to be treated like everyone else... I didn't want to be pampered or babied... and I told everyone that repeatedly.

So, I've decided to leave. To start over completely. All I will ask of you is that you do not follow me... this is something I want to do, something I need to do.

I'm sorry for all of the pain I have caused you.

Love,
Baralai"

Without another thought, Gippal got up and ran out of the door.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Yuna? Are you there?"

Yuna blinked a couple of times. "Huh?"

"Are you awake?"

"Gippal?" She asked, sitting up. "Is that you?"

"Yeah."


She looked over at the comm sphere. Gippal sat there, his eyes slightly red.


"Hey... are you okay?"

"Baralai left."

Her eyes widened slightly. "What?"

"He just... he up and vanished. Left me this note, too." He waved a piece of paper in front of the comm sphere.

"What's the note say?" Yuna asked worriedly. It was true she didn't know Baralai that well yet, but he didn't seem like the type to just up and disappear. Not unless he had a very good reason.

"He says we all babied him too much, and that he wants to start over. Oh yeah, and we're not supposed to look for him." Gippals' voice had a slight panicked tone to it. Yuna couldn't blame him, she herself was starting to get very worried.

"Do you have any idea where he might have went?"

"Notta fuckin' clue." Gippal replied, shaking his head.


"Okay... well, I tell you what... I'll be over there as soon as possible, and we'll all go look for him, okay?"

Gippal nodded slowly. "Thanks... Yuna..."

"It's really no problem. As long as we find him, I'm fine." She assured him, flashing him a smile.

Gippal lowered his gaze to the floor. "Cunno." He whispered, shutting of the comm sphere.

Yuna sighed to herself. Gippal had no reason to be apologising to her, it was completely understandable why he was worried. And besides, they were all friends. Helping each other was what friends did, right?

"Mmm... what's going on?" A sleepy voice asked.


Yuna turned to Tidus. "I have to go to Bevelle."

"Something happen?" He asked tiredly, opening one eye.

"Baralai's vanished."

"Want me to come with?"

Yuna thought about it for a second and then shook her head. Tidus had been working hard lately and sleeping little. "No, just get some rest. I'll be back after a bit, okay?"

"Mmhm." He replied.

She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss, then stood up and began to get dressed.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"So... whatta ya think?"

Baralai examined himself in the mirror. Yevon, did he look different. Rikku had cut his hair in a different style and dyed it black. His eyes were now purple, due to some sort of magic that she had used. And he was dressed... in leather. Something Baralai had never wore before and had never planned on wearing. "It looks great." He said, smiling for the first time in ages.

"So... why ya going into hiding anyways?" Rikku asked, scratching behind her ear.

"Because... I just want to blend in... I don't want to stand out anymore... I want to be just like everyone else..." Baralai said softly.


"Aw, but individuality rocks!" Rikku cried, throwing her fists up into the air.

"Maybe for others..."

"Oh! You know what!" Rikku said suddenly. "If you're going to disappear, then you have to change your name!"

Baralai hadn't thought of that. "Change it to what?"

"Hm..." Rikku tilted her head, thinking. "How about... Kevran?!"

"Kevran?" Baralai asked, unsure.

Rikku nodded. "Yeah! It was the name of one of my friends."

"What happened to your friend?" He asked curiously.

"He died when the Guado invaded our home..."

"Oh. I'm sorry to hear that."

"Yeah..." Rikku's face lit up again. "But I think Kevran would be a good name for you! Goes with the hair!"

Baralai smiled again. "Okay. Kevran it is."

Rikku started to bounce around, as Rikku tended to do when she got excited about something.

"Oh, and Rikku?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you." Baralai said softly. "I know it will be hard for you, having to lie to your friends... and I really appreciate you helping me out like this..."

Rikku rolled her eyes. "Don't worry about it! It's for the good of the nation! Besides... I know what it feels like... Oh! And I can get you a job on my father's ship! Since Yuna chewed him out for turning Zanarkand into a tourist attraction, he's decided to build stuff and help 'advance' Spira!"

Baralai bit his lip. Working with Cid would mean running into Gippal.

Rikku noticed the look on his face. "Oh no, don't worry about that! I'll make sure that you'll never run into Gippal or anyone else who might know you!"

That definitely wouldn't be easy. Practically everyone knew who he was. But he had no choice, he had to trust her.

"Okay." He said nodding. "Sounds good to me."

-

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Author's Notes: Well? Thoughts, anyone? Annnnyyyyyyone? Nice thoughts only! ^_^

Oh, and a couple of notes... Cunno means sorry.. and Yuna should know Al Bhed, since I had to go digging in the desert for most of the primers. ^_^

About Baralai... I do think a lot of people would have treated him like a child, simply because he is so soft-spoken and seemingly fragile. And after the events with Shuyin and Vegnagun? Even Gippal must have wanted to just protect him like there was no tomorrow. However, I just don't see Baralai as the type to enjoy that sort of thing...

--Many, many thanks to Zencreation for beta-reading this and enduring the spoilers. ^_^--